Mum taking me to court for grandparents visitation.

[mummytoalittleboy]

-My mum is taking me to court for grandparents visitation over my 2 month old.
-My mum rang me a few nights ago screaming down the phone at me because me and my partner had decided to buy a puppy. She was saying I’m endangering my son’s life and that I have to get rid of the dog or she’s ringing social services and saying I’m neglecting my son. She then went on to ring my Nan and make up a list of ways she thinks I’m neglecting my son.
-For reference both me and my mum are qualified childcare practitioners and both have SEND training.
-Me and my partner recently moved into our own house a few weeks after our son was born and since we moved in she has tried dictating every little thing we’ve done in the house. We agreed we were doing carpet month by month as the rooms are rather large and each room would cost £950+ to carpet, she wasn’t happy with this as she wanted us to get every room done in one go knowing the move was unexpectedly quick and we didn’t have much money at the time of moving.
-She sees my son once for a few hours every week or two weeks when she decides she wants to come round. She has only ever had him twice for 3 hours each time so that I could unpack some boxes when we first moved in.
-She’s claiming I’m neglecting my son because she doesn’t agree with our decision to buy a dog, saying that I don’t clean his bottles because the one day she came round in the morning his bottles from the previous night were on the kitchen side waiting to be cleaned as he still had bottles made up. She’s claiming my house is dirty all because we haven’t put carpet down, for reference the previous tenants laminate is still down! She’s claiming I don’t clean my son as he had dirt on the bottom of his feet from when we had taken him in the garden a few hours prior to see if he liked the feeling of grass! She has now said she is taking me to court for visitation of him.
-For reference me and my mum have never had a good relationship. When I was younger she used to emotionally manipulate me, I would have my phone taken off of me for months at a time for not doing as she had asked within the minute she asked it right up until I turned 16 and moved into my nans house. My stepdad took me to my nans at midnight one night when I was 15 for my own safety where I stayed for over a week because my mum found out I was SH due to struggling with mental health. During that week my nan had to keep the door locked as my mum kept turning up drunk and screaming abuse at us through the letter box. The only reason I went back home was because she promised to seek help for her drinking and to go to therapy. She used to force feed me food that I didn’t like during my teenage years until I threw up and then would scream at me and throw things in my direction to scare me. My stepdad used to tear my room apart looking for things he could have a go at me over and then would refuse to let me leave the house until it was tidy, even to go to school. He once threw a plate at a wall just above my head to scare me.
-I have told my mum I do not want to see her or speak to her at all after accusing me of neglecting my son who is very obviously not neglected if you just look at the boy, the weight he’s put on is massive, he’s very advanced for two months holding his head up on his own, sitting up with little to no help, copying facial expressions. Because I have told her I want no contact at all and I would not allow her into my home to see my son and that I don’t trust her to have him on her own as she’s the sort of person that would refuse to give him back, she’s said she is taking me to court for visitation rights. I don’t want her anywhere near him.

Have I got a leg to stand on or will they grant her visitation?

My Dad and stepmother were similar (and actually tried to take me to court.) The problem was they thought the had the right to control me because I had let them get away with bossing me around to keep the peace for too many years. We all did. So whenever they felt that control slipping away they would go nuclear to try and bring us back in to line.
You won't want to hear it but the only thing that worked was cutting contact completely. If you give them a tiny little “in” they will take it and escalate until the get their full control back.

Block her on everything. She’s poisonous.

I work in a nursery and have done for 4 years. I know how to make up and how to safely store bottles. Our health visitor frequently checks his bottles are being stored properly and has expressed no concerns. She is aware that I made them up in advance.

finally, someone who is actually trying to help rather than criticise me! Thank you!! I’ve cut contact completely, I have told her she is more than welcome to take me to court and that from now on I will only speak to her via her solicitor. I’m not letting my son get dragged up by her the way I did and I certainly don’t want him anywhere near her and her wicked ways!

I have no other advice other than I cannot believe you have deemed it appropriate to add a Staffordshire bull terrior to your household when you have a new born.

You might not like that opinion and that people are commenting on the dog but that particular breed are responsible for 43% of dog attack disfigurements in the UK. So people will have an opinion on it.

I think you need to make a choice… your mother won’t change and you have to make up your mind about what you want in life….

the obvious is to ditch the circus… so your son doesn’t suffer

I agree with all the posters saying your mum is abusive and toxic, I'm so sorry she treated you so badly as a child and still now. But I have to agree on this pp's point: do not get a puppy. This is truly a bad, bad, bad idea!!! I have a dog and kids, but would have never had my dog as a puppy and a tiny baby at the same time, it is pure madness, believe me!!! The puppy stage was horrendously difficult! Friends of mine did get a puppy when their 1st baby was tiny and regretted it every damn day.
With a dog:

• training a puppy is relentless and hard work - they wee and poo everywhere at the beginning lol, training requires a lot of work and attention that you won't have the energy for
• dogs can be really dangerous with children specially if you can't get on top of their training because you're knackered and already giving all your attention to your baby.
• you can't go out for the whole day or hours on end, dogs can't be left alone for more than 3-4h at a time
• you can't go on holiday/away easily - some places or ways of travel won't let you have your dog with and kennels/dog care are extremely expensive
• you can't work out of the house for hours leaving your dog alone
• food, vets, grooming etc. costs loads of money
• you need to walk your dog 1-2h a day every day, even if you're ill to death or your baby is ill (may need an expensive dog walker)...

