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Legal matters

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Father who lives abroad has applied for joint custody

207 replies

Custodyapplication · 22/09/2025 13:25

DC is 4 and has never lived with his father as he moved back to his home country before DC was born and only had a few visits with father. Had no contact for the majority of the 4 years and none for 2+ years. Just received a letter that was addressed to my previous address which is another language but tried to interpret it and it says he’s applied for joint custody and there’s a court appointment next month in his home country which I’m supposed to attend. Child is disabled (father not aware of this) and there’s no way I’ll be able to take them to another country or get a babysitter to go and I have no idea who to contact/can’t speak the language. What will likely happen from this? Father has had no interest and was abusive/ controlling and seemed to be very jealous of DC, so I’m very worried about if child will have to spend time with him. This has come after an CMS application was done 3 and half years ago through REMO (intentional one) and has recently had an update on to say it’s progressing in his country so I assume that’s why he’s suddenly applied for joint custody.

OP posts:
Seelybe · 22/09/2025 17:50

@Custodyapplication France is a Hague convention country. Pending specialist legal advice, this means that jurisdiction would pass to the country where the child is habitually resident. So that would be the UK Family Court which will be probably be enough in itself to stop him in his tracks. But if he does the FC will generally order some sort of contact but with the distance and disability factor this could well be token/minimal. If it gets that far you're welcome to PM me for further thoughts. It will be the child maintenance claim that's set him off, absent fathers hate being made to pay.

LIZS · 22/09/2025 17:53

And would recommend getting it properly translated in case there is a subtlety in the legal terminology and intent.

KnitKnitKnitting · 22/09/2025 18:01

I agree with what other posters have put OP, France and the UK are Hague Convention and from what you’ve put here your son is absolutely “habitually resident” in the UK. Under the terms of the convention it is the courts in the country of the child’s residence who make these decisions, so a UK court.

Id also recommend calling Reunite, ask them for a recommendation of a family solicitor. Do not go to one which does not have international experience, things can get complicated very fast. You could consider getting a residence order and a prohibited steps order.

I would absolutely not go to France, nor take the child there.

Yes, unfortunately it’ll probably be the REMO application which has triggered this. You’re still in the right for applying. It’s just common for men to attempt to make their child’s mother’s life difficult when she attempts to collect legally and morally due financial support.

Pezdeoro41 · 22/09/2025 18:03

Hereforthecommentz · 22/09/2025 17:42

Another poster asked a valid question which remains unanswered. Can someone do a child maintenance claim if the dad is not on a birth certificate? Surely not? This is all very strange.

That was always my understanding, that you'd have to put them on the birth certificate for the child maintenance claim.

Honestly, unless it's masses of money you can't do without, I would withdraw the claim, it opens up such a huge can of worms legally. (I am in a similar situation and haven't mostly for this reason).

KnitKnitKnitting · 22/09/2025 18:03

Hereforthecommentz · 22/09/2025 17:42

Another poster asked a valid question which remains unanswered. Can someone do a child maintenance claim if the dad is not on a birth certificate? Surely not? This is all very strange.

Yes. If the parents are not married, the father must attend the registration appointment to be on the birth certificate. If there were not still a way of claiming child support, certain men would just refuse to turn up to get out of paying. They can challenge paternity in court if they’re not on the birth certificate.

Jollyhockeystickss · 22/09/2025 18:11

Hes not on the birth certificate theres nothing he can do but get legal advice and then block and ignore him, just be careful as he could steal him or get a false passport,

Thechaseison71 · 22/09/2025 18:27

Jollyhockeystickss · 22/09/2025 18:11

Hes not on the birth certificate theres nothing he can do but get legal advice and then block and ignore him, just be careful as he could steal him or get a false passport,

Steal him? He doesn't even know where he lives

Cherrysoup · 22/09/2025 18:34

There are lots of us on here that speak French, possibly even family lawyers. If you need a hand translating, pop a request up.

Jollyhockeystickss · 22/09/2025 18:42

Thechaseison71 · 22/09/2025 18:27

Steal him? He doesn't even know where he lives

Fathers have been known to take children out of school plus a private investigstor can easily find a child

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 22/09/2025 18:47

Custodyapplication · 22/09/2025 14:30

Yes we are in the UK. Father is in France. He is not on the birth certificate.

