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Legal matters

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Mum taking me to court for grandparents visitation.

308 replies

mummytoalittleboy · 08/07/2025 01:10

-My mum is taking me to court for grandparents visitation over my 2 month old.
-My mum rang me a few nights ago screaming down the phone at me because me and my partner had decided to buy a puppy. She was saying I’m endangering my son’s life and that I have to get rid of the dog or she’s ringing social services and saying I’m neglecting my son. She then went on to ring my Nan and make up a list of ways she thinks I’m neglecting my son.
-For reference both me and my mum are qualified childcare practitioners and both have SEND training.
-Me and my partner recently moved into our own house a few weeks after our son was born and since we moved in she has tried dictating every little thing we’ve done in the house. We agreed we were doing carpet month by month as the rooms are rather large and each room would cost £950+ to carpet, she wasn’t happy with this as she wanted us to get every room done in one go knowing the move was unexpectedly quick and we didn’t have much money at the time of moving.
-She sees my son once for a few hours every week or two weeks when she decides she wants to come round. She has only ever had him twice for 3 hours each time so that I could unpack some boxes when we first moved in.
-She’s claiming I’m neglecting my son because she doesn’t agree with our decision to buy a dog, saying that I don’t clean his bottles because the one day she came round in the morning his bottles from the previous night were on the kitchen side waiting to be cleaned as he still had bottles made up. She’s claiming my house is dirty all because we haven’t put carpet down, for reference the previous tenants laminate is still down! She’s claiming I don’t clean my son as he had dirt on the bottom of his feet from when we had taken him in the garden a few hours prior to see if he liked the feeling of grass! She has now said she is taking me to court for visitation of him.
-For reference me and my mum have never had a good relationship. When I was younger she used to emotionally manipulate me, I would have my phone taken off of me for months at a time for not doing as she had asked within the minute she asked it right up until I turned 16 and moved into my nans house. My stepdad took me to my nans at midnight one night when I was 15 for my own safety where I stayed for over a week because my mum found out I was SH due to struggling with mental health. During that week my nan had to keep the door locked as my mum kept turning up drunk and screaming abuse at us through the letter box. The only reason I went back home was because she promised to seek help for her drinking and to go to therapy. She used to force feed me food that I didn’t like during my teenage years until I threw up and then would scream at me and throw things in my direction to scare me. My stepdad used to tear my room apart looking for things he could have a go at me over and then would refuse to let me leave the house until it was tidy, even to go to school. He once threw a plate at a wall just above my head to scare me.
-I have told my mum I do not want to see her or speak to her at all after accusing me of neglecting my son who is very obviously not neglected if you just look at the boy, the weight he’s put on is massive, he’s very advanced for two months holding his head up on his own, sitting up with little to no help, copying facial expressions. Because I have told her I want no contact at all and I would not allow her into my home to see my son and that I don’t trust her to have him on her own as she’s the sort of person that would refuse to give him back, she’s said she is taking me to court for visitation rights. I don’t want her anywhere near him.

Have I got a leg to stand on or will they grant her visitation?

OP posts:
nomas · 08/07/2025 09:32

Viviennemary · 08/07/2025 09:28

Always an excuse.

Why you are so judgemental about a young woman who lives in her own place and making her own way in life?

Rosscameasdoody · 08/07/2025 09:32

Digdongdoo · 08/07/2025 09:31

She's said it a couple of times now.

Nope. Nowhere in any of her posts has she specified that she has either invited her mum or asked for childcare.

Rosscameasdoody · 08/07/2025 09:34

nomas · 08/07/2025 09:32

Why you are so judgemental about a young woman who lives in her own place and making her own way in life?

That same judgement is applied across many threads.

Digdongdoo · 08/07/2025 09:34

mummytoalittleboy · 08/07/2025 09:22

I don’t invite her over and I have never once asked her for childcare. She had him twice for 2 hours each time when I first moved in, by that I mean that she sat with him at my house and watched him while I unpacked. My mother doesn’t get invited anywhere willingly she just turns up.

So you have invited her over and asked for childcare, at least twice in the space of 5 weeks. So not always showing up invited then. So stop letting her come over if she's so manipulative and controlling. You need to take some control over your own life, stop letting your mum drag you down, stop letting people give you dogs.

