My 2 year old daughter being relocated

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Im a dad of a 2 year old, and not really sure where to seek advice. Beginning of the year we relocated for my partners job- I found a new job here, and shortly after was asked to move out

for the past 4 months iv been living in a house share so our current arrangement has been
Week 1 - Monday Wednesday after my work I have my daughter at the mums house. Then Friday overnight until Sunday 3pm at the house ( during the warmer weeks I usually took her to the park or for a walk during the week) over the weekend i bring all food needed and extra for the week, I take her out every weekend and the mum is away

week 2- Tuesday Thursday after work Sunday 3pm- bedtime

so anyway I pay child maintenance i actually pay 16% of my wage slightly more than the minimum,
I do really well as a dad my daughter adores me, she loves spending time with me and when I’m there doesn’t want anyone else just her daddy.

im moving into my own place January 1st so the contact can shift I’ll probably not be able to have her over night on all my week nights as Im an engineer snd start work sometimes at 4am

my ex has now decided she wants to move to London which is depending where in London about 2 hours one way from where I live and around 2:30 from my work.

her reasons she gave me is there is more to do for my daughter like museums and parks- theres Facebook groups for like minded single mums- shes closer to her parents ( they live in France but it’s a direct flight rather than a 2 Hour drive and a direct flight hey )
she feels isolated where we live and thinks living in London would make her a better mum- she also says because I only pop in and are deluded thinking I do almost 50% ( because she picks her up some week nights from nursery and I arrive about an hour after that apparently I just pop round and am a dad when I want to be
iv never cancelled a visit I always come up with fun things to do, I have covered two extra weekends, 3 occasions where the child minder was sick I basically had my daughter then made up my work hours from 4:30pm till midnight

so I just don’t know where I stand with this like surely you cant just reduce my contact to what would essentially be every other weekend ? I do everything to see my daughter as much as possible often working from home when I can so that I can finish early during week and have her for longer. I don’t see her thinking moving would benefit her mental health as a reason.

and of course now shes started down the route that the relationship was abusive was litterally never mentioned until she was justifying the break up to other people. The alleged abuse is that iv called her an idiot in arguments before and apparently I pushed her 4 years ago.

she has regular phone conversations with a councillor, a psychologist and also a domestic abuse charity- who are going to set up a mediator apparently

I just don’t understand how someone can she claim that I just pop in I see my daughter as much as I reasonably can.

she also says that shes allowed me to use her house- and I take advantage because over the weekend I used a teabag and it was the last one and didn’t replace it- we were together for 4 years and she never once drank a cup of tea.
but anyway I originally said I’d collect my daughter from her house on my days and bring her back so that I didn’t need to use her house ( after the abuse claims began) and was met with message after message how this isn’t fair how it makes her house bound how she can’t go see friends or go drinking or go food shopping ( children are allowed in the supermarket )

so I agreed to have her at the house. I just don’t understand why these medical professionals shes talking to according to her agree with this nonsense. She believes me saying I don’t want her to move my daughter away and reduce my contact time is me controlling her. I don’t care what she does but she says being a mother doesn’t fulfill her that’s why she needs to move as there will be more for her to do ( she now tries to link it to my daughter but originally it was about her )

sorry if this seems a rant i absolutly love my daughter shes my best friend and the best thing that ever happened to me and just feel like iv spent months jumping through hoops to maintain my contact with her for her mum to just move her away from me

on a final note she had no job lined up in London but is a teacher so a role that relocating is easier

I work around 25 hours a week more than her, and she lives 4 minutes walk from the nursery

could you explain how I could feasibly increase my time, other than seeing my daughter every day of the week or her living with me which iv said I’d be happy for her too.

Then sit down and discuss the schedule with her, and make an agreement between yourselves.

At the moment you think you're doing a lot, but you really aren't and she maybe can't see beyond that at the moment.

You'd be happy for your kid to live with you even though you haven't had secure accomodation up until this alleged house move in January.

You were having your time with her at your ex's house so how could she live with you?

You're really defensive and you say things like 'be happy for her to live with me' but they are just words and not meaningful.

Did you push her? If so, then that is abusive, isn’t it?

Well if we had agreed that she lived with me it wouldn’t be me leaving the family home would it.
so no there not just words I’d love my daughter to live with me, but I also didn’t want to take her away from her mum and her mum wanted her to stay with her

so we came up with the current schedule we have, and I also told her any extra nights you need doing or help with let me know as I can’t currently do as many over nights as you.

This isn’t about how much or how little I do,
it’s about her finding fulfilment in London and there being more activities in London.

I could offer to have her every weekend and a night a week and she still would want to move to London, we have moved now 3 times since we met as she wasn’t fulfilled where she lived

I said that is the accusation, but no I didn’t- my point was these claims have never been mentioned until now

You can represent yourself in court. Not easy, but worth a try.

