Mum taking me to court for grandparents visitation.

[mummytoalittleboy]

-My mum is taking me to court for grandparents visitation over my 2 month old.
-My mum rang me a few nights ago screaming down the phone at me because me and my partner had decided to buy a puppy. She was saying I’m endangering my son’s life and that I have to get rid of the dog or she’s ringing social services and saying I’m neglecting my son. She then went on to ring my Nan and make up a list of ways she thinks I’m neglecting my son.
-For reference both me and my mum are qualified childcare practitioners and both have SEND training.
-Me and my partner recently moved into our own house a few weeks after our son was born and since we moved in she has tried dictating every little thing we’ve done in the house. We agreed we were doing carpet month by month as the rooms are rather large and each room would cost £950+ to carpet, she wasn’t happy with this as she wanted us to get every room done in one go knowing the move was unexpectedly quick and we didn’t have much money at the time of moving.
-She sees my son once for a few hours every week or two weeks when she decides she wants to come round. She has only ever had him twice for 3 hours each time so that I could unpack some boxes when we first moved in.
-She’s claiming I’m neglecting my son because she doesn’t agree with our decision to buy a dog, saying that I don’t clean his bottles because the one day she came round in the morning his bottles from the previous night were on the kitchen side waiting to be cleaned as he still had bottles made up. She’s claiming my house is dirty all because we haven’t put carpet down, for reference the previous tenants laminate is still down! She’s claiming I don’t clean my son as he had dirt on the bottom of his feet from when we had taken him in the garden a few hours prior to see if he liked the feeling of grass! She has now said she is taking me to court for visitation of him.
-For reference me and my mum have never had a good relationship. When I was younger she used to emotionally manipulate me, I would have my phone taken off of me for months at a time for not doing as she had asked within the minute she asked it right up until I turned 16 and moved into my nans house. My stepdad took me to my nans at midnight one night when I was 15 for my own safety where I stayed for over a week because my mum found out I was SH due to struggling with mental health. During that week my nan had to keep the door locked as my mum kept turning up drunk and screaming abuse at us through the letter box. The only reason I went back home was because she promised to seek help for her drinking and to go to therapy. She used to force feed me food that I didn’t like during my teenage years until I threw up and then would scream at me and throw things in my direction to scare me. My stepdad used to tear my room apart looking for things he could have a go at me over and then would refuse to let me leave the house until it was tidy, even to go to school. He once threw a plate at a wall just above my head to scare me.
-I have told my mum I do not want to see her or speak to her at all after accusing me of neglecting my son who is very obviously not neglected if you just look at the boy, the weight he’s put on is massive, he’s very advanced for two months holding his head up on his own, sitting up with little to no help, copying facial expressions. Because I have told her I want no contact at all and I would not allow her into my home to see my son and that I don’t trust her to have him on her own as she’s the sort of person that would refuse to give him back, she’s said she is taking me to court for visitation rights. I don’t want her anywhere near him.

Have I got a leg to stand on or will they grant her visitation?

Don’t know if this has been posted before but Staffies are a restricted breed here in Ireland with good reason! Also wasn’t a so called nanny dog responsible for killing the two year old nephew of the man who originally coined the term?

Another person commenting and eyerolling who does not seem to be able to read. Where has OP said her stepfather got the dog? It was her partner’s mother. Also a big assumption she’s just taken a random dog with no clue where it’s from.
And yes I know OP has not said she knows etc, but why must assumptions on Mumsnet ALWAYS be negative?

When you consider how many different dog breeds there are in the UK, 43% being caused by a single breed is insane. That should set alarm bells ringing.

Where is your source for that figure exactly? Or are you just parroting the unverified figure that another OP posted above? Or depending on your AI search without actually looking at the sources and statistics. You realise that German Shepherds, Rottweilers, Border Collies and even Jack Russels are involved in far more bites than Staffordshires?

Every dog can bite, every dog needs supervision around children. There’s no need to demonise Staffordshires.

Gosh OP you really can't be leaving your front door unlocked with a baby and a puppy! You're lucky it's only your mum walking in. You need to get out of that habit before you've got a toddler who can open doors!

Your mother is a nutter. She has no rights. The fact she's qualified in what she is and presumably works in that area yet is so controlling and abusive towards you is terrifying. Go NC

So the puppy was free
But ,food , bedding,vets bills , insurance are not
Carpet comes before those expenses,well in the real world it does

But. Again.

it is more financially responsible to do one room at a time, and save, than it is to do one big lump sum. They also have Lino down.

It's not really as easy as just putting the baby in the pram sleeping though is it? What about first thing in the morning when it's raining or snowing, the baby is screaming for food or needs a nappy change, and the dog is crossing it's legs and desperately needs to go out? How do you do the evening walks when baby is in bed and it's the middle of winter? Do you get the baby up to take it out as well?

