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Legal matters

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Mum taking me to court for grandparents visitation.

308 replies

mummytoalittleboy · 08/07/2025 01:10

-My mum is taking me to court for grandparents visitation over my 2 month old.
-My mum rang me a few nights ago screaming down the phone at me because me and my partner had decided to buy a puppy. She was saying I’m endangering my son’s life and that I have to get rid of the dog or she’s ringing social services and saying I’m neglecting my son. She then went on to ring my Nan and make up a list of ways she thinks I’m neglecting my son.
-For reference both me and my mum are qualified childcare practitioners and both have SEND training.
-Me and my partner recently moved into our own house a few weeks after our son was born and since we moved in she has tried dictating every little thing we’ve done in the house. We agreed we were doing carpet month by month as the rooms are rather large and each room would cost £950+ to carpet, she wasn’t happy with this as she wanted us to get every room done in one go knowing the move was unexpectedly quick and we didn’t have much money at the time of moving.
-She sees my son once for a few hours every week or two weeks when she decides she wants to come round. She has only ever had him twice for 3 hours each time so that I could unpack some boxes when we first moved in.
-She’s claiming I’m neglecting my son because she doesn’t agree with our decision to buy a dog, saying that I don’t clean his bottles because the one day she came round in the morning his bottles from the previous night were on the kitchen side waiting to be cleaned as he still had bottles made up. She’s claiming my house is dirty all because we haven’t put carpet down, for reference the previous tenants laminate is still down! She’s claiming I don’t clean my son as he had dirt on the bottom of his feet from when we had taken him in the garden a few hours prior to see if he liked the feeling of grass! She has now said she is taking me to court for visitation of him.
-For reference me and my mum have never had a good relationship. When I was younger she used to emotionally manipulate me, I would have my phone taken off of me for months at a time for not doing as she had asked within the minute she asked it right up until I turned 16 and moved into my nans house. My stepdad took me to my nans at midnight one night when I was 15 for my own safety where I stayed for over a week because my mum found out I was SH due to struggling with mental health. During that week my nan had to keep the door locked as my mum kept turning up drunk and screaming abuse at us through the letter box. The only reason I went back home was because she promised to seek help for her drinking and to go to therapy. She used to force feed me food that I didn’t like during my teenage years until I threw up and then would scream at me and throw things in my direction to scare me. My stepdad used to tear my room apart looking for things he could have a go at me over and then would refuse to let me leave the house until it was tidy, even to go to school. He once threw a plate at a wall just above my head to scare me.
-I have told my mum I do not want to see her or speak to her at all after accusing me of neglecting my son who is very obviously not neglected if you just look at the boy, the weight he’s put on is massive, he’s very advanced for two months holding his head up on his own, sitting up with little to no help, copying facial expressions. Because I have told her I want no contact at all and I would not allow her into my home to see my son and that I don’t trust her to have him on her own as she’s the sort of person that would refuse to give him back, she’s said she is taking me to court for visitation rights. I don’t want her anywhere near him.

Have I got a leg to stand on or will they grant her visitation?

OP posts:
Digdongdoo · 08/07/2025 08:22

Rosscameasdoody · 08/07/2025 08:18

A referral for what ? Lots of people have dogs alongside babies. And OP didn’t say they couldn’t afford flooring.

Edited

Yes she did. They don't have flooring because it is too expensive. It's in the OP.

SpryCat · 08/07/2025 08:24

I really don’t know why everyone is jumping in and judging, you sound like you are doing great @mummytoalittleboy.

Please don’t ever allow your mum and stepdad to be part of your son’s life, she will never change and your stepdad enables her.

Papering · 08/07/2025 08:25

Your mum is bluffing and trying to intimidate you. My mum tried similar and got nowhere. She also made disgusting allegations about my DH which luckily social services ignored after a cursory investigation. Just ignore her and let her stew in her own juice.

I went no contact for 5 years and reluctantly was persuaded to get back in touch as she and her husband were old/sick. I have regretted it ever since. My only sibling lives oversees.

I would go low contact or no contact at least for a while until she learns that she can’t control you.

Name9988 · 08/07/2025 08:26

Digdongdoo · 08/07/2025 08:22

Yes she did. They don't have flooring because it is too expensive. It's in the OP.

