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Mum taking me to court for grandparents visitation.

308 replies

mummytoalittleboy · 08/07/2025 01:10

-My mum is taking me to court for grandparents visitation over my 2 month old.
-My mum rang me a few nights ago screaming down the phone at me because me and my partner had decided to buy a puppy. She was saying I’m endangering my son’s life and that I have to get rid of the dog or she’s ringing social services and saying I’m neglecting my son. She then went on to ring my Nan and make up a list of ways she thinks I’m neglecting my son.
-For reference both me and my mum are qualified childcare practitioners and both have SEND training.
-Me and my partner recently moved into our own house a few weeks after our son was born and since we moved in she has tried dictating every little thing we’ve done in the house. We agreed we were doing carpet month by month as the rooms are rather large and each room would cost £950+ to carpet, she wasn’t happy with this as she wanted us to get every room done in one go knowing the move was unexpectedly quick and we didn’t have much money at the time of moving.
-She sees my son once for a few hours every week or two weeks when she decides she wants to come round. She has only ever had him twice for 3 hours each time so that I could unpack some boxes when we first moved in.
-She’s claiming I’m neglecting my son because she doesn’t agree with our decision to buy a dog, saying that I don’t clean his bottles because the one day she came round in the morning his bottles from the previous night were on the kitchen side waiting to be cleaned as he still had bottles made up. She’s claiming my house is dirty all because we haven’t put carpet down, for reference the previous tenants laminate is still down! She’s claiming I don’t clean my son as he had dirt on the bottom of his feet from when we had taken him in the garden a few hours prior to see if he liked the feeling of grass! She has now said she is taking me to court for visitation of him.
-For reference me and my mum have never had a good relationship. When I was younger she used to emotionally manipulate me, I would have my phone taken off of me for months at a time for not doing as she had asked within the minute she asked it right up until I turned 16 and moved into my nans house. My stepdad took me to my nans at midnight one night when I was 15 for my own safety where I stayed for over a week because my mum found out I was SH due to struggling with mental health. During that week my nan had to keep the door locked as my mum kept turning up drunk and screaming abuse at us through the letter box. The only reason I went back home was because she promised to seek help for her drinking and to go to therapy. She used to force feed me food that I didn’t like during my teenage years until I threw up and then would scream at me and throw things in my direction to scare me. My stepdad used to tear my room apart looking for things he could have a go at me over and then would refuse to let me leave the house until it was tidy, even to go to school. He once threw a plate at a wall just above my head to scare me.
-I have told my mum I do not want to see her or speak to her at all after accusing me of neglecting my son who is very obviously not neglected if you just look at the boy, the weight he’s put on is massive, he’s very advanced for two months holding his head up on his own, sitting up with little to no help, copying facial expressions. Because I have told her I want no contact at all and I would not allow her into my home to see my son and that I don’t trust her to have him on her own as she’s the sort of person that would refuse to give him back, she’s said she is taking me to court for visitation rights. I don’t want her anywhere near him.

Have I got a leg to stand on or will they grant her visitation?

OP posts:
Roomwithaview2019 · 08/07/2025 09:54

CommissarySushi · 08/07/2025 04:38

Your two month old is sitting up? 🤨

From your post, she does sound awful, but I think most people would think taking on a puppy with a two month old and a house move is unwise.

Edited

Moving house is not unwise just because you have had a baby, stop being silly. Ppl dont tend to move on purpose because they have a baby. If you have to move then you have to move.

UnemployedNotRetired · 08/07/2025 09:56

It's quite likely that they will find a solicitor who will write you a formal sounding letter, and hint at all kinds of possible legal action.
But it will be just hot air, and safely ignored. Though might be a shock at first reading. Good luck!

MooseLooseAboutTheHoose · 08/07/2025 09:57

Digdongdoo · 08/07/2025 09:50

Oh so OP unwillingly let her in to watch the baby while she unpacked? Sure.