You left your frontdoor unlocked and you did not tell her to leave. That is the equivalent of "letting her in", I'd say. You definitely LET her stay.

Kindly explain that as what choice did I have over her letting her dog near him when my partner had taken him to see my mother not me? My partner didn’t know about her dog biting us when we were children.

Did you know that he was taking your DS to your DM? If yes: You let him visit her. And you did not inform him about the dog. That would be a massive issue and that would be on you / your responsibility.

There would be a lot of of additional issues if you did not know that your DP was taking your newborn DS to your DM...

The buck stops with you in all matters that concern your mother and your baby. I personally do not get the impression that you're actually acknowledging that. I wouldn't be surprised if you were to tell me that I am wrong... And I actually hope I am.

My son is never left alone in the same room as the dog, if my son is asleep in his bouncer then the dog is in his crate. Yes, I read that.
we have a crate in the lounge in which the dog gets put in if I do need to leave the room for any reason. Whether the dog is in the crate or not is not the issue.

The most important thing is that you take your baby with you / never leave those two unsupervised in the same room. But I already stated that I assume you're aware of that... And if your dog and the baby are never alone / in the same room unsupervised, you're doing much better than many other parents (who happen to also be dog owners). That's fantastic!

Ridiculous post based on not reading properly. OP said from early on that this is a council flat. It’s not the landlords laminate, it’s the previous tenants, so your comments about taking it up and storing it are not relevant.

Many couples with kids and dogs seem to manage. Funny that.

This is AIBU - people can comment on whatever parts of your post that they want.

There will be 100% agreement not to let your mother near the baby, and reassurance that she has no rights to your baby.

The reason that people are picking up on the puppy is that getting a new puppy when either heavily pregnant or with a newborn is not ideal timing wise.

Other points that stand out:

1. You didn’t choose the breed of dog, your MIL wanted you to have her puppy’s sibling. Bad idea.
2. You had a difficult pregnancy & early newborn days - how does a puppy make that easier?
3. You live in a flat, again not impossible, but more difficult to manage toileting the dog if baby is napping or eating.
4. The dog will still be bouncy puppy stage when baby is starting to crawl, meaning it’s going to spend a lot of time in its crate.
5. This is an assumption, but I’m guessing the puppy isn’t Kennel Club registered. In which case you don’t know if it’s purebred or not.
6. Why didn’t you tell your partner not to let your mother’s dog near the baby? And if you’re both experienced dog owners, why was the baby not immediately removed when the dog started showing worrying behaviours around it?

You do sound like a good & careful mother, but showing a lack of foresight in the practicalities of puppy vs baby care.

This is NOT AIBU - this is posted in Legal Matters. OP is asking for advice on a Legal Matter.

She doesn’t need your opinion on her dog.

WRONG.

This is NOT aibu, this is the legal matters board.

Keep your opinions about her life and choices to yourself.

No it isn’t. It’s legal matters. The fact that you missed that renders the rest of your post questionable at best.

But the correct response should have been, “no thank you, it’s not the right time for us to have a puppy.”

It’s also bewildering that your MIL thought it was appropriate in the first place to foist a puppy on you!

My mistake. This thread came up on Trending - I didn’t go looking for it.

But, it’s a public forum, so I’ll still give my opinion on people’s lifestyle choices if I want to. I wasn’t exactly the first person to comment. And I stand by my comments.

God almighty, @mummytoalittleboyyou’d think these people responding here were your freaking mother!
They’re bossing you around as if they are.
Don’t get a puppy! Don’t sit your baby up! Don’t make up that many bottles! Don’t get a puppy!
YOU’RE GOING TO STRAIGHT TO HELL BECAUSE YOU GOT THAT DAMN PUPPY!!!
🤣🤣🤣

You’re fine. Common sense rules the world. ❤️

Ok
But then don't add any more extra expenses..like a dog ..untill you have spare money for insurance,and food and training and all the other expected and unexpected costs that go with a dog
When you have a baby that must come first ,and carpet as a necessity, comes before a dog for enjoyment

In a flat though...it's not ideal or sensible
Do we know what breed of dog
Or should we guess .......

This.
she shouldn't hold much hope here , and social services will not act on those weak allegations.

No, you said most people would think it unwise so it’s pretty much the same thing. OP and her partner and baby were living with her grandparents when they were offered a council flat. What were they supposed to do - refuse it ? We’ve now got to the point where everything the OP has said has been picked apart and criticised.

If we read the thread we don’t have to guess - it’s been done to death.

If you read the thread nobody foisted anything on anyone. And there is no ‘correct’ response here - it’s OP’s choice. Such judgement.