Father keeping my son and refusing to return him… desperate for advice

[Dardanella]

Hi everyone,
I’m writing here because I honestly don’t know where else to turn. Maybe someone has been through something similar in England.

My son’s father hasn’t returned him home for more than a week after contact. My son hasn’t been going to school this whole time, and his father won’t let me speak to him. At first he said there was supposedly some kind of “investigation” against me, which is why our son has to stay with him.

I immediately called the police and social services, but neither could find anything. The police said that if anyone had made a report and they decided to investigate, they would contact me — but nobody has contacted me.

The school is also very worried now because my son has been missing school without any authorised reason. They’ve made a referral to the Front Door (social services), but there has been no response so far.

I have a Child Arrangements Order that clearly states my son lives with me, and I’ve already filed a C79 (enforcement / return order) asking the court to order his return. But the court is moving very slowly, and the case is still “with the legal adviser for review.”

I feel completely desperate… it’s been over a week now, and I still don’t know where my child is or how he is doing. The police say it’s a “civil matter,” the school is waiting for social services, and social services are silent.

Has anyone here faced something like this?
How long did it take before your child was returned? What did you do that actually helped?

Any advice or experience would mean so much to me. 🙏

I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Just giving you a bump

Do you know the address where your DS is? Have the police done a well-being check and do they know he’s not been in school?

Have you contacted a solicitor?
Are you worried he might try and leave the country? If so I think its definitely a legal matter not civil if he's breaking a court order? I could be wrong but I would call the police again if you believe your son is in immediate danger.
Sending you hugs xx

Is your ds in this country. Do you think ex could take him abroad?

I know the address… but I know if I go there he won’t open the door.. the same situation happened before we had court order. But it was during holidays… now it’s during school time :(

police refused to do welfare check as in their opinion there are not enough reasons for it since he has parental responsibility and no psychical abuse history.

I would call the police and insist on a welfare check or tell them you believe your son has been kidnapped. He has not attended school all week, no one has seen him for over 7days, and you, as his primary carer, have had ZERO contact for over a week. This is a legal matter. For all you know he could be in another country!

He lived here for the last 20 years so I doubt he will take him abroad…

As far as you are aware your son hasn't been physically seen or spoken to in over 7 days. The police need to take that seriously. Report him as kidnapped. I certainly would.

They said it’s not kidnapping if he is with his dad who has parental responsibility:( and it’s civil matter and I need to go to court. Which is what I did but it already took them week! And nothing

They are wrong. You share parental responsibility and you have had ZERO contact with your child for 7+ days. You need to report it as a kidnapping, don't take no as an answer.

No advice but I’m so sorry you’re going through this awful thing. Xx

You have a Court order, the police should enforce it, go on the internet and find out who is head of safeguarding in your local police force. Phone them, e mail them, and demand the school do the same.

you are going to have to be very persistent and make a big fat fuss.

It's an abduction OP. This is a legal matter. Phone the police.

Your ex is doing himself no favours by not sending your child to school. You could provide school with his address and ask them to arrange a welfare check as he's missed 10+ sessions (morning and afternoon registrations), presumably with no reason for absence provided to them. If he's not in your local area, ring children's social care in the area he is living and request them to do the same. Whilst you've no reason to believe your child has come to any harm with his father, he is neglecting his education.
I know you say he isn't likely to open the door to you but unless there is a reason not to do it (eg history of DV), you need to try it and document it as a failed attempt to make contact if he does not open the door.
Presumably there is no reason he is withholding your child from you?

There is absolutely no reason. I’ve done nothing wrong… I think he came up with something and reported me to police and thinks it justifies him keeping our son…

Some of the posts on this thread are incorrect.

The police will not enforce a child arrangements order. That is a civil matter, not a criminal one. And no, this is not child abduction, whatever AI thinks. It would only be child abduction if he took the child out of the country. If he has PR and there is no evidence the child is in danger, the police will not get involved other than possibly doing a welfare check.

@Dardanella - Have you asked for an urgent hearing? If not, you should do so.

This is horrible OP. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I experienced the same with my exH and my two DDs. I would insist that the police carry out a welfare check as you haven’t had any communication for seven days. This is not about your son. This is about controlling your emotions and how happy you are allowed to be. This is post separation abuse. Contact your local women’s support services for advice and guidance.

How old is your son?

I suggest that like a lot of things the School Social Services l and The Police CAN do things if they want to.

The challenge is to make them do it or find the person willing to take action.

Police don't usually get involved sadly.
You are doing the right thing by going back to court to enforce the order.
You should be requesting an urgent hearing.
Do you have a solicitor?

Bridge is a lawyer and follows a strict legal interpretation without any reference to safeguarding.

In my experience ( as a DVA advocate) the police have got involved on such a not uncommon occasion. Because there is a court order in place and because the child has not been to school there should be a safeguarding approach, the police should be involved.

in the meantime you should as bridge advises make an urgent application to the Court.

but i would strongly advise you bother statutory services to do something.

I did ask for an urgent hearing… for urgent return order and c79… but it already taking them one week. All I know that they passed it to legal adviser yesterday and I hear nothing…

Medway family court

@Bannedontherun Bridge is correct; I experienced similar when my ex took my child for a week and I had no contact. Police will not get involved as it is a civil matter, not a legal one. Dad has PA.

You. Red to go back to court and ask for anemergency hearing and tell them you are prepared to wait all day if needs be

There isn't anything social services can do to return the child and they can't make court go any faster.

This is what the Rights of women website says. They have a download called child abduction.

So, they refer to the unauthorised removal by one parent of a child from another parent, as abduction, even if in UK. I think you said Op that you have a court order outlining that the child lives with you, as primary carer.

"Your child’s father may abduct the child and stay within England or Wales, for example, he may have kept the child after contact or taken them on holiday in England and Wales without your permission. If there are already court orders in place, the police may be able to help you. It is unlikely that the police will take the child away from him and return them to you unless you already have a court order saying the child should be with you or there is a real risk of serious harm to the child with their father. If you have a child arrangements order stating that the child lives with you, then the police can act to return your child to your care.

If the police are unable to help you, you can make an urgent application to the Family Court for a specific issues order for your child to be returned to your care. A court will make this order if it is in your child’s best interests to do so. They will look carefully at where your child normally lives and will usually restore living arrangements to how they were before your child was taken away. You should apply for one of these orders quickly so it will be in the child’s best interests to return to their day to day lives quickly. "

Rights of Women have an advice line at local rate. Look up their website as only operates certain days and times and a different number if you are in London. The police in my experience dont always know the law and some definitely take the easiest (laziest) course of action.