What are you on about? OP obviously willingly let her in, and her mother then kept an eye on the baby while she unpacked. I’m sure OP could have managed the unpacking even if her mother was not there. What point are you actually trying to make?

Soontobe60 · 08/07/2025 09:58

Rosscameasdoody · 08/07/2025 09:22

Where does OP specify the number of visits ? OP mentioned that she is seeing a therapist, so the reason for that could be connected to increased HV input. Doesn’t necessarily indicate they think there’s a problem, just the need for a bit of extra support.

And re- the flooring. OP’s updates specify that the previous tenants’ laminate flooring was down and that they had refloored all but two rooms. So it’s really not a case of walking around on bare boards because they decided to buy a dog instead.

Edited

I was pointing out that the OP did indeed say that she hadn’t got all the carpets due to cost, and yet claimed in responding to someone’s post that cost was nothing go to do with it.
‘The ‘need for extra support’ does actually indicate there’s a ‘problem’. The ‘problem’ being that extra support is needed.

Menapausemum1974 · 08/07/2025 10:09

TheWisePlumDuck · 08/07/2025 06:58

Nanny dog? I didnt think anyone believed that bollocks anymore. The first person to call them that had his grandson mauled to death by one (look it up).

Let me guess, it's from a mate/gumtree (and so probably at least 70% XL bully)

That poor kid, doesn't stand a chance already.

@TheWisePlumDuck that comment was completely uncalled for and unnecessary, " that poor kid doesn't stand a chance " how actually horribly judgemental. Hope you never fall off your pedestal

MooseLooseAboutTheHoose · 08/07/2025 10:10

Soontobe60 · 08/07/2025 09:58

I was pointing out that the OP did indeed say that she hadn’t got all the carpets due to cost, and yet claimed in responding to someone’s post that cost was nothing go to do with it.
‘The ‘need for extra support’ does actually indicate there’s a ‘problem’. The ‘problem’ being that extra support is needed.

What are you talking about? It’s quite clear from OPs posts that she is doing fabulously as a young mother. Why do you think there is a problem just because she is making use of all the support that’s available to her? She’s a a young woman, obviously determined to be a fabulous mother and is availing of all the additional support she can, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. These supports are there for that reason.

No wonder some women feel like they can’t ask for support when there’s judgemental people like you in the world.

MrsSkylerWhite · 08/07/2025 10:12

Sgreenpy · 08/07/2025 02:20

In all honesty and with kindness, do not get a puppy right now. They are hard work, as much if not more so than a 2 month old baby.
You have enough to cope with.
X

This.

What breed are you intending to buy? Is that what’s causing her concern?

ClairDeLaLune · 08/07/2025 10:13

I’m so sorry to hear about the abuse you’ve suffered from your mother and stepfather OP. Congratulations on getting free and setting up home with your new little family! You sound like a great mum.

I know you’re sick of hearing comments about your dog, but that stood out to me from your post as a possible weapon that your mum could use against you - she could report you to SS for having a fairly dangerous breed of dog around a baby, and cause trouble for you this way. Do you really want to hand her something she could use against you on a plate?

Definitely go no contact with her, she sound irredeemably awful. And document everything she’s done in writing, as evidence you could use against her.

