DS is transgender (ftm)16 and happy

[crazyhat]

He is ftm (female to male) and 16, he has been on Testosterone for 7 months and is getting top surgery (breast removal) at 17, over summer. I want to help people understand transgenderism, as I see a lot of casual transphobia on here. Feel free to ask any questions about transitioning, anything is okay to ask, I just want you to understand.

If you have a DC in a similar situation I can help.

I dont think you can fully blame him if he changes his mind. He has started talking testosterone before 18 and will also have surgery. The only way that can happen is with you. You have to take a large portion of the responsibility here.

I wonder what it was that stopped you from letting your child make this very big decision once they were an adult.

I also wonder if your trans male child will only want a relationship with a gay man. Will your son be honest about their history and give perspective partners the full picture?

One of the saddest things I have ever read - it's his fault if he changes his mind - WOW! Are you serious?

Can you stop discussing my child's sex life? His comfort in his body is more important. There are plenty of cis and trans men that would date a trans man. He'll find the right person

he is not, and never has been, a lesbian. He likes men, he's gay

Does he realise that it's unlikely he'll be accepted by gay men as a prospective partner?

I've read about ftm's being shunned in gay settings.

How old was your child when they were put on maturation blockers? It must have been very young if they have already had cross sex hormones for 7 months.

Did you ever think you should support him in other ways, but dissuade him from the body changing surgery?

Its his words, directly, when he said he knows it's his fault and responsibility. Medical professionals deemed him suitable for these treatments. I am aware that as a mother I take responsibility, but that's not how he sees it.

You said "any questions" talking about sex is important so the young person realises what they are losing.

An orgasm is a wonderful thing to lose that is so sad but to add the fact you will likely be in pain if you do orgasm is even worse.

You have a responsibility to talk to your child about this otherwise they are not making an informed choice.

There are plenty of cis and trans men that would date a trans man. He'll find the right person

So he would date a trans man who still has a vulva? I can't get my head round that.

Sorry if it seems intrusive discussing sex stuff. It's just so sad seeing people shutting themselves off to having a partner and everything that entails.

@oddboots he has never been on blockers, and started testosterone in March of this year after coming out in April 2016

OP, you can't start a thread, say 'ask me questions', and them get pissy when people do just that.

Your trans son is female, that will never change. I have a 17 year old daughter and couldn't imagine allowing her to have a tattoo let alone remove her healthy breasts.

Love how you are stating if they change their mind it's their fault !!!!

Btw your child is straight not gay as they are female attracted to the opposite sex.

I hope you haven't embraced this so wholeheartedly that your child doesn't feel able to turn back if they change they're mind at some point. You sound rather over excited and in love with the specialness of it all if you don't mind me saying.

Its ok to feel different. It's ok to feel you're not a typical female and not want to conform to stereotypes. But taking hormones and surgically altering your body in such a permanent way is so unnecessary. I wish everyone could learn to accept themselves

Just seems so young.

Do you think your child feels under any pressure to keep quiet about the origins and drivers of their mental distress around a parent who is clearly invested in categorising all of those psychological difficulties as effectively a birth defect?

Feel for you OP as this has to have been a hard time for you and your son.

It's a huge decision to make and I hope he remains happy with that.

I think if he does ever make the decision to detransition it's important he stays away from terns like "my fault" and self blame .
It will be something he tried which didn't work for him.

I feel for parents in this situation as it just be a nightmare picking apart the issues.

And people blaming the OP need to have a read about 16yr olds and their rights to have w say. We might not always agree with them but they can make a lot of decisions we may not agree with.

There are plenty of cis and trans men that would date a trans man

Well there aren't. That's why trans activists are so busy trying to shame everyone into believing they are bigots if they don't find trans people attractive. They need to make up the numbers. The dating pool is painfully small and it's a lie to say otherwise this is why it comes as such a shock to so many transitioners.

What does your child feel that makes them think they feel like a man? As a child I thought it would be quite cool to be a boy, never liked the things other girls liked, grew up riding motorbikes, wearing trousers all the time and big boots. Now I wear a uniform designed for a man, a shirt and tie, and a pair of brogues at work. I don’t wear make up, I don’t fuss over my hair or nails. I don’t like pink, or shopping, I can’t wear heels. I work in a job in which only 5% of workers are women. I don’t feel like a man, but I don’t feel like a woman either, as I can’t put my finger on what exactly it is I should be feeling. I feel like me, a person, who happens to be female.

So if your child feels male, what exactly is it that they are feeling? And should more effort not be put into helping them work with what they’ve biologically got rather than trying to fundamentally change that biology?

Their not they're obviously.

Do you not consider it homophobic to call your female child a gay man? Regardless of the numerous other issues with your posts why do you think this kind of appropriation is acceptable?