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Original poster

I've been so stupid, im scared to death

494 replies

Scaredashell13 · 03/12/2025 17:36

Please don't judge, I've made a horrendously stupid mistake and im so scared what's going to happen to me and my two children.
A couple of years ago I had a breakdown and started gambling again (I started gambling after my 2nd dc was born but stopped after a year with help). A long story short, in the space of 9 months I stole approx 36k from my employer who happens to be a local authority. They found out and I was subsequently sacked. I admitted everything and provided all evidence they requested such as bank statements etc. I have now registered with Gamban and Gamcare, my Drs have increased my medication which helped me get out of the dark place I was in. I considered suicide almost daily but my two children are the only reason i'm here. I have since worked on myself and have a new job and doing well....until today. I came home to a court summons in the post with a court date just after Christmas. This will be the first hearing and i'm praying to God I'm not sent into custody. I am absolutely petrified and have been sick with the thought of not being with my children (age 12 and 15). I'm so scared. I dont have any family, I was raised in the care system. I dont have any friends I can confide in, and im a single parent. What do I tell my children, how do I tell my children? I could face a prison sentence up to 10 years. I have reached out to a solicitor today and hoping they'll contact me tomorrow. I feel like im already slipping back into that dark place. Im so stupid and I wish I could turn back time. I just want to hug my children and never let go.

OP posts:
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Spottyskunk · 03/12/2025 19:54

I've read the entire thread and possible punishments range from "a slap on the wrist" to a custodial sentence up to 10 years proving no one actually knows and it just serves to scare the living daylights out of the OP. It's a serious offence with high culpability and only OPs legal team can advise on a likely outcome but they don't know for certain either.

a family member was in this situation though admittedly for a lot more money which automatically raised the possible sentence. No money paid back and dependant children. They submitted a guilty plea but got 28 months custodial.

it's futile to say don't worry in a situation like this and as a pp said, if this was a man the reactions would have been very different. I would definitely start making plans for the children, my family member didn't, just walked out of the house one morning and didn't come back and the children were absolutely traumatised and still are.

I wish you all the best but a crime has been committed that affects us all ultimately.

CoffeeCantata · 03/12/2025 19:54

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 03/12/2025 18:00

I'm sorry to hear this, OP, I understand how stressful this must be.

What you did was obviously very wrong, but gambling is an addiction and it sounds like you were possibly very vulnerable at the time it happened.

I don't know what's likely to happen and you need to get proper legal advice, but the fact that you recognise your mistake and you're proactively engaging with help might help your case.

FWIW, I don't think there would be any public benefit in sending someone like you to prison. I'm not excusing what you did, but it sounds to me like you need help and not punishment.

I hope things work out ok for you.

Edited

As a tax and council tax payer I’d much rather you were allowed to work to repay what you stole rather than sent to prison to cost us even more!

I hope the courts see things that way too. Good luck.

Newyearawaits · 03/12/2025 19:57

blacksax · 03/12/2025 18:13

You did it whilst in the middle of a breakdown, and I believe that the courts do look differently at cases where severe mental health issues are the direct cause of the actions of the accused.

This and you have made every effort to turn your life around and you clearly love your children.
Life is a learning curve and the world is full of people who are kind and compassionate OP.
Seek legal advice (free of charge for people on low income /benefits).
Take care OP, you deserve the best possible outcome.
Sending you strength

JLou08 · 03/12/2025 19:58

The progress you have made will work in your favour and reduce the chance of a custodial sentence. Do not let yourself slip in to the dark place again. You've got this, you've come a really long way. I wouldn't speak to the children until you've had a discussion with your solicitor and have more of an idea of the potential outcomes. I'd also leave it until after Xmas, let them enjoy the festive period.

Birlngsnotnicepeople · 03/12/2025 20:01

Scaredashell13 · 03/12/2025 18:29

In my first interview with the anti corruption and fraud team at the workplace, I said I'd like to start repaying and asked how I could do this, they said theyd need to confirm the full amount. I haven't heard from them since June 2024 until today.

You do have an audit trail? emails?

Birlngsnotnicepeople · 03/12/2025 20:03

Scaredashell13 · 03/12/2025 19:21

Unfortunately I've not paid anything back yet, it took me some time to get back on my feet after losing my job and decline in M/H. I've been in my new job a year now and have just about managed to get back on track with debts/bills etc. I think stealing from a local authority is probably worse as it may seem like a victimless crime, in actual fact it would affect so many more as its technically public funds. They are claiming its over 50k but its actually 36k which my bank accounts have proven. What a utter mess. Im so ashamed

Again " they are claiming", there must be records?

Thisismynewname23 · 03/12/2025 20:04

Scaredashell13 · 03/12/2025 17:59

Thankyou for your kind words. I admitted to everything straight away, have said I will pay every penny back, and been complaint throughout it all. I know I made the foolish mistake and will have to face the consequences, I'm just scared now that its all becoming real and with very little time to prepare.

I couldn’t read and not stop to comment, I really hope that you get a suspended sentence while what you have done is so wrong I think the way you have faced up to it and sought help is admirable, you aren’t a risk to the public and your children rely on you I would hope a court would take this into account, especially if you now have a new job and are settled, it is easy to say but try not to worry yourself ill you have done really well so far

Drawmouse · 03/12/2025 20:04

I just want to say I think you have a huge amount to be proud of yourself for. I worked with someone in a local authority who made a very similar mistake. Didn't put their hands up and admit it and instead committed suicide. Leaving behind children who needed them, a devastated family & colleagues who will never be the same again. We don't care they stole, we know they only would have done something like that due to an addiction or some other huge pressures. We wish they told us. We would have helped. You have worked to get better, faced up to what you did, got another job. What more could you do really? Keep working to control your addiction, you are a good person, this too shall pass. You've plenty of chapters left in your story.

whitewinefriday · 03/12/2025 20:06

sickleaveornot · 03/12/2025 18:35

Surely you have to be interviewed by the police/charged before you can be given a court date?

