DS damaged a car but owner grabbed him

[OliveTree75]

So at around 5pm I got a call from my 12yo DS who was playing out. He was crying and said I would need to come to the park as he dropped his scooter and it has hit a car. He was very upset. A woman then came on the phone and said whilst he was apologetic that I would need to come down to her house.
My DP went down and looked at the damage. Very small dint where handle has hit the car. Annoying but he said we would pay. When they got home, DS was visibly very upset. I asked him to explain what happened and he told me:
He dropped his scooter and it hit the car and he panicked. Him and his friends looked around
but nobody there (residential area) and didn’t know which house car belonged to. He started to walk up the street. The man from
tne house then came out and shouted at him
to come back, which he did. He said he was apologising and started to cry. The woman has then gone up to him, grabbed him by his back pack and pulled him back to her house. He said he asked her to get off him.
Now this is not just me saying this as he’s my ds but he’s the softest, most gentle boy and he did not give them any abuse and came back when asked. Whether or not this was the corrext thing to do, I went back to the house and asked her to explain. They completely agreed with his story that they shouted and he came back but they were worried he would run so she grabbed his bag and kept hold of him until a parent arrived. I explained that he is 12 years old and having a man shouting at him and a women dragging him is not acceptable when he was apologising, crying and was walking back
to them. She tried to say I was only complaining to get out of paying but I explained we’ve already said we will pay and the car is not what I have an issue with. I explained that my ds is grounded and we will be paying for the car. However I am very angry she dragged my 12yo ds. Is her behaviour out of line or am I overreacting?
She also accused him of criminal damage but she even said herself it was an accident.

I’d speak to the police too. And I’d welcome small claims court action before I’d part with my money.

Would you? What your car was damaged by a scooter? Would you be ok for the culprit to run off home?

I am a little against the grain here - you call your DS a child but you left him unsupervised to play with friends and ride around on scooters, to hit/dent cars and have no way or instruction of means to immediately call mum for help.

He and his friends sound like they do not know how to handle themselves when things get dicey.

Where was the adult supervising?

Fair point!

Presumably they were telling him that they were taking him back so that they could contact his parents to sort things out though, which they then did immediately? And you say his friends stayed with him the whole time?

I expect he was shitting himself that he was about to get in trouble. But I'm sure that if he felt he was in any kind of actual danger, his mates would have caused a scene and he'd have slipped his bag and legged it?

I guess it could have been a lot worse if they were different people...but I genuinely don't think that marching someone by their bag is excessive given the circumstances. Different story if they'd hurt him, obviously.

Where was the adult supervising?

They're 12...surely you didn't have an adult supervising you with your friends at 12? They're in high school!

He and his friends sound like they do not know how to handle themselves when things get dicey.

I thought - from what the OP has said - they handled themselves quite well. They were in the wrong. They went back when called. OPs kid wasn't hurt or assaulted, and his pals stayed with him until an adult took over.

If they'd tried to intervene physically to separate OPs kid from the woman while her husband was there, it would have no doubt caused a serious escalation.

Now, there's an argument that the safest thing to do would have been to leg it and go back with a parent...what would you suggest they shouldn't have done differently?

What the fuck is wrong with you! You can not drag child around, it’s 2025 ffs 🤦🏻‍♀️

Um they walk? Lucky you don't live where I do they've banned scooters now because they were damaging people's cars then pissing off

How do they get to the park with the scooters?

They’ve banned scooters where? In entire boroughs or roads?

YANBU, nasty aggressive people, honestly people start from 100 then dial back to 0.

Well done for going back and dealing with it.

Accidents do happen, cars get dented, you’ve said you’ll sort it. All could’ve been done without aggression.

I remember adults like this woman from my own childhood.
Overreacting in every situation regardless of whether it was with children or adults.
All I can say is, if somebody put their hands on my child, I’d have a difficult time keeping my hands off them.
Do. Not. Put. Your. Hands. On. Any. Child. In. Anger.
Sheezus.

If it's a reasonable and proportionate response, you might be able to!

Should they have let him go and eaten the cost of the damage to their car? OP has said that he was leaving the area 🤔

Maybe the dragging is on CCTV too? I feel sorry for your son. They shouldn't have treated him like that though I understand why they did. I wonder if the police would have a word with them as it was an assault and they should be aware that it's not acceptable.

Dragging a 12 year old is NOT a reasonable and proportionate response to a dint In a car!

I would be asking for the CCTV of her dragging him, and I would get the police to ask for me. Give her no heads up. If the incident is on camera, so too will the dragging be

Yeah right 🙄

It wasn’t reasonable or proportionate.

He was leaving the area?

Try first asking him to return? Rather than dragging him? Would they’ve done this to a 6ft male….. no!

Well said.

So was it your son’s scooter or is friend’s? And if it was his friend’s why did your son get dragged back and why are you paying and not the friend’s family?

Is it not? The car was damaged and the person that damaged it was leaving the scene.

By all accounts a woman grabbed his bag and marched him back there until they could get hold of an appropriate adult...nobody was dragged through the street by their ankles. For all we know nobody was 'dragged' anywhere at all. Nobody was hurt.

What would you suggest as a proportionate response to someone causing criminal damage and making off?

So your DC tried to leave a d hope he wouldn't get caught? Understandable for a 12 yo, but not great behaviour. I don't think they should have physically touched him but I can see why they did it

Who is the ‘they’ that have banned scooters and what are the consequences of using one?

It wasn’t reasonable or proportionate

Why not? What would you consider a reasonable and proportionate response to someone causing criminal damage and making off?

He was leaving the area? Try first asking him to return?

They did ask him to return, the woman then grabbed his bag to make sure he didn't try to leave again, and marched him back to the scene, followed by all his mates.

Would they’ve done this to a 6ft male….. no!

Not really sure what the relevance of someone being 6ft is? If you're implying that this imaginary 6ft male is an adult, presumably they'd be dealing with him directly about the damage and not having to worry about him running off/contacting his parents?

If you're implying that they wouldn't be willing/able to grab a 6ft male's bag...maybe you're right. Maybe he'd have got away with it, or assaulted them if they attempted to confront him. Thankfully this (presumably not 6ft) 12 year old didn't do that, and they'll now have the damage to their car paid for.

Although to be fair, I imagine that if the 12 year old and his mates decided that they didn't want to hang around, they'd have been able to facilitate that pretty easily.

OP

The way they acted towards your child would negate the desire to pay for the damage for me. Contact 101 for advice. You know that the scooter did fall against the door, they won’t show you the cctv that proves it caused the damage because it also shows them manhandling a child.

For the PP who asks how can you call him a child when he was going to the park on his own…very easily. He is a child, and it is perfectly fine for him to go to the park.

You’ve got a very strange view of what is reasonable and proportionate… she asked him to return, which he was doing, but she grabbed him as well? Why?

Let’s be honest, he was walking away, holding a scooter, he was hardly trying to flee the brinx-mat robbery.

The cowardly woman would not have dragged a six foot male, because he may have decided to use reasonable and proportionate force to stop her doing that…. Justifiably, if he had stopped when she spoke to him, so no need to drag him back.