Sausagenbacon · 08/07/2025 09:36

This has very quickly become a toxic and bullying thread.
tbh, I think some posters have a very low bar for calling this out.
In general, all posters are doing is pointing out that a new dog and a new baby are not a good idea. The OP is defensive about that, but it doesn't mean that the posters pointing out a red flag aren't right. And it's not bullying or toxic.
I just think that some people can't live with people disagreeing with them.

3peassuit · 08/07/2025 09:37

Your mum is a toxic bully who should have no contact with your baby. She will get nowhere with her threats of court. Speaking of toxic bullies, this tread appears to be full of them. Take no notice.

Negroany · 08/07/2025 09:38

Digdongdoo · 08/07/2025 09:34

So you have invited her over and asked for childcare, at least twice in the space of 5 weeks. So not always showing up invited then. So stop letting her come over if she's so manipulative and controlling. You need to take some control over your own life, stop letting your mum drag you down, stop letting people give you dogs.

Is this satire?

You've just completely reversed what the post says. Why?

Kreepture · 08/07/2025 09:38

This is Legal.

If you're not here to give useful legal advice, go somewhere else.

The OP did not ask for judgment on her parenting or choices.

Rosscameasdoody · 08/07/2025 09:38

Digdongdoo · 08/07/2025 09:34

So you have invited her over and asked for childcare, at least twice in the space of 5 weeks. So not always showing up invited then. So stop letting her come over if she's so manipulative and controlling. You need to take some control over your own life, stop letting your mum drag you down, stop letting people give you dogs.

What is wrong with your reading comprehension ? OP says quite clearly she hasn’t invited her mother - she just turns up.

Teenybub · 08/07/2025 09:38

ThankULord · 08/07/2025 05:50

OP, it sounds like your mum has issues.
But i must say, you have said a few concerning things about your two month old.

  • He is absolutely massive. Why? Is he overweight for his age? Overfeeding? Keep an eye on that.
  • 'Sitting up with little to no help', this is absolutely not okay at 2 months and he shouldn't be doing that. His back and positioning should be supported.
  • Buying a puppy when you have just had a baby who is only 2 months old - it doesn't seem the wisest decision. House training a new puppy and looking after a two month old while just moved into a new place and doing it up. I would wonder about your choices and decision making, tbh.
  • Taking your two month old out for hours to see if they like the feel of grass resulting in dirty feet. Was your two month old standing? Was it muddy grass? For hours?
  • The whole bottles by the side from the day before waiting to be washed is just.... too much of a health risk. Milk is a fantastic medium for bacteria. Are the bottles just washed and more milk made in them or are they sterilised after washing? Are they rinsed out after use while waiting to be washed?

OP, in the kindest way, I don't think your mum treated you well at all in your childhood from your account and I don't agree from what you have written that she should/would be successful in court but the examples you have listed above are concerning.

They are only concerning when you make assumptions and wildly exaggerate like you have. By the sounds of it OP is doing well and no concerns have been flagged so wind your neck in.

itgetsthehoseagain · 08/07/2025 09:39

People are reacting to the puppy because we are experienced women who can see that you are about to increase your stress levels both emotionally and financially.

One of what will be many similar scenarios: You're waiting for baby to sleep so you can take puppy into the garden for training. Baby falls asleep. You notice that puppy has wee'd in a corner. You get a bleach solution in a bowl to clean it. Puppy yelps - you have to go and see what at. You return to the bleach solution. You start cleaning up the wee. Baby stirs. You put the bleach solution on the side and go to check on baby. You return to find puppy chewing a curtain. You tell him "NO", firmly, three times. You've woken baby up again. Puppy starts whimpering at door. Baby is crying. You can't find the cloth you've been using and, when you do, you see that puppy has chewed on some of it. You will need to take him to the vet, but this will cost £100s. You blame yourself for being so careless. And so on, and on, and on.

This is what life is going to be like, every day, with a baby and a puppy. Don't invite this stress into your world.

