I've been so stupid, im scared to death

[Scaredashell13]

Please don't judge, I've made a horrendously stupid mistake and im so scared what's going to happen to me and my two children.
A couple of years ago I had a breakdown and started gambling again (I started gambling after my 2nd dc was born but stopped after a year with help). A long story short, in the space of 9 months I stole approx 36k from my employer who happens to be a local authority. They found out and I was subsequently sacked. I admitted everything and provided all evidence they requested such as bank statements etc. I have now registered with Gamban and Gamcare, my Drs have increased my medication which helped me get out of the dark place I was in. I considered suicide almost daily but my two children are the only reason i'm here. I have since worked on myself and have a new job and doing well....until today. I came home to a court summons in the post with a court date just after Christmas. This will be the first hearing and i'm praying to God I'm not sent into custody. I am absolutely petrified and have been sick with the thought of not being with my children (age 12 and 15). I'm so scared. I dont have any family, I was raised in the care system. I dont have any friends I can confide in, and im a single parent. What do I tell my children, how do I tell my children? I could face a prison sentence up to 10 years. I have reached out to a solicitor today and hoping they'll contact me tomorrow. I feel like im already slipping back into that dark place. Im so stupid and I wish I could turn back time. I just want to hug my children and never let go.

It depends on whether the LA will accept a repayment plan without a court order. It’s public funds.

You’re exactly the sort of person courts should show leniency to in sentencing. Prison won’t do you any good and therefore society won’t benefit from you being in custody.
You need support and your children need you.
please make this clear to anyone who does a pre sentencing report, show them all the steps you’ve taken to rehabilitate yourself and how remorseful you are. Tell them about your own past nd growing up in care.
i wish you all the luck. Stay strong. Lots of people make mistakes in life, well done for admitting yours and doing what you can to prevent it.

Your solicitor is right that the amount owed probably won't change the category of harm but ime solicitors can be quite blinkered. It's not just about your sanction, it's about how much you have to repay. It's not at all unusual for them to forget that aspect, so you need to ensure you get them to challenge fiercely the money that the LA can't actually account for.

Do you think gambling companies should have safeguarding processes in place? And do you think they should be accountable when they fail to uphold these?

OP highlighting to them where they failed and requesting they return the stolen money she used isn’t that unusual. It mostly doesn’t work and there’s nothing to compel companies to return it. But they shouldn’t be able to profit from gambling addiction (and they absolutely are, and are actively fuelling it).

Thank goodness for a sensible post. I read from the start that OP was waiting to be told where to start paying - and negative comments as if she could just pop in with her cheque book or a fistful of cash.

Also some posters thinking that a person with a gambling addiction is going to be able to keep a running tab of how much money is involved.

As someone who has been involved in uncovering a £12 million fraud against a County Council by a company - with no action ultimately taken, despite evidence, I wish the OP well because I believe she is truly sorry.

OP, your children can recover from your mistakes/addiction but they will not recover from your suicide - even though you may tell yourself that they would be better off without you. Please talk to The Samaritans/other groups and come back on here where there will be people who support you. There will also be others reading who are in the same situation and your posts might help them.

What do you mean by "horrifying read. It's shocking what happens behind the scenes to people like me"

I think you are in a place where you know you have done wrong, and you're not trying to deny it. It helps that you know exactly how much you took now as well.

We all make mistakes and do stupid things, admittedly some bigger than others.

There have been a few high profile civil cases (Lipkin Gorman v Karpnale Ltd 1991 springs to mind) where casinos have been sued, essentially for profiting off stolen funds (unjust enrichment). The cases are complex and expensive to pursue but even from a self-preservation angle, gambling companies have safeguards in place. If those safeguards fail, they absolutely should know. OP hasn't done anything wrong there.

How is this possible? 12million and no action taken even though there was evidence!

Well done for asking for help. I can't give you legal advice but in addition to the gambling specific support you've sought out, might it be worth calling the Samaritans? It sounds like you have a lot of shame and stress around this and you don't have a strong support system so talking to someone who's trained to help people in their darker moments would be helpful.

How aware is your children's school? I ask because at our school this would be really useful for the team to have the context for the children's wellbeing as they may well have picked up on the understandable stress but also because they should be able to signpost you to more help. Especially as you don't have an existing family support system. We have a therapeutic mentor at our school who can meet with parents dealing with anxiety and overwhelm (and all the rest) for free, and so much more. The children in our school thrive when their families' wellbeing is looked after so it's really important for us to support our parents and the other grown ups in the children's lives. First step would be to approach one of the class teachers who can point you in the right direction.

