I've been so stupid, im scared to death

[Scaredashell13]

Please don't judge, I've made a horrendously stupid mistake and im so scared what's going to happen to me and my two children.
A couple of years ago I had a breakdown and started gambling again (I started gambling after my 2nd dc was born but stopped after a year with help). A long story short, in the space of 9 months I stole approx 36k from my employer who happens to be a local authority. They found out and I was subsequently sacked. I admitted everything and provided all evidence they requested such as bank statements etc. I have now registered with Gamban and Gamcare, my Drs have increased my medication which helped me get out of the dark place I was in. I considered suicide almost daily but my two children are the only reason i'm here. I have since worked on myself and have a new job and doing well....until today. I came home to a court summons in the post with a court date just after Christmas. This will be the first hearing and i'm praying to God I'm not sent into custody. I am absolutely petrified and have been sick with the thought of not being with my children (age 12 and 15). I'm so scared. I dont have any family, I was raised in the care system. I dont have any friends I can confide in, and im a single parent. What do I tell my children, how do I tell my children? I could face a prison sentence up to 10 years. I have reached out to a solicitor today and hoping they'll contact me tomorrow. I feel like im already slipping back into that dark place. Im so stupid and I wish I could turn back time. I just want to hug my children and never let go.

Very similar situation with this poster a year ago:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/other_subjects/5171626-what-to-expect-for-sentencing-at-court-on-friday?page=1

@Ladieunlucky hope you’re doing ok!!

Well apparently not according to a post from the OP prior to yours.

If this offers comfort OP, there is a push to reduce the numbers of women receiving custodial sentences in recognition that they often have complex needs (history of trauma, addiction and MH problems, as you do) and the negative impact on their children.
It is now thought more appropriate to use community based approaches, and to offer support to prevent reoffending rather than prison.
Given this, plus your history, cooperation and health issues, I think you have reason to be optimistic.
If you google womensservicesmap you can find support for women facing the criminal justice system in various locations in the UK. You can select the one nearest to you and call them for help and advice.

@Loobyloolovesandypandy

Your mother was clearly an addict and your childhood sounds dreadful. I’m sorry to hear that. The OP has admitted to an addiction and not gambled by seeking support from professionals and being incredibly strong.

She is doing her best.

I write as someone who’s on the other side of an addiction. It’s been incredibly hard to get to this point. It sounds the same for OP.

Hopefully the court will work with probation to get a lesser sentence for you. We've all done daft things in desperation. I was in court 5 years ago for an offence whilst grieving the loss of my twin sister. I was very lucky not to get a custodial sentence due to the nature of the crime. I know it's easier said than done but worrying won't change the outcome. You've already held your hands up which the court will take into consideration

Were you gambling with a UK licensed operator OP?

They are required to check your source of funds, ie where you were getting the money from to lose 36K. It sounds like you were effectively
gambling with, and the operator was accepting "proceeds of crime".

You are still guilty of course of theft but the LA should be able to get some money back from the operator/s you played with so you yourself are unlikely to have to pay any of it back.

The theft will probably land you with a suspended sentence.

Understand that you can never gamble again, ever.

I think you are unlikely to get a custodial sentence if you have children and have owned up to stealing and had an addiction you are trying to overcome. This assumes it is a first offence. If your Doctor can speak for you this will help. The prisons are full and you are not dangerous so I doubt they will send you there. See what the solicitor says. You may have to tell your children and tell social services though just in case the worst happens. I hope it all goes ok for you.

I'm afraid i also think it's poor that you have paid nothing back. No plans, no attempt to offer a payment plan. You stole what is more than for many people more than a years salary, pre-tax. That would not sit well with me if i was looking at this case. Your post on here seems to only be about you, nothing about remedy/restoration.

Op you've got some good advice here.

Not much to add, but just to say I do really feel for you. I can hear the fear and panic in your posts. Well done for getting helping.

OP, you’ve been dealt a very tough hand in life. I wish you all the best.

Wicked addiction. Deep breaths and take one day at a time

You mention medication? It might be worth asking the solicitor if your condition impacted your impulse control, along with your cooperation could be considered as mitigation?

