My 2 year old daughter being relocated

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Im a dad of a 2 year old, and not really sure where to seek advice. Beginning of the year we relocated for my partners job- I found a new job here, and shortly after was asked to move out

for the past 4 months iv been living in a house share so our current arrangement has been
Week 1 - Monday Wednesday after my work I have my daughter at the mums house. Then Friday overnight until Sunday 3pm at the house ( during the warmer weeks I usually took her to the park or for a walk during the week) over the weekend i bring all food needed and extra for the week, I take her out every weekend and the mum is away

week 2- Tuesday Thursday after work Sunday 3pm- bedtime

so anyway I pay child maintenance i actually pay 16% of my wage slightly more than the minimum,
I do really well as a dad my daughter adores me, she loves spending time with me and when I’m there doesn’t want anyone else just her daddy.

im moving into my own place January 1st so the contact can shift I’ll probably not be able to have her over night on all my week nights as Im an engineer snd start work sometimes at 4am

my ex has now decided she wants to move to London which is depending where in London about 2 hours one way from where I live and around 2:30 from my work.

her reasons she gave me is there is more to do for my daughter like museums and parks- theres Facebook groups for like minded single mums- shes closer to her parents ( they live in France but it’s a direct flight rather than a 2 Hour drive and a direct flight hey )
she feels isolated where we live and thinks living in London would make her a better mum- she also says because I only pop in and are deluded thinking I do almost 50% ( because she picks her up some week nights from nursery and I arrive about an hour after that apparently I just pop round and am a dad when I want to be
iv never cancelled a visit I always come up with fun things to do, I have covered two extra weekends, 3 occasions where the child minder was sick I basically had my daughter then made up my work hours from 4:30pm till midnight

so I just don’t know where I stand with this like surely you cant just reduce my contact to what would essentially be every other weekend ? I do everything to see my daughter as much as possible often working from home when I can so that I can finish early during week and have her for longer. I don’t see her thinking moving would benefit her mental health as a reason.

and of course now shes started down the route that the relationship was abusive was litterally never mentioned until she was justifying the break up to other people. The alleged abuse is that iv called her an idiot in arguments before and apparently I pushed her 4 years ago.

she has regular phone conversations with a councillor, a psychologist and also a domestic abuse charity- who are going to set up a mediator apparently

I just don’t understand how someone can she claim that I just pop in I see my daughter as much as I reasonably can.

she also says that shes allowed me to use her house- and I take advantage because over the weekend I used a teabag and it was the last one and didn’t replace it- we were together for 4 years and she never once drank a cup of tea.
but anyway I originally said I’d collect my daughter from her house on my days and bring her back so that I didn’t need to use her house ( after the abuse claims began) and was met with message after message how this isn’t fair how it makes her house bound how she can’t go see friends or go drinking or go food shopping ( children are allowed in the supermarket )

so I agreed to have her at the house. I just don’t understand why these medical professionals shes talking to according to her agree with this nonsense. She believes me saying I don’t want her to move my daughter away and reduce my contact time is me controlling her. I don’t care what she does but she says being a mother doesn’t fulfill her that’s why she needs to move as there will be more for her to do ( she now tries to link it to my daughter but originally it was about her )

sorry if this seems a rant i absolutly love my daughter shes my best friend and the best thing that ever happened to me and just feel like iv spent months jumping through hoops to maintain my contact with her for her mum to just move her away from me

on a final note she had no job lined up in London but is a teacher so a role that relocating is easier

Maybe stop with all your nit-picking attacks - no wonder the OP is being 'defensive'

How about staying on topic and addressing the OPs concerns about his daughter moving to London more than 2+ hours away?

Because "they" aren't "they" any more. They're not a couple they're two singles. Neither owes the other anything, beyond what the law says.

His ex doesn't have to facilitate him having greater access to DD whilst maintaining a "single guy" lifestyle and leaving her with all the negatives of being a single parent. If he wants to be a parent, he's going to have to have a "single parent" lifestyle for himself too.

He's totally responsible for DD on his days. The ex doesn't have to facilitate his cherry picking of a few hours here and there around his working hours, when it suits him. So yes, if he's not available to care for DD when he's supposed to be having her then he needs to be paying for childcare during those times. What his ex is doing at those times doesn't come into it, they're not longer a team.

Yup. I was curious about this too.

IDK maybe she's anticipating a big uplift in maintainence payments since contact will be drastically reduced??

I feel like you’re being deliberately obtuse, snappy and yes - incredibly defensive.

What people are explaining here is that if you wanted to be a 50/50 dad you could. It would the be your responsibility to arrange childcare when you had custody but needed to work. It doesn’t mean do less work - it means take responsibility for the child over that time period.

You are taking the approach of seeing your child specifically and only around your work hours. Popping in for a few hours as a visit. You say if you’re in work, you can’t parent. That’s that. But every single parent will tell you it doesn’t work like that. You have your child and you arrange what you need to to make sure that child is cared for on your time. It doesn’t mean “stop working.” It means “take responsibility.” If you have her Monday to Thursday one week you facilitate whatever childcare you need to to allow you to go to work. Thats being a parent. If you have to stay off because your child is sick that’s what you do. It doesn’t all fall to the mum.

You seem to be deliberately misunderstanding a lot of kind responses here. A defensive attitude won’t help you or your daughter. Getting angry or snippy won’t help either.

I sincerely hope you didn’t push your ex.

