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Legal matters

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Mum taking me to court for grandparents visitation.

308 replies

mummytoalittleboy · 08/07/2025 01:10

-My mum is taking me to court for grandparents visitation over my 2 month old.
-My mum rang me a few nights ago screaming down the phone at me because me and my partner had decided to buy a puppy. She was saying I’m endangering my son’s life and that I have to get rid of the dog or she’s ringing social services and saying I’m neglecting my son. She then went on to ring my Nan and make up a list of ways she thinks I’m neglecting my son.
-For reference both me and my mum are qualified childcare practitioners and both have SEND training.
-Me and my partner recently moved into our own house a few weeks after our son was born and since we moved in she has tried dictating every little thing we’ve done in the house. We agreed we were doing carpet month by month as the rooms are rather large and each room would cost £950+ to carpet, she wasn’t happy with this as she wanted us to get every room done in one go knowing the move was unexpectedly quick and we didn’t have much money at the time of moving.
-She sees my son once for a few hours every week or two weeks when she decides she wants to come round. She has only ever had him twice for 3 hours each time so that I could unpack some boxes when we first moved in.
-She’s claiming I’m neglecting my son because she doesn’t agree with our decision to buy a dog, saying that I don’t clean his bottles because the one day she came round in the morning his bottles from the previous night were on the kitchen side waiting to be cleaned as he still had bottles made up. She’s claiming my house is dirty all because we haven’t put carpet down, for reference the previous tenants laminate is still down! She’s claiming I don’t clean my son as he had dirt on the bottom of his feet from when we had taken him in the garden a few hours prior to see if he liked the feeling of grass! She has now said she is taking me to court for visitation of him.
-For reference me and my mum have never had a good relationship. When I was younger she used to emotionally manipulate me, I would have my phone taken off of me for months at a time for not doing as she had asked within the minute she asked it right up until I turned 16 and moved into my nans house. My stepdad took me to my nans at midnight one night when I was 15 for my own safety where I stayed for over a week because my mum found out I was SH due to struggling with mental health. During that week my nan had to keep the door locked as my mum kept turning up drunk and screaming abuse at us through the letter box. The only reason I went back home was because she promised to seek help for her drinking and to go to therapy. She used to force feed me food that I didn’t like during my teenage years until I threw up and then would scream at me and throw things in my direction to scare me. My stepdad used to tear my room apart looking for things he could have a go at me over and then would refuse to let me leave the house until it was tidy, even to go to school. He once threw a plate at a wall just above my head to scare me.
-I have told my mum I do not want to see her or speak to her at all after accusing me of neglecting my son who is very obviously not neglected if you just look at the boy, the weight he’s put on is massive, he’s very advanced for two months holding his head up on his own, sitting up with little to no help, copying facial expressions. Because I have told her I want no contact at all and I would not allow her into my home to see my son and that I don’t trust her to have him on her own as she’s the sort of person that would refuse to give him back, she’s said she is taking me to court for visitation rights. I don’t want her anywhere near him.

Have I got a leg to stand on or will they grant her visitation?

OP posts:
anyzen · 08/07/2025 11:00

MooseLooseAboutTheHoose · 08/07/2025 10:35

I don’t think it’s irrational, having dogs around children is always a risk, but one that millions make all over the world every single. It requires constant vigilance.

The issue I had is that you referenced ‘the danger of THAT breed in close proximity to a new born’. This is a completely uneducated comment and adds to the public misperception of this breed. Staffordshire bull terriers are widely regarded as excellent family dogs and no more dangerous than any other breed.

I was referencing the breed that the OP said they had. That's all, I would have mentioned any other breed in the same way.

handyandy1 · 08/07/2025 11:02

Wow! Some of the responses on here. You sound like a very mature, articulate, intelligent young lady. More than capable of making your own decisions regarding when you put flooring down in your flat, when you make your babies bottles and how many pets you get! Protect you Son from your Mum, she doesn't have a chance of getting grandparent rights. It might be worth speaking with a solicitor - getting a free 30 minutes - to put your mind at rest and to give you advice. Good luck with your future, which I am sure will be a bright and happy one, filled with love and laughter - especially with a baby and a puppy around. Don't forget to have fun and enjoy it all :)

Rosscameasdoody · 08/07/2025 11:04

Soontobe60 · 08/07/2025 09:58

I was pointing out that the OP did indeed say that she hadn’t got all the carpets due to cost, and yet claimed in responding to someone’s post that cost was nothing go to do with it.
‘The ‘need for extra support’ does actually indicate there’s a ‘problem’. The ‘problem’ being that extra support is needed.

