Mum taking me to court for grandparents visitation.

[mummytoalittleboy]

-My mum is taking me to court for grandparents visitation over my 2 month old.
-My mum rang me a few nights ago screaming down the phone at me because me and my partner had decided to buy a puppy. She was saying I’m endangering my son’s life and that I have to get rid of the dog or she’s ringing social services and saying I’m neglecting my son. She then went on to ring my Nan and make up a list of ways she thinks I’m neglecting my son.
-For reference both me and my mum are qualified childcare practitioners and both have SEND training.
-Me and my partner recently moved into our own house a few weeks after our son was born and since we moved in she has tried dictating every little thing we’ve done in the house. We agreed we were doing carpet month by month as the rooms are rather large and each room would cost £950+ to carpet, she wasn’t happy with this as she wanted us to get every room done in one go knowing the move was unexpectedly quick and we didn’t have much money at the time of moving.
-She sees my son once for a few hours every week or two weeks when she decides she wants to come round. She has only ever had him twice for 3 hours each time so that I could unpack some boxes when we first moved in.
-She’s claiming I’m neglecting my son because she doesn’t agree with our decision to buy a dog, saying that I don’t clean his bottles because the one day she came round in the morning his bottles from the previous night were on the kitchen side waiting to be cleaned as he still had bottles made up. She’s claiming my house is dirty all because we haven’t put carpet down, for reference the previous tenants laminate is still down! She’s claiming I don’t clean my son as he had dirt on the bottom of his feet from when we had taken him in the garden a few hours prior to see if he liked the feeling of grass! She has now said she is taking me to court for visitation of him.
-For reference me and my mum have never had a good relationship. When I was younger she used to emotionally manipulate me, I would have my phone taken off of me for months at a time for not doing as she had asked within the minute she asked it right up until I turned 16 and moved into my nans house. My stepdad took me to my nans at midnight one night when I was 15 for my own safety where I stayed for over a week because my mum found out I was SH due to struggling with mental health. During that week my nan had to keep the door locked as my mum kept turning up drunk and screaming abuse at us through the letter box. The only reason I went back home was because she promised to seek help for her drinking and to go to therapy. She used to force feed me food that I didn’t like during my teenage years until I threw up and then would scream at me and throw things in my direction to scare me. My stepdad used to tear my room apart looking for things he could have a go at me over and then would refuse to let me leave the house until it was tidy, even to go to school. He once threw a plate at a wall just above my head to scare me.
-I have told my mum I do not want to see her or speak to her at all after accusing me of neglecting my son who is very obviously not neglected if you just look at the boy, the weight he’s put on is massive, he’s very advanced for two months holding his head up on his own, sitting up with little to no help, copying facial expressions. Because I have told her I want no contact at all and I would not allow her into my home to see my son and that I don’t trust her to have him on her own as she’s the sort of person that would refuse to give him back, she’s said she is taking me to court for visitation rights. I don’t want her anywhere near him.

Have I got a leg to stand on or will they grant her visitation?

Whoever bought the dog, the ongoing cost is a stupid thing to take on when you can't afford flooring, have a brand new baby and a brand new live in boyfriend. You seem very immature. Just because you can, doesn't mean you should.
Of course your mum wont get anywhere with visitation, and she sounds quite dramatic but I imagine she is frustrated that you are making poor choices. But if you don't want her input, stop inviting her over and asking for childcare.

OP i would ask for this thread to be taken down. It’s turned into a bullying, toxic pile on and you’re simply not eating the advice you asked for.

If it’s of any help I’ve been involved in one or two situations similar to your own, connected to my professional capacity and although l’m in no way legally qualified, l can tell you from experience gained from that involvement that your mother has no automatic legal right to access to your child.

To apply to the courts for access to be granted, she would first have to get permission to apply, and to do that, she would need to be able to demonstrate a long standing relationship with the child, in which she undertook a substantial amount of child care. That’s simply not possible in your situation and even if it were, there is still an obligation to try to come to an agreement with the parents, or if that’s not possible, to attempt mediation before she could apply.

From your posts it seems you’re well on top of everything else that’s going on and l hope you get things sorted - it might be worth getting a bit of real life legal advice to put your mind at rest, but l would get this thread removed unless you want to spend the duration of it defending yourself to random keyboard warriors lining up to have a go.

You’re massively over feeding your baby. If you’re feeding him 6oz every 2 hours that’s 72oz a day, double what he should be having. Neither should he be sitting up or ‘playing’ on grass. You have no idea if the previous tenants had dogs so the grass may be very soiled.
Do NOT get a puppy whilst your baby is so tiny. Puppies are as demanding as a baby because they ARE babies themselves. They poo and wee all over the place, so you’d be constantly cleaning, they need walking several times a day, need training, grooming and playing with. They need vets visits which are costly. Initial costs, not including actually buying the pup, will be around £500, then you’ll have ongoing costs including pet insurance and vet bills. On top of all this is food. Puppies cost a lot to feed properly.
Your mum is bonkers and will not get custody.