That’s not how it works. If operators fail to comply with safeguarding rules they can be fined and forced to repay funds gained from customers. Failing to carry out proper checks on sources of funding, especially where large sums are involved, or allowing extremely high losses without intervention are just a couple of examples of this. OP gambled away £47k with seemingly no checks or interventions

If a customer is registered with an organisation such as GamStop, or similar, the gambling commission may also consider the operator to have failed due diligence by allowing someone with a known gambling addiction to continue. OP mentioned medication for a mental health problem, so if medical records can be produced to link the gambling addiction to that condition, she may have a claim there - although that aspect is time limited.

This is all designed to force gambling operators to act responsibly in an area where there is known vulnerability. That’s a good thing isn’t it ? So if an operator is proved to have been negligent or failing in due diligence why shouldn’t they be obliged to help solve a problem they have helped to create ?

If we start allowing people to blame those who make money from bad habits we're going to have to sue alcohol companies any time someone crashes a car.

Well, an alcohol company would be in trouble if it wasn't honest about the alcohol level in its product. And I believe there are restrictions on how they can advertise (happy to be corrected).

It is a drop in the ocean compared to this case

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-essex-68540271

Thurrock Council will never be able to recover the money. By the way, my council lent Thurrock £20 million, despite knowing it was in a dire financial state.

My ds has a gambling problem and I know he is struggling to curtail his "urges".
I sincerely hope you do not get jailed but did you not think you would get caught? Were you not aware that your dc would be affected whilst stealing 10s of thousands?

I hope you can use it in evidence to mitigate your behaviour. I also hope you have raised an SAR with your former employers - maybe raise a new one if you raised one before they accused you of defrauding them of the amount that was legitimately used for work expenses?

I also find it astonishing that the local authority didn't have checks and balances that would have made it impossible for anyone to take the money in this way.

Hopefully you will escape a custodial sentence.

In terms of the extra money being claimed could any of it relate to the money the local authority has spent on investigations? I'm genuinely not knocking you, but it isn't a case of you only took £47k, a forensic accountant will have probably cost a few thousand. The corruption team may have "charged" your original department for their services (I've seen it happen in NHS) etc. what I'm trying tonsaybisbtgqt in addition to what you took, your former employer will have spent quite a bit investigating and evidencing what happened to get to this point.

I'm going to sue every chocolate maker when I eventually get diabetes as well!

It isn’t a case of blaming those who make money from bad habits. If course it’s not reasonable to sue the alcohol industry for drink driving because there is no requirement for due dilligence. The alcohol industry has no control over how its’ product is used. The gambling industry does have a requirement in place for due diligence and if it fails in that, then there is rightfully some expectation that they would make reparation for that failure because it has contributed to the problem.

And if chocolate were solely responsible for diabetes, you might have a case !!

Well, by that analogy all gambling companies have to do is say "Gambling can send you bankrupt and is not a healthy habit, if you think you're addicted call (insert number) plus be restricted on advertising - which is a bar I'm fine with.

In Vegas, they used to ply you with free drinks all night and there were no clocks anywhere, or windows in the big casinos, plus ATMs absolutely everywhere.

I think no clocks and no windows is fine but plying people with free alcohol and having ATMs every ten feet was going too far. I don't know what it's like these days, this was the 90s. So I can see an argument for some restrictions.

But I said, OP is an unreliable narrator, and I'd need to know the real details before I could reasonably judge if there should be any blame placed on the gambling companies for OP choosing to spend the money she chose to steal on gambling.

I'd be more inclined to think she might have a point if she hadn't spent every post saying poor me and not much else.

Nobody is ‘simply allowing people who make very bad choices to opt out of any responsibility’. You’ve made that part up entirely. Companies that sell products or services that come with risk are regulated and can be sanctioned if they don’t fulfil their obligations. Nobody is buying alcohol directly from the manufacturer, but bars and restaurants and supermarkets and off licences adhere to age restrictions and should not serve someone who is intoxicated.

You say ‘without knowing every single detail of her story I can't really make any sort of decision’ and yet you’ve said she has no remorse and that you don’t believe her. Sounds like you feel very well qualified to make a decision, despite not having all of the information or (by the sounds of it) much experience in these issues. Apart from having met a psychopath once… 🙄

This is the legal matters board, not AIBU where any random opinion is worth sharing.

As you are so intrigued, yes I am paying back by way of a standing order for £100 a month at this point, which will hopefully be increased once my full time hours are approved...pending the outcome with court. Hope this settles your mind

You do not understand the grip of addiction. I have had dealings with an addict and they were never remorseful and continued to lie, cheat and steal and have an entitled ‘poor me’ attitude to this day.

I do not see that in OP’s posts. She knows she has done wrong and wants to face up to her actions. I hope she gets the help she needs.

Really hope the judge and jury see the regret and your attempts to pay back etc, I hope you come out the other end with a suspended sentence, what about your husband or partner? Are they around ongoing for the kids I’m assuming?

I don’t know how the case even got this far, to be honest. A colleague of mine stole £30k and the police weren’t interested. They lost their job, and that was it.