Nonbinary Lesbian Answering Questions

[ash2301]

Hi- I'm a nonbinary lesbian teen, and I want to help answer parents' questions about their LGBT+ kids/any other questions you have. Please be respectful, but there's no such thing as a stupid question

I am a lesbian. The nonbinary part of my identity is just big enough to warrant me calling myself a nonbinary lesbian rather than just a lesbian.

*are

For an "answering questions" thread the OP has answered very few questions put to her.

Because there are none.

Answers that is.

I'm assigned female at birth, but I could just as easily identify this way and be assigned male at birth.

People born male aren't lesbians.

I am a lesbian. The nonbinary part of my identity is just big enough to warrant me calling myself a nonbinary lesbian rather than just a lesbian.

So you're a lesbian. What is this illusive part of your personality that prohibits you from being female?

Do you mean how would I feel if I heard you use she/her or how would I feel about the fact that you refused? Obviously I wouldn't be thrilled that you refused to respect my pronouns, but I'd just be irate. Actually hearing people use she/her for me is triggering and can cause panic attacks depending on context (refusal vs. not realising)

I actually think the best way to deal with this is the way we usually deal with teenage nonsense and egotism. By saying ‘that’s nice, love’ and getting on with things.

They’ll (mostly) grow out of it by their early twenties.

There are lots of adult nonbinary people and nonbinary identities have existed in some cultures throughout history.

Are people even "assigned" anything at birth?

Surely sex is observed and recorded.

"Assigned" implies that the medics have some input into the 'assignment'... Like "we assigned the last one male, lets assign this one female".

Ash I appreciate what you’re attempting to do here and feel it would probably be helpful to parents of LGBT+ parents who are seeking ways to support their children.

Unfortunately all you’re going to get is a bunch of adults who give zero fucks about you or your vulnerablity (due to your age, though I accept this may be a patronising comment) and only want to further their own rhetoric.

I’d recommend you ask for this post to be removed, nothing good will come of this pile on.

So if I called you a she in front of you, you'd have a panic attack? I fear you may have some issues that need resolving. See I'm female and if someone accidentally called me he/sir, I don't think I'd have that type of a reaction.

Not biology, no. In the language and also some physical dysphoria.

Thanks for the clarity. I think there is a risk that the thread makes little sense without some linguistic precision. Please don't get dragged into any further discussion of the nature that Pinky refers to.

I think a level of dysphoria amongst gay teens (particularly girls) is not at all uncommon. Life does get easier as you grow older and know yourself better.

As mentioned before, I'm interested how you tell people what grammar they should use. Is this awkward or is it limited to friends with similar views?

I was a goth and wanted to be a vampire when I was your age. I mean really wanted to be

Yep me too. I have every sympathy and a LOT of empathy for the OP. Finding and holding your own Identity as a young adult is Fucking tough. And I always veered to a process of elimination (well I’m not one of those, and I’m not like them)

In fact id have TOTALLY gone down this rabbit hole at that age. I’d have been an asexual non binary vampire. All willowy and ethereal.

Unfortunately grinding reality Intervenes eventually.

Now I’m just short, fat and middle aged. And have ditched the black lipstick. Cos it looks shit on me.

If you're not going to define female then all this is meaningless.

Every teenager tries to find ways to mark themselves out as different and special. It's a normal part of development, breaking away from your parents and figuring out who you are as an individual. Doesn't make any of this stuff legitimate though, just understandable why a teen would be doing it.

Likewise the attempt to school the adults.

if this is a teen

A GNC man/woman is still comfortable with binary pronouns and their binary identity, where as I am fundamentally not, regardless of what I wear/how I present myself (incidentally, I don't present as GNC).

However, there is definitely a part of me that is not female, and doesn't like she/her pronouns or some aspects of my biological sex

What aspects of your biological sex don't you like?

Do you get upset if people don't use they/them to refer to you in the third person? Would you consider that 'misgendering'?

Ash you're a kid claiming to know more about reality than women who have a collective total life experience of billions of years. Wouldn't you be better off asking the questions and learning from us?

Identity is about who you are, not how you think you feel. That's why passports, driving licence, birth certificates are used in an official capacity to make sure people are who they say they are.

Women are 50% of the global population and we feel 3.5 billion different ways. 'Feeling like a woman' is for 90s country music stars (ask your mum/ birth-giver)

Very fair point. Also if I haven't replied to you please check that I haven't answered the same thing from someone else

Why don't you like being referred to as she? What's so bad about it?

Genitals are observed, but sex is assigned because it's a meaning that we add to those genitals.

"there is definitely a part of me that is not female, and doesn't like she/her pronouns or some aspects of my biological sex"

Just to say that it's totally fine not to like some aspects of your biological sex. Some aspects of being female (like periods) are quite annoying and unpleasant. Being harassed by men and being expected to conform to stupid gender stereotypes isn't much fun either, though this is a function of the society we live in rather than anything intrinsic to being a woman.

I’m an adult lesbian with a clipper haircut who hasn’t worn heels or makeup for about 20 years, though I do wear dresses on occasion. I identify as a lot of things but not as female - I simply am female because of my biology. And I’ve listened to young lesbians who have been almost in tears because of the pressure from their own communities to accept penis.

I think the world would be a better place if we could just ditch ‘gender’ in all its forms altogether and let people be whoever they want, while recognising that there are times - rape shelters, prisons, dormitories, sports, toilets - that we need to segregate by sex because of biological differences. What do you think?

Hi,
I’m interested in what makes you feel you are 1/3 male gender.
My thinking is that all people, biologically male or biologically female have a mix of traits which are associated with being masculine or feminine. So therefore I don’t really understand. Could you let me know what you think about that and expand a little more? Thank you 😊

You're right, but it's actually things about my body that aren't linked to being physically uncomfortable or feeling fat. I don't like not having a penis, for example.