Lol. (Sorry, I don't mean to make light of your distress.)

I live in France and will remain here for at least another 16 years regardless of whether I stay with my children's father or not because when children are resident in France their parent cannot take them to live in another country without their other parent's permission.

Your child is resident in the UK, so the French court system has absolutely no jurisdiction here.

I'm happy to look at the letter for you if you want to contact me by PM.

Olderbadger1 · 22/09/2025 19:03

Although it might sound crazy, a family court could actually decide in his favour on the shared custody bid - there is a strong presumption that a child benefits from contact with both parents, regardless of how the absent parent has behaved. If you can, I'd strongly recommend you have a 'case review' meeting with Eight Street - they are a brilliant group of feminist lawyers who specialise in family court cases where there has been DV or coercive control, and they are also survivors of such cases so they absoilutely know their stuff. They have some expertise in international custody cases but it sounds as if you are not there yet. Reunite (mentioned upthread) are, as the name suggests, very pro contact so I wouldn't recommend them at this stage. If it does get to the international law stage, GlobalARRK are worth speaking to for general advice and support. https://www.eight-street.co.uk/contact-us/

Domestic Abuse Legal Advice

Contact Eight Street | Domestic Abuse Paralegal Support

Contact Eight Street for expert paralegal support on your domestic abuse case. Confidential consultations to help you understand your legal rights and options.

https://www.eight-street.co.uk/contact-us

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/09/2025 19:16

Your ex can’t just get a passport for your ds. He would need a french birth certificate, proof of he’s entitled to French citizenship (which your ex would provide), proof of your ds’s home address and then he would need to physically take your ds physically to the French consulate in London... that is unless he were to pretend your ds is living with him, which would be a can of worms. But he’d still need to take your ds physically to a town hall to process the application. https://www.service-public.fr/particuliers/vosdroits/F34976/1_2?idFicheParent=F14930

Passeport d'un mineur : première demande

Pour faire le passeport d'un mineur, l'enfant et son représentant légal doivent se rendre dans une mairie équipée avec les pièces justificatives.

https://www.service-public.fr/particuliers/vosdroits/F34976/1_2?idFicheParent=F14930

SewNotHappy · 22/09/2025 19:18

Don't waste your money on lawyers, the French courts have no jurisdiction over a child who is not habitually resident in France.

SewNotHappy · 22/09/2025 19:24

Hereforthecommentz · 22/09/2025 17:42

Another poster asked a valid question which remains unanswered. Can someone do a child maintenance claim if the dad is not on a birth certificate? Surely not? This is all very strange.

The law may have changed but my son's dad isn't on the birth certificate and I got child maintenance for him. Although when he was born you couldn't add the name of a father without the father being present unless you were married. Seems so old fashioned now but that was the early 2000s!

ARichtGoodDram · 22/09/2025 19:26

Hereforthecommentz · 22/09/2025 17:42

Another poster asked a valid question which remains unanswered. Can someone do a child maintenance claim if the dad is not on a birth certificate? Surely not? This is all very strange.

Yes you can. The father not being on the birth certificate doesn't mean no maintenance.

If the father disputes paternity then he can request a DNA test when the maintenance request comes in.

ARichtGoodDram · 22/09/2025 19:28

The law may have changed but my son's dad isn't on the birth certificate and I got child maintenance for him. Although when he was born you couldn't add the name of a father without the father being present unless you were married. Seems so old fashioned now but that was the early 2000s!

If you're not married you still cannot add the name of the father without him present.

Lolapusht · 22/09/2025 19:33

I will never not be stunned by the abject incompetence of some men as fathers.

He doesn’t even know his child is disabled and he’s taking you to court for 50:50.

So sorry you’re having to deal with this wastrel. Good luck!

drspouse · 22/09/2025 19:35

Does he even know the child's name, sex and date of birth?

PersistentRain · 22/09/2025 19:41

Do you think he thought he would lure you to France and then he might get somewhere.