This isn't you being a great dad. You're living in a house share. This is taking place in your ex's house! It's not a break for her, she's being pushed out of her own home so you can have access time with DD! It's a nightmare that she's reluctantly going along with for the sake of your child. But she's clearly not blooming happy about it and I don't wonder why! You're insane if you think she should be fine with this. I can't think of anything worse, in terms of access, than an ex taking over my house every other weekend.

I never used the word break until people said “when does she get a break” so I explained when she has a break ?

so if you read back I wasn’t saying I give her a break they asked when she gets one

I agree - but the arrangement was not 50%, tge arrangement was as it is now (which hardly gives him the single bloke lifestyle, despite what you claim). If she moves again (she seems to make a bit of a habit of moving) then the contact will reduce even further which would be detrimental to their DD. I'm amazed that someone who works as few hours as she does could maintain a life in London, but perhaps she has other people supporting her financially.

So realistically she gets a “break” every other weekend. Is that correct? Because let’s be real / having you come to her home for 3 hours every evening is not a break. Her going to the shops to get the groceries without a toddler is not a break either.

How do I have a single guy lifestyle, Im in my first year of my career I don’t earn that much after paying my bills and food i have a little over a 100 pound a month to live off, which is my money to do stuff with my daughter.

the difference between being a single parent is you get help. I don’t get any help. If I was a single parent on my income I’d get a portion of my rent payed 85% of my child care costs payed and child maintenance off the other parent

so I’m essentially around 1500 pound worse off a month than my ex.. but Im meant to pay a babysitter to look after my daughter while I work ?

when iv said I’d be happy doing every weekend which is Friday Saturday Sunday. 3 out of 7 nights
if I did another night I’d be doing over 50%?

so what more do you want me to do ?

Hi op 👋🏻
I can understand the low level terror you have here but rest assured that your ex cannot just do as she pleases now that you have a child together. Both parents are entitled to ‘be parents’ and the family court will treat you much more fairly than some of the dementedly argumentative responses on here.
Your ex could indeed be struggling but so are you and you are absolutely entitled to ensure that your ability to parent is protected by the court. I would contact the organisation named elsewhere in the helpful replies which provide support through the court process. The family courts are well used to parents who have to self represent and allowances are made for this.
I wouldn’t waste time replying to randoms on here who are wilfully misrepresenting your position to kick you while you’re down.
Your ex has no choice but to participate in the process which will protect both of your rights as parents and until a judgement is made she will be prevented from taking unilateral decisions which affect all three of you.
Best of luck with everything.

She is having sessions with a counsellor, psychologist and a DV charity every week. That’s a lot of effort for imaginary abuse and for absolutely no purpose other to make things up to 3 strangers.

You really think that would be fair for her to do the grind during the weekdays and you pick it up over the weekend so your working week isn’t interrupted and she gets no downtime with her child at all?

i Don’t currently have my own place until January the 1st and then I’d offered to do every Friday Saturday Sunday
and take her out a night during the week…
thats 3 overnights and a night during the week- that would equate to more actual parenting time than her because my daughter is at nursery during the week.

those 3 hours i go around during the week nights are the hours my baby is awake and at home. Do you think after those 3 hours i go do something fun ? I go home and go to sleep the same as her mum does on the nights she has her.

or am I meant to sit on the sofa next to my ex while she watches tv just because my baby is a sleep upstairs ?

I do the hours my ex asked me to do at this moment because of the situation- I didn’t come up with the schedule

She gets downtime with her child during the week when she's not working.

The grind during the weekdays are the easiest days- it’s 3 hours shes in the house before bed thats not particularly difficult

The last weekend she had her she said it was a struggle as there’s nothing to do and she hasn’t got a support network. Neither do i. But I absolutly love spending time with her

and to be clear her working week isn’t disrupted at all by having our daughter her hours are shorter than our daughters nursery time

You can say you WOULD do every weekend all you like, is there any indication your ex would agree to that? Most mothers do like to spend time with their children also. If DM and DF are both working during the week it absolutely wouldn’t be fair for you to take her every weekend. But that still leaves mum doing all the heavy lifting during the week. Do you not see that point?

Having her on weekends is the easy option. You’re in your own schedule once again. You’re not trying to fit her around your work, doing nursery drop offs so you can even go to work.

I thought she was a teacher?

When is she planning to relocate? She's missed the resignation deadline for January.

A very part time one if she's working 25 hours less per week than the OP

You’re giving off a very spiteful vibe here. You keep talking about how much easier you find the child than her, how much better off you would be if you had the child maintenance and paid for childcare directed at you. You’ve been quite passive aggressive. It’s very pointed in a lot of your comments here and I suspect your ex is strongly aware of this growing resentment.

Please please ignore all the bar-room barristers - nit-picking away at everything you say

They're just trying to wind you up because they have nothing useful to contribute - and you're a man so fair game for the all the pathetic bullying attempts

You've had some really good advice - on how to prevent your daughter being noved away to London using the courts and how to minimise the expense of that - maybe concentrate a bit more on the posters who are answering your OP??

The nursery is 3 minutes from the house. It’s not difficult at all her hours work completely around the nursery,

how is the heavy lifting during the week it’s the easiest time entertaining her for a couple hours after nursery.

when she’s been sick I have done over nights during the week and took the time off work,

giving up all of my free time and your now finding a problem with that, like what do you expect me to do?
if I told her I’d have [name redacted] the weekdays she would lose her mind as she likes to have the weekend to herself,

I agree. Honestly OP, save your breath - posts from men on these these threads always attract the bar room barristers. Don't waste your time responding, just take the practical advice re using the courts and take it from there.