They aren't walking round on bare floorboards, she is recarpeting the house room by room which a lot of people do when budgets are tight when people have just moved in.

mummytoalittleboy · 08/07/2025 08:26

Digdongdoo · 08/07/2025 08:22

Yes she did. They don't have flooring because it is too expensive. It's in the OP.

no I didn’t, I said that we weren’t doing the entire flats flooring in one go as soon as we moved in as it was an unexpected and sudden move and we still had to buy all of our white goods, washing machine, fridge freezer etc. we have been in our flat 5 weeks and other than my maternity benefits my partners wages each month is the only money we have coming in which he pays all the bills with and any other expenses. We have put flooring down in our kitchen, bathroom, hallway and lounge the only rooms left are my bedroom and my sons bedroom which I don’t see the point in doing my sons bedroom until he’s about to move in there as his room isn’t finished being decorated yet and I’m planning on keeping him in my room until he turns one as I am terrified of SIDS. His mum bought the dog for us btw as she has had our dogs brother.

OP posts:
Wreckinball · 08/07/2025 08:27

Don’t make your life harder by getting a puppy!
You’ve just moved into your own place(LL) possibly won’t allow anyway
You’ve had abdominal surgery
You have a new baby- congratulations
Your whole body and mind are adjusting
Soon you’ll be wanting to spread your wings with mother and baby groups and you won’t be able to because you can’t(and shouldn’t) leave the puppy and you can’t take the puppy with you!
Don’t engage with your mum
Seek legal advice

Ncforthiscms · 08/07/2025 08:28

Rosscameasdoody · 08/07/2025 08:17

It’s perfectly appropriate and it’s NHS advice that as long as the bottles are refrigerated properly and used within 24 hours it’s perfectly safe. You’re talking utter nonsense.

From NHS.uk

Reducing the risk of infection
Even when tins and packets of powdered infant formula are sealed, they can sometimes contain bacteria.

Bacteria multiply very fast at room temperature. Even when a feed is kept in a fridge, bacteria can still survive and multiply, although more slowly.

To reduce the risk of infection, it's best to make up feeds 1 at a time, as your baby needs them.

Digdongdoo · 08/07/2025 08:31

mummytoalittleboy · 08/07/2025 08:26

no I didn’t, I said that we weren’t doing the entire flats flooring in one go as soon as we moved in as it was an unexpected and sudden move and we still had to buy all of our white goods, washing machine, fridge freezer etc. we have been in our flat 5 weeks and other than my maternity benefits my partners wages each month is the only money we have coming in which he pays all the bills with and any other expenses. We have put flooring down in our kitchen, bathroom, hallway and lounge the only rooms left are my bedroom and my sons bedroom which I don’t see the point in doing my sons bedroom until he’s about to move in there as his room isn’t finished being decorated yet and I’m planning on keeping him in my room until he turns one as I am terrified of SIDS. His mum bought the dog for us btw as she has had our dogs brother.

So yeah, you bought a dog when you can't afford flooring. Why did you think all of that was a good idea within 5 weeks? Just plain silly. Total lack of common sense when an dog could have waited until you were more established.

Redburnett · 08/07/2025 08:31

She is right about the dog. You have far too much to do at the moment with your baby and the house to be able to give a puppy the necessary time and attention.

twilightermummy · 08/07/2025 08:34

She's controlling and abusive. I fear that your relationship is very complex and it won't be as simple for you to just walk away and go no contact. You need to go to your doctor and get put on a waiting list for some therapy. If you can afford it, please seek your own as it should be quicker. The earlier in life that you end this toxicity, the better your life will be. Create boundaries and don't fall back on her if things go wrong. Stand tall and hold your head up high.

You should be really enjoying your baby. Unfortunately, it's a common stage for mothers to be presented with jealousy from grandparents. I agree with others that now isn't a good time for a puppy. If anything, think of your new expensive carpets! Plus, the stress of a baby and then a puppy could really affect your relationship.

I hope that this works out for you x

Tofana · 08/07/2025 08:36

@mummytoalittleboy congratulations on your little boy!

As long as your mum hasn’t had a long term relationship or been caring for your son she’s thankfully no leg to stand on. One of my DCs grandmother is an abuser and every now and again threatens me with court. She’s never met some of my DC so she knows she has no rights but it’s a fear tactic abusive parents use to frighten us over our children.

