I've been so stupid, im scared to death

[Scaredashell13]

Please don't judge, I've made a horrendously stupid mistake and im so scared what's going to happen to me and my two children.
A couple of years ago I had a breakdown and started gambling again (I started gambling after my 2nd dc was born but stopped after a year with help). A long story short, in the space of 9 months I stole approx 36k from my employer who happens to be a local authority. They found out and I was subsequently sacked. I admitted everything and provided all evidence they requested such as bank statements etc. I have now registered with Gamban and Gamcare, my Drs have increased my medication which helped me get out of the dark place I was in. I considered suicide almost daily but my two children are the only reason i'm here. I have since worked on myself and have a new job and doing well....until today. I came home to a court summons in the post with a court date just after Christmas. This will be the first hearing and i'm praying to God I'm not sent into custody. I am absolutely petrified and have been sick with the thought of not being with my children (age 12 and 15). I'm so scared. I dont have any family, I was raised in the care system. I dont have any friends I can confide in, and im a single parent. What do I tell my children, how do I tell my children? I could face a prison sentence up to 10 years. I have reached out to a solicitor today and hoping they'll contact me tomorrow. I feel like im already slipping back into that dark place. Im so stupid and I wish I could turn back time. I just want to hug my children and never let go.

If you do go jail it won’t be for long and it will help cause you cannot gamble anymore. It’s just one of those things op, your kids will be fine it’s a mistake but you have to face the consequences.
you aren’t the first and won’t be the last but these things pass.

Regardless of what you’ve done, you’re still human and are allowed to feel scared about what will happen to you and your children. Do you have anyone who can care for them? I went to college with a lady who went to prison. We only found out after 2yrs as she was having problems getting a job (the college employed her in the end after the tutor vouched for her). It was a drugs related crime. Her son survived. She still had a good relationship with him when she came out, and she rebuilt her life. She served 4yrs for a drug related crime (her partner was a dealer and she was aware).

You could have knocked me down with a feather when she told us. I was completely flabbergasted and it totally changed my opinion as prior to that I just assumed everyone in prison was a certain type of person. Now I know it’s much deeper than that. Are there any charities that help people prepare for prison sentences? Please stay strong for your children. You will get through this. Like my college friend did, and she came out the other side and rebuilt her life.

OP didn’t even need to mention the increased amount on this thread at all, so why would she make this part up. She clearly had access to a work card / bank account to make purchases. If she didn’t, she wouldn’t have had access in the first place. Her ex workplace should be able to reconcile this. I’d be admitting to what I took only and not start telling lies.

OP, so sorry you're facing this and don't have people IRL to support you. I wonder if social services could signpost you to a support organisation. Might be worth a try. 💐

I work for an LA and I am almost certain that no LA would be adding non-existent amounts in this way. Saying that the LA is trying to steal money from the OP so it cancels it out is ridiculous.

I imagine that the OP made purchases using the LA system which can't be accounted for. Just because the money didn't go into her account doesn't mean she didn't spend it on personal items. I'm not saying she did or didn't, I'm just saying it could have been. For example, if I had an LA credit card to use for work purposes, I could use it to buy equipment for the office, which is valid. Or I could use it to buy new furniture for my house. Which clearly is theft.

@Scaredashell13 you need to talk to your solicitor about the audit trails in your former workplace. If you genuinely didn't steal the additional money then there will be a way of proving this. It's a huge amount of money so there must be invoices and receipts. It's not as though you forgot to get a car park receipt and claimed for your parking anyway. Although in my LA I wouldn't even be able to claim for a £2 car park charge without providing a receipt.

It isn't because the op is a female I'm saying this. But she hasn't killed or hurt anyone. It's not a good thing to do but it's not like she's stolen from a vulnerable person.

She's admitted fault and is trying to put it right. And they seem truly remorseful.

I see no point in kicking op further when they are clearly down.

They were obviously in mental distress and it can make people act out in all kinds of ways.

Op as to how you tell your children, I'd maybe get involved with a gambling charity. They should have advice.

It was very wrong of you to do what you did but you know that and don't need a pile on.

Mumsnet is very black and white thinking sometimes. Try get some counselling too if the gambling charity offer it, I think you could do with it.

Maybe ask social services for some help as well.

I doubt you'll get sent to prison, especially if there is no one else to look after your children. Just learn from this, seek support when your mental health is going down the drain and keep on your meds.

Some people do have addictive personalities, just be mindful of that when you are going through your next bout of stress. The brain likes to clasp onto things it can control when you feel out of control. But unfortunately the gambling got out of control too.

Have a go at practicing mindfulness. Also try youtube for meditation videos. Try pura rasa, she's very soothing. This should help calm the turmoil.

I wish you the very best, I truly believe you are remorseful.

The OP has got in touch with GamLearn and they have provided her with support, which is great.

