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Original poster

What’ll happen if I ignore family court order?

170 replies

Pearsinspace · 02/08/2025 09:10

My DS is 4 and due to start reception in September. His dad & I have (and have had for 3 yrs) 50:50 shared custody (not court ordered) and things have always been amicable..until he got a new girlfriend at the beginning of the year. I think she’s been in his ear about trying to get full-custody or something, I don’t know, but my ex decided to take me to court because he didn’t agree with the school I wanted DS to go to. He chose another school next to his house (we live in the same city but opposite sides) and it was going to be a specific issue order that focused only on the school issue and could have been completed in time for his September start. However, the school I chose is far better in every way and I think ex knows that so he’s now bringing a child arrangements order & is accusing me of all kinds of abuse against him and our son (none of which are true). Because of his allegations Cafcass are involved and have to investigate, which takes a minimum of 14 weeks, which means there is no way DS can start school on time because now the child arrangements order and school issue will be heard together. He also turns 5 in September so there’s no way he could start reception the year after either. I can’t stress how excited he is to start school (he still thinks he’ll be starting as normal), and how difficult it will be for him to start far behind his peers. He’s anxious & shy and starting mid-year (considering it’s his first ever time going to school) will be awful for him. I feel that ex has zero regard for him & zero understanding of how difficult this will be for him. I could put up with ex’s behaviour when it was only affecting me, but now it’s affecting my son and such a huge area of his life, I refuse to put up with it anymore. I’m just not dealing with his bullying and BS. I plan to take my son to the school I chose (which he has got a place at) on the first day as normal. I just can’t let him down. Ex & I do week on/week off so I’m hoping he will see how important this is for DS & just take him on his week but obvs I can’t guarantee that. What kind of consequences would I face from the court by doing this? Thank you for any advice :)

OP posts:
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PizzaPartyForOne · 02/08/2025 09:15

If there is no order in place in respect of schools or where he should go the court will expect you to carry on as normal. If they had wanted to deal with the school issue they would have made an interim order.

Take him to school as planned, the emotional harm to him will be worse if he does not start with his peers. If the judge orders he changes schools down the line so be it.

Out of interest if you live on opposite sides of the city how did you imagine schools would work? Was this conversation not had months ago at the time of applying to schools knowing that distance was likely to be an issue?

ComfortFoodCafe · 02/08/2025 09:18

Take him to the school hes been accepted too as planned. Currently there is no order in place so its fine, court is unlikely to then change his school when it is seen in court.

Squishymallows · 02/08/2025 09:19

ComfortFoodCafe · 02/08/2025 09:18

Take him to the school hes been accepted too as planned. Currently there is no order in place so its fine, court is unlikely to then change his school when it is seen in court.

Agree

Snorlaxo · 02/08/2025 09:21

Have you been told that legally ds can’t start at the school near your house?
I would have thought that ds starts at the school near your house and if dad “wins” then he goes on the waiting list for school near dad’s house and switches if a place comes up. If the school near dad’s house is full and he’s not allowed to go to the school near you then he could end up with no school for years.

Temporaryname158 · 02/08/2025 09:21

Take him to school. He has been allocated it through the council and if he will be 5 as you mention he is of mandatory school age.

it will not reflect well on your ex if he doesn’t take him to school. I would also inform the school confidentially of this issue so they are aware and can support you.

LaurieFairyCake · 02/08/2025 09:56

I would send him to school and also terminate the 50/50 until a court decides as I wouldn’t trust him to return him from now on.

and get legal advice.

Iudncuewbccgrcb · 02/08/2025 10:02

Of course you take your son to school. No court in the land is going to criticise you for ensuring your school age child attends school or say that a child shouldn't attend school until a squabble between parents is sorted out.

Lightuptheroom · 02/08/2025 10:13

Agree with the others , there's no order in place currently, you're still at application stage. If you're currently doing 50/50 it's highly unlikely that a judge would order any change anyway, unless you're causing problems.
Child goes to allocated school until such time there's an order saying otherwise. As a previous poster has said court would have asked for an interim order if there was a concern and by changing what he wants he's effectively delayed process anyway.
Long time ago but I changed my sons school 3 times, each time ex issued court proceedings and each time the judge told him basically to go away. Providing you are focused on the best interests of your child then that will be apparent. Try not to cancel current arrangements as court doesn't like that unless there's an absolute safeguarding reason why.

CatHairEveryWhereNow · 02/08/2025 10:17

Child goes to allocated school until such time there's an order saying otherwise.

This.

GasperyJacquesRoberts · 02/08/2025 10:17

LaurieFairyCake · 02/08/2025 09:56

I would send him to school and also terminate the 50/50 until a court decides as I wouldn’t trust him to return him from now on.

and get legal advice.

So it would be ok for the OP to stop the 50:50 but not her ex? Why the difference?

Original poster
Pearsinspace · 02/08/2025 10:31

Iudncuewbccgrcb · 02/08/2025 10:02

Of course you take your son to school. No court in the land is going to criticise you for ensuring your school age child attends school or say that a child shouldn't attend school until a squabble between parents is sorted out.