Firstly go no contact with your mother, she’s not going to suddenly become a wonderful mother or gran. She’s going to make your life worse. Whilst baby is tiny go the GP and get some counselling to help you navigate life without your mother and unpack some of the abuse she has caused you. She sounds awful. But please get some therapy so you learn with professional help to keep the distance or she’ll keep coming back in. I am the voice here of experience.

You sound like you are doing everything you can here. I was a 20 year old mum with a baby and a new dog and our walks together were some of my best memories. Staffies are beautiful dogs! I understand why some people would take issue, but as long as you’ve a crate for when you're weaning the little one etc or he's crawling around and you’re doing things, then risks are going to be managed effectively and it’s not anyone else’s business.

Just keep toxic people out your life. You are so young and you are starting to break the cycle here. You are doing great 😊 x

Rosscameasdoody · 08/07/2025 08:38

Digdongdoo · 08/07/2025 08:22

Yes she did. They don't have flooring because it is too expensive. It's in the OP.

No she didn’t. She said they weren’t doing the whole flat in one go, but room by room. In a later update OP confirmed that the laminate from the previous tenant had still been in place and that they only had two rooms left to do. So absolutely not the case that they are walking round on bare boards because they can’t afford flooring.

TimeForABreak4 · 08/07/2025 08:38

Digdongdoo · 08/07/2025 08:31

So yeah, you bought a dog when you can't afford flooring. Why did you think all of that was a good idea within 5 weeks? Just plain silly. Total lack of common sense when an dog could have waited until you were more established.

Are you incapable of reading? She's said her boyfriends mum bought the dog. This isn't aibu, it's legal. No ones asking you to comment on anything except if her mum can take her to court. If you have no advice regarding that, which you clearly don't as you're just trying to be judgemental, go to another thread.

StampOnTheGround · 08/07/2025 08:38

Getting a puppy right now isn’t the greatest decision at all, like pp have said.

However, you clearly don’t have a good relationship with your mum - I’d cut contact completely and get on with your life as a family. I’d be surprised if the courts gave her any rights.

Rosscameasdoody · 08/07/2025 08:40

Digdongdoo · 08/07/2025 08:31

So yeah, you bought a dog when you can't afford flooring. Why did you think all of that was a good idea within 5 weeks? Just plain silly. Total lack of common sense when an dog could have waited until you were more established.

No, she didn’t. Read the OP and updates. Previous tenants laminated flooring was down and OP has two rooms left to complete. What’s silly is jumping on the OP for something that not only didn’t she post for, but is actually not the case.

Tygertiger · 08/07/2025 08:42

TimeForABreak4 · 08/07/2025 08:38

Are you incapable of reading? She's said her boyfriends mum bought the dog. This isn't aibu, it's legal. No ones asking you to comment on anything except if her mum can take her to court. If you have no advice regarding that, which you clearly don't as you're just trying to be judgemental, go to another thread.

It’s not just the initial cost of the dog. It’s food, insurance, initial vaccinations, puppy classes, flea and worming treatment, toys, neutering and other vet bills. Dogs are a huge ongoing cost.

And my previous post re the breeder still stands and my concerns are increased by the information that the breeder sold this pup to someone who bought it on behalf of someone else. No good breeder sells a puppy to a third party. I don’t believe this puppy is a well-bred Staffordshire Bull terrier and that increases the risk of it being a. potentially dangerous dog.

Rosscameasdoody · 08/07/2025 08:43

Ncforthiscms · 08/07/2025 08:28

From NHS.uk

Reducing the risk of infection
Even when tins and packets of powdered infant formula are sealed, they can sometimes contain bacteria.

Bacteria multiply very fast at room temperature. Even when a feed is kept in a fridge, bacteria can still survive and multiply, although more slowly.

To reduce the risk of infection, it's best to make up feeds 1 at a time, as your baby needs them.

And the advice on making up bottles in advance, how to store them safely and timescales for use are on that same website. You just chose to cut and paste the bit that suits your narrative.

mummytoalittleboy · 08/07/2025 08:49

Digdongdoo · 08/07/2025 08:31

So yeah, you bought a dog when you can't afford flooring. Why did you think all of that was a good idea within 5 weeks? Just plain silly. Total lack of common sense when an dog could have waited until you were more established.