OP is receiving therapy which I suspect is connected to her childhood. There isn’t necessarily any ‘problem’ connected to the care of her childhood, simply that they may have decided OP could do with some extra support. OP did also say somewhere in her updates that she had requested visits herself.

Rosscameasdoody · 08/07/2025 11:09

Digdongdoo · 08/07/2025 09:50

Oh so OP unwillingly let her in to watch the baby while she unpacked? Sure.

I’ve actually read the OP and the updates instead of making things up as I go along. OP reluctantly let her mum in after she turned up uninvited and her mum then watched the baby while OP unpacked. None of which can reasonably be described as inviting her to her home or asking her to provide childcare.

TheWisePlumDuck · 08/07/2025 11:10

Menapausemum1974 · 08/07/2025 10:09

@TheWisePlumDuck that comment was completely uncalled for and unnecessary, " that poor kid doesn't stand a chance " how actually horribly judgemental. Hope you never fall off your pedestal

I may fall off my pedestal one day.

But I can happily say that it will never be because I bought a powerful and badly bred dog to have around a newborn baby.

Hardly a high bar to clear as a mother, is it?

And yes, it will be very badly bred, and probably have quite a bit of XL bully DNA like all the others on gumtree and its ilk. Do you honestly believe any responsible breeder of bull breeds would sell a puppy to someone in a flat with a newborn?

Rosscameasdoody · 08/07/2025 11:13

TheWisePlumDuck · 08/07/2025 11:10

I may fall off my pedestal one day.

But I can happily say that it will never be because I bought a powerful and badly bred dog to have around a newborn baby.

Hardly a high bar to clear as a mother, is it?

And yes, it will be very badly bred, and probably have quite a bit of XL bully DNA like all the others on gumtree and its ilk. Do you honestly believe any responsible breeder of bull breeds would sell a puppy to someone in a flat with a newborn?

You know absolutely nothing about the dog OP has - you’ve never had sight of it, but like almost everyone else commenting on the dog, you’re making massive and unsubstantiated assumptions - both about the suitability of the dog itself, and OP’s ability to handle things around the baby. She didn’t want, and didn’t post for advice on the dog.

NHSinterviewupcoming · 08/07/2025 11:14

As expected OP, you’ve been flamed because you’re a young mum.

Everything you’ve listed sounds perfect normal

MooseLooseAboutTheHoose · 08/07/2025 11:15

TheWisePlumDuck · 08/07/2025 11:10

I may fall off my pedestal one day.

But I can happily say that it will never be because I bought a powerful and badly bred dog to have around a newborn baby.

Hardly a high bar to clear as a mother, is it?

And yes, it will be very badly bred, and probably have quite a bit of XL bully DNA like all the others on gumtree and its ilk. Do you honestly believe any responsible breeder of bull breeds would sell a puppy to someone in a flat with a newborn?

Tell me you know nothing about Staffordshires without telling me you know nothing about Staffordshires.

What an ignorant, uneducated comment.

Rosscameasdoody · 08/07/2025 11:16

TheWisePlumDuck · 08/07/2025 11:10

I may fall off my pedestal one day.

But I can happily say that it will never be because I bought a powerful and badly bred dog to have around a newborn baby.

Hardly a high bar to clear as a mother, is it?

And yes, it will be very badly bred, and probably have quite a bit of XL bully DNA like all the others on gumtree and its ilk. Do you honestly believe any responsible breeder of bull breeds would sell a puppy to someone in a flat with a newborn?

They didn’t sell it to someone in a flat with a newborn. Her partners’ mum bought it along with it’s brother and gave it to OP.

ThatRoseBear · 08/07/2025 11:16

OP it sounds as though your mom is threatening you in order to get her own way. If she doesn't bring anything positive to your life or support you, you won't lose anything by cutting her off. Presumably there will be Social Services records and therapy notes from when you left her home which will document how she treated you. If it came to it, use them to show what she is like. She seems to be a bully, don't let her overshadow the precious first months of your babies life. Babies don't come with a manual, you are doing great and are trying to protect him room your mother

TheWisePlumDuck · 08/07/2025 11:18

Rosscameasdoody · 08/07/2025 11:13

You know absolutely nothing about the dog OP has - you’ve never had sight of it, but like almost everyone else commenting on the dog, you’re making massive and unsubstantiated assumptions - both about the suitability of the dog itself, and OP’s ability to handle things around the baby. She didn’t want, and didn’t post for advice on the dog.

