Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Legal matters

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Original poster

DS damaged a car but owner grabbed him

314 replies

OliveTree75 · 23/05/2025 22:00

So at around 5pm I got a call from my 12yo DS who was playing out. He was crying and said I would need to come to the park as he dropped his scooter and it has hit a car. He was very upset. A woman then came on the phone and said whilst he was apologetic that I would need to come down to her house.
My DP went down and looked at the damage. Very small dint where handle has hit the car. Annoying but he said we would pay. When they got home, DS was visibly very upset. I asked him to explain what happened and he told me:
He dropped his scooter and it hit the car and he panicked. Him and his friends looked around
but nobody there (residential area) and didn’t know which house car belonged to. He started to walk up the street. The man from
tne house then came out and shouted at him
to come back, which he did. He said he was apologising and started to cry. The woman has then gone up to him, grabbed him by his back pack and pulled him back to her house. He said he asked her to get off him.
Now this is not just me saying this as he’s my ds but he’s the softest, most gentle boy and he did not give them any abuse and came back when asked. Whether or not this was the corrext thing to do, I went back to the house and asked her to explain. They completely agreed with his story that they shouted and he came back but they were worried he would run so she grabbed his bag and kept hold of him until a parent arrived. I explained that he is 12 years old and having a man shouting at him and a women dragging him is not acceptable when he was apologising, crying and was walking back
to them. She tried to say I was only complaining to get out of paying but I explained we’ve already said we will pay and the car is not what I have an issue with. I explained that my ds is grounded and we will be paying for the car. However I am very angry she dragged my 12yo ds. Is her behaviour out of line or am I overreacting?
She also accused him of criminal damage but she even said herself it was an accident.

OP posts:
Mayflyoff · 23/05/2025 22:13

I'd be asking the police to talk to her. That’s utterly unacceptable.

BellissimoGecko · 23/05/2025 22:26

I can see both points of view. He could have been a little shit who would have run if she had shouted at him. Perhaps she’s had a bad experience with teens in the past?

It’s a valuable lesson for your son.

Outlookmainlyfair · 23/05/2025 22:29

She is a bully and her behaviour unacceptable!

Original poster
OliveTree75 · 23/05/2025 22:30

But they shouted at him to come back, which he did. They even said he was walking towards them
saying sorry and he was crying. I don’t think it’s acceptable to grab a child and drag them? Not one who has walked towards them willingly and apologising.

OP posts:
CaptainFuture · 23/05/2025 22:30

How did he drop a scooter onto a car?

Original poster
OliveTree75 · 23/05/2025 22:32

CaptainFuture · 23/05/2025 22:30

How did he drop a scooter onto a car?

He was walking along with it and it fell to one side and the handle hit her car. She even said she has it on cctv and that is what happened.
Ive asked her to send me the footage but she hasn’t

OP posts:
Toolatetoasknow · 23/05/2025 22:32

Your poor ds. I don't think you are over reacting. That's an awful way to treat a 12 year old, or anyone for that matter.

roseymoira · 23/05/2025 22:34

I can see why. It’s a residential area. Rather than knock on doors they tried to leave. Luckily the car owner caught them.

They should take their scooters to the park to play with them if they can’t use them safely in residential areas

GreenSilverStripe · 23/05/2025 22:35

Honestly? These things happen, and you’re sorting it. But you don’t put your hands on someone’s kid and drag them into a house. I would contact the police

3678194b · 23/05/2025 22:36

I would talk to the police as it's not acceptable. For all she knew he could have gone off to get a parent, or pen and paper etc. There was no need to do what she did.

Donewithallthis · 23/05/2025 22:38

Can I ask why your child is grounded? It was an accident, unless he was behaving in a dangerous way with his scooter?

I'd also be contacting the police, grabbing and dragging anyone is assault. She says she had him on cctv so really if he had run away (which she agreed he showed no sign of doing) she could have gone to the police with that.

She wouldn't have grabbed an adult, so it's not acceptable to grab a child. The police won't do much I'm sure, but she needs to be told her behaviour is unacceptable and learn to keep her hands to herself.

stayathomegardener · 23/05/2025 22:39

I would absolutely want to see that footage that hasn’t been forthcoming before paying anything.

