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Original poster

DS damaged a car but owner grabbed him

314 replies

OliveTree75 · 23/05/2025 22:00

So at around 5pm I got a call from my 12yo DS who was playing out. He was crying and said I would need to come to the park as he dropped his scooter and it has hit a car. He was very upset. A woman then came on the phone and said whilst he was apologetic that I would need to come down to her house.
My DP went down and looked at the damage. Very small dint where handle has hit the car. Annoying but he said we would pay. When they got home, DS was visibly very upset. I asked him to explain what happened and he told me:
He dropped his scooter and it hit the car and he panicked. Him and his friends looked around
but nobody there (residential area) and didn’t know which house car belonged to. He started to walk up the street. The man from
tne house then came out and shouted at him
to come back, which he did. He said he was apologising and started to cry. The woman has then gone up to him, grabbed him by his back pack and pulled him back to her house. He said he asked her to get off him.
Now this is not just me saying this as he’s my ds but he’s the softest, most gentle boy and he did not give them any abuse and came back when asked. Whether or not this was the corrext thing to do, I went back to the house and asked her to explain. They completely agreed with his story that they shouted and he came back but they were worried he would run so she grabbed his bag and kept hold of him until a parent arrived. I explained that he is 12 years old and having a man shouting at him and a women dragging him is not acceptable when he was apologising, crying and was walking back
to them. She tried to say I was only complaining to get out of paying but I explained we’ve already said we will pay and the car is not what I have an issue with. I explained that my ds is grounded and we will be paying for the car. However I am very angry she dragged my 12yo ds. Is her behaviour out of line or am I overreacting?
She also accused him of criminal damage but she even said herself it was an accident.

OP posts:
Original poster
OliveTree75 · 23/05/2025 23:04

roseymoira · 23/05/2025 22:34

I can see why. It’s a residential area. Rather than knock on doors they tried to leave. Luckily the car owner caught them.

They should take their scooters to the park to play with them if they can’t use them safely in residential areas

this is where it happened. They were about to head into the park over the road.

DS damaged a car but owner grabbed him
OP posts:
herbalteabag · 23/05/2025 23:07

It was definitely not ok for them to grab him. A 12 year old would panic and not necessarily know what to do in these circumstances but they could have simply asked for your number so they could contact you.
I'm a bit surprised that simply letting go of the scooter whilst walking could do this. They usually have rubber grips on the handles, although sometimes they do wear through and expose the metal.

Toolatetoasknow · 23/05/2025 23:09

Would any neighbouring house have cctv footage?
I think I would write down exactly what I understood had happened, as impartially as I could and log it with the police.
And I would tell my ds that even if he had scooted into the car he should not have been treated like that. He is owed an apology at least. What did his friend do while this was going on?

Original poster
OliveTree75 · 23/05/2025 23:09

herbalteabag · 23/05/2025 23:07

It was definitely not ok for them to grab him. A 12 year old would panic and not necessarily know what to do in these circumstances but they could have simply asked for your number so they could contact you.
I'm a bit surprised that simply letting go of the scooter whilst walking could do this. They usually have rubber grips on the handles, although sometimes they do wear through and expose the metal.

It was his friends scooter and apparently the metal end was exposed. More like a stunt scooter type.

OP posts:
Original poster
OliveTree75 · 23/05/2025 23:11

Toolatetoasknow · 23/05/2025 23:09

Would any neighbouring house have cctv footage?
I think I would write down exactly what I understood had happened, as impartially as I could and log it with the police.
And I would tell my ds that even if he had scooted into the car he should not have been treated like that. He is owed an apology at least. What did his friend do while this was going on?

They waited there with him until his dad got there. He has lovely friends thankfully. They have also agreed he was dragged. I’m not sure how they know it was my ds unless they saw it happen out of the window maybe

OP posts:
DeSoleil · 23/05/2025 23:13

It’s entirely possible the scooter did bang up against the car but the actual dent the car owner is redeeei v to was already there!

How easy would it be to just point at any dent in the car and convince a crying child it was his scooter that caused it.

