I've been so stupid, im scared to death

[Scaredashell13]

Please don't judge, I've made a horrendously stupid mistake and im so scared what's going to happen to me and my two children.
A couple of years ago I had a breakdown and started gambling again (I started gambling after my 2nd dc was born but stopped after a year with help). A long story short, in the space of 9 months I stole approx 36k from my employer who happens to be a local authority. They found out and I was subsequently sacked. I admitted everything and provided all evidence they requested such as bank statements etc. I have now registered with Gamban and Gamcare, my Drs have increased my medication which helped me get out of the dark place I was in. I considered suicide almost daily but my two children are the only reason i'm here. I have since worked on myself and have a new job and doing well....until today. I came home to a court summons in the post with a court date just after Christmas. This will be the first hearing and i'm praying to God I'm not sent into custody. I am absolutely petrified and have been sick with the thought of not being with my children (age 12 and 15). I'm so scared. I dont have any family, I was raised in the care system. I dont have any friends I can confide in, and im a single parent. What do I tell my children, how do I tell my children? I could face a prison sentence up to 10 years. I have reached out to a solicitor today and hoping they'll contact me tomorrow. I feel like im already slipping back into that dark place. Im so stupid and I wish I could turn back time. I just want to hug my children and never let go.

This is really nasty. She feels bad enough - no need to put the boot in and bring her kids into it. Maybe follow Thumper - if you cant say something nice, dont say nothing at all.

Talk about kicking someone in the teeth when they're already down.

Please don’t be too hard on yourself, everyone makes mistakes in life.

I wonder if it might have been better to have kept your thoughts to yourself on this occasion. This is not AIBU. The OP has not invited strangers to give their opinion on her actions. She’s posted because she’s frightened and upset. We know that the OP has had mental health problems in the past. We know that she doesn’t have support from family or friends. We also know that she feels ashamed of her actions. We know that she is working at putting right the mistake she made.

Which bit of that made you think ‘I’ll tell OP exactly how terrible she is’. She already thinks she is terrible- you don’t need to tell her.

Speak to a solicitor. They will know more but you have co-operated every step of the way, so it must be unlikely that you will be held in custody.

When you have taken all the steps that you can, try not to envisage the worst scenario in your head.

If it doesn't happen-you will have lived through it already in your imagination.
If it should happen, then you will have to deal with it.

Nothing has happened yet though from their side and won't until after Christmas. You have time , a space to get expert advice, and when you have done all that you can, let it rest.

I know that is going to be almost impossible to do. I would find it so too

I have imagined some horrible scenarios for myself, made myself ill, lived it all out in my head, painting the blackest picture I could. I lived every minute of it, I experienced it all, it was all real-it might have well have happened because my imagination made it real. I ran towards trouble.

It has never been as bad as I painted it to be, bad but not the horrors I imagined. What did I gain from that-dangerously high blood pressure, sleepless nights and weight loss.

If I had my time again, I would give myself an easier time. If the axe is going to fall it will, you don't need numerous dress rehearsals.

I don't think it is going to be as bad as you think.

I found that quite hard to read. I'm not sure you are describing anything that op has not thought herself.
The point of them posting is to find a way to make that good.
If someone says to you "I'm sorry, how can I make it better" then it is hurtful and callous to respond by describing in fine detail what they have done wrong. This is what the judge might do at trial, sure, but we are not being asked for judgement.
We are being asked how to move forward with those things.
Your post is really hurtful, enough to tip someone. Just why?

I hope you don't go to prison because it would be extremely counterproductive and would cost us all a lot more money. For a start, it could cost over 4 or 5 times the amount you stole just to accommodate your children in care. Hopefully the court will take a sensible approach.
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Well you can pat yourself on the back for being an absolute nasty piece of work.

You need to make sure you have a solicitor for court, is it magistrates or county court?
Essentially on the first appearance it will most likely get adjourned, if you enter a plea , this will be for a PSR (pre sentence report to take place). It could also be adjourned for pleas to be entered at the next appearance . You need to ensure that the solicitor requests a psychological assessment to be done. When probation contact you for the PSR you also need to make them aware of all the above.

Hold your head high. Gambling addiction is awful and more common in care leavers. You have got yourself out of that place, back into work and are clearly very thoughtful about the impact on your children. There’s a lot of support for you here. You don’t need to go back to that dark place. Be prepared for the court date to change, to feel messed around a bit. That happens quite a lot. As many have said here, the most likely outcome is a suspended sentence. Ask for help, take all the help offered. Ask the solicitor about how to tell the children and what help is available to you for that. Wishing you lots of luck.

As others have said op - a day at a time be practical - think only in practical terms.