Actually, you DID say it was because of the cost - it’s there in your first post.

We agreed we were doing carpet month by month as the rooms are rather large and each room would cost £950+ to carpet, she wasn’t happy with this as she wanted us to get every room done in one go knowing the move was unexpectedly quick and we didn’t have much money at the time of moving

The fact that you seem to have had lots of health visitor visits indicates that the HV is concerned about you, despite you saying she isn’t. Normally by 2 months you would only have had 2 visits.

Me and my boyfriend have lived together at my nans for 3 years. I’m not immature thank you, like I have said my partners mum bought the dog not me. My choices have nothing to do with my mums input, she’s angry because I told her she’s not in charge of me anymore so she’s making up malicious accusations of neglect!

As an aside is this a house you have bought or are renting.

If renting please save your money and buy some large rugs to go over the landlords laminate flooring instead of spending money on carpets.
Only put in things you can take with you

Don’t start taking up the flooring as it will have to be stored and relaid and when you leave otherwise you will be in breach of tenancy and you can be taken to court for the cost of replacing the laminate

Also think twice about putting down carpets for about a year at least

If you are getting a puppy and have a baby , between the accidents a puppy has and the spills and vomit a baby has I can guarantee what ever carpet you put down will be wrecked

Equally puppies chew things as well as the above issues so get a clean and serviceable sofa that is cheap or free from FBMP /gumtree as again it will get wrecked and you will constantly be doing battle trying to train puppy not to eat the sofa and cleaning the sofa

I dont think she has much chance of access. But it was unwise to bring a puppy into a house with a newborn baby.

Even without the initial costs, having a dog is expensive and seems a bit mad when you have to buy white goods and flooring.

Then stop inviting her over and asking for childcare if it's that simple. Why didn't you ask the HV for advice? You do seem immature, but that's to be expected at your age.

Can you read, she said she's asked for extra visits?

That clearly says that we decided to do it month by month as we couldn’t afford to do it all in one go not that I couldn’t afford to do it at all. We decided this so that we could save extra money for things for our house as when we moved we had barely anything.
My HV isn’t concerned at all. I asked for extra HV visits as I wanted as much support as I could for if I have any questions or need any help as I’m a new first time mum in an area I know nobody. And by extra HV support that means that she contacts me every week to see if I’m okay and if I would like a visitor that week or not. I struggled a lot mentally during my pregnancy and for the first month after giving birth so I wanted all of the extra support and help I could get from professionals.

This comment was for this post.

I don’t invite her over and I have never once asked her for childcare. She had him twice for 2 hours each time when I first moved in, by that I mean that she sat with him at my house and watched him while I unpacked. My mother doesn’t get invited anywhere willingly she just turns up.

Where does OP specify the number of visits ? OP mentioned that she is seeing a therapist, so the reason for that could be connected to increased HV input. Doesn’t necessarily indicate they think there’s a problem, just the need for a bit of extra support.

And re- the flooring. OP’s updates specify that the previous tenants’ laminate flooring was down and that they had refloored all but two rooms. So it’s really not a case of walking around on bare boards because they decided to buy a dog instead.

I'd reassess the puppy situation OP - a new baby and expensive new carpets coming! Probably new furniture as well. Sleep deprivation with puppies is a real thing. Please think hard about this. It would be very hard to deal with a new baby from 2 different species at the same time!
I would personally go no contact with your mum and SF, with no going back. She sounds very abusive and you are in a vunerable situation. Please learn from your experiences with this toxic pair and have zero tolerance for any abusive behaviour from your DP. I'm glad you've got your grandparents. Let her go to court - let court hear abour her abusive behaviour.

And you sound as though you haven’t bothered to read the background information as to OP’s childhood.

Where did OP say she had invited her mum over, or asked for childcare. Lots of assumptions here.

Always an excuse.

Yeah, that’s why OP is in therapy. It’s all an excuse.

I think it's relevant, OP is relatively young and her mum obviously thinks that's a reason she thinks she can bully her into doing what she wants.

there is flooring down, laminate, they're replacing it with carpet.

She's said it a couple of times now.

No. They're saying that a newborn and a puppy are a volatile (and expensive) mix.

The money you've spent on a puppy and its jabs and pet insurance would have paid for the carpet.

And both together are a lot of work. Staffies are also a lovely breed but a 'nanny' dog they're not. ANY dog can turn.

Whilst you and your partner are doing very well to have got into your own place and away from your mother it doesn't mean that every decision you make or have made is sensible. And as you have come on a forum you will get advice on what you have asked and what you haven't.

You're not going to take it, but at least read it without defensiveness and see where everyone's coming from.

She sounds like a poster who has decided to join the pile on. It's what mumsnet is all about now.