I don’t know what today’s scooters are like but years ago my son had one and it was fairly lightweight with rubber grip handles and you’d have to pick it up and throw it at a car to cause a dent.

Franchisingentrepreneur · 23/05/2025 23:13

Poor DS. I would be livid if that was my DS. Speak to your local community police and ask one of them to have a word with this horrible couple.

HeyPooPooHead · 23/05/2025 23:14

Yep I’d contact the police and ask them to obtain the video.

I wouldn’t ground your son, it was an accident and he apologised, called an adult and returned when asked. Sadly he’s had quite a scare despite doing the right thing.

HeyPooPooHead · 23/05/2025 23:15

Call the non emergency number for police

IWillAlwaysBeinaClubWithYouin1973 · 23/05/2025 23:16

These threads always surprise me because if that had happened in my area the person dragging the boy would have a lynch mob outside their house in 15 minutes flat. The things people think they can just get away with - I agree with those saying that mark could have been on their car all along, and I think they are trying it on. Regardless of what happened you can't just grab a 12 year old for a mark on a car and not expect the police to be round.

CloudyPortal · 23/05/2025 23:17

I wouldn't be grounding him for an accident. Especially after all that drama.
It's a scooter, presumably a very minor dent.

MyDarlingWhatIfYouFly · 23/05/2025 23:17

OliveTree75 · 23/05/2025 23:11

They waited there with him until his dad got there. He has lovely friends thankfully. They have also agreed he was dragged. I’m not sure how they know it was my ds unless they saw it happen out of the window maybe

Show quote history

This is actually quite upsetting to read - I would also contact the police. He must have been very intimidated.

A lot of older people have this idea in their head that the younger generation are all a bunch of thugs who are not disciplined by their parents, and so treat them accordingly.

i would report it and ask the police to view the footage. Yes, their car was damaged, but it’s absolutely no excuse to physically drag a 12 year old along the street, especially as he was already cooperating. They need a good talking to - from what you’ve described they sound thoroughly unpleasant in any case.

Nothankyov · 23/05/2025 23:17

@OliveTree75 OP - you sound very reasonable. You have offered to pay for the damage and did not even dispute it at all. Her actions are completely unreasonable. He’s 12 and it was an accident! Please don’t ground him - it was an accident maybe work out a way how he can help “pay” for the damage.

MathsMagpie · 23/05/2025 23:21

I would also contact the police. How sure are you the scooter caused the damaged and it wasn’t pre existing? Unfortunately, it’s a risk you take when you park your car on a street.

Velmy · 23/05/2025 23:22

Christ the world has gone soft!

He damaged their car. Whether he went back to them off his own back or not, they had no idea whether he was a good kid or a little shit, whether he'd run off or not, or whether 10 of his mates would turn up and kick off or worse.

Giving him a bollocking, grabbing his bag and marching him back to their house until they'd contacted you is perfectly reasonable. Nobody got hurt and he'll likely think twice about riding his scooter around people's cars again.

If they'd hit him, or restrained him in a way that hurt him, that's different. But he's 12, not 7...if he can't deal with a dressing down and the modern-day equivalent of being dragged home by your ear, you've got bigger problems to worry about.

Mwnci123 · 23/05/2025 23:22

roseymoira · 23/05/2025 22:34

I can see why. It’s a residential area. Rather than knock on doors they tried to leave. Luckily the car owner caught them.

They should take their scooters to the park to play with them if they can’t use them safely in residential areas

Yes! In fact let's pen the children in somewhere where they can't damage the precious, precious cars!

The8thOfThe7Dwarfs · 23/05/2025 23:22

I would say without CCTV there is no proof the damage was done by your son. Her reaction tells you they are arsenal's, I wouldn't trust a word they say.

For all you know that ding could have been there ages. Yes your son admits his scooter fell into the car but that doesn't been that ding was from him.

Mwnci123 · 23/05/2025 23:26

The woman who physically dragged your son to her house was obviously being unreasonable.

