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Original poster

DS damaged a car but owner grabbed him

314 replies

OliveTree75 · 23/05/2025 22:00

So at around 5pm I got a call from my 12yo DS who was playing out. He was crying and said I would need to come to the park as he dropped his scooter and it has hit a car. He was very upset. A woman then came on the phone and said whilst he was apologetic that I would need to come down to her house.
My DP went down and looked at the damage. Very small dint where handle has hit the car. Annoying but he said we would pay. When they got home, DS was visibly very upset. I asked him to explain what happened and he told me:
He dropped his scooter and it hit the car and he panicked. Him and his friends looked around
but nobody there (residential area) and didn’t know which house car belonged to. He started to walk up the street. The man from
tne house then came out and shouted at him
to come back, which he did. He said he was apologising and started to cry. The woman has then gone up to him, grabbed him by his back pack and pulled him back to her house. He said he asked her to get off him.
Now this is not just me saying this as he’s my ds but he’s the softest, most gentle boy and he did not give them any abuse and came back when asked. Whether or not this was the corrext thing to do, I went back to the house and asked her to explain. They completely agreed with his story that they shouted and he came back but they were worried he would run so she grabbed his bag and kept hold of him until a parent arrived. I explained that he is 12 years old and having a man shouting at him and a women dragging him is not acceptable when he was apologising, crying and was walking back
to them. She tried to say I was only complaining to get out of paying but I explained we’ve already said we will pay and the car is not what I have an issue with. I explained that my ds is grounded and we will be paying for the car. However I am very angry she dragged my 12yo ds. Is her behaviour out of line or am I overreacting?
She also accused him of criminal damage but she even said herself it was an accident.

OP posts:
BooneyBeautiful · 26/05/2025 02:22

Iceboy80 · 25/05/2025 22:47

All these people saying "contact the police" for what, let's be honest most 12 year olds are complete arseholes, how are they to know which ones. There car was damaged just pay them and let it go, they are the victims, not your son. Jeeeez

Aside from anything else, the householders put themselves in a very vulnerable position by pulling him inside their home. If the boy had been an 'arsehole', he could have claimed all sorts and the police would have been obliged to investigate.

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 26/05/2025 07:39

Iceboy80 · 25/05/2025 22:47

All these people saying "contact the police" for what, let's be honest most 12 year olds are complete arseholes, how are they to know which ones. There car was damaged just pay them and let it go, they are the victims, not your son. Jeeeez

Well, besides the fact that no, not most 12 yos are arseholes, the odds are that the one coming back when called,crying and very apologetic wasn’t one of them.

TheDandyLion721 · 26/05/2025 08:41

I think speaking to the police is a good idea, ask them to talk to the couple as they shouldn't be grabbing your son, whether he's likely to run away or not. Their assumptions don't give them the right to treat him like that.

And talk to your son about what happened. Yes it was wrong for his scooter to fall on their car and to have played so close to it, but it's also quite traumatic to have adults you dont know shouting at you and grabbing you.

Crazyworldmum · 26/05/2025 09:59

OliveTree75 · 23/05/2025 22:00

So at around 5pm I got a call from my 12yo DS who was playing out. He was crying and said I would need to come to the park as he dropped his scooter and it has hit a car. He was very upset. A woman then came on the phone and said whilst he was apologetic that I would need to come down to her house.
My DP went down and looked at the damage. Very small dint where handle has hit the car. Annoying but he said we would pay. When they got home, DS was visibly very upset. I asked him to explain what happened and he told me:
He dropped his scooter and it hit the car and he panicked. Him and his friends looked around
but nobody there (residential area) and didn’t know which house car belonged to. He started to walk up the street. The man from
tne house then came out and shouted at him
to come back, which he did. He said he was apologising and started to cry. The woman has then gone up to him, grabbed him by his back pack and pulled him back to her house. He said he asked her to get off him.
Now this is not just me saying this as he’s my ds but he’s the softest, most gentle boy and he did not give them any abuse and came back when asked. Whether or not this was the corrext thing to do, I went back to the house and asked her to explain. They completely agreed with his story that they shouted and he came back but they were worried he would run so she grabbed his bag and kept hold of him until a parent arrived. I explained that he is 12 years old and having a man shouting at him and a women dragging him is not acceptable when he was apologising, crying and was walking back
to them. She tried to say I was only complaining to get out of paying but I explained we’ve already said we will pay and the car is not what I have an issue with. I explained that my ds is grounded and we will be paying for the car. However I am very angry she dragged my 12yo ds. Is her behaviour out of line or am I overreacting?
She also accused him of criminal damage but she even said herself it was an accident.

Nobody can drag a child into a house I would contact the police about this . I would only pay after 3 reliable quotes and no money to them directly .

tillymintt · 26/05/2025 11:08

why did you ground him?

Soontobe60 · 26/05/2025 11:19

If you contact the police, they will likely interview all parties. As they have CCTV, they can show the police. Stick to the facts though.
DS damaged a vehicle then walked off.
owner of vehicle came out and told him to come back.
DS returned.
Owners wife held onto DS backpack to prevent him from running off.
