My 2 year old daughter being relocated

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Im a dad of a 2 year old, and not really sure where to seek advice. Beginning of the year we relocated for my partners job- I found a new job here, and shortly after was asked to move out

for the past 4 months iv been living in a house share so our current arrangement has been
Week 1 - Monday Wednesday after my work I have my daughter at the mums house. Then Friday overnight until Sunday 3pm at the house ( during the warmer weeks I usually took her to the park or for a walk during the week) over the weekend i bring all food needed and extra for the week, I take her out every weekend and the mum is away

week 2- Tuesday Thursday after work Sunday 3pm- bedtime

so anyway I pay child maintenance i actually pay 16% of my wage slightly more than the minimum,
I do really well as a dad my daughter adores me, she loves spending time with me and when I’m there doesn’t want anyone else just her daddy.

im moving into my own place January 1st so the contact can shift I’ll probably not be able to have her over night on all my week nights as Im an engineer snd start work sometimes at 4am

my ex has now decided she wants to move to London which is depending where in London about 2 hours one way from where I live and around 2:30 from my work.

her reasons she gave me is there is more to do for my daughter like museums and parks- theres Facebook groups for like minded single mums- shes closer to her parents ( they live in France but it’s a direct flight rather than a 2 Hour drive and a direct flight hey )
she feels isolated where we live and thinks living in London would make her a better mum- she also says because I only pop in and are deluded thinking I do almost 50% ( because she picks her up some week nights from nursery and I arrive about an hour after that apparently I just pop round and am a dad when I want to be
iv never cancelled a visit I always come up with fun things to do, I have covered two extra weekends, 3 occasions where the child minder was sick I basically had my daughter then made up my work hours from 4:30pm till midnight

so I just don’t know where I stand with this like surely you cant just reduce my contact to what would essentially be every other weekend ? I do everything to see my daughter as much as possible often working from home when I can so that I can finish early during week and have her for longer. I don’t see her thinking moving would benefit her mental health as a reason.

and of course now shes started down the route that the relationship was abusive was litterally never mentioned until she was justifying the break up to other people. The alleged abuse is that iv called her an idiot in arguments before and apparently I pushed her 4 years ago.

she has regular phone conversations with a councillor, a psychologist and also a domestic abuse charity- who are going to set up a mediator apparently

I just don’t understand how someone can she claim that I just pop in I see my daughter as much as I reasonably can.

she also says that shes allowed me to use her house- and I take advantage because over the weekend I used a teabag and it was the last one and didn’t replace it- we were together for 4 years and she never once drank a cup of tea.
but anyway I originally said I’d collect my daughter from her house on my days and bring her back so that I didn’t need to use her house ( after the abuse claims began) and was met with message after message how this isn’t fair how it makes her house bound how she can’t go see friends or go drinking or go food shopping ( children are allowed in the supermarket )

so I agreed to have her at the house. I just don’t understand why these medical professionals shes talking to according to her agree with this nonsense. She believes me saying I don’t want her to move my daughter away and reduce my contact time is me controlling her. I don’t care what she does but she says being a mother doesn’t fulfill her that’s why she needs to move as there will be more for her to do ( she now tries to link it to my daughter but originally it was about her )

sorry if this seems a rant i absolutly love my daughter shes my best friend and the best thing that ever happened to me and just feel like iv spent months jumping through hoops to maintain my contact with her for her mum to just move her away from me

on a final note she had no job lined up in London but is a teacher so a role that relocating is easier

Your talking ridiculous. Who can realistically relocate at a whim every time an ex is bored of where she lives yet again. Forever having to build up and start up again because the ex has said jump. No one lives life like that in the real world.

OP sorry you have been piled on and had to deal with such utter shit nonsense posts like this. You are obviously a good dad who cares. These posters are living in a dream land if they don't see that in reality you of course need to still be able to have a career and you are doing as much as you can and are allowed already. How much break would this woman need, she will get a lot less of a break once she moves away from you so a break doesn't sound like the issue. She gets more free time than most resistant parents already.

Hope you manage to get the order sorted. I'd be worried her next step would be wanting to move to France as she is edging closer and forever getting the itch to move. Even if you have to get a credit card or something to cover it, getting that order in place is essential

Yeah your right iv just spent months jumping through hoops, and then all these comments which it wouldn’t Matter if I said I’d have her 7 days a week but still pay maintenance it still wouldn’t be enough

and I just feel like everything I read online makes out family courts are like that so it’s quite disheartening

when at the end of the day it’s my first baby and it’s my little daughter and my job is to keep her safe and help her navigate life and make her laugh and that’s all I want to be able to do

Yeah I mean thats half the problem, if she moves to London where does she move next, and each move reduces my contact till the point of why does it matter if she moves to France because the dad only sees her twice a month type thing

I think I was just anxious about taking it to court as I just feel like it will be seen how this post was seen, the word abuse was never mentioned until I said I didn’t want her to move my daughter away and I feel like that will then be the line of attack against me in court

News flash- yes you may have to reduce your hours or take a job you are not trained for or forgo promotions and overtime to accomodate raising a child. Just like most women who are single parents and many women in general.

