DS is transgender (ftm)16 and happy

[crazyhat]

He is ftm (female to male) and 16, he has been on Testosterone for 7 months and is getting top surgery (breast removal) at 17, over summer. I want to help people understand transgenderism, as I see a lot of casual transphobia on here. Feel free to ask any questions about transitioning, anything is okay to ask, I just want you to understand.

If you have a DC in a similar situation I can help.

Me aged 14 when staring at my chest:- “What are these disgusting things on my chest, why did they have to grow and ruin my life?” Disgusted look.

Me aged 40 when staring at my chest:- “woo hoo still pretty perky for someone in their 5th decade - you wouldn’t believe I breastfed my kids for a total of seven years.” Smug look whilst putting on new gorgeous expensive (and finally not suitable for breastfeeding!) bra.

There are a lot of women on MN who are like me. I was a tomboy. Puberty was hard for me. Horrific to be honest. But I made it through. I did a male based subject at university and now work in a male based career. I’d rather go for a run than bake. I rather gauge my eyes out than vacuum.

But the thing I really love to do is being my children’s mum.

@RuffleCrow, I'm glad that's not just me!

he was never like a girl

What is a girl like?

I am another that is horrified that a Doctor is prepared to do this to a child. You are not taking it slowly. You are rushing into it. Taking it slowly means waiting until your child is an adult and then making sure they get some counselling.

You say your dd had depression but the testosterone has helped. You do know that antidepressants also help teens with depression?

Me too Midgebabe.
I spent my childhood climbing trees, making camps in the garden and reading Just William. In my teens I loved science and the outdoors. I had my hair short and hated dresses. I didn’t ‘feel’ like either a boy or a girl, never considered it.
I’m definitely a woman though. Birthed 3 children.
Why not wait? You’re the parent and your child’s brain isn’t fully grown up yet.

There are no ‘boy things’ and girls things’

There are just things. That people do.

I hope your child is finds happiness whatever path they choose. I would suggest that, even if you have to remortgage or borrow to do it, you try and find a good psychologist for them to see independently of the transitioning process. Extra emotional support and help in managing anxiety and expectations when going through this process couldn’t be a bad thing. It might help your child to able to express any fears and talk things through with a professional without having to worry about jeopardising their surgery chances if they say the wrong thing. Post surgery, having support would be good too.

It just means that now I don't expect him to do girly things

Maybe this is the problem op - saying things like this reinforce gender stereotypes. Your DC didn’t live up to your expectation of “a girl” so therefore has concluded they are a boy.

Even today, I will sometimes be aware that I am Male in my dreams. I would much prefer to be flat chested. I am quite happy to be mistaken for a bloke when working remotely with people in different countries.

But I know I am what I am. My knees are dodgy, my brain is scientific, that's just me. I won't hurt myself to change the appearance of things.

Genderism seems to need sexism in order to justify itself, whilst the rest of us are still trying to break down stereotypes about "girl's stuff and boy's stuff". I tell my girls and my boy all stuff is open to them (within reason) just as they are.

I did an image search for the muscle built ftm above and found this interview. It's an interesting read actually, but I thought it had very sad undertones. They've done really well for themselves, but all the things they wanted to do (run around topless as a little kid, get muscle, get a Harley) they could've done as a female. And now (or at time of interview), they're single too. I wish them the best but it doesn't sound like a great journey under the impressive photos:

ultimateperformance.com/testimonial/transgender-man-parker-reveals-his-amazing-12-week-muscle-building-transformation/

I worry that this idea of girl things and behaviour has led to such drastic irreversible action.

Omg , just read now I don't expect him to do girlie things

Are you for real? A parent, the person who should know the real unique child, expecting certain behaviours or attitudes on the basis of the child's sex? Why? Making assumptions about your child rather than accepting them totally for who they are?

Perfect as they are.

Growing up I looked Male. No boobs. Very into traditionally "masculine" activities. (Army Cadets). When I was in uniform I looked like a boy. I was often called "sonny"

I was desperate to have a boob job. I wanted boobs. My dad refused

I'm bloody glad he did. I'm cursed with size DDs now...

It just means that now I don't expect him to do girly things

ah.

Are children seriously allowed to have their breasts surgically removed in the UK?

I’m not sure I believe this.

Hi OP, my question is, is the testosterone privately prescribed?

And how did your child get referred to a surgeon at 17? Are you going private?

I thought it was puberty blockers until 18, cross-sex hormones only after reaching adulthood? Because of the irreversible effects.

Sorry have to leave thus thread and go off to do girly things.

Byer

That quote about him going from Shane from the L Word to Larry from OITNB - as a 'queer' woman (lol) i get both references. However, Larry was actually male and despite this still didn't exactly have the greatest love life. And Shane was delectable precisely because of her 'gender-bending' as we used to call it back then - if the actress who played her transtioned to male tomorrow her fanbase would disintegrate.

Shit.

What are girly things?

Sorry that was @IndefatigableMouse

I don't think gay men are generally into vaginas though are they. 🤔🙄

Op, do you see the inherent sexism in describing behaviour as “girly” to the degree that anyone not performing it must not be a girl?

Do you see the inherent homophobia in claiming a straight woman can become a gay man?

Do you intend to answer any of the questions that we were told to feel free to ask?

Do you ever think he could be making the wrong choice?

I found growing up a girl very hard. I felt like a boy. I didn’t relate at all to the stuff a lot of girls seemed to enjoy (makeup, boys, hair, fashion). I wore boys clothes and didn’t overly like my breasts. One of my children is exactly like this but she’s autistic. She wears boys clothes and says she feels like a boy but we tell her she can do whatever she wants there are no boy or girl things and no boy or girl clothes.

Having surgery is a huge step as a parent I would try and get them to hold off. At 16 I had an eating disorder and self harmed. If I’d been left to it I’d probably be dead by now. I was an absolute mess until I was mid 20s though no one could really tell as I put on a good front.

What counselling have you sought? As I’d be tempted to go outside any of the trans pushy organisations and seek someone impartial.

What are girly things? What girly things did you expect your daughter to do?