Menapausemum1974 · 08/07/2025 10:16

mummytoalittleboy · 08/07/2025 01:10

-My mum is taking me to court for grandparents visitation over my 2 month old.
-My mum rang me a few nights ago screaming down the phone at me because me and my partner had decided to buy a puppy. She was saying I’m endangering my son’s life and that I have to get rid of the dog or she’s ringing social services and saying I’m neglecting my son. She then went on to ring my Nan and make up a list of ways she thinks I’m neglecting my son.
-For reference both me and my mum are qualified childcare practitioners and both have SEND training.
-Me and my partner recently moved into our own house a few weeks after our son was born and since we moved in she has tried dictating every little thing we’ve done in the house. We agreed we were doing carpet month by month as the rooms are rather large and each room would cost £950+ to carpet, she wasn’t happy with this as she wanted us to get every room done in one go knowing the move was unexpectedly quick and we didn’t have much money at the time of moving.
-She sees my son once for a few hours every week or two weeks when she decides she wants to come round. She has only ever had him twice for 3 hours each time so that I could unpack some boxes when we first moved in.
-She’s claiming I’m neglecting my son because she doesn’t agree with our decision to buy a dog, saying that I don’t clean his bottles because the one day she came round in the morning his bottles from the previous night were on the kitchen side waiting to be cleaned as he still had bottles made up. She’s claiming my house is dirty all because we haven’t put carpet down, for reference the previous tenants laminate is still down! She’s claiming I don’t clean my son as he had dirt on the bottom of his feet from when we had taken him in the garden a few hours prior to see if he liked the feeling of grass! She has now said she is taking me to court for visitation of him.
-For reference me and my mum have never had a good relationship. When I was younger she used to emotionally manipulate me, I would have my phone taken off of me for months at a time for not doing as she had asked within the minute she asked it right up until I turned 16 and moved into my nans house. My stepdad took me to my nans at midnight one night when I was 15 for my own safety where I stayed for over a week because my mum found out I was SH due to struggling with mental health. During that week my nan had to keep the door locked as my mum kept turning up drunk and screaming abuse at us through the letter box. The only reason I went back home was because she promised to seek help for her drinking and to go to therapy. She used to force feed me food that I didn’t like during my teenage years until I threw up and then would scream at me and throw things in my direction to scare me. My stepdad used to tear my room apart looking for things he could have a go at me over and then would refuse to let me leave the house until it was tidy, even to go to school. He once threw a plate at a wall just above my head to scare me.
-I have told my mum I do not want to see her or speak to her at all after accusing me of neglecting my son who is very obviously not neglected if you just look at the boy, the weight he’s put on is massive, he’s very advanced for two months holding his head up on his own, sitting up with little to no help, copying facial expressions. Because I have told her I want no contact at all and I would not allow her into my home to see my son and that I don’t trust her to have him on her own as she’s the sort of person that would refuse to give him back, she’s said she is taking me to court for visitation rights. I don’t want her anywhere near him.

Have I got a leg to stand on or will they grant her visitation?

@mummytoalittleboy i don't think your mum will have any rights as she has no long term relationship with your child so your child will not suffer any damage by cutting contact, the courts are only interested in what's best for child not what's best for the grandparents. Just wanted to say sorry that you have been subjected to so many nasty, judgmental comments about nothing you had actually asked for comments about! Some people have their own agenda and love feeling superior, keep doing your best and good luck, you've got this. ❤️

CommissarySushi · 08/07/2025 10:16

Roomwithaview2019 · 08/07/2025 09:54

Moving house is not unwise just because you have had a baby, stop being silly. Ppl dont tend to move on purpose because they have a baby. If you have to move then you have to move.

I didn't say the house move was unwise, did I.

MooseLooseAboutTheHoose · 08/07/2025 10:19

ClairDeLaLune · 08/07/2025 10:13

I’m so sorry to hear about the abuse you’ve suffered from your mother and stepfather OP. Congratulations on getting free and setting up home with your new little family! You sound like a great mum.

I know you’re sick of hearing comments about your dog, but that stood out to me from your post as a possible weapon that your mum could use against you - she could report you to SS for having a fairly dangerous breed of dog around a baby, and cause trouble for you this way. Do you really want to hand her something she could use against you on a plate?

Definitely go no contact with her, she sound irredeemably awful. And document everything she’s done in writing, as evidence you could use against her.

Edited

Agree with a lot of your post but Staffordshire bull terriers are no more dangerous than any other dog breed. They are not classed as a restricted or dangerous dog and the government actively decided not to include them in those lists. Public perception of the breed is affected as many people confuse them with pitbulls but they are a completely separate and distinct breed and are well regarded as family friendly and excellent with children.