I can’t see if you don’t ever set foot in France he can do anything. I have read stuff about French courts favouring fathers, but what jurisdiction do they have over you. He doesn’t even have your actual address or contact details.
I would get some legal advice to alleviate your concerns but I’m sure this will go nowhere.

PrettyPickle · 22/09/2025 19:58

Hi there! I'm not sure if I have this right but my understanding is that the child was born in the UK and has a British Passport, the Father had returned to France before the birth and has had little contact with the child and none in the last two years to the extent that he is not aware the child is disabled and doesn't know their whereabouts? If the above is correct-

Since the child lives in the UK and has always lived here, you may be able to argue that French courts do not have jurisdiction over custody matters. Under the Brussels II bis Regulation (now replaced by Brussels II ter), jurisdiction typically lies with the courts of the child’s habitual residence — in this case, the UK.

If the father is not on the birth certificate and hasn’t taken steps to establish paternity or parental responsibility in the UK, he may not have automatic rights. This weakens his claim, especially for 50/50 custody. It will also stop him from getting a French passport at least in the interim.

Courts — in any country — consider the best interests of the child. A father who has had no contact for years, doesn’t know the child’s current address, and is unaware of their disability is unlikely to be granted shared custody without a thorough investigation.

Things you need to do NOW:

You should urgently reach out to a family law solicitor with experience in international custody disputes. If you cannot afford one, you may be eligible for Legal Aid — especially given the disability and international nature of the case.

Even without attending, you should respond to the French court — ideally through a solicitor — to explain why you cannot attend and to contest jurisdiction. Ignoring the summons could result in a default judgment.

Document everything: You should gather all records — CMS application, medical diagnosis, communication history (or lack thereof) with the father, and any evidence of his absence or neglect.

You can get some cross-border support

Under the Hague Convention, the UK has a Central Authority that helps with international child protection and custody matters. You can contact them for guidance and support.

British Embassy in France: They may offer help with translation, legal referrals, or even attending court remotely if necessary.

Translation services: If you must engage with the French court, you can request translation or interpreter services. Courts are often required to accommodate non-native speakers, especially in cross-border cases.

Remote attendance: Given your financial and caregiving constraints, you may be able to request to attend remotely or submit written statements instead of traveling.

You need some emotional and practical support so try support groups. There are UK-based charities and support networks for single parents and parents of disabled children (e.g., Gingerbread, Contact). They can offer emotional support and sometimes legal guidance.

If you feel overwhelmed or unsafe, you can reach out to local social services for help managing the situation.

When you reply to the French court, make sure you outline your childs disability as sadly, if he is doing this to avoid paying to support his child, sadly, this may make him reconsider and it will also polarise the French court on the fact that his prior contact with his child has been so limited that he isn't even aware of this disability.

Big Hugs

NotDavidTennant · 22/09/2025 20:11

I'm skeptical that the father really wants custody. He has found out about the maintenance application and is retaliating.

PrettyPickle · 22/09/2025 20:12

@Custodyapplication I also forgot to mention that that the legal documents need to be served to the correct address so you need to let them know via a solicitor that this was not the case, again highlighting the Fathers lack of knowledge of the childs situation - out of interest, prior to this court request, do you have the Fathers contact details?

Woompund · 22/09/2025 20:17

Hereforthecommentz · 22/09/2025 17:42

Another poster asked a valid question which remains unanswered. Can someone do a child maintenance claim if the dad is not on a birth certificate? Surely not? This is all very strange.

Yes of course. If the putative father claims he isn't the father then a DNA test will be ordered.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 22/09/2025 20:17

PrettyPickle · 22/09/2025 19:58

Hi there! I'm not sure if I have this right but my understanding is that the child was born in the UK and has a British Passport, the Father had returned to France before the birth and has had little contact with the child and none in the last two years to the extent that he is not aware the child is disabled and doesn't know their whereabouts? If the above is correct-

Since the child lives in the UK and has always lived here, you may be able to argue that French courts do not have jurisdiction over custody matters. Under the Brussels II bis Regulation (now replaced by Brussels II ter), jurisdiction typically lies with the courts of the child’s habitual residence — in this case, the UK.

