Mum taking me to court for grandparents visitation.

[mummytoalittleboy]

-My mum is taking me to court for grandparents visitation over my 2 month old.
-My mum rang me a few nights ago screaming down the phone at me because me and my partner had decided to buy a puppy. She was saying I’m endangering my son’s life and that I have to get rid of the dog or she’s ringing social services and saying I’m neglecting my son. She then went on to ring my Nan and make up a list of ways she thinks I’m neglecting my son.
-For reference both me and my mum are qualified childcare practitioners and both have SEND training.
-Me and my partner recently moved into our own house a few weeks after our son was born and since we moved in she has tried dictating every little thing we’ve done in the house. We agreed we were doing carpet month by month as the rooms are rather large and each room would cost £950+ to carpet, she wasn’t happy with this as she wanted us to get every room done in one go knowing the move was unexpectedly quick and we didn’t have much money at the time of moving.
-She sees my son once for a few hours every week or two weeks when she decides she wants to come round. She has only ever had him twice for 3 hours each time so that I could unpack some boxes when we first moved in.
-She’s claiming I’m neglecting my son because she doesn’t agree with our decision to buy a dog, saying that I don’t clean his bottles because the one day she came round in the morning his bottles from the previous night were on the kitchen side waiting to be cleaned as he still had bottles made up. She’s claiming my house is dirty all because we haven’t put carpet down, for reference the previous tenants laminate is still down! She’s claiming I don’t clean my son as he had dirt on the bottom of his feet from when we had taken him in the garden a few hours prior to see if he liked the feeling of grass! She has now said she is taking me to court for visitation of him.
-For reference me and my mum have never had a good relationship. When I was younger she used to emotionally manipulate me, I would have my phone taken off of me for months at a time for not doing as she had asked within the minute she asked it right up until I turned 16 and moved into my nans house. My stepdad took me to my nans at midnight one night when I was 15 for my own safety where I stayed for over a week because my mum found out I was SH due to struggling with mental health. During that week my nan had to keep the door locked as my mum kept turning up drunk and screaming abuse at us through the letter box. The only reason I went back home was because she promised to seek help for her drinking and to go to therapy. She used to force feed me food that I didn’t like during my teenage years until I threw up and then would scream at me and throw things in my direction to scare me. My stepdad used to tear my room apart looking for things he could have a go at me over and then would refuse to let me leave the house until it was tidy, even to go to school. He once threw a plate at a wall just above my head to scare me.
-I have told my mum I do not want to see her or speak to her at all after accusing me of neglecting my son who is very obviously not neglected if you just look at the boy, the weight he’s put on is massive, he’s very advanced for two months holding his head up on his own, sitting up with little to no help, copying facial expressions. Because I have told her I want no contact at all and I would not allow her into my home to see my son and that I don’t trust her to have him on her own as she’s the sort of person that would refuse to give him back, she’s said she is taking me to court for visitation rights. I don’t want her anywhere near him.

Have I got a leg to stand on or will they grant her visitation?

Absolutely this. A puppy and a new baby are not a good mix. Your mums reaction is outrageous but you must know that these issues need to be addressed.

You actually sound amazing op. Objectively the birth of your baby sounds traumatic but regardless of the actual events if you experienced it as traumatic then that is valid anyway.

You sound very capable and strong. Asking for extra help and support is such a sign of strength.

Your mother sounds dangerous and abusive. I double she is going to actually go ahead with even getting a solicitor. They're expensive and won't even entertain her.

She's trying to bully you and scare you.

Also, fwiw, I got a puppy when me and my dcs were older and I felt like I was reliving the newborn phase so actually I understand you doing the two together!

Staffies were historically known as nanny dogs, yes. However, unfortunately in recent years the breed has become very popular, and dogs becoming popular is always to the detriment of the breed as unscrupulous people then start churning out badly-bred puppies. They don’t do genetic health testing, they don’t consider the COI of the mating (basically how closely related the parent dogs are to avoid inbreeding), they focus on breeding for trendy colours rather than temperament and they don’t have a clue about how to socialise puppies. In any breed this is concerning, but it is particularly so for breeds with powerful jaws and a propensity to be aggressive - Staffies should never be aggressive with people but aggression towards other dogs is normal and expected in the breed - it doesn’t take much for this aggression to be misdirected towards people in a badly bred dog.

My worry with your pup OP is that I don’t believe a responsible breeder of any breed, but particularly of Staffies, would have sold you a pup. That isn’t meant as an insult. But good breeders quiz potential owners carefully. There’s just no way that a careful and responsible breeder would sell a puppy to 20 year olds who live in a flat with a newborn. They would have told you to come back in a few years when your son is older and get your puppy then. The fact that someone sold you this dog in the first place makes me concerned it is not a well-bred dog, which is really worrying in a breed such as staffies.