Until you know what the sentence is - stay calm. You are doing the best things to avoid prison. There is a massive crisis in our prisons they don't have room for more prisoners - this will hopefully go in your favour

Look at it this way - even if you got a prison sentence - it's better for your children that you come out one day than you are actually gone forever for them

People go to prison and come out stronger - a very close friend of mine did two years in prison and has changed his life since. We can only step day by day in life.

There is a very good charity called Children Heard and Seen btw if you do get a custodial sentence.

I think you won't - and I think you can move on with your life. Keep doing the right thing and see if you can get a lot of good character witnesses to stand for you.

By the way - growing up in care is of course an adverse life experience. you had it harder than most - here you are trying to make things different - just do what you can, acknowledge you had challenges and that will be linked to your addictions.

It's not your fault, but you can choose a different path going forward. Put aside the shame and just think whatever happens your kids will benefit from you being alive!

I have no advice but just wanted to send you best wishes, you're understandably very frightened and anxious just now and I can only feel for you.

I work in Fraud Management (civil - insurance).
Naturally, I can’t discuss specifics but I recently had a case where the stolen amount was £140k and the individual involved received a suspended sentence.
Whether prison time is helpful in these instances in a contentious and separate matter, but I am seeing that it’s increasingly difficult to secure jail time (unless the fraud puts the public at risk) at present due to the current landscape of our prison system.
Breathe, liaise with you solicitor, and cooperate entirely.
You should be ok. Expect a confiscation order if you have any assets.

I hope PP are correct that you will receive a suspended sentence, and it does seem likely given your mitigating factors. Keep going, think of your children and hopefully in the New Year this will no longer be hanging over your head. Reach out for support if you need it. Samaritans, church anyone. Look after yourself.

You’re doing so well @Scaredashell13 and are much stronger than you know. Please try not to run through all the ‘what if’ scenarios.
Your solicitor will be able to advise on the most likely outcome and you can prepare for that once you know.

Keep strong and take one day at a time. Read and re-read the encouraging posts here and focus on how you’ve turned things around.

Wishing you all the very best.

Just keep cooperating - keep being honest about your life and your struggles and the all the good work you are doing to combat that. Keep expressing how you know you made a terrible mistake and that you are truly sorry and trying to rectify those mistakes and be a valuable member of society and most importantly a mum raising two well mannered and adjusted children despite everything that’s happened to you.

I expect there will be a conviction but hope and pray you will get a suspended sentence. Your actions show remorse and I think any judge would show leniency.

but whatever you do do NOT go backwards. You owe it to your children to be there for them.

Keep doing what you are doing. You've done amazingly well to recover and move on with your life. This will be a challenge but you can face it and handle it, you've proved already how strong you are.just take it one step at a time

You are an inspiration in how you’ve faced your addiction and come through the other side. That takes enormous strength and courage. I hope things work out for you.

You have several mitigating circumstances OP. You admitted your actions & started to do what you could to put it right as soon as possible.

It’s in nobody’s interest to see you in prison.

When you meet with your solicitor, tell them 100% of the truth & let them take the strain. That’s what they’re expert at & paid for.

Ultimately, since the theft, you’ve done everything right. There’s very little you can do to change things now.

FWIW, assuming this is a first offence, I don’t see you getting custodial time.

My dad had a few addictions OP, one was gambling, luckily for us he doesn't know how to do online gambling and our local bookies closed last month. local
it was horses, fruit machines, and those new ones where you can put notes and your card inside.

He didn't steal from anyone, but definitely borrowed £10 here or £20 there from "friends" when he was in the shop and said he's pay it back but didnt, because he couldn't.

I think it's one of the most crippling addictions and not enough is spoken about it at all.

my dad slowed down the last few years but I still remember him not leaving his bed for days, almighty rows between my parents, him finding any betting shop if we went shopping or on holiday, hundreds of those tiny argos/bookies pens everywhere.

I'm sure this has been a huge wake-up to what you could lose.
I don't think you'll get jail, a big fine and suspended sentence and perhaps a payment plan to repay your employer.

look back on this thread if you're tempted again x

@Scaredashell13

No judgement here.

A good solicitor will be able to help. Sadly some are rubbish so do not be afraid to change.

Come back and let us know how you are doing. I agree with other posters - our prisons are full and you have not physically hurt anyone.

Please contact The Samaritans if you have any more dark thoughts. It will help you to talk it out several times. You can and will get through this.

I am not 100% sure but based on what you have said (no police interview, charging decision etc) the court summons you have received is likely to be a civil claim rather than a criminal prosecution. As such it is an attempt to claim the money back and would not result in a criminal record and prison sentence. You could post a picture and I could tell you or your solicitor will confirm tomorrow.

If it's a summons after an interview with the fraud team as the OP describes, it is undoubtedly criminal. If it were a civil case it wouldn't be a summons, it would be a notice of hearing.