DS is transgender (ftm)16 and happy

[crazyhat]

He is ftm (female to male) and 16, he has been on Testosterone for 7 months and is getting top surgery (breast removal) at 17, over summer. I want to help people understand transgenderism, as I see a lot of casual transphobia on here. Feel free to ask any questions about transitioning, anything is okay to ask, I just want you to understand.

If you have a DC in a similar situation I can help.

Would you at this point try to divert from the permanent surgery to counselling and other support?

I am glad to hear your child is happy. My friend recently has a masectomy and its a very tough op. They have had about 8 weeks recovery time. Please make sure you give your child plenty of support after their major surgery and that they have a period of time to recover (not to close to srarting uni or taking exams for instance)

You do know a lot of teenage children get extremely body conscious when they start growing breasts and some wish it didn’t happen at all

This does not mean they believe themselves to be male

It’s just a big change for a hormonal teenager.

I really wouldn’t be letting my 17 year old remove their breasts.

They don’t want a penis, but wants to remove breasts to me doesn’t sound like they believe they are male.

Sounds like they are very uncomfortable with a changing body.

And honestly, no gay man is going to want to have sex with a vulva. They are gay. Penis kind of come in to it

I honestly believe you are allowing your child to do the wrong thing, but I hope it’s worth it for both them and you.

My DS has had many sessions of counciling since "exploring his GI" In the start he was told to take things slowly, and that's exactly what we've done.

Is your DC going to be able to pass as male, OP? By which I mean so many of these poor people still look female - small hands and feet, small in stature, no Adam's apple, delicate features. Similarly mtf trans women often still look male to everyone but themselves. It all seems so sad and pointless.

Why do you think such a monumental decision can be separate from your child's sex life? I'm Bi, I wouldn't have a physical relationship with a man or woman who was trans. How on earth do you think they will have a relationship with a gay man?

I think people forget that for every trans person you feel you notice that doesn't "pass" you're walking past a lot that do. This is an ftm person and I'm sure some gay men could manage to find their body attractive too

@singlenotsingle he has always looked like a boy, but since starting testosterone, he now looks and sounds like a man

@flabagoose thank you for your kind words, despite everything others are saying, your rationality is appreciated

How does all of this feel for you, OP? Do you miss your daughter? How was it at the beginning?

Please don't think this is a pointed question, it really isn't- but it's the one thing I don't understand. Why feel the need to change gender when gender is something society is created? I mean, the traditional gender roles are just crazy anyway aren't they, so why is it important to have the label of man or woman- all that means now is biology, the rest is all societal pressures surely?

Big hug to you OP.

Flabagoose - the scarring and tattoos are tell tale signs though.

Your 'son' would need to find a straight male who is attracted to a boyish female body. That has had top surgery. I would be concerned that the dating pool would be very small. Look at poor Jazz Jennings. You should definitely be supportive of your childs confusion but I would certainly encourage them to wait a lot longer before doing anything irreversible.

@crazyhat I asked you what he could fulfill as a male that he can't as a female.

pemberlyshades he is not, and never has been, a lesbian. He likes men, he's gay

That hasn't really answered my question. In fact it sounds like your child is straight and unwilling to conform to gender stereotypes- good for them! If you could explain what I'm missing here that would be really insightful

@knickerbockerandrew as a girl, he was never like a girl. So I don't really have anyone to miss. It just means that now I don't expect him to do girly things. I do wish I had a daughter (other DS is 21) but I'm just glad he's far happier than he was

It might feel like it’s slowly to you but in reality your child is still very young. I find it really sad. A grown adult taking drastic measures is different to a 16 / 17 year old.

What are "girly things" OP?

I'm bi and i just don't feel any attraction towards people who have made those kinds of alterations to their sexed bodies@itsbetterthanabox and i know most bi people agree.

Much as few straight women are attracted to men after they transition or women who transition to look like men. Now you can put your fingers in your ears and ignore people's honest feelings of revulsion but it won't change how they feel. I'm not accepting any kind of conversion therapy as an answer either. You can't 'educate yourself' into sexual attraction against your most primal instincts, nor should we even be considering it as an option given the proven harm this has already done the Lesbian and Gay community globally and historically.

@crazyhat I am aware that as a mother I take responsibility, but that's not how he sees it.

And your child isn't going to have a phaloplasty? Can you not even consider for one second that you CHILD might be making a mistake? One with lifelong ramifications?

If that's not how they see it then that's fine. Because they are a child. But other adults see it as your responsibility to safeguard your teenager against making life altering decision before they have an adult brain.

What didn’t he do as a child that you thought he should to be more like a girl?

I think as there are more people transitioning or being open about it there will be a specialty dating pool @Northernsoulover.
I guess as people are saying on here hetero people want the opposite of their biology, and gay people want the same as their biology etc. Transitioning people will find that hard to learn but it’s very set for people, and not rude or aggressive to follow that, just a fact.
It’s fair for transitioning people to like or find other transitioning people as at least they know what to expect with bodies after surgery and emotions after surgery. So sad but probably more realistic than we realize as humanity. It’s just how we all are and probably won’t change even though more people are being open about transitioning. I wish your child all the best OP it’s a tough road ahead. Good thing they are feeling better for now.

OP I would be interested to know the comments they made about their body growing up. I think you said your DC didn't like their body when they were younger. What things did they say and how did you respond?

I'm also interested in 'not like a girl'- what do you mean by that?

Do you have any other DCs?

I'm so fucking sick of hearing the word "cis".

Personally I don't believe in nb and nor does he

How would you feel about people saying they don't believe in transgenderism? Presumably you would accuse them of transphobia. Why don't you give a shit about what other people might identify as?

Personally I am horrified that anyone would perform breast removal on someone that age unless for, say, cancer.

So far op, nothing you have said convinces me that what your child experiences within themselves is any difference to what I experienced.

That I grew out of.