If you had read the full comment it clearly states at the bottom that my partners mum got the dog for us as she has got our dogs brother!

OP posts:
Rosscameasdoody · 08/07/2025 08:51

Tygertiger · 08/07/2025 08:42

It’s not just the initial cost of the dog. It’s food, insurance, initial vaccinations, puppy classes, flea and worming treatment, toys, neutering and other vet bills. Dogs are a huge ongoing cost.

And my previous post re the breeder still stands and my concerns are increased by the information that the breeder sold this pup to someone who bought it on behalf of someone else. No good breeder sells a puppy to a third party. I don’t believe this puppy is a well-bred Staffordshire Bull terrier and that increases the risk of it being a. potentially dangerous dog.

All of which OP has addressed in her updates. This has very quickly become a toxic and bullying thread. The OP has posted for advice on her mothers’ threats of court action and so far posters have comprehensively ignored that in favour of giving unwarranted and un-asked for advice on everything from childcare, and bottle feeding, to carpeting and dogs !!

OP is being made to justify things which, from her posts, she seems to be managing perfectly well without the input of snottily judgemental randoms on the internet. How about we all do her a favour, stop commenting on issues that have been done to death over the last six pages, and actually concentrate on advising on what she actually asked. This is Legal Matters, not AIBU and it’s turned into a pile on.

Heatwaaave · 08/07/2025 08:52

It doesn’t matter who bought the dog! I think it is madness tbh. You do sound mature for your age through your writing but I agree with some of the concerns expressed by other pps especially re the dog.

FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 08/07/2025 08:53

We had dogs my whole childhood. Several different breeds, all raised the same way.
Loads of exercise, we lived on the beach. Beautiful life for a dog!

The only dog to ever bite was a staffy. It turned on my sister one day and had to be put down. I can hand on heart say she wasn't even touching the dog and neither of us were ever cruel to animals.

None of what you have said is unreasonable, apart from getting a dog with a newborn, especially this particular breed.

You have every right to stand up to and cut off your mum. She would never win visitation.

Making bottles in advance is fine, as long as done correctly.

But the dog is absolutely not a good idea.

anyolddinosaur · 08/07/2025 08:55

Well you posted this in legal - so the legal position is that it's extremely difficult for the best of grandparents to get contact against the parents wishes and will only happen if there is an established ongoing relationship and it's deemed to be in the child's best interests. That isnt the case here, she hasnt a prayer.

She might, although it's unlikely, get permission to go to court but she wont get anywhere in court. The reason she might get permission is because you have chosen to bring a new young dog into a flat with a baby, it's stupid. And yes I'm well aware that you dont want to hear such comments, it's a lovely dog - all the things dog owners say when their dog has harmed their baby.

Moveoverdarlin · 08/07/2025 08:56

It all sounds incredibly stressful. But she’s right about getting a puppy / dog when you have a 2 month old. Bonkers. I also wouldn’t get a dog after paying 950 quid for new carpets.

Mischance · 08/07/2025 08:58
  1. She has not rights
  2. She sounds nuts
  3. You are nuts to be getting a puppy when you have such a young baby - totally barking ......
mummytoalittleboy · 08/07/2025 09:02

Moveoverdarlin · 08/07/2025 08:56

It all sounds incredibly stressful. But she’s right about getting a puppy / dog when you have a 2 month old. Bonkers. I also wouldn’t get a dog after paying 950 quid for new carpets.

If you read my replies to other comments I have clearly said that the previous tenants laminate is still down and that I only have my bedroom and my sons bedroom, which is currently being used as a storage room, to get carpet in. The two bedrooms are the only rooms having carpet. We have bleached and cleaned up the previous tenant’s laminate flooring and have decided we actually want to keep it down so we are. It’s much more practical than putting carpet in my lounge as my lounge is being split as a lounge/diner and my baby will be eating his foods in here and I’m not scrubbing baby food out of my carpet when the predicted price to carpet my lounge was just shy of a grand! I don’t mean that in any rude way at all either just wanted to inform you that I have already covered that topic in previous replies x

OP posts:
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