OP I have nothing to add except to wish you all the luck in the world. You were in a bad place, you were mentally ill, you’re genuinely remorseful, you’re getting help, you’re repaying the money. There’s no way I’d jail you if I was a judge. I hope it all goes well for you.

It can’t be reconciled by OP because she has no access to the data. Isn’t it correct that up to this time she has been prevented from accessing the data which will show her innocence?

It won’t be reconciled by her former employer because it will suit them to see if they can pin it on her. Isn’t that correct that the LA have this opportunity to put all unreconciled transactions onto OP?

Your pompous and hectoring post shows a very ugly side to your character.

Which she may well have done. She has gone into denial and isn’t clear about how much she took. It may be far more than she hopes it is.

OP I’m really sorry for the mess you’re in. Nothing we can say about what you did that you’ll not have already thought. Even in the worst of times though there’s positives. You’ll know your fate soon and can begin to rebuild with more certainty thereafter. People can and do, do absolutely daft things. But no one has died. It’s going to be horrendous meanwhile but remember that. I’m just glad your love for your children has kept you going. Losing you, all they have on top would be far worse. You will need to prepare them for the court case. Chances are the press will cover it too but keep focused and try to ignore that aspect as much as you can.
Not hopeful the companies will repay your former employer anything. Good luck and hoping you’ll get through, one day at a time.

I agree with @GrooveArmada i think the op is in denial. There is no way from her account that she was responsible enough for that money to be used on work expenses. They may uncover more. This is a serious crime, I am afraid. Op may be trying her story out on here to see how it goes down.

If ip was that addicted to gambling she would have neglected her home and family, so the children will have had to suffer through her addiction. Addictions always come first. It isn’t
that I am unsympathetic it is that addicts often don’t see or acknowledge the impact of their addiction on others. It is one thing to say that you have changed it is something else altogether to actually change.

Flabbergasting some of you think her employer would just make her responsible for unacccounted £31k and are failing to see that unaccounted £31k being the issue the employer wouldn't and couldn't risk in the first place, it's entirely unfeasible unless it was indeed stolen. Nothing to do with being pompous, you need to stop being emotional and look at it calmly.

OP has no idea because she said she's never been interviewed by the Police...

Im sure you mean well but it's irresponsible to tell someone what the outcome will be. Unless you're the judge, you can't predict with certainty

Sorry you want the gambling companies to pay back money you stole?

All the best to you going forward Op. Regardless of the punishment you receive this is something that will follow you for the rest of your life and I feel for you.

OP I suggest you contact school or social work to ask about procedures for children being accommodated with foster carers if you do get a custodial sentence. Be aware, the children might be separated temporarily, until a suitable placement can be found

Of course it's necessary! It's pretty obvious OP took the whole £78 grand. She's not facing up to that

I have absolutely no intention of using this thread in any other means than what its here for....support & advice. I dont intend to provide the whole case summary on here, I have provided the main points. Whether you believe me or not is of no value to my situation. I am not asking for your verdict especially as you do not know all the context surrounding the case. You are entitled to your opinion but I'm asking for advice regarding my children. I'm not asking for you to imagine you are the judge & jury. Thank you to everyone else who has provided kind words and advice.

They have to prove beyond doubt that you took the full £78k for yourself, it isn't for you to prove. You've accepted the amount shown in your statement.

Re your children: have you got a practical solution for where they will be if you are given a custodial sentence? With their dad or another family member? Also find out as much info as you can about the process. There was a podcast series about prison a couple of years ago. I think it's called Banged Up. Listen to that - the main presenters were in a male prison but at least one episode they interview women who have been inside to give that perspective.

Try to find out what the process will be so you can reassure the kids as to when you are likely to be able to let them know where you are / how often you will be able to speak with them / how they will be able to visit you etc. And also promise them you will keep your head down while inside, stay safe and get out as soon as you can (usually at half time with good behaviour).

But also - make sure your team are bolstering your case not to go inside. The plea will help, as will regular repayments/ remorse/ treatment for addiction / absence of previous convictions. Get some character references from people who can talk to that. If your children are going to struggle without you the court needs to know about that as well.

Best of luck

OP, as others are saying I really think the likelihood of a custodial sentence that you actually have to serve is very low. Make sure you ask your solicitor the likelihood of you actually having to serve any prison time. It sounds like they’ve been good (eg seeking adjournment due to last minute prosecution dump, even though it’s dragged it out longer). You will get through this, you’ve come this far.

Echoing others saying who on earth are the holier than thou weirdo users who have come late to the chat and piling in trying to kick you when you’re down… Ignore. Anyone with half a heart, life experience and a brain can see there’s more to this situation

Given your willingness to cooporate, the extenuating circumstances surrounding your gambling problem & the unrest it would cause to your children, then I think it is EXTREMELY unlikely you will receive a custodian sentence, OP.
Have you any prior convictions?
Best of luck. We’ve all made mistakes and I applaud that you’re facing this head on.