Chonk · 08/07/2025 10:21

nomas · 08/07/2025 09:32

Why you are so judgemental about a young woman who lives in her own place and making her own way in life?

She isn't really making her own way though is she? Housed by the council with no intention to work for the next 2 years.

anyzen · 08/07/2025 10:24

Your mum will not get access if you don't want it.

However, be aware that if she does take it further, the Staffie might be used as leverage, i.e. the danger of that breed in close proximity to a new born and needing to keep an eye on things as they develop. Just saying.

tuvamoodyson · 08/07/2025 10:24

mummytoalittleboy · 08/07/2025 06:45

Both myself and my partner have previously had dogs from puppies before moving out together. My mother has a German shepherd who she hasn’t done any training with, who my mother used to lock herself in the kitchen away from as she couldn’t get the dog to stop biting me and my two younger brothers because she didn’t bother training it. This is the same dog who she let lick my son’s face when he was 2 days old and who she let climb all over her lap and my son when she was holding my son. Being 20 doesn’t mean I don’t know how to look after and train a puppy!

I know how to clean and sterilise baby bottles. As I mentioned the bottles were what he had drank out of during the night. All of his bottles are emptied and rinsed out as soon as I get up for the day, and then washed up and sterilised like I mentioned in the comment you just quoted. I also, not sure if you just didn’t read it properly, said how I support my sons back and his head and not once did I mention him standing up and putting weight on his legs?

my puppy is an 8 week old Staffy. My partner and my grandparents did lots of research beforehand as we were looking at getting a dog before I got pregnant. Staffies are known as “nanny dogs” for a reason as they are good with kids, but like all dogs they require training and constant supervision around children. My son is never left alone in the same room as the dog, if my son is asleep in his bouncer then the dog is in his crate. The dog is crate trained and in the 2 weeks we have had the dog we have not had one single accident inside of the house as the lady that we got her off of got her going to the toilet outside. She gives us signals that she needs to go to the toilet and she gets taken outside to do her business. My mother doesn’t think my son is at risk because of the dog. She doesn’t like the fact that she demanded that i didn’t do something and that I’ve done it anyway I’m no longer letting my mother control and dictate what I do and she does not like this. She fell out with her sister, my auntie, when I was younger and phoned social services on her saying her partner was abusing her son when he wasn’t all because they had fallen out. I will not be rehoming my puppy thank you, I have not asked for advice on my dog I have asked for advice on how to deal with my mother!!

When both you and your partner have both had puppies before, you didn’t have a newborn then did you?

MooseLooseAboutTheHoose · 08/07/2025 10:27

anyzen · 08/07/2025 10:24

Your mum will not get access if you don't want it.

However, be aware that if she does take it further, the Staffie might be used as leverage, i.e. the danger of that breed in close proximity to a new born and needing to keep an eye on things as they develop. Just saying.

Again, do you have valid references citing the danger of the breed around children? Are you confusing it with a pit bull? This breed is not restricted or anymore dangerous than any other dog of its size.

anyzen · 08/07/2025 10:30

MooseLooseAboutTheHoose · 08/07/2025 10:27

Again, do you have valid references citing the danger of the breed around children? Are you confusing it with a pit bull? This breed is not restricted or anymore dangerous than any other dog of its size.

Any dog is potentially dangerous around children, especially babies.

I feel the OP's mum might use the potential dangers of a new puppy (of any breed) as leverage in her quest.

TBH I'd be terrified of a dog being around babies myself. That might be irrational to you, but not to me.

Tantomile · 08/07/2025 10:31

This thread is in 'Active' so you will get different responses. You have had some legal advice. Different views are not necessarily toxic - the OP might not be presenting the real picture, her Mum might not be as difficult as portrayed - she might be genuinely concerned - who knows. Puppies are expensive and not great for the newborn stage.

Finaly · 08/07/2025 10:33

Puppies are hard work, I couldn't take my eyes of my last pup until he was around 18 months, he's super chilled now though thankfully. You've said he's crate trained so that's good as it will give him a safe place to go to, to get out of your son's way once he's a toddler.