Edited

I know that the op did not get her dog from even a vaguely responsible breeder, because they will always check new homes and family set ups are suitable, and the op's is not.

I know that the op has a 'staffy'. This breed is particularly prone to being mixed in with the XL bully breed at the moment, they can be seen all over the cheap and cruel puppy sites.

I know this is a fucking stupid and irresponsible decision to make as a mother to a new born, even a young and traumatised one should know better.

What else needs to be known?

TheWisePlumDuck · 08/07/2025 11:20

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

NHSinterviewupcoming · 08/07/2025 11:20

TheWisePlumDuck · 08/07/2025 11:18

I know that the op did not get her dog from even a vaguely responsible breeder, because they will always check new homes and family set ups are suitable, and the op's is not.

I know that the op has a 'staffy'. This breed is particularly prone to being mixed in with the XL bully breed at the moment, they can be seen all over the cheap and cruel puppy sites.

I know this is a fucking stupid and irresponsible decision to make as a mother to a new born, even a young and traumatised one should know better.

What else needs to be known?

You can’t even understand that they didn’t get it directly
from a breeder.

MooseLooseAboutTheHoose · 08/07/2025 11:21

TheWisePlumDuck · 08/07/2025 11:18

I know that the op did not get her dog from even a vaguely responsible breeder, because they will always check new homes and family set ups are suitable, and the op's is not.

I know that the op has a 'staffy'. This breed is particularly prone to being mixed in with the XL bully breed at the moment, they can be seen all over the cheap and cruel puppy sites.

I know this is a fucking stupid and irresponsible decision to make as a mother to a new born, even a young and traumatised one should know better.

What else needs to be known?

If OP said she had a labradoodle or retriever would you feel the same?

TheWisePlumDuck · 08/07/2025 11:22

MooseLooseAboutTheHoose · 08/07/2025 11:21

If OP said she had a labradoodle or retriever would you feel the same?

Obviously yes. Those are also two large powerful dogs that can be badly bred and so would be a disaster around a newborn.

Come on, it's not that hard.

CCmumsnet · 08/07/2025 11:24

Sorry to jump on this thread, but we have received numerous reports regarding several posts. We understand that discussions often get heated but we'd like to remind you that Mumsnet is here to make parents' lives easier. While we encourage healthy and robust discussion, we hope that everyone can respect each other in their choices and express their views without resorting to personal attacks. We're sure you'd all agree that parents-to-be and new parents need all the support they can get. After all, parenting is hard enough without facing judgement and criticism for those choices.
Peace and love!

MooseLooseAboutTheHoose · 08/07/2025 11:26

TheWisePlumDuck · 08/07/2025 11:22

Obviously yes. Those are also two large powerful dogs that can be badly bred and so would be a disaster around a newborn.

Come on, it's not that hard.

Have you ever raised or spent significant time with Staffordshires?

So you’re calling any mother that has any kind of medium to large breed dog around their child ‘fucking stupid and irresponsible’?

So everyone who has these dogs should automatically rehome them when they are expecting a baby?

Seagull5 · 08/07/2025 11:26

I only got as far as ,
You have a 2 month old
You don't have carpet
You bought a puppy
Yeah ,I agree with your mum
Your priorities are all off
You don't get a puppy when you have no carpet
And you don't get a puppy when you've just had a baby .
Ok your mum shouldn't be reporting you ,or adding to your stress
But she certainly has a point

BumpyWinds · 08/07/2025 11:27

FTMAug22 · 08/07/2025 06:45

Genuinely baffled by some of the responses here op. You’ve replied calmly and patiently to people who are being extraordinarily judgy tbh! The bottles on the side waiting to be washed is perfectly normal, you’ve already justified that you sterilise them correctly. I don’t think many exhausted new mums are sterilising each bottle as they’re used in the middle of the night. I can see you’ve already had great advice on your actual question ie grandparent visitation is highly unlikely to be granted as they don’t have an established close relationship over a long period. My MIL does our childcare whilst I work and has since my little one was 8 months so she is an example of where it might apply, but from what you’ve described I don’t think your mum has a leg to stand on.