That what I thought? Is it a magistrates/crown court summons?

AlwaysHopefull89 · 03/12/2025 20:07

Sorry to hear this. It’s sad how you are being punished still. Can you consider a lawyer? If you cooperated etc and provided all evidence when asked, you may find you actually have a very good case (thinking with my legal head). Try and get a good lawyer. It may even take just a letter from them to stop this getting worse, for example they can provide the evidence again etc. keep us updated OP try not to panic FlowersBrew

1976a · 03/12/2025 20:09

Addiction of any sort is awful and you are obviously taking steps to rectify this. I think/ hope court will
take this into account and you might receive a suspended sentence and a fine to pay back some/ all of the money over time.
keep attending gamblers anon, keep making those changes and as other posters have advised, please contact social care to support you through this and what might/ might not happen.

the fact that you have an addiction, have admitted guilt, will show remorse might just help you with a positive outcome.

i wish you well op. I completely understand how addiction can make people do things that they would never do in their right mind.

please stay strong and seek help with suicidal thoughts. Always refocus back to your children when those thoughts come in. See calm website.

try to focus on a nice Christmas with your children and please let us know how you get on x

AlwaysHopefull89 · 03/12/2025 20:09

Sorry posted too soon glad you have contacted a solicitor they should be able to help.

Blizzardofleaves · 03/12/2025 20:09

whitewinefriday · 03/12/2025 20:06

That what I thought? Is it a magistrates/crown court summons?

Show quote history

Crown court.

AlwaysHopefull89 · 03/12/2025 20:11

ComfortFoodCafe · 03/12/2025 18:02

Breathe just breathe. Go get in the shower it will help calm you down.
Honestly I know your thinking worse case situation, but the prisons are full they will not be sending someone of this sort of crime to prison unless they’ve not played along which you have. prison spaces are being saved the very worse type of criminal.

Show quote history

This

Birlngsnotnicepeople · 03/12/2025 20:12

You say you have no family or friends. Unless you are in a very rural area there must be people about. Work colleagues? Someody in a shop? A Church?

Don't isolate. Force yourself to ineract at a very light level.

AlwaysHopefull89 · 03/12/2025 20:18

PInkyStarfish · 03/12/2025 19:02

Similar here -

A council worker who stole more than £48,000 from the authority to fund her gambling habit has been jailed.
Kathryn Macdonald, 37, of Leckwith, Cardiff, used fake emails to divert Vale of Glamorgan Council tax money to her own bank account, a court heard.
She pleaded guilty to the theft of £48,391.38 and was jailed for 18 months at Cardiff Crown Court.
Recorder Peter Griffiths QC described her actions as "sophisticated, planned and a gross breach of trust".
Macdonald was employed by the council in June 2016 before being appointed as a revenue assistant the following year, giving her access to council tax databases.
Between November 2017 and April 2018 she targeted 19 accounts, raising council tax exemptions so it appeared as if residents were owed money.
Prosecutor Chris Evans said Macdonald would create a fictional email in a customer's name and contact the council requesting the money be paid to a bank account, but supply her own sort code and account number.

Macdonald was caught after an elderly man queried a detail on his account in April and she was arrested a month later.
Stephen Thomas, defending, said Macdonald was ashamed of what she had done and all the money had gone to cover her losses.
"There were no foreign holidays, no large household purchases. It all went on gambling - there's none left and there's no savings," he added.
Recorder Griffiths said: "What you did was steal £48,391.38 from the council that otherwise would have been used for all the diverse things councils do."
A council spokesman said the money was "intended to support vital services and infrastructure within the county" and Macdonald had been immediately suspended once the authority became aware of the theft.

Are you saying this is similar to OP’s case?

ahoyshipmate · 03/12/2025 20:20

Please get to a local Gamblers Anonymous meeting for support. That’ll also help with the hearing and shows commitment to recovery. Speaking as someone nearing 10 years in GA

Orangeoranges42 · 03/12/2025 20:27

Curiosity- how on earth do you manage to steal from the local authority?

can you plead guilty for a plea deal?

IsntItDarkOut · 03/12/2025 20:31

That other thread would be very helpful. There was lots of good advice on it.

How much would it cost to keep 2 children in care whilst putting their mum in prison. Seems counterproductive.

Tdcp · 03/12/2025 20:31

My partner is a gambling addict. It's a tough road but try not to be too hard on yourself. You have owned up to what you've done and you have been compliant which is the best course of action you could have taken. Being a single parent to two teens I would hope that you wouldn't receive prison time, a woman I know had a suspended sentence and community service for the same reason and for a similar crime. The fact that you have taken and are continuing to take steps to beat the addiction should also help your case.

I wish you all the best OP.

Hotflushesandchilblains · 03/12/2025 20:33

OP, have you heard about Gam Learn? They are a charity who specifically help people going through legal issues because of problem gambling. They are really nice and would be really supportive -

https://www.gamlearn.org.uk/

cloudbusting12 · 03/12/2025 20:35

Agree with PP’s and that I think everything you have done will go in your favour. Stay strong and keep complying and it will go in your favour. Also book in with the doctors to discuss how you are feeling.
Addictions are horrible things and you sound like you are doing your best.

superchick · 03/12/2025 20:40

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Rituelec · 03/12/2025 20:46

OP i know this is scary but please dont panic. You need to be strong. Tell them everything here x

AlwaysHopefull89 · 03/12/2025 20:49

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Not helpful in the slightest.

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