My 2 year old daughter being relocated

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Im a dad of a 2 year old, and not really sure where to seek advice. Beginning of the year we relocated for my partners job- I found a new job here, and shortly after was asked to move out

for the past 4 months iv been living in a house share so our current arrangement has been
Week 1 - Monday Wednesday after my work I have my daughter at the mums house. Then Friday overnight until Sunday 3pm at the house ( during the warmer weeks I usually took her to the park or for a walk during the week) over the weekend i bring all food needed and extra for the week, I take her out every weekend and the mum is away

week 2- Tuesday Thursday after work Sunday 3pm- bedtime

so anyway I pay child maintenance i actually pay 16% of my wage slightly more than the minimum,
I do really well as a dad my daughter adores me, she loves spending time with me and when I’m there doesn’t want anyone else just her daddy.

im moving into my own place January 1st so the contact can shift I’ll probably not be able to have her over night on all my week nights as Im an engineer snd start work sometimes at 4am

my ex has now decided she wants to move to London which is depending where in London about 2 hours one way from where I live and around 2:30 from my work.

her reasons she gave me is there is more to do for my daughter like museums and parks- theres Facebook groups for like minded single mums- shes closer to her parents ( they live in France but it’s a direct flight rather than a 2 Hour drive and a direct flight hey )
she feels isolated where we live and thinks living in London would make her a better mum- she also says because I only pop in and are deluded thinking I do almost 50% ( because she picks her up some week nights from nursery and I arrive about an hour after that apparently I just pop round and am a dad when I want to be
iv never cancelled a visit I always come up with fun things to do, I have covered two extra weekends, 3 occasions where the child minder was sick I basically had my daughter then made up my work hours from 4:30pm till midnight

so I just don’t know where I stand with this like surely you cant just reduce my contact to what would essentially be every other weekend ? I do everything to see my daughter as much as possible often working from home when I can so that I can finish early during week and have her for longer. I don’t see her thinking moving would benefit her mental health as a reason.

and of course now shes started down the route that the relationship was abusive was litterally never mentioned until she was justifying the break up to other people. The alleged abuse is that iv called her an idiot in arguments before and apparently I pushed her 4 years ago.

she has regular phone conversations with a councillor, a psychologist and also a domestic abuse charity- who are going to set up a mediator apparently

I just don’t understand how someone can she claim that I just pop in I see my daughter as much as I reasonably can.

she also says that shes allowed me to use her house- and I take advantage because over the weekend I used a teabag and it was the last one and didn’t replace it- we were together for 4 years and she never once drank a cup of tea.
but anyway I originally said I’d collect my daughter from her house on my days and bring her back so that I didn’t need to use her house ( after the abuse claims began) and was met with message after message how this isn’t fair how it makes her house bound how she can’t go see friends or go drinking or go food shopping ( children are allowed in the supermarket )

so I agreed to have her at the house. I just don’t understand why these medical professionals shes talking to according to her agree with this nonsense. She believes me saying I don’t want her to move my daughter away and reduce my contact time is me controlling her. I don’t care what she does but she says being a mother doesn’t fulfill her that’s why she needs to move as there will be more for her to do ( she now tries to link it to my daughter but originally it was about her )

sorry if this seems a rant i absolutly love my daughter shes my best friend and the best thing that ever happened to me and just feel like iv spent months jumping through hoops to maintain my contact with her for her mum to just move her away from me

on a final note she had no job lined up in London but is a teacher so a role that relocating is easier

You’ve named your daughter a few times in this.

If you don’t think there’s a good reason for the move, you can look into a prohibited steps order, which would stop your daughter being able to move away if the courts feel it’s reasonable to do so. From what you’ve said, a lot of the reasons usually allowed - proximity to family, a better job, more support - don’t really apply.

You can take her to court to stop her from moving.

I would go see a solicitor and see what they say.

do you have a court ordered section about visitation now? Taking a child away from a parent isn’t seen very happily by a court.

I would also ask what sort of psychological support you are accessing? It's a very emotionally tricky time and you will be best placed to deal with it if you have your own help in processing it.

I agree with the previous posters, seek legal advice.

Apply for a prohibited step order and get a proper arrangement order through court.

yeah I realised and edited it so hopefully doesn’t show now.

I just don’t understand how moving a baby away from a dad who’s active in her life is a good thing.

One of the reasons I posted here is I don’t have the money to see a solicitor- it’s my first year as an engineer after finishing open university so currently not on a high salary and certainly not for the location i live, after bills and child maintenance and food etc i have around 140 pound a month

no our current agreement was just done over messages

It’s not! And the judge will see that.

Document every piece of evidence you have that proves that you do see her and are a regular part of her life - screenshot all the messages about your custody agreement, journal, take photos, etc…

Most solicitors do a free fist 30 mins.

you cannot do this any other way unless she agrees. If she doesn’t that’s the only way to go sadly.

see what they say.

you can do it yourself. if you have no money for a solicitor then you at least have to try, don't you think?