I just wanted to express my real sympathy for you and say you have to take this one step at a time. I think it is very unlikely you will have a custodial sentence, the solicitor will be able to help you get your case together. And have you been to gamblers anonymous? You need a regular outlet where people understand what you dealing with and can show you compassion. Berating yourself is the worst thing you can do if you are trying to move past an addiction. Compassion is key, from others and to yourself. Know that many people have been in your position before and come through, without as good a reason to as you as well (your two children). Don’t worry about what you may have to tell them now, that’s a future problemn and one I don’t think is likely to come to pass. Be strong, you can do this xxx

I hope you are able to recover your fraud losses, because otherwise who pays? Your insurance policy holders, who already pay a premium. I am so tired of people stealing from me. Fuck it. They live in a society where there is a part expectation that individuals cover their costs and losses, be it car, house, medical, life insurance. Society cannot cover losses from all of these situations. Is prison ideal? Probably not. Do I think these offences, potential and convicted should be declared? Yes. I know many think that a little take here and there is not important, but it is when it comes down to integrity and honesty.

If you have not done so already you need to arrange to repay the money, even if you can only afford small amounts each month. This shows you trying to put things right. I do not think 'having a breakdown and taking up gambling for the second time' is going to help you much as a defence, but no doubt the solicitor will advise. From the sentencing guidelines it looks as though the starting point may be a prison sentence but that does not mean you will actually go to prison. Assuming you plead guilty or are found guilty a pre-sentence report will be done by a probation officer. If custody is considered the sentence may be suspended. The impact on your children will be part of the probation officer's report, since imprisoning you would punish your innocent children and leave them without family support, and one would hope that this will be a significant factor in deciding the sentence. The fact that you were in the care system may also be a mitigating factor. I am sorry you got this news in the run up to Christmas and I hope you get good advice from the solicitor, please get help from GP to cope if you need it.

Oh OP, I really feel for you. You have done extremely well to get things back on track. I'm not sure I would have that strength, so I am genuinely impressed by that - and I imagine a court would take that into account.

I think the crucial thing now is not to spiral - so you need to be really active in taking steps every single day to keep your MH on track as much as possible. If there are things that you know make you feel even 1% better, do them as a non-negotiable priority every day - whether that's getting outside, exercise, washing your hair - whatever lifts you a little.

I'd get pen and paper and physically write down a list of every source of support you have (Gambling organisations you can speak to, Samaritans, local church - there are probably people there to offer a friendly ear if you are desperate even if you are not religious). Every single day between now and your court appearance, reach out to one of these sources and talk out loud about what's on your mind - don't keep it in, don't let yourself bury your head in denial (as that's when things get really scary) and let them help you make a plan.

You will need to tell your children, but the state of mind you are in when you do that will likely determine how they cope - they will take their lead from you.

I really wish you the best, OP. 💐

You really need to start paying the money back, OP. You don't need any form of confirmation from your former employers, just start sending them the money, by cheque if necessary. Keep a record of what you pay so that the court can be told about it.

All I can do is send you wishes that you get a suspended sentence. I am sure all your efforts with sorting your life out will help you.

I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this and understandably are worried for your children.

However I don't think it is helpful for other posters to try to predict the outcome of your case. Only the judge can do that. Of course people are trying to be sympathetic and supportive, I am concerned that it may lead you to believe things may go a certain way and if they don't where does that leave you?! There is nothing wrong with hoping for the best but anonymous posters can't say if you will get a suspended/custodial/ other sentence.

Speak to your solicitor and get proper advice then take it from there. Stay balanced and focused.

Are you engaging with children’s services? This may be helpful for them to be aware of and advise on. It sounds very stressful, but whatever happens it will pass in time! Your children need you, wherever you are and however things end up

Talk to your solicitor and be absolutely honest with them. They will be best placed to advise you about possible outcomes.

Nearer the time you will need to talk to your children about what is happening. They will need to be prepared for different possible scenarios.

The fact you have a job will go in your favour. Are your new employers aware of the situation?

If you can possibly do it, between now and when you are sentenced which might be some time away, consider paying back the amount in full.

If you were to do this or even have made substantial inroads to doing so without a court order, this would work in your favour - and show you have taken full accountability for your actions.

It will be harder for the Judge hearing your case to throw the book at someone showing such determination to put things right.

You come across as very genuine in expressing your regret and wish to remedy to your actions. However, you've made no attempts to start making repayments in a years time. This could affect your credibility as rtp how genuinely sorry you are. I would get on with this right away.

Agree with PP the money needs to be repaid unless you have tried to get that ball rolling already?

Respectfully, how have you been "fully compliant" if you haven't paid a penny back and have been waiting over a year for them to get back to you? You should have been asking and chasing.

Other than that, I wish you luck. Looking online it seems to be a total mish mash of outcomes ranging from suspended sentences to a few years in prison. Sincerely hope your kids are OK.