Toolatetoasknow · 23/05/2025 23:27

Velmy
That is absolute rubbish. Ask for his parents' phone number, ok. Any sort of man handling, including taking him into their house is not on at all.

Original poster
OliveTree75 · 23/05/2025 23:28

Velmy · 23/05/2025 23:22

Christ the world has gone soft!

He damaged their car. Whether he went back to them off his own back or not, they had no idea whether he was a good kid or a little shit, whether he'd run off or not, or whether 10 of his mates would turn up and kick off or worse.

Giving him a bollocking, grabbing his bag and marching him back to their house until they'd contacted you is perfectly reasonable. Nobody got hurt and he'll likely think twice about riding his scooter around people's cars again.

If they'd hit him, or restrained him in a way that hurt him, that's different. But he's 12, not 7...if he can't deal with a dressing down and the modern-day equivalent of being dragged home by your ear, you've got bigger problems to worry about.

Could you not also say that In this situation my child didn’t know what these two grown adults were going to do when dragging him towards their house?
I have no issue with them speaking to him about what’s happened and asking him to contact a parent. Absolutely reasonable. What I have an issue with is that he was dragged when there was no need as he was showing no signs of “being a little shit” or running away.

OP posts:
Flipslop · 23/05/2025 23:29

BellissimoGecko · 23/05/2025 22:26

I can see both points of view. He could have been a little shit who would have run if she had shouted at him. Perhaps she’s had a bad experience with teens in the past?

It’s a valuable lesson for your son.

Absolutely I defending that woman’s position, you never EVER put your hands on a kid. If nothing else it’s a stupid move

WWomble · 23/05/2025 23:35

It sounds a genuine accident by your DS. The adults’ reactions were unnecessarily harsh. I would be reporting to the police. I would also not be paying until you have a copy of the incident. Their behaviour is more concerning than your DS’s.

AliceMcK · 23/05/2025 23:36

Yanbu

contact the police, let them see the footage to decide what course of action is needed. Also let them ( the car owners) know you will happily pay once you’ve seen what your son did on the video. I bet they won’t produce it because they over reacted in scaring your child.

it dose not matter what experience they have had with kids in the past, you don’t man handle a child especially someone else’s.

Flipslop · 23/05/2025 23:36

Velmy · 23/05/2025 23:22

Christ the world has gone soft!

He damaged their car. Whether he went back to them off his own back or not, they had no idea whether he was a good kid or a little shit, whether he'd run off or not, or whether 10 of his mates would turn up and kick off or worse.

Giving him a bollocking, grabbing his bag and marching him back to their house until they'd contacted you is perfectly reasonable. Nobody got hurt and he'll likely think twice about riding his scooter around people's cars again.

If they'd hit him, or restrained him in a way that hurt him, that's different. But he's 12, not 7...if he can't deal with a dressing down and the modern-day equivalent of being dragged home by your ear, you've got bigger problems to worry about.

Ah man, this bullshit view that grown adults can intimidate kids. The world needs to go soft, children are a vulnerable sector of our society who need keeping safe not being dragged by an adult. Would you think it would be acceptable if an elderly person had knocked the car that they get shouted at and physically dragged.
that kid is now likely traumatised, what would have been going through his head at that time i can only imagine

Velmy · 23/05/2025 23:51

Flipslop · 23/05/2025 23:36

Ah man, this bullshit view that grown adults can intimidate kids. The world needs to go soft, children are a vulnerable sector of our society who need keeping safe not being dragged by an adult. Would you think it would be acceptable if an elderly person had knocked the car that they get shouted at and physically dragged.
that kid is now likely traumatised, what would have been going through his head at that time i can only imagine

Show quote history

If a child is 'traumatised' by being collared and shouted at for damaging property, then there's been a failure of parenting somewhere along the line.

They grabbed his bag to stop him booking it, it's hardly dragging him through the streets by his ankles shouting "Shame, shame!"

If an elderly person damaged my car I'd be dealing with them directly and yes, if I thought they were going to try and clear off they'd be getting gripped as well.

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