I would also invest in a few stair gates and put them up in door ways so you have a quick and easy way to keep your son and the pup separate, both in an emergency and to give them some space from each other.

AnonymousBleep · 08/07/2025 10:34

ThankULord · 08/07/2025 05:50

OP, it sounds like your mum has issues.
But i must say, you have said a few concerning things about your two month old.

  • He is absolutely massive. Why? Is he overweight for his age? Overfeeding? Keep an eye on that.
  • 'Sitting up with little to no help', this is absolutely not okay at 2 months and he shouldn't be doing that. His back and positioning should be supported.
  • Buying a puppy when you have just had a baby who is only 2 months old - it doesn't seem the wisest decision. House training a new puppy and looking after a two month old while just moved into a new place and doing it up. I would wonder about your choices and decision making, tbh.
  • Taking your two month old out for hours to see if they like the feel of grass resulting in dirty feet. Was your two month old standing? Was it muddy grass? For hours?
  • The whole bottles by the side from the day before waiting to be washed is just.... too much of a health risk. Milk is a fantastic medium for bacteria. Are the bottles just washed and more milk made in them or are they sterilised after washing? Are they rinsed out after use while waiting to be washed?

OP, in the kindest way, I don't think your mum treated you well at all in your childhood from your account and I don't agree from what you have written that she should/would be successful in court but the examples you have listed above are concerning.

Oh for goodness sake. None of that is 'concerning.' Why deliberately make a mountain out of a molehill when the poor woman is already anxious that she's not a good enough mum thanks to her own psycho mother?

MooseLooseAboutTheHoose · 08/07/2025 10:35

anyzen · 08/07/2025 10:30

Any dog is potentially dangerous around children, especially babies.

I feel the OP's mum might use the potential dangers of a new puppy (of any breed) as leverage in her quest.

TBH I'd be terrified of a dog being around babies myself. That might be irrational to you, but not to me.

I don’t think it’s irrational, having dogs around children is always a risk, but one that millions make all over the world every single. It requires constant vigilance.

The issue I had is that you referenced ‘the danger of THAT breed in close proximity to a new born’. This is a completely uneducated comment and adds to the public misperception of this breed. Staffordshire bull terriers are widely regarded as excellent family dogs and no more dangerous than any other breed.

Robogob · 08/07/2025 10:36

Go no contact. I would not let her anywhere near my kids.

But I think it’s a big mistake bringing a puppy into all of this. Concentrate on your baby and park that idea.

BlueandPinkSwan · 08/07/2025 10:36

Rosscameasdoody · 08/07/2025 08:03

A family member has a baby a month or so older than OP’s. They asked their health visitor about pre making formula for day care with a relative and the advice was that if the cooled bottles are stored at the back of the fridge and used within 24 hours it was perfectly safe. A quick google confirms that this is NHS advice also.

Edited

I did this with my kids all six thrived and are now healthy adults OP you are fine.

Crackanut · 08/07/2025 10:37

Chonk · 08/07/2025 10:21

She isn't really making her own way though is she? Housed by the council with no intention to work for the next 2 years.

What a nasty nasty person you are.

Kreepture · 08/07/2025 10:38

Tantomile · 08/07/2025 10:31

This thread is in 'Active' so you will get different responses. You have had some legal advice. Different views are not necessarily toxic - the OP might not be presenting the real picture, her Mum might not be as difficult as portrayed - she might be genuinely concerned - who knows. Puppies are expensive and not great for the newborn stage.

Edited

It doesn't matter that the thread has made it to active/trending. its ON the Legal Board, the OP has every right to expect people to answer the LEGAL question she posed, not berate her for her parenting/lifestyle choices.

Tantomile · 08/07/2025 10:45

@kreepture very true - but this will happen - especially when the OP gives lots of additional information right down to the age of her grandparents - I also don't need the capitalisation.