If the father is not on the birth certificate and hasn’t taken steps to establish paternity or parental responsibility in the UK, he may not have automatic rights. This weakens his claim, especially for 50/50 custody. It will also stop him from getting a French passport at least in the interim.

Courts — in any country — consider the best interests of the child. A father who has had no contact for years, doesn’t know the child’s current address, and is unaware of their disability is unlikely to be granted shared custody without a thorough investigation.

Things you need to do NOW:

You should urgently reach out to a family law solicitor with experience in international custody disputes. If you cannot afford one, you may be eligible for Legal Aid — especially given the disability and international nature of the case.

Even without attending, you should respond to the French court — ideally through a solicitor — to explain why you cannot attend and to contest jurisdiction. Ignoring the summons could result in a default judgment.

Document everything: You should gather all records — CMS application, medical diagnosis, communication history (or lack thereof) with the father, and any evidence of his absence or neglect.

You can get some cross-border support

Under the Hague Convention, the UK has a Central Authority that helps with international child protection and custody matters. You can contact them for guidance and support.

British Embassy in France: They may offer help with translation, legal referrals, or even attending court remotely if necessary.

Translation services: If you must engage with the French court, you can request translation or interpreter services. Courts are often required to accommodate non-native speakers, especially in cross-border cases.

Remote attendance: Given your financial and caregiving constraints, you may be able to request to attend remotely or submit written statements instead of traveling.

You need some emotional and practical support so try support groups. There are UK-based charities and support networks for single parents and parents of disabled children (e.g., Gingerbread, Contact). They can offer emotional support and sometimes legal guidance.

If you feel overwhelmed or unsafe, you can reach out to local social services for help managing the situation.

When you reply to the French court, make sure you outline your childs disability as sadly, if he is doing this to avoid paying to support his child, sadly, this may make him reconsider and it will also polarise the French court on the fact that his prior contact with his child has been so limited that he isn't even aware of this disability.

Big Hugs

Edited

I agree it would be useful for the OP to get legal advice from a family solicitor in the UK, preferably one with specific experience in cross-border children issues. This is going to be way beyond the average high street family solicitor's pay grade.

However, I am not so sure that responding to the French court is wise.

The father has sent the OP a letter in a language she does not speak, to an address she does not reside at, demanding that she attend a court hearing in a country which has no jurisdiction over her child's residency arrangements. Even if this man were formally recognised as the child's father in France, which as far as the OP is aware, he is not, the child's residency arrangements are none of the French state's bloody business because the child is resident in the UK and has been since birth.

The father has no proof the letter has been received, and if he does continue to pursue this, the French authorities would first of all have to find the OP, and serve a notice on her at her correct address. Acknowledging receipt of the letter only informs him of her whereabouts.

Personally, in her position, I would find an experienced cross border family solicitor first to advise her of her position and help her get her ducks in a row, and only respond to the letter if the solicitor thinks it is a good idea.

As far as I am aware (IAAL, qualified in the UK and practising in France, but not in family law), it is possible for the father to have himself recognised as the child's father by the French state even without the OP's cooperation. But this would only be of any legal effect in France. In order to initiate any kind of proceedings relating to custody, he would first have to apply to the UK family court to be legally recognised as the child's father in the UK, and then he would have to apply to change the child's residency arrangements. He would need to do all of this in the UK and in English. Quite obviously he cannot have shared custody unless he moves to the UK, because the child cannot live in two places at once, and he probably cannot move to the UK post Brexit. It will be a cold day in hell before the UK family court agrees to send the child to live in France with a father he doesn't even know.

This is an absolutely idiotic way of doing things and I'm sure this man's sole intention is to try to get the OP to drop her claim for child maintenance.

Woompund · 22/09/2025 20:18

Pezdeoro41 · 22/09/2025 18:03

That was always my understanding, that you'd have to put them on the birth certificate for the child maintenance claim.

Honestly, unless it's masses of money you can't do without, I would withdraw the claim, it opens up such a huge can of worms legally. (I am in a similar situation and haven't mostly for this reason).

No you definitely don't