DS damaged a car but owner grabbed him

[OliveTree75]

So at around 5pm I got a call from my 12yo DS who was playing out. He was crying and said I would need to come to the park as he dropped his scooter and it has hit a car. He was very upset. A woman then came on the phone and said whilst he was apologetic that I would need to come down to her house.
My DP went down and looked at the damage. Very small dint where handle has hit the car. Annoying but he said we would pay. When they got home, DS was visibly very upset. I asked him to explain what happened and he told me:
He dropped his scooter and it hit the car and he panicked. Him and his friends looked around
but nobody there (residential area) and didn’t know which house car belonged to. He started to walk up the street. The man from
tne house then came out and shouted at him
to come back, which he did. He said he was apologising and started to cry. The woman has then gone up to him, grabbed him by his back pack and pulled him back to her house. He said he asked her to get off him.
Now this is not just me saying this as he’s my ds but he’s the softest, most gentle boy and he did not give them any abuse and came back when asked. Whether or not this was the corrext thing to do, I went back to the house and asked her to explain. They completely agreed with his story that they shouted and he came back but they were worried he would run so she grabbed his bag and kept hold of him until a parent arrived. I explained that he is 12 years old and having a man shouting at him and a women dragging him is not acceptable when he was apologising, crying and was walking back
to them. She tried to say I was only complaining to get out of paying but I explained we’ve already said we will pay and the car is not what I have an issue with. I explained that my ds is grounded and we will be paying for the car. However I am very angry she dragged my 12yo ds. Is her behaviour out of line or am I overreacting?
She also accused him of criminal damage but she even said herself it was an accident.

What a ridiculous post. How do you propose the children get to the park?

This sounds very one sided although without the CCTV you're never going to get the full picture.

What was he doing to drop the scooter to begin with?

A salutary lesson to behave in built up areas regardless.

She admitted herself it was an accident and said you can see on the cctv it was an accident. I’m assuming the reason she isn’t sending me it is because you can see her dragging him.
By all accounts they were just walking along the road but I have no doubt he was going in his pocket or on his phone or having a drink or something that’s meant he let go. We fully accept he has damaged a car and it will need sorting.
I do think though that he wouldn’t have known by looking there was any damage. It was a white car and it was one of those tiny dints where you have to look on an angle to actually see it.

If I hit a car by accident I know to leave a note because I passed a driving test, got my license, know the traffic laws and have insurance. I have had plenty of opportunities to be informed of how to respond in an accident.

But, let’s say an adult wearing a backpack accidentally bumped a car with a trolley and looked around and couldn’t see anyone and walked off. Maybe they were going to get a pen and paper to leave a note or maybe they were just leaving. Shouting at that adult, grabbing them by the backpack and dragging them to your car would NOT be legally justified. I’m not from the UK but in some places that would be considered assault. Them dinging your car with a trolley doesn’t give you the right to assault them.

Why would the standards be lower for children who are far more vulnerable?

You sound a delight

Oh FGS just chalk it up to one of those things. He’ll be absolutely fine.

I don’t think she has to show you any footage. Maybe the couple will be more remorseful in future. Pay for the damage. I’m sure your son will be far more careful in future and hopefully this couple will know not to grab hold of anyone in the future.
If you really want to you could report to the police and ask them to gave a word with the couple.

Agree with other pp to contact the police. But I would tell the police about the cctv, they will want to view the contents for the dent and also the dragging. The couple responsible will have to hand it over. Even if you don't see it yourself, the police will have the truth.
I would be fuming if someone dragged my DS and kept hold of him until I got there. Even if he was a little shit who did it on purpose, still NOT an excuse to pretty much hold a 12YO hostage.

