DS damaged a car but owner grabbed him

[OliveTree75]

So at around 5pm I got a call from my 12yo DS who was playing out. He was crying and said I would need to come to the park as he dropped his scooter and it has hit a car. He was very upset. A woman then came on the phone and said whilst he was apologetic that I would need to come down to her house.
My DP went down and looked at the damage. Very small dint where handle has hit the car. Annoying but he said we would pay. When they got home, DS was visibly very upset. I asked him to explain what happened and he told me:
He dropped his scooter and it hit the car and he panicked. Him and his friends looked around
but nobody there (residential area) and didn’t know which house car belonged to. He started to walk up the street. The man from
tne house then came out and shouted at him
to come back, which he did. He said he was apologising and started to cry. The woman has then gone up to him, grabbed him by his back pack and pulled him back to her house. He said he asked her to get off him.
Now this is not just me saying this as he’s my ds but he’s the softest, most gentle boy and he did not give them any abuse and came back when asked. Whether or not this was the corrext thing to do, I went back to the house and asked her to explain. They completely agreed with his story that they shouted and he came back but they were worried he would run so she grabbed his bag and kept hold of him until a parent arrived. I explained that he is 12 years old and having a man shouting at him and a women dragging him is not acceptable when he was apologising, crying and was walking back
to them. She tried to say I was only complaining to get out of paying but I explained we’ve already said we will pay and the car is not what I have an issue with. I explained that my ds is grounded and we will be paying for the car. However I am very angry she dragged my 12yo ds. Is her behaviour out of line or am I overreacting?
She also accused him of criminal damage but she even said herself it was an accident.

Exactly. It’s a life lesson for him. And they hardly dragged him kicking and screaming into the house. They had hold of his backpack to stop him running off. I would have done exactly the same.

What do you mean by "dragged"? Off his feet, and literally dragged down the road is, of course, unreasonable, and yes, I'd call the police (and get medical attention as he'd surely be hurt).

Holding onto his rucksack so he can't leg it and just walking down the road next to him I think is fine and to call it "dragging" is over dramatic.

Your son shouldn't have attempted to leave, he should have called you to come and help if he wasn't confident to knock and deal with it alone.

I wouldn't be paying for the damage without the CCTV and a written quotation with the car's registration number. If the mark was that tiny then it seems debatable that he even caused the damage.

I did wonder if this kind of thing happens often. Not that it’s okay and no your property shouldn’t end up damaged, but surely you would expect an occasional thing like this when your house has no off road parking and you live opposite a park that has a skate park inside it.
I can understand the shout to come back but it’s the fact that he was already turned around, walking back and apologising so there was no need to then grab him and keep hold of him. Especially as he asked her to get off him.
I was more asking if my reaction to go back to the house and confront her about it was acceptable or not

I have a 12 year old ds who sounds like he has a similar temperament. I'd be fucking incandescent with rage. I also wouldn't be grounding my son for this. It was an accident, he was fully apologetic and has had a shock by the way they have treated him. Id call the police for advice.

Was the car parked on the pavement ? Asking as my DS has to regularly swerve around cars half up on the kerb and it would be very easy for the handle to touch a car door. They don’t stand up by themselves so if a child stops scooting to move past a parked car it could tilt over easily

Yes and now he knows that in situations like this he is to ring us and we will help.
however no I don’t want him knocking on the doors of random adults to try and find an owner. He has no way of knowing how that adult might react.

Did they actually take him into her house?? I would be going INSANE about this, I would call the police and push to take it as far as I could. She assaulted a child, if the sexes were adult male/female child people would be much more up in arms.

He was in their porch when his dad got there.

Maybe tell her you need the CCTV because you're going through your insurance. No payment without it.

Bizarre that people think it’s acceptable to physically restrain someone (who was also compliant) because they caused very minor damage to something you own.

You can’t, it’s illegal. OP call the police.

Yes why punish him for an accident? There’s an important lesson to learn. About cars being easily scratched so he needs in future to keep his scooter on the wall side. But he didn’t realise that when the accident occurred.

Technically restraining a child who isn't yours isn't legal. They should have taken a photo and phoned the police and contacted local schools to identify him, or asked him to wait which it sounds like he was. But if they'd come across angry parents they could've got in serious trouble for attempting to drag a 12 year old child towards their house. Imagine if they'd done that to a girl, I doubt the excuse of "I wasn't sure if she'd wait so I pulled her towards my house" would be accepted as easily..

Don't waste Police time on this. He damaged a vehicle and walked off. Owner was understandably not happy although didn't behave in the best way in the heat of the moment. Just pay up and move on.

I would say you absolutely did the right thing in speaking to them and not unreasonable. Their reactions to your son and you suggest they are convinced of their rightness.

I’d be calling the police. Any stranger who puts their hands on an CHILD and dragged them to the house needs a firm talking to. I’d also be speaking to my child about what to do next time - shout, scream, kick, run. A dent on a car is significantly less important than a CHILD’s safety.

Is there a chance that if she has the scooter incident on CCTV that she also has her restraining your DS. I’d call the police they won’t charge her but if they make my fin upset like that I’d certainly want the frightners put up them. Hope your lads ok.

I can't believe how many 'parents' on here are thinking that aggression from two adults and potential abduction or common assault by one of them is OK. He's 12.

Regarding the money. This is why car owners usually have insurance. Hmm, I wonder if they are insured. Calling the police would mean they'd check this too.

With all due respect OP, we’re now 6 pages in - why don’t you just phone 101 and ask for advice? They’re open 24 hours a day.

I'd call the police, that's actually assault and false imprisonment, trapping him inside their porch. I wouldn't pay, unless they sent me the whole footage. Which they're not going to do, are they?!

I don’t think your child should be grounded and I’m surprised you haven’t contacted police yet. Your child has been manhandled by an adult and so far you haven’t taken any action.

This was in no way reasonable or proportionate. . Maybe, if he was being gobby, aggressive and/or trying to get away , then fair enough. You don’t manhandle a complying , apologetic kid.They massively overreacted.

Tell her you will only pay once you have been sent the full CCTV footage.

Please don’t ground the poor kid. It was an accident and he’s just been through a horrible experience.

You absolutely need your phone the police. That is in no way acceptable for them to lay their hands on and detain a child.