I understand having a baby makes some people extra broody and wanting a puppy is quite common at that stage, but I highly not recommend it.

I haven’t asked for opinions on my dog I have asked for advice on my mother. My mother’s problem isn’t with the dog it’s with the fact I no longer allow her to control my life like she has done up until I moved into my own home. Our health visitor has been round since we got our dog and she has no concerns about her being in our home with our son. If our dog did however bite our son she would be gone in an instance. I’m not doing anything to put my son in any harm whatsoever so all these comments about my dog and my decision making are irrelevant to the subject at matter when the advice I asked for was to do with my mother and unrelated to my dog!

She's just trying to bully you. Unless you had social services involvement and they had taken the baby away no court would side with her.

If you were mine I'd support you all I could but I'd also advise you against getting a puppy at the moment. It's hard work with a newborn and puppies are time-consuming and expensive.

Don't get a dog. Also, you don't need to use Milton to wash bottles if you're steaming them. You're meant to wash with washing up liquid and then either steam or soak in Milton.

As far as I know Grandparents can't just apply to the Court for visitation- they have to seek consent of the Court to make that application so they have an extra layer to jump through.

Your mum doesn't really stand a chance of a Court making any order.

Eta - she's just threatening you to get her own way. Call her bluff and see how far she gets.

”If our dog did however bite our son she would be gone in an instance”

That would be too late.
Your mother sounds dreadful and an absolute bully. She has a valid point about a new born baby and a new dog. Recipe for disaster.

Again comments about my dog are unnecessary as that is not what this post was asking advice for. I’m not being funny but any dog could bite. My mother let her dog lick my son’s face at 2 days old and climb all over her lap whilst she was holding him, resulting in her dog stepping on my son and upsetting him. ANY DOG CAN BITE. Anytime my mother has sat down holding my son her dog has been biting her hands or her leg and pulling at her clothes out of jealousy. Her dog could bite him at any point, any family members dog could bite him at any point, any strangers dog could bite him at any point. Any dog can bite so are you saying that nobody at all should have dogs if they have children in case it bites them at any stage in their life?

Yes, as you say ANY DOG CAN BITE.
So don't get a dog.
I can see that your mum is a problem, but you sound pretty difficult as well, from your responses.

I wonder what the Mum's story would be, if she were to post.

Grandparents do not have rights. Your mum sounds toxic. Maybe you moving out means she has lost control. Personally I would not get a puppy. I got one when my youngest was 7 and it was really hard work for about 2 years! Definitely tell your health visitor. Be wary your mum may contact social services. I think it would be wiser to spend money on carpet rather than a puppy also.

I don’t think that your age is the issue. The issue is your mad mother. You’re doing a great job, I’d be restricting contact as well.

so your saying no families should get a dog if they have children incase it bites. and if this was the case then nobody would have dogs around children. But they do. I’m not being difficult. I have replied to very few out of all of these comments. Mainly about the fact I haven’t asked for advice on my dog, I have asked for advice on the fact that my mum is taking me to court for visitation because I have told her I don’t want her around me or my son with how she treats me, has treated me growing up and with all the ways she is accusing me of neglect maliciously because I am not letting her control me or my life anymore. This post wasn’t put up about my dog it was for advice on how to keep a woman, who emotionally abused, physically abused and mentally damaged me my whole childhood, away from my son so I’m sorry if this doesn’t come across as me being very nice because I mean it with the most upmost respect but I’ve asked for advice on how to handle my mum not for advice on what I decide to do in my family home x

Thank you so much for this comment, it means a lot. With all of these comments bashing me as a parent, for buying a dog for my son to grow up with like both me and my partner had growing up, it does get to me.

Have you contacted a solicitor about your mother’s intentions?

There are lots of people here who haven’t experienced narcissistic behaviour from parents and don’t understand the psychological hold they can have - but her threats really are powerless over you and you’re not doing anything wrong. You know sitting down with your mum to have a reasonable conversation won’t work. Sadly, you must remove her from your life because she will seek to influence your child. Do some research around narcissistic abuse and how to protect yourself. You will find others who have been through the same thing and take strength from their stories. See @Thepossibilitypost.

No advice on your situation with your mother other than that she sounds toxic and you should avoid contact altogether. But having read your posts I think it sounds like you’re doing a great job with your little boy.

@ItsAMoooPoint not looking for an argument 🤷‍♀️ genuinely wondering if bottles are cleaned, sterilised,
made up and stored correctly what are the concerns with this?

I know you haven't asked for this but as I have worked as a housing officer I'm going to ask, did you ask the council for permission for the dog?

You could be breaching your tenancy by just getting the dog. Just putting it out there.

Your mum sounds controlling and her threats are horrific, especially after what you have been though. Sections can be horrid to recover from

Talk to your HV when she comes around, join some mum and baby groups in the area to meet people.

Good luck, I did 12month old dog with a new born wasn't easy. 12 and 13 now respectfully, and a fantastic relationship.
Just watch the puppy for jealousy

Edited as just seen you are in a flat. You really should check you aren't breaching your tenancy.