I would report to police and ask them if they can ask for the video evidence she supposedly has. I’m thinking you don’t pay in exchange for not pressing assault charges or

The more I’ve been thinking about this post the more raging I feel towards the couple that grabbed your son. I have an 11 year old son who extremely sweet and well behaved like you describe your DSS, I think I’d actually find it very difficult not to physically lash out at these people if they’d done that to my kid, the thought of him feeling frightened at their hands breaks my heart. Accidents happen, tbh if another child did that to my car and I could clearly see it was an accident I wouldn’t even be mad, I’d be more worried about them worrying about it!
please give him a big hug, tell him you’ll always have his back and it’s completely unacceptable how those people reacted

I wouldn’t pay, there is no legal obligation to do so if a child damages a car and they sound like awful people. Ask to see the CCTV and threaten to report them for threatening and manhandling a child. It’s only a dent, the car will still work even if it’s not fixed whereas they have purposefully scared and intimidated your son.

As an aside, was the car parked on the pavement? If so even more reason not to pay as it was their fault for parking and blocking a walkway - if a car is blocking a pavement and I am passing with child in wheelchair I usually purposefully try to scratch the car a bit for them parking like a knob. No excuse for parking and obstructing a pavement.

All admitted it was an accident with the damage to the car - these things do happen but really no harm done at the end of the day. If the paint wasn't chipped there is no real need for any work to be done on the car. I would not be paying for any repairs.
However the assault, intimidation and restraint from this couple to your son was totally over the top and out of order. They have not sent you the CCTV because it will show up their appalling behaviour and you could use it to show to the police. Personally I think you should contact the police about their behaviour.

Was the car parked in a driveway or on the street? Just thinking out loud but are you allowed to have CCTV coverage the street if it's public? GDPR and all that.

For all the ‘go to the police’ hype, let’s keep in mind that causing damage and leaving is also not allowed.

So, no one was exemplary here.

Everyone can learn. The police have better things to deal with.

The car was parked on the street but not on the pavement. The houses on that street do not have drive ways. She did say something about how she is only legally allowed to record the front of her house.

What’s the valuable lesson? That adults can be frightening and threatening and can’t be relied on to be calm? This may well lead him to not wanting to be honest and open with adults when he makes a mistake because he’s afraid of how they’ll react. Hardly a valuable lesson

This sounds awful and an overreaction by them. I would tell them to make an insurance claim and let it be dealt with it that way.

Either way, yes it's awful but sometimes in the heat of the moment stuff happens. Do you want to involve the Police and carry this on and have claims and counter claims, using Police time when in the end what will be the outcome? Probably everyone gets warned and no further action.

I would talk to your son about what to do if anything like this happens again. Leave the bag, do not go with the adult and call you immediately. They were totally in the wrong but you've spoken to them, I don't think there's much more to be achieved, they are unlikely to shift their thinking.

It was an accident, he was hardly misbehaving. Accidents happen.

She probably dragged your child because she felt she could, in that he didn’t look like a yob. Had he looked like a yob with a load of mouthy mates, she probably wouldn’t have dared.

I think I’d be reporting to the police and asking for the cctv via them.

I would have slapped the silly bitch

I reckon it probably was an accident but who knows. The fact your son came back when called suggests thst to me, if it was on purpose very unlikely teenagers would come back when called. Who knows if his scooter even caused that tiny dent or if it was there already, they might have just checked the car after they noticed the incident. Either way you've offered to pay so its moot. I think you are well within your rights to ask to see the cctv for proof before paying, agree they are probably not showing it to you because it shows them overreacting and dragging your son around and shouting at him. What they have really done its taught your son to run next time an accident occurs by their overrreaction. Dented car or not, they didnt need to grab and drag him, especially if he wasnt running. How would they like to be grabbed and dragged? Not much i bet.

Well two wrongs don’t make a right. You said you would pay for the damage but are you sure it was all caused by your son .
Due to them grabbing your son I think I would ask for proof and tell them jog on go through there car insurance. But hey no one grabs children.

I can kind of see her point of view. You don’t know if this has happened before and children have just run off. With her having CCTV it does make you wonder. I’d be annoyed if someone damaged my car.

I don’t understand why you’ve stopped him being grounded. I’d have thought he should be punished for damaging a car, accident or not.

Your poor son, they were absolutely out of line here. I imagine if it was. 12 year old girl being dragged by a man some of the replies would be very different.
I wouldn’t ground my son for an accident, a chat about being more careful and what to do if anything like that happened in future(leave a note/ring you or dad/whatever) but I wouldn’t punish him for an accident.