Apply for a court order to make arrangements for a child or resolve a dispute about their upbringing: Form C100 - GOV.UK

How many hours a week do you actually see your daughter, as you haven't stated what time you finish work, nor what time she goes to bed.

Bit surprised you are so proud of yourself for paying 16% of your wages, of course you are paying maintenance.

during the week usually from around 5-8pm when she goes to bed then the weekends I stated. But she’s at nursery so her mum isn’t seeing her much more part from her being a sleep ? if I was able to take her to nursery in the morning and had my own place I’d of happily had her overnight. But i have to be able to work

I stated what I pay due to the fact Im sticking to everything that Im meant to and slightly more not as a brag.

I know this is in legal, and this isn't legal advice but-

She's telling you she's struggling where she is.

The whole rota for your dd seems to revolve around you and your needs/work.

Come up with a schedule where she gets a proper break. Arrange childcare so she isn't having to go from work to nursery then look after dd until you're free. Even though you're seeing your dd a fair amount, it's all on your schedule, and isn't giving her a break in any way.

Arrange your life around your dd instead of arranging dd around your life and she may change her mind.

I also don’t really see the relevance to your question the fact is over 14 days I see her 50% of those days- I do her dinner her bath her bed time Im not just popping in to say hello

im not able to go over every day during the week to see her because then her mum would have no time with her so I’m seeing her as much as is possible

PM’d you

How does this revolve around my needs? I work a job I see my daughter on the times agreed with my ex ?
every second weekend I have her so she has a break, during the week i have her and she has a break 3 nights a week one week and 2 nights the other week

i said I work from home as often as I can to accommodate pick ups from nursery which is probably 50% of my mid week nights ?

A couple of hours while you do tea isn't a break.

You can either get defensive and go through court, or you can listen to what your ex is saying - that she needs more of a break and try to accommodate that.

As an outsider looking at that schedule, your ex is doing most of the heavy lifting of childcare, and you feel that doing what you can when you can is adequate.

But she’s at nursery so her mum isn’t seeing her much more part from her being a sleep

My memory of DD being a toddler is that I spent a whole lot of time up with her at night, there wasn't a lot of sleep going on for either of us. It was an exhausting and lonely time.

You are not having your child overnight at all? You go to spend time with her every evening 5-8, and also at weekends. Is that right?

When does your ex get a break?

It sounds very hard and disruptive to your daughter.
you sound like you want to be a hands on dad and if your ex is struggling with her mental health then being further away from the support you can give her with childcare doesn’t sound like a great thing.

There must be mums groups where you live for your ex to meet others? Yes, London has museums etc but surely there must be some family friendly activities around? Even in London your ex would have to go out to find all these things/friends, they don’t just magically appear as it’s a busy city… As your daughter gets older (nursery etc) then there is more interaction with others socially that happens naturally.

I wonder if when you get your own place in January and are able to have your daughter for some whole weekends/overnights if your ex will manage to have a bit of space for her own needs- it’s very all consuming with a 2 year old and you kind of lose who you are as everything is about them (obviously!) so maybe she will feel better having some down time once this happens to go to London herself!

if you can’t get a court order and this goes ahead then you need to discuss logistics that she bring your daughter to meet you half way/ you do one way and she does the other so it’s not all on you doing the driving- if you are asking her to keep to the current contact hours then maybe then she will see how awful it will be to put your daughter through this travelling for 4 hours in a day if that’s what it end up coming to??

The very way you're phrasing it 'I do X so she can have a break'. Yeah, really kind of you to offer her 'a break' from full time childcare when you can fit it in. What a hero.

So Friday to Sunday over night isn’t a break?

the baby is in bed once I leave, I collect her from nursery 50% of the time
so how would you see i increase the break ? Book a babysitter to sit in the house while the baby is in bed and the mum is in the house ?

my ex has never said she needs more of a break ?

I just fail to see what time you believe I can increase to give her a break, if I was unemployed my time would increase by possible 2 hours a week ?

I have my daughter from Friday to Sunday over night?
the baby sleeps all through night she always has done since around 8 months old

Most of your contact time is at her house.

You clearly don't see how exhausting it can be.

Even when dd is in bed she is tied to the house while you get to leave and do what you want.

Your ex is telling you she needs more and you've went defensive instead of talking to her about what she needs from you.

So her mum does all the nursery drop offs? you then have her fifteen hours in the week and every other weekend.

I don’t know if iv worded this badly but to clarify every second weekend I have my daughter from 4:30pm Friday to 3pm Sunday over night her mum does not see her at all during that time,
when I go during the week her mum goes to the gym or goes sees friends or does whatever she wants to do,

where we live is full of young families

Yes Im aware until January, because I didn’t have accommodation. Which is quite common when a relationship ends and someone leaves the family home

Im not being defensive but she’s never said she wants more time, because in London her time would dramatically reduce because I wouldn’t see my daughter as much ?

iv already suggested when I have my own house in January that I’d be happy doing 3 out of 4 weekends and a night or two during the week at mine ( because I sometimes have to work away)