I've been so stupid, im scared to death

[Scaredashell13]

Please don't judge, I've made a horrendously stupid mistake and im so scared what's going to happen to me and my two children.
A couple of years ago I had a breakdown and started gambling again (I started gambling after my 2nd dc was born but stopped after a year with help). A long story short, in the space of 9 months I stole approx 36k from my employer who happens to be a local authority. They found out and I was subsequently sacked. I admitted everything and provided all evidence they requested such as bank statements etc. I have now registered with Gamban and Gamcare, my Drs have increased my medication which helped me get out of the dark place I was in. I considered suicide almost daily but my two children are the only reason i'm here. I have since worked on myself and have a new job and doing well....until today. I came home to a court summons in the post with a court date just after Christmas. This will be the first hearing and i'm praying to God I'm not sent into custody. I am absolutely petrified and have been sick with the thought of not being with my children (age 12 and 15). I'm so scared. I dont have any family, I was raised in the care system. I dont have any friends I can confide in, and im a single parent. What do I tell my children, how do I tell my children? I could face a prison sentence up to 10 years. I have reached out to a solicitor today and hoping they'll contact me tomorrow. I feel like im already slipping back into that dark place. Im so stupid and I wish I could turn back time. I just want to hug my children and never let go.

I’m not an expert on this by any means but a court is a public service and should not by its actions be creating more problems than it solves. A prison sentence in your case would seem to be against the best interests of your children and your cooperation should also go in your favour. I hope so anyway, good luck OP.

OP i am so sorry you’re going through this. I truely am.
Gambling addiction is not something to be taken lightly and through no fault of your own it draws you in.
Ive been through it too, not to the same circumstances as you, but I completely understand how easily it is to get drawn in.

The steps you’ve taken are amazing and I truely believe your cooperation to work with them, your life circumstances and your remorse will all go in your favour.
If you were denying it all or not working with them to pay it back yeah different story, but your not and the courts will see that.

people commit far worse in say benefit fraud for example and don’t go to prison so I honestly believe you will be spared.

In regards to your children, do you have anyone to help?

Gambling is a mental illness and this needs to be put out there.

How much have you already paid back?

I've never had a gambling problem, thank God, but I do remember when I was in Vegas and feeling a bit tired and done one night around 10pm and thinking I might just leave my friends and go to bed. Then I had a quick go on one of the machines and won a fair amount, and my mood instantly changed. It wasn't even about the money, it was the good luck. Suddenly I felt much more energetic and decided to stay and have another drink and a wander round and all that.

I can absolutely see how it happens.

We’ve all made mistakes , small, big and massive . However I think you have learnt a massive lesson and I really don’t think you’ll go to prison . As for your children , I don’t think they need to know/worry until you have worked out what will happen to them if you do get sent down . Ie where they will stay and who with . When you know for sure what will happen , then tell them the truth . Please keep us informed on here . You’ve made a mistake , forgive yourself and grow . Don’t be hard on yourself. Now is the time you step up , be strong , determined for the sake of yourself but mostly your children . Youll get through this .

No, for those saying remorse etc will count in your favour - you do not understand the law when it comes to public funds. The OP set out to deliberately defraud a public authority.

I did not know the severity of this either. It turns out that fraud by abuse of position (which is what this is) in the UK nearly always mean prison time.

https://www.cps.gov.uk/prosecution-guidance/fraud-act-2006#a10

Given she's still denying that she stole some of the money and given she has not paid it back, she's probably going to do time.

Fraud by abuse of position is treated with extreme severity in the UK and is considered a grievous breach of trust. I've been doing a little online searching and it's actually surprisingly clear cut and straightforward and most of the time those found guilty of this crime do go to prison.

If she is found guilty she could be immediately put in prison, like IMMEDIATELY, with no delay at all.

So the OP needs to get social services involved and figure out a safety net for her children.

Not a penny.