Embarrassinglyuseless · 08/07/2025 09:39

Sgreenpy · 08/07/2025 02:20

In all honesty and with kindness, do not get a puppy right now. They are hard work, as much if not more so than a 2 month old baby.
You have enough to cope with.
X

I second this. Adore my dog - but even grown up and fully trained he’s a lot to manage around my children. Properly training ans exercising a puppy as well as trying to settle in to a new area, set up a new home and adapt to life with a new baby sounds impossible!

if I were you I would focus on building community where you are - find a list of all the new mum and baby groups - go to one a couple of times a week. Reach out to your midwife / health visitor about some support keeping you safe from your mum and step father - it sounds like you need a clean break from them!

good luck!

Rosscameasdoody · 08/07/2025 09:39

Negroany · 08/07/2025 09:38

Is this satire?

You've just completely reversed what the post says. Why?

Because they’re under the impression that this is AIBU, where this kind of crap is the norm.

Hollyhobbi · 08/07/2025 09:39

Yes. Any dog can bite. I’m in my mid 50s and my parents had to rehome their small jack russell when I came home from hospital as he was jealous of me! Luckily the farmer next door took him as we were living in the countryside then. They didn’t get a new puppy until the youngest of us was 7!

Kreepture · 08/07/2025 09:40

itgetsthehoseagain · 08/07/2025 09:39

People are reacting to the puppy because we are experienced women who can see that you are about to increase your stress levels both emotionally and financially.

One of what will be many similar scenarios: You're waiting for baby to sleep so you can take puppy into the garden for training. Baby falls asleep. You notice that puppy has wee'd in a corner. You get a bleach solution in a bowl to clean it. Puppy yelps - you have to go and see what at. You return to the bleach solution. You start cleaning up the wee. Baby stirs. You put the bleach solution on the side and go to check on baby. You return to find puppy chewing a curtain. You tell him "NO", firmly, three times. You've woken baby up again. Puppy starts whimpering at door. Baby is crying. You can't find the cloth you've been using and, when you do, you see that puppy has chewed on some of it. You will need to take him to the vet, but this will cost £100s. You blame yourself for being so careless. And so on, and on, and on.

This is what life is going to be like, every day, with a baby and a puppy. Don't invite this stress into your world.

This is Legal.

Comment on what the OP asked for or go away.

brimirox · 08/07/2025 09:40

Wow. I cannot get over the amount of stuck-up, bullying judgement coming from so many quarters here. So many of you are really showing yourselves up.

OP, I had a very VERY similar situation to that which you describe - a toxic mother growing who made vexatious allegations to various agencies very early on after my birth. Thankfully my HV and police were very supportive. I made the decision to cut all contact completely and I applied for NHS therapy too (as you’re post natal you’ll be sped through) and boy, it was the best decision I ever made! I got seen really quickly and it helped me get on the road to being truly happy for the first time in my life.

As a mum who also formula fed, and did plenty of solid research into it and understands the science of food safety, there is nothing wrong with making up bottles in advance and cooling them quickly and storing them appropriately and correctly. There is such little support or proper advice about bottle feeding out there and much of it that is overzealous and frankly quite obstructive.

Nor is there anything wrong with how much your little one feeds. My boy was EXACTLY the same and is a happy, confident, healthy and very advanced 2yo.

From your responses you sound very mature and determined. You will be having grown up with a mother like yours. It forces you to be.

I’m so glad you have supportive grandparents too. The only thing I’d say is I think you’re either bonkers or very brave getting a puppy at the same time - 😂 😂 but each to their own! and I mean that with the greatest affection, respect and masses of good luck for a happy future for you. You deserve it. Enjoy it all.

Rosscameasdoody · 08/07/2025 09:41

itgetsthehoseagain · 08/07/2025 09:39

People are reacting to the puppy because we are experienced women who can see that you are about to increase your stress levels both emotionally and financially.

One of what will be many similar scenarios: You're waiting for baby to sleep so you can take puppy into the garden for training. Baby falls asleep. You notice that puppy has wee'd in a corner. You get a bleach solution in a bowl to clean it. Puppy yelps - you have to go and see what at. You return to the bleach solution. You start cleaning up the wee. Baby stirs. You put the bleach solution on the side and go to check on baby. You return to find puppy chewing a curtain. You tell him "NO", firmly, three times. You've woken baby up again. Puppy starts whimpering at door. Baby is crying. You can't find the cloth you've been using and, when you do, you see that puppy has chewed on some of it. You will need to take him to the vet, but this will cost £100s. You blame yourself for being so careless. And so on, and on, and on.