Okay- but without the child maintenance, child benefit, universal credit and 85% childcare costs been covered. And still have to pay child maintenance

And to clarify I sacrificed quite a lot to get qualified for the start of this career working full time studying full time whilst having a young family- so now I just give it up because my ex wants to move ?

I can understand where you’re coming from. But all the actual lawyers on here who have responded have confirmed the right steps and that the courts will listen to you. Ignore the noise if you can, apart from being spiteful it comes from a place of ignorance too

Surely, you are missing the point that her working hours are deliberately shorter than your daughter’s nursery time by necessity so she can pick her up from nursery!

I think this is the point myself and many others have been trying to make.

OP, you have spent time re training and have started a new career path. You have only been able to do that at all because your ex has responsibility for the child the rest of the time. A lot of parents don’t get that especially after a split. For a lot of parents they have to take what they can get and work around their kids - not have their kids around work. The reason for that is there is no other option. You can’t leave your child alone so you just have to make it work.

We just want you to see the privilege that has been afforded to you by your ex doing the lions share. You can and have prioritised re training and then work and beginning to advance through that career.

No there not. Shes a teacher, they work 8:30-4 the nursery is 8-5 so what are you on about she never adjusted her hours, she was training to be a teacher when she fell pregnant these were always going to be her hours

..........so now I just give it up because my ex wants to move?

No, because you need to prioritise your child's needs. They are more important than your career.

So op I was at the other side of this. Similar situation, even the not British part. Apart from I left the family house and dad stayed, also I was pretty badly abused. Dad had the child way less than you (2-3 hours 3 out of 4 weekends). Court stopped me from relocating just for reference.

If nothing else works you will need to go down the court route. You can represent yourself. Not easy but it's doable. If there is a fact finding hearing, which can be if there was domestic abuse, probably get a barrister for that hearing as it can be the hardest part. It will cost you quite a few hundreds at least. But it will worth it.

Court probably won't support the moving plan, unless she has good reasons and proposes a new reasonable contact arrangements. However when people go to court it sometimes brings up their nasty part, and more conflicts will show. Get ready for it to be the end of peace and harmony... It won't be easy. For any of you.

No one is saying give it up - the steps have been made clear quite early on. You can apply yourself for an order to stop your ex from moving. The government website link was included pages ago. That’s what you do and she will not be able to move.

However, again, you need to understand that all the years of hard work you were allowed to focus on getting re qualified and working full time were are possible by your ex taking full responsibility for the child.

Well, the hours she is required at school.
Then there are the additional hours all teachers have to work in the evenings.

I think you are missing the point- my exes working hours would always of been what they are. My ex didn’t work for two years while my daughter went to nursery full time
whilst I worked full time and studied full time

so tell me how thats the lions share me working to be able to provide for the household plus paying for nursery whilst studying to be able to provide more, whilst still taking over when I came home from work every night even if my daughter had been at nursery when we were still together

we broke up a few months ago so it’s been a few months that it’s been like this the previous two years is not the case.
i retrained to provide for them

That’s definitely a breeze for her then especially when she has you round her house in the evening too. Lucky woman

Okay, so she works full time. You had made out she barely works at all.

You seem quite a difficult person to communicate with OP. You seem to have very little empathy to your ex or understanding that she is also working very hard and being the one responsible for the child the majority of the time. Having some weekends when it’s all free time is very different to racing to the nursery after work every day, or getting her ready and out the door every morning while also trying to get yourself ready for work.

She’s living the dream alright

Don't give up hope - you have a good case

There's been some really good advice amidst all the nonsense

And good luck to you and your little one

I said she works about 25 hours less than me, Im telling you she finds doing a full weekend hard shes litterally said it in messages. Again the nursery is 3 minutes away it’s not a rush

my post wasnt about what she does

It’s strange that she would say that you pushed her four years ago if it didn’t happen and she was making it up to pretend you were abusive. Why not say it was more recent and more regular if she was prepared to lie about it?

I can understand your worry. Just make sure you screenshot important messages to evidence your efforts and agreements you have discussed with her.

The fact she wants you in her home doesn't sound like she has real concerns of abuse. She can't even argue that this was because she didn't want your child alone with you, as she goes out and you have also took your child on outings alone.

Maybe she has mentioned abuse now to scare you off from going to court. But you need it sorted before it's too late. Don't think they could force her to move back once she has left

I’d absolutly love to be able to have my daughter throughout the week and have the luxury of not having financial struggles due to all the extra help then I’d definitely reduce my hours

Thank you this is really helpful to know, sorry for your situation

But you’ve made it about what she does by belittling what she does.

When you get up in the morning to get ready for work you don’t rush, you get yourself ready and are only responsible for yourself. When she does she needs to be responsible for a whole other tired tiny human. Make sure she’s eaten, clean, dressed, has everything she needs for the day. All while making sure she herself is clean, eaten, dressed and has everything she needs for the day. When the child is doll dallying or uncooperative and there’s no time for a tantrum or a cry but it’s happening - how do you think that goes? These are the things you aren’t dealing with. It doesn’t matter if it’s a 3 minute walk or a 15 minute drive: the mental load is huge and you are being hugely disrespectful being so dismissive about it.