And she's calling it "foolish" and "being stupid", when in fact it was a deliberate criminal act. That does not sound like remorse, but it does sound like minimising.

I don't want her to go to prison, for the sake of her kids and because child rapists literally walk free regularly in the UK. But there's a good chance she will and all this woe is me is not going to help.

She needs to get social services involved this instant, as she says she has nobody else to look after her kids.

@Scaredashell13 someone mentioned Children Heard and Seen - worth contacting them, and possibly Women in Prison, another charity. Both can give you an understanding of the process if you do get a prison sentence, and will be able to either support you and your children, or signpost you. They will also have an understanding of the context and won’t be armchair detectives like some pp. There are lots of women in prison for gambling related crimes unfortunately, so understanding is improving. Keep focusing on what you’re doing, there will always be people who don’t understand and who want to take the opportunity to put the boot in. Ignore them. Good luck.

And finally OP, denying your criminal activity won't help you one bit. I hope that by now you have some sort of safety net in place for your kids, given this thread was started in December.

I don’t think it’s “obvious” at all. It’s possible but like a pp pointed out, there was nothing forcing OP to share that detail so why would she?

If it’s denial on OP’s part, I’m sure that will come out in court. We are not the court. “You took it and don’t want to admit it” is a totally unnecessary accusation that the pp has no evidence for, only a suspicion. How is it helpful? “OP, do you think you might be in denial?” Might have been a fairer question, but that’s not what she said.

No. There are two separate issues. OP wants gambling companies to stick to their own rules on safer gambling. If negligence can be proved, the funds she spent would be refunded - OP simply wants them returned to the LA.

The forensic accountant uncovered the additional amount. I assume the OP was advised to start making repayments as this would be looked upon favourably in court.

She did say that she's started paying it back. Though she's refused to say how much and, as of about five weeks hadn't even set up a payback plan, so I'm assuming it is very little (or none and she's just set up a plan but not actually started paying any back). Given that this happened years ago, I suspect that this delay in even setting up a plan to pay back (and possibly not having paid anything back at all), will not be looked at favourably.

Just in case you do go to prison, there is a charity that supports children with a parent in prison. https://childrenheardandseen.co.uk

could be worth a look at.

You do understand you can’t just pop it into an envelope and send it back, right? Private businesses will sometimes accept direct repayments but public sector accounting is often not able to, and they will only accept returned payments via a court order. The OP doesn’t says whether this is the case here but it’s not automatically indicative of her willingness that nothing has been paid back. It’s also unsurprising that she doesn’t have the funds to pay back such a substantial sum.

Obviously making repayments before court would go in her favour, so if she was able to do so, I’d imagine she would.

According to one of our posts she said she has paid nothing back, because "reasons".

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/legal_matters/5454215-ive-been-so-stupid-im-scared-to-death?reply=148944196&utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

You know what l hope ? That you read back through your posts and ask yourself what it is exactly that you’re getting out of relentlessly putting the boot in to an OP who’s here asking for advice. There’s clearly an axe to grind but l’m finding it really difficult to see what it is that would make you so openly hostile to someone you’ve never met and don’t know the first thing about, beyond what she’s telling us.

Op wants the funds returned to the LA by the gambling companies so it reduces her debt to the LA, in short.

Your comment wasn't relevant to anything I said. She has paid nothing back, according to her own post (linked in previous comment) because "reasons".

Yes, back in December, she said that. Today, she said that she's started to pay it back - so has started sometime in the last 6ish weeks.

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I wish you all the best OP.

Yep. It's a bold move to be fair, and again shows (to me) that she does not accept any blame at all for what she's done. The more I read her words, the more I see it. I just feel so sorry for her kids.

I’m not sure why you think suggesting two obvious reasons why she may not have made any repayments isn’t relevant, but ok.

Ah, apologies. I missed that because I was distracted by her apparent plan to somehow convince the gambling companies with whom she chose to spend stolen money to give the money she stole back to the public authority she stole from.

Actually, you're right. I apologise.