This is what life is going to be like, every day, with a baby and a puppy. Don't invite this stress into your world.

This is one of the biggest stretches I’ve seen on MN and that’s saying something !!

Rosscameasdoody · 08/07/2025 09:44

Sausagenbacon · 08/07/2025 09:36

This has very quickly become a toxic and bullying thread.
tbh, I think some posters have a very low bar for calling this out.
In general, all posters are doing is pointing out that a new dog and a new baby are not a good idea. The OP is defensive about that, but it doesn't mean that the posters pointing out a red flag aren't right. And it's not bullying or toxic.
I just think that some people can't live with people disagreeing with them.

Edited

This is legal. Not AIBU. Very few posters are addressing the actual issue OP posted about. And if you read back through the thread some of the answers are verging on bullying. So far we have advice on everything from child care to dogs to carpeting - none of which OP posted for.

AlertEagle · 08/07/2025 09:45

tbh having a newborn and a puppy is hard. A few of my friends got a puppy when their babies were born and had to give the puppies away not realising beforehand how hard it is to look after a puppy.

yea you are still very young but you seem to be doing well, own place etc.

I think you should distance yourself from your mom and grey rock her as much as you can. Also keep proof of any texts where she is being verbally abusive.

she can’t get a court order as the baby is a newborn I think this will only be the case if there is abuse or neglect.

Lookuptotheskies · 08/07/2025 09:48

OP the bottle thing: the rules were changed to make them up one at a time purely because SOME parents weren't making and storing them correctly. I've had a child during rule one and a child during rule two. With both kids I made the bottles up in batches like you do.

Ignore the people poking at you about the bottles. Like you've said the HV knows and is fine with it.

Your mum. Defintely access some more therapy. When we've had a tough childhood due to a parent's behaviour and then become a mum ourselves it can hit really hard emotionally.

It sounds like you are doing a fab job.

Ignore your mum. Keep her blocked on everything. Don't answer the door if you think it's her, etc. If she likes to turn up to places uninvited get a peephole or a doorbell so you can check who is there before opening the door. She's never had unsupervised contact with your baby so is HIGHLY unlikely to get anywhere demanding it.

Ask your HV for support with signposting to free counselling, mum and baby groups, etc.

MooseLooseAboutTheHoose · 08/07/2025 09:49

Starlight7080 · 08/07/2025 07:53

I agree. Its madness you got that breed especially with a baby
Why risk it ?

To these two posters… do you have any references to back up this claim? I’ve grown up with and raised staffys, they’re the most incredible family dogs.

OP, I was a young mum too. The judgement was horrendous, everyone assumes you must be useless and incapable of caring for your child.

However, it’s abundantly clear from your posts that you are an articulate, intelligent, capable, responsible and loving parent. Screw everyone on this thread trying to talk down to you. Your mother doesn’t have a leg to stand on either so don’t be worrying. Your child is not old enough for there to be an established relationship or pattern of care by your mother so she will get nowhere.

Enjoy your new home, your new baby and your new dog… you’re doing great x

Digdongdoo · 08/07/2025 09:50

Rosscameasdoody · 08/07/2025 09:38

What is wrong with your reading comprehension ? OP says quite clearly she hasn’t invited her mother - she just turns up.

Oh so OP unwillingly let her in to watch the baby while she unpacked? Sure.

FairKoala · 08/07/2025 09:51

Impatientlywaiting321 · 08/07/2025 07:14

I have no other advice other than I cannot believe you have deemed it appropriate to add a Staffordshire bull terrior to your household when you have a new born.

You might not like that opinion and that people are commenting on the dog but that particular breed are responsible for 43% of dog attack disfigurements in the UK. So people will have an opinion on it.

I had a Staffie Cross when I had babies and she was a wonderful caring dog who loved dc.
As long as you have systems and routines in place so baby and dog are never left alone together then I don’t see the problem

Kreepture · 08/07/2025 09:52

Digdongdoo · 08/07/2025 09:50

Oh so OP unwillingly let her in to watch the baby while she unpacked? Sure.

Do you not understand the difference between specifically inviting someone over, and them coming over unannounced and you letting them in

AlertEagle · 08/07/2025 09:52

On second thought was your mom angry that you bought a puppy but not carpets for all of your rooms? Maybe that set her off.