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Original poster

Father who lives abroad has applied for joint custody

207 replies

Custodyapplication · 22/09/2025 13:25

DC is 4 and has never lived with his father as he moved back to his home country before DC was born and only had a few visits with father. Had no contact for the majority of the 4 years and none for 2+ years. Just received a letter that was addressed to my previous address which is another language but tried to interpret it and it says he’s applied for joint custody and there’s a court appointment next month in his home country which I’m supposed to attend. Child is disabled (father not aware of this) and there’s no way I’ll be able to take them to another country or get a babysitter to go and I have no idea who to contact/can’t speak the language. What will likely happen from this? Father has had no interest and was abusive/ controlling and seemed to be very jealous of DC, so I’m very worried about if child will have to spend time with him. This has come after an CMS application was done 3 and half years ago through REMO (intentional one) and has recently had an update on to say it’s progressing in his country so I assume that’s why he’s suddenly applied for joint custody.

OP posts:
bluecrochetedplane · 22/09/2025 13:28

What country is he in? Have you looked up what arrangements we have with them?

MusicalCarbuncle · 22/09/2025 13:29

How ridiculous. How would this even work?? Some men are just total scumbags aren’t they?

ResusciAnnie · 22/09/2025 13:31

He doesn’t have your address so can you just ignore? He’s not gonna get anywhere with getting custody surely? He doesn’t even know his own kid.

PrincessofWells · 22/09/2025 13:33

How can we advise you without knowing the country in which your ex resides and the nationalities of all concerned?

menopausalfart · 22/09/2025 13:34

You should contact a family lawyer experienced in international custody matters. As far as I'm aware, these decisions will be made in a court where the child resides.

Meadowfinch · 22/09/2025 13:34

You may find the fastest way to persuade him to back down, is to share your child's diagnosis.

I know that sounds horrible, but men who can't be bothered to see their children, are sometimes even less enthusiastic when they perceive there may be issues.

Is he from the sort of country that assumes the father's rights come first?

LIZS · 22/09/2025 13:38

Is he even on birth certificate?

SilverCamellia · 22/09/2025 13:42

I would ignore it. Do not go to his country. If your child is born in the UK anything would be decided by UK courts.

Shedmistress · 22/09/2025 13:42

Letter what letter?

JadziaD · 22/09/2025 13:44

Do not go to court in a country you don't live in, and, I assume you have no citizenship of. I'd be inclined to ignore it completely. But to set your mind at rest, definitely get some advice from a lawyer who has international family law experience so they can advise you on what you are obliged to do, and any implications.

The real issue is that if the court in his coutnry agrees, are they likely to seek some kind of repatriation via the UK legal system? Seems unlikely. I mean, doe syou rchild even have the right to live in the other country?

Come to think of it, do you even know if this is a formal letter from court or just him sending you a letter?!

AnSolas · 22/09/2025 13:49

What country is is?

You need country specialist advice.

At a minimum you need to check if your Exs country of origin will respect the fact that DC is a citizen and full time resident of the UK.

If you are worried I would be inclined to go to court in the UK to establish the UK has jurisdiction. As in theory it is possible for the other countries court to issue an order and for the Ex to try get the UK courts to enforce it.

MaurineWayBack · 22/09/2025 14:06

You need to lawyer up quick!
Someone who knows about the country your ex is living in and will be able to advise you on how to proceed.

The last thing you should do is to ignore it because he is in a different country/hasn’t seen him etc…

In the mean time, gather evidence. Incl the fact he hasn’t seen him since birth, the fact your dc is a British citizen, has always lived in the U.K.,etc….

OhMyGiddyAnt · 22/09/2025 14:09

Can you give more information?

CausalInference · 22/09/2025 14:10

How do you know it's not just a letter he has written, he could be planning to kidnap your child once you are there? I'd seek some legal advice, let school/nursery know about what's going on so they know to not release your child to him should he show up at nursery/school and look into having a flag placed on your child's passport if you are worried that he may apply for a passport and take your child without your knowledge. I wouldn't just ignore it.

Beamur · 22/09/2025 14:10

Talk to a solicitor.

ComfortFoodCafe · 22/09/2025 14:22

How would joint custody even work? Are you sure its not just a letter hes written & then planning to kidnap your child once there? I would see a solicitor.

Ticktockwatchclock · 22/09/2025 14:23

Which country does he live in?

MyMilchick · 22/09/2025 14:27

I think you can ignore that considering your child is not a citizen of that country?

deckchairmayhem · 22/09/2025 14:29

You live in the UK, is that right?
So just ignore this ridiculous letter.

Original poster
Custodyapplication · 22/09/2025 14:30

Yes we are in the UK. Father is in France. He is not on the birth certificate.

OP posts:
Mum2twoandacockapoo · 22/09/2025 14:31

All these posts on here and in the news of (mostly) women having kids with (mostly) men from other countries absolutely scare the hell out of me that you could have to hand your child over to someone ,by law , who could then do anything to keep or take that child in /to their country.
It doesn’t bare thinking about 🥹

You definitely need legal advice as you have no idea what he is telling the court in his land . I hope it works out for you and your child.

coxesorangepippin · 22/09/2025 14:33

Well, you won't be attending, will you.

I also assume your DS ne parle pas français?

So he can't go and live in a country where he does not speak the language

Arlanymor · 22/09/2025 14:34

He is not on the birth certificate and therefore, under UK law, had no legal rights or parental responsibility. He has never met your child. He sent a letter - in a language you do not speak - to an address you no longer live at. He does not have a leg to stand on. DO NOT go to a court appointment in a country you are not resident of, where you do not understand the laws and where you cannot speak the language. DO seek legal advice in the UK from a family law solicitor who has experience and expertise in French family law.

Icanttakethisanymore · 22/09/2025 14:36

Surely a court in France has no jurisdiction over you or your son in this matter assuming you and your son never lived there?

Don't go to France (ever).

If he wants to apply for custody, he'll have to come to the UK and go through the UK court.

Edited because I think other posters are right - it would be a good idea to get advice here just so you know what you are dealing with and you are prepared for any future requests / summons etc.

CatHairEveryWhereNow · 22/09/2025 14:36

Arlanymor · 22/09/2025 14:34

He is not on the birth certificate and therefore, under UK law, had no legal rights or parental responsibility. He has never met your child. He sent a letter - in a language you do not speak - to an address you no longer live at. He does not have a leg to stand on. DO NOT go to a court appointment in a country you are not resident of, where you do not understand the laws and where you cannot speak the language. DO seek legal advice in the UK from a family law solicitor who has experience and expertise in French family law.

This.