The answer to your question is that you'll need a prohibited steps order. It's possible to self represent. A previous poster has linked to the form you need. You're doing a standard amount of care at the moment and are making arrangements to move somewhere better for your daughter. I think people have missed that you do Friday - Sunday overnight and the current arrangements are what your ex has asked for. It reads to me that your ex would prefer an 'every other weekend' type arrangement but the starting point for child arrangements is now 50/50 as much as possible. The reasons your ex has given won't actually go down particularly well with a judge (family court is a lot of tooing and froing in a waiting room with the aim of the judge just rubber stamping the outcome so don't panic about self representing)

If you have a proper conversation with her I think, given all you said in your first post, you will find a lot of it is to do with how little you do, the fact you think parenting your own child is helping her out, and that you feel like you're giving her a break whilst not acknowledging everything she does.

Unless you either go to court, as posters above have advised, or talk to her properly and offer solutions, you won't get anywhere.

Ok that's cool. I don't think you can stop her moving though. Unless you go through the court.

You obviously left the family home because your spouse has her reasons. And who am I to argue?

Thank you I’ll have a look , she wouldn’t prefer an every other weekend arrangement while living near each other, her concern is moving not what the impact is

I don’t really understand how I can do more Im seeing my daughter as much as I can and as much as was agreed. And have always said if any extra nights you have plans or anything just let me know preferably with a days notice

Okay thanks,
yeah we broke up she didn’t love me anymore we struggled to find time to be a couple after having a baby, i focused more on being a dad and less on being a partner- I was working full time and studying full time remotely before we moved, so yeah I didn’t have much free time and we had no family or anyone close by to babysit etc so the relationship died out
im not claiming I was the best partner, Im just trying to be my daughters dad and be in her life

I think you’re doing as much as you can. You’re really looking out for your daughter more than some dads fo

At the moment you think you are doing 50% but you are only doing 50% of her time out of nursery based on what suits you and your schedule.
True 50% means overnights (mid week not just at weekends) and nursery drops offs and pick ups. The 'I can't as I start at 4.30am' is rubbish. As a true 50% parent you have to deal with this. You have to deal with sick days and days nursery is shut. If it's your day, you deal with it. You do the Dr and the dentist, you deal with buying new clothes and haircuts. The daily grind and the mental load. Mid week now, you're just baby sitting.

If you truly want her to stay nearby you need to be applying for shared equal custody on these terms. You'd have a better chance if her not being able to move away if you had shared custody.

A McKenzies friend is cheaper than a solicitor. They don't provide reguated legal advice, but kbow tgeir way round court systems and papers. Affordable Family Law is one example.

But clearly she is not seeing friends or socialising as much as you make out. She has to leave her home every evening to allow you access, when does she get to eat, chill, do any marking, admin or lesson prep, laundry, housework etc. It sounds hugely disruptive and requires a lot of planning on her part, Stop making out you are doing her such a favour by looking after your own child. Where does she go on her weekends “off”?

Can you give me a solution to me taking her to nursery when I start work at 4:30am then? Do I just tell my boss I’ll be 5 hours late ?

the days the nursery was shut where not my days hence why I mentioned it.
I didn’t say I do 50% i said I do what we agreed and what my living situation allows until January when we can rearrange it as I’ll have a flat for me and my daughter
i buy her clothes toys etc, iv took her to the doctor

my current situation is temporary I never said I be I 50%

but I do more than 4 days a month which is what it would reduce to.

I don’t receive benefits or child maintenance so do you propose I lower my income further to accommodate nursery drop offs ?

She doesn’t leave the home? I was saying things she does. Im not doing her a favour Im looking after my daughter ? When did I say I was doing her a favour

her weekends she usually goes partying in London

I would be more concerned about the fact that her mother is French and look at a prohibited steps order so she cannot be permanently removed from England and Wales without your consent

You realise most 2 year olds wake several times in the night?! You do sound dismissive of your ex partners work and parenting load. Also, a lot of excuses to not have DD overnight. Presumably you don’t work 7 days straight. If you really wanted to put the effort in you could arrange one night a week off with your work.

What are you on about i have her Friday to Sunday over night ?

my daughter sleeps all through the night has done since she was little ? not one weekend has she woke up when iv had her over night and her sleeping has never been an issue

I work 5 days a week the same as most people, Im just not office based so my hours vary

So eow you do two overnights? That is far from 50%. What about if she is unwell or nursery closed? Presumably she has an EU passport?

If you can't afford a lawyer, it might be worth it to borrow and pay it back later? You'll regret not trying later down the line.

Did I say I do 50%?
did you read anything i said- each time the nursery was closed I took the day off work to have her.
I said I see her 50% off the days I didn’t say I did 50% of over nights

but do you think because I don’t have her overnight due to my living arrangements which iv worked to secure a flat in January to change that.
I go and see every every second day during the week and do dinner bath play time bed,

we have a consistent and stable routine of seeing each other which is essential for a child. the baby is whats important not me not her mum. And her dad being a consistent reliable figure in her life is important and up until now i have seen her every second day

i feel like if I told you I had her 3 nights a week you’d still have a problem.
your acting like Im some dead beat dad- my daughter adores me, her mum has always said Im a great dad, non of this is about my parenting. Your making this entirely about the mum and her needs, it’s about my daughter and iv said to her mum anything more i can do I’ll do.
any extra days or nights I’ll do and have done.

she has a British passport as she was born here