It’s not that simply unfortunately. He has two allocated places - one at the school ex wants (after he changed his mind about the one we both initially chose together) and the court case is partly to decide which school he attends. Ex will be seriously pissed off if I do this and he may, out of spite, take him to the other school he has a place at on his week, which I know would be ridiculous but he is ridiculous

OP posts:
Lightuptheroom · 02/08/2025 10:36

It's not possible to have 2 allocated places particularly in the same local authority. Please contact your local authority admissions manager and clarify this. If the place is in dispute then you'd have written clarification of this from the admissions team and you will have to wait until after the hearing. You urgently need to get clarification of this point. For clarity I'm a fair access officer so see this sort of dispute a lot.

HarryVanderspeigle · 02/08/2025 10:37

Let him take him to the other school. All you can do is make sure he receives education when he is with you. Be clear to the school what your days are and that you have no control over the others. You have reasons to show why this is a better school, so they can be presented.

CatHairEveryWhereNow · 02/08/2025 10:39

Odd to have two places - is one not done through the LA - a school that does it's own admissions?

If it's all done though same LA - I'd get in touch and check with LA and see if you are being correctly informed.

TBH you need proper legal advice but with no court order I'd send him to school I want and take proper advice and ask if you can stop 50-50 till this is sorted by the courts - so he's not taken to two schools.

TheFormidableMrsC · 02/08/2025 10:45

There is no interim order so I would continue as planned and take him to the new school. I’d also consider halting the 50/50 arrangement at this stage and having weekend contact only until the matter is settled. Have you had contact from Cafcass?

TheFormidableMrsC · 02/08/2025 10:45

CatHairEveryWhereNow · 02/08/2025 10:39

Odd to have two places - is one not done through the LA - a school that does it's own admissions?

If it's all done though same LA - I'd get in touch and check with LA and see if you are being correctly informed.

TBH you need proper legal advice but with no court order I'd send him to school I want and take proper advice and ask if you can stop 50-50 till this is sorted by the courts - so he's not taken to two schools.

Edited

Also, yes this too. He surely hasn’t been offered two places? That would be really unusual.

TheFormidableMrsC · 02/08/2025 10:48

HarryVanderspeigle · 02/08/2025 10:37

Let him take him to the other school. All you can do is make sure he receives education when he is with you. Be clear to the school what your days are and that you have no control over the others. You have reasons to show why this is a better school, so they can be presented.

How does that work? Are you suggesting the child attends two different schools? Why should OP be sending him to the furthest school when they had already agreed before the new girlfriend inserted herself and ruined the Co-parenting relationship.

Typicalwave · 02/08/2025 10:50

If these schools are in the same local authority I highly doubt Hes got places in two different schools.

Call up the school admissions team and have a chat with them.

Howver. You mention ignoring an order? Is there an order in place to say whoch school your child should attend? If yes, you really need to speak to a solicitor before going against that order.

TheFormidableMrsC · 02/08/2025 10:54

Typicalwave · 02/08/2025 10:50

If these schools are in the same local authority I highly doubt Hes got places in two different schools.

Call up the school admissions team and have a chat with them.

Howver. You mention ignoring an order? Is there an order in place to say whoch school your child should attend? If yes, you really need to speak to a solicitor before going against that order.

There is no order, the father has applied for one which could take months to settle.

LaurieFairyCake · 02/08/2025 10:54

GasperywhyJacques

why the difference Confused? Seriously? Her ex has made a huge list of completely untrue allegations that are now going to cost a fortune for our society to investigate and rule on.

all done to harm the OP. If the kid was actually at risk he’d have kept it already.

now because he’s a liar, and manipulating the courts for his own ends and not the child’s interests the OP now cannot trust him and should keep the child in case he tries to.

if he wasn’t such a massive fucking arsehole she’d not have to protect her child in this way.

AlertEagle · 02/08/2025 11:05

Pearsinspace · 02/08/2025 10:31

It’s not that simply unfortunately. He has two allocated places - one at the school ex wants (after he changed his mind about the one we both initially chose together) and the court case is partly to decide which school he attends. Ex will be seriously pissed off if I do this and he may, out of spite, take him to the other school he has a place at on his week, which I know would be ridiculous but he is ridiculous

Show quote history

Are you in the Uk? You can only get one school place

Typicalwave · 02/08/2025 11:07

TheFormidableMrsC · 02/08/2025 10:54

There is no order, the father has applied for one which could take months to settle.

Show quote history

That wasn’t clear.

Original poster
Pearsinspace · 02/08/2025 11:34

TheFormidableMrsC · 02/08/2025 10:45

Also, yes this too. He surely hasn’t been offered two places? That would be really unusual.

Show quote history

The schools are in different local authorities that’s (I assume) why he was offered two places. He definitely has a place at both. I’ve spoken to both of them

OP posts:
Original poster
Pearsinspace · 02/08/2025 11:37

TheFormidableMrsC · 02/08/2025 10:45

There is no interim order so I would continue as planned and take him to the new school. I’d also consider halting the 50/50 arrangement at this stage and having weekend contact only until the matter is settled. Have you had contact from Cafcass?

Could you tell me what an interim order is please? I have a solicitor and Cafcass have done the safeguarding interview. I don’t think I’d be within my rights to halt 50/50? We have equal parental responsibility so if I refused to let him see him wouldn’t that look really bad in the eyes of the court?

OP posts:
Wishitsnows · 02/08/2025 11:41

You should take him to the school near you until the court determines where. What kind of dad does this to a child? Clearly just using the child to get at you and be controlling of you time so on your week you have additional travel.

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