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Father keeping my son and refusing to return him… desperate for advice

59 replies

Dardanella · 10/10/2025 21:02

Hi everyone,
I’m writing here because I honestly don’t know where else to turn. Maybe someone has been through something similar in England.

My son’s father hasn’t returned him home for more than a week after contact. My son hasn’t been going to school this whole time, and his father won’t let me speak to him. At first he said there was supposedly some kind of “investigation” against me, which is why our son has to stay with him.

I immediately called the police and social services, but neither could find anything. The police said that if anyone had made a report and they decided to investigate, they would contact me — but nobody has contacted me.

The school is also very worried now because my son has been missing school without any authorised reason. They’ve made a referral to the Front Door (social services), but there has been no response so far.

I have a Child Arrangements Order that clearly states my son lives with me, and I’ve already filed a C79 (enforcement / return order) asking the court to order his return. But the court is moving very slowly, and the case is still “with the legal adviser for review.”

I feel completely desperate… it’s been over a week now, and I still don’t know where my child is or how he is doing. The police say it’s a “civil matter,” the school is waiting for social services, and social services are silent.

Has anyone here faced something like this?
How long did it take before your child was returned? What did you do that actually helped?

Any advice or experience would mean so much to me. 🙏

OP posts:
TheBlueHotel · 11/10/2025 12:47

user0345437398 · 11/10/2025 12:32

My child's school ring me if she's not in on the day (happened with registration mix ups twice).

My child's school are also hot on attendance.

The school doesn't care that the child's been off all this time?

What do you think the school could actually do? They could attempt a home visit but the father might not comply. Otherwise it's just a fine and referral to education welfare who can't do much either.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 11/10/2025 12:59

Op have you asked the father in writing what he is accusing you of?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 11/10/2025 13:00

You could also ask dad in writing that if you can organize a supervised contact session in the community would he take son to it? If his concerns are genuine he shouldn’t mind doing this?

OldGothsFadeToGrey · 11/10/2025 16:13

user0345437398 · 11/10/2025 12:29

I'm aware it could go like that. It's just that he's causing the breach, by breaking the order.

I feel like if I didn't hand my child over to the parent who has contact and he turned up and asked for the child then it would be me who got in trouble with the court.

I feel like the judge would say 'of course he banged on your door, you were keeping his child from him'

I feel like family courts actually side with men, or perhaps with the person who made the original application?

I know though that my child not being returned wouldn't be something I could just let go until court decided to help, after weeks or months. I also know that courts may favour dad out of status quo at this point.

It all comes down to the judge. Possibly the same judge as granted the OP's ex the order, as they reserve judges for cases, so I'd ask OP how they think that judge would view it.

I think mine would fully expect either of us to go and get the child, had the child been withheld from the other.

What the judge will actually say is that if it is witnessed by the child it would be very upsetting and they would likely chastise the parent who showed up at the door. If the non returning parent calls the police, and the child witnesses it the judge may be even harsher.

my lived experience supporting a relative through same situation.

user0345437398 · 12/10/2025 10:50

OldGothsFadeToGrey · 11/10/2025 16:13

What the judge will actually say is that if it is witnessed by the child it would be very upsetting and they would likely chastise the parent who showed up at the door. If the non returning parent calls the police, and the child witnesses it the judge may be even harsher.

my lived experience supporting a relative through same situation.

Did the non returning parent get any reprimand? I just can't imagine not going to get my child :'( I also wouldn't dare not return my child, I'd be scared I'd be heavily reprimanded.

OldGothsFadeToGrey · 12/10/2025 11:52

user0345437398 · 12/10/2025 10:50

Did the non returning parent get any reprimand? I just can't imagine not going to get my child :'( I also wouldn't dare not return my child, I'd be scared I'd be heavily reprimanded.

No he didn’t at that time. He did later when he was repeatedly trying to obstruct contact.

BitOutOfPractice · 12/10/2025 11:57

Oh goodness op. Have you got your dc back now?

I have no advice but want to keep your post bumped

How old is your child?

user0345437398 · 12/10/2025 12:22

OldGothsFadeToGrey · 12/10/2025 11:52

No he didn’t at that time. He did later when he was repeatedly trying to obstruct contact.

It's just crazy and triggering to me. The thought of my ex not giving me my baby back, and that just being fine, and me having to wait months to see her again. I'd literally go insane you know. I'd literally go insane.

OldGothsFadeToGrey · 18/10/2025 14:27

How are you @Dardanella x

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