Original poster
OliveTree75 · 23/05/2025 22:40

It won’t let me quote for some reason. They were going to the park. This was literally opposite the road to the park. Unfortunately you have to walk down the street to get to a park. Normally I would agree if he was messing on but he wasn’t. They were just walking along and he was closest to the car and it’s hit the car. We have told him it’s not acceptable anyway and he’s grounded but in all honestly I wouldn’t be expecting 12yos to be knocking on doors. Tbf as well the damage is so so tiny he wouldn’t have known he’s caused any damage because I struggled to see it

OP posts:
Dinosaurshoebox · 23/05/2025 22:40

OliveTree75 · 23/05/2025 22:40

It won’t let me quote for some reason. They were going to the park. This was literally opposite the road to the park. Unfortunately you have to walk down the street to get to a park. Normally I would agree if he was messing on but he wasn’t. They were just walking along and he was closest to the car and it’s hit the car. We have told him it’s not acceptable anyway and he’s grounded but in all honestly I wouldn’t be expecting 12yos to be knocking on doors. Tbf as well the damage is so so tiny he wouldn’t have known he’s caused any damage because I struggled to see it

So again. Why is he grounded?
He fell?

redcord · 23/05/2025 22:41

Oof, that's so mean of them. They could see he was distressed AND he was walking towards them. I'm not really a fan of tit for tat, but anyone with half a brain cell would know this is not appropriate behaviour.

What do you want to happen?

I'm not sure what I would do, but I think I would probably go through some kind of insurance to pay for the damage rather than just give them the money up front. I'm not sure what insurance would cover it, so I would probably have to involve the police, which would bring to light the grabbing of your DS.

Original poster
OliveTree75 · 23/05/2025 22:41

You’re right yes he probably shouldn’t be grounded. We did say he should have waited around to see it anyone came out rather than wandering up the street. But yes I do agree grounding isn’t appropriate

OP posts:
Toolatetoasknow · 23/05/2025 22:43

Even if he had been told to walk until the park, and disobeyed and gone careering right into it, they shouldn't have physically grabbed him. That's just not right.

SirChenjins · 23/05/2025 22:45

No adult is allowed to grab a child and prevent them from leaving - I’d be on the phone to the police for advice and take it from there. Your child made a mistake and the damage can be sorted, but they absolutely were in the wrong.

MoominUnderWater · 23/05/2025 22:48

I agree call the police. They’re probably only going to talk to her rather than do her for anything but it demonstrates to him that it was unacceptable and that people who do unacceptable things will be dealt with. And that you are standing up for him.

Slimfornow · 23/05/2025 22:49

Call the police. Totally unacceptable. Let’s see this cctv. I’m sceptical that a kid’s scooter could dent a car in these circumstances. A child isn’t legally responsible either.

RickiRaccoon · 23/05/2025 22:53

You can talk to the police. I'm pretty sure you can't legally detain another person without authority. The police might do nothing but they might visit the people and give them a warning.

I feel for your DS. I've always tried to do the right thing but I'm pretty sure as a 12yo I would've run away too. I certainly wouldn't have had the courage to knock on strangers' doors. At the end of the day it's a small ding in a car. They happen all the time.

Original poster
OliveTree75 · 23/05/2025 22:55

I am assuming I won’t get the CCTV because then I would see her dragging him. I did say to her that for a man to be shouting at him and a woman dragging him then that is extremely intimidating for a child. I’m not sure what I want to happen but I am thinking I should contact the police.
she was adamant I was trying to get out of paying and she would take me to small claims. I said the car is a completely seperate issue which we have already agreed we will pay for

OP posts:
SnugNightsss · 23/05/2025 22:56

BellissimoGecko · 23/05/2025 22:26

I can see both points of view. He could have been a little shit who would have run if she had shouted at him. Perhaps she’s had a bad experience with teens in the past?

It’s a valuable lesson for your son.

You’ve got to be joking! A valuable lesson? It was an accident! She shouldn’t have touched him/his bag. I’d be absolutely fuming.

SnugNightsss · 23/05/2025 22:57

roseymoira · 23/05/2025 22:34

I can see why. It’s a residential area. Rather than knock on doors they tried to leave. Luckily the car owner caught them.

They should take their scooters to the park to play with them if they can’t use them safely in residential areas

How do they get them to the park? Fly?

SirChenjins · 23/05/2025 22:59

Definitely phone the police - your son is very distressed by this and they should not have done as they did. If you had dinged a car door by accident, were walking towards the owners, and a bloke grabbed you while another adult screamed at you, I hope you’d not think twice about phoning the police.