People are responding like they are because OP made the mistake of saying she was 20. If she'd said she was 40 I bet they wouldn't be saying half the things they have! People just assume nowadays that anyone so young having a baby is going to make terrible, uninformed decisions. My cousin had a baby at 21 and is the most amazing mother, bringing up a delightfully polite and wonderful little girl.

I agree with a PP that said all your posts show that you are far more mature than your own mother OP, and I'm terrified that she is a qualified child practitioner! I'd definitely rather you look after my child than her!

Others can definitely comment more on the legal side than me, but I just wanted to say that you're doing absolutely the right thing in going NC with her. Get cameras installed for if/when she comes round and kicks off as you've then got excellent evidence in case of any legal application she might make.

Let's face it OP - you've had a lifetime of experience of how not to be a mother, so you'll smash it!

Menapausemum1974 · 08/07/2025 11:28

TheWisePlumDuck · 08/07/2025 11:10

I may fall off my pedestal one day.

But I can happily say that it will never be because I bought a powerful and badly bred dog to have around a newborn baby.

Hardly a high bar to clear as a mother, is it?

And yes, it will be very badly bred, and probably have quite a bit of XL bully DNA like all the others on gumtree and its ilk. Do you honestly believe any responsible breeder of bull breeds would sell a puppy to someone in a flat with a newborn?

@TheWisePlumDuck but that wasn't what she was asking for help about 🤷‍♀️

Rh0dedenr0n · 08/07/2025 11:30

ItsAMoooPoint · 08/07/2025 06:50

@mummytoalittleboy Are you really making up multiple bottles at a time? If so, please urgently contact your HV and ask them to talk you through how to safely feed your baby. You shouldn't be making up bottles in advance, it's not safe.

Your mum sounds unhinged, but regardless I really would urge you to ask for help in how to make you bottles safely. Once you know better, you do better.

Good luck with everything!

Oh my god, stop telling OP how to manage everything!! We've all had a couple of empty bottles sitting on the side waiting to be cleaned. Jesus Christ, Mumsnet at its absolutely fckin worst! And as she said - there is laminate down in the rooms where she hasnt changed the carpet yet. Do any of you actually read the sodding OP's posts before you jump in with your ill-informed opinions?

OP. Youre doing great. If you think you can cope with a puppy too then that is nobody's business but your own. Go no contact with your mother, she's awful and you dont need this right now.

Rosscameasdoody · 08/07/2025 11:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Your opinion, based on absolutely nothing but speculation. It’s been said several times that both dogs were bought at the same time by her partners’ mother and one of them was passed on to OP. How on earth is that the responsibility of the breeder from which they were bought. You’re going to ridiculous lengths to prove a non-point.

NHSinterviewupcoming · 08/07/2025 11:31

Seagull5 · 08/07/2025 11:26

I only got as far as ,
You have a 2 month old
You don't have carpet
You bought a puppy
Yeah ,I agree with your mum
Your priorities are all off
You don't get a puppy when you have no carpet
And you don't get a puppy when you've just had a baby .
Ok your mum shouldn't be reporting you ,or adding to your stress
But she certainly has a point

They are carpeting the flat slowly, as it makes more financial sense to do so. If they carpeted the entire flat in one go and got into financial trouble because of that, you’d give her grief.

They didn’t buy a puppy. They were gifted one. RTFT!!!

LadyMary50 · 08/07/2025 11:34

NHSinterviewupcoming · 08/07/2025 11:31

They are carpeting the flat slowly, as it makes more financial sense to do so. If they carpeted the entire flat in one go and got into financial trouble because of that, you’d give her grief.

They didn’t buy a puppy. They were gifted one. RTFT!!!

But they accepted a Staffy puppy without any knowledge of where the step father got it from.🙄

Rosscameasdoody · 08/07/2025 11:35

Seagull5 · 08/07/2025 11:26

I only got as far as ,
You have a 2 month old
You don't have carpet
You bought a puppy
Yeah ,I agree with your mum
Your priorities are all off
You don't get a puppy when you have no carpet
And you don't get a puppy when you've just had a baby .
Ok your mum shouldn't be reporting you ,or adding to your stress
But she certainly has a point

Her mother has no point whatsoever and neither do you, because everything you’ve so patronisingly listed above is as a result of you either not reading the OP and updates, or not understanding them.