With respect, and I say this as a dog owner and parent, the other concern is that puppy rearing done properly is incredibly time-consuming. To give your puppy what it needs in terms of training and socialisation is like having another baby. Knowledgeable dog owners understand this - it’s why they have the dog before or after babies, not at the same time. If you genuinely think you can give the dog the time it needs, by yourself (if your partner works) and also look after your baby - while learning the ropes of being a first-time mum - it suggests you haven’t fully understood the enormity of the task. That’s risky as the worst outcome is a dog which hasn’t been socialised enough or had the training it needs to be a safe dog in public or around your son, and combined with potential poor breeding that is a recipe for danger. People on this thread are just trying to help you understand that.

A 2 month old sitting up independently? Think you need to enter him into some kind of records.. that’s impossible, is the rest of your story as impossible?

Doesn’t make any difference - OP didn’t post for advice on the puppy, bottle feeding protocols, or child care. She posted for advice on her mum’s rights to access to her baby. Once again MN has gone down the rabbit hole of unwanted and unsolicited advice, far outside what was asked for, and in many cases reeking of superiority and judgement.

Do you lot ever have a day off from belittling people who ask for help.

This is the legal board not AIBU. OP has asked a legal question not a question on whether her choices are unreasonable or not. There is so much nastiness on these boards. She's a new mum who has had a crappy upbringing by the sound of it by a toxic mother, so what do you all do pile on and pull her apart?

OP, your mum stands next to no chance. Keep doing what you are doing and seek support from your HV when you feel you need it.

It’s just that choosing to do it month by month suggests that your finances might be somewhat limited. If you can comfortably afford a dog, then great!

Even at 2 years old a dog can’t be left on its own while you’re out at work. It’s not fair on the dog.

If I found out your nursery did this I absolutely would report them.
It is not best practice to make up bottles in advance and is proven to make children ill.
If you want the best for your child get a new health visitor who can help you know what is and isn't appropriate.

Why on earth would you buy a dog when you can't afford flooring? Your mum is right to be concerned. She probably wont get visitation though. Your health visitor isn't allowed to tell you how silly and irresponsible it is, as it isn't her job. You might find yourself with a referral though...

@TheWisePlumDuck - I have no idea but taking it on face value the OP has confirmed the dog is purebred.

However, I have reported both yours and @LeaAndDer posts for troll hunting!

Report the thread then rather than posting witty passive aggressive comments, makes sure you report some of the comments by people who have just posted to try pull down OP for no reason other than their own entertainment.

If I were you I'd return the dog to the breeder before it's too late. You can get a dog in the future when you can really afford it. New dog, new flat, new live in boyfriend and new baby all in 2 months is just ridiculous. You should listen to your mum.

Btw pp posting about the empty bottles on the side, what is the problem if they're being washed and double sterilised?

Sounds like these were night bottles as well.

What is op meant to do, wash and sterilise every bottle individually straight after using it?
Or change the baby's nappy, settle the baby and instead of trying to get some much needed sleep in the night, now go and deal with the bottles in the middle of the night?

Or rinse them and leave them on the side for a thoroughly good wash and sterilising in the morning, I don't see the problem with this.

Op clearly the majority of mumsnet users cannot be counted on to give any sympathy to a young and vulnerable (as a result of your childhood and birth trauma) very new mother. It sounds like you’re doing a good job as a new mother and are working with professionals. Don’t let the opinions of people who have not had the opportunity to meet you and see your parenting in action get to you. Your health visitor is best placed to judge your parenting and she hasn’t communicated any concerns. As I said in my last comment your mum hasn’t got a chance so I wouldn’t even bother wasting money on a solicitor unless she tries to start proceedings. What I would do though is mention her threats and your concern about her to your health visitor so that if your mum does make a report, when any social worker contacts the health service one of the first things they’ll hear is about your mum making malicious threats.

If she was that concerned wouldnt she have neeeded to report her concerns to social services first wouldn't the court have advised her that? So what did that report say?

I have !

It’s perfectly appropriate and it’s NHS advice that as long as the bottles are refrigerated properly and used within 24 hours it’s perfectly safe. You’re talking utter nonsense.

A referral for what ? Lots of people have dogs alongside babies. And OP didn’t say they couldn’t afford flooring.

Great post.

I don't care if the Op's post is in Legal, this needs said.

Have you reported yourself for troll hunting?

She sounds a nightmare….but personally I think getting a puppy when you have a 2 month old must be a nightmare as well!

If anything I waste milk lol, I make all of his daytime bottles at between 9 and 10am and at 10pm I empty any remaining bottles even untouched bottles, clean them in Milton and then steam sterilise them! I can assure you my boys bottles are definitely very clean, that is one thing I have never done differently. His bottles are stored at the back of the fridge and are always heated correctly in a jug of hot water which I test the temperature of his milk on the inside of my wrist to ensure that it isn’t too hot for him. I want only the best for my son! x

Great advice!

What are you talking about ? Her mother would have needed to apply for permission even to apply to the courts for visitation rights. And to do that she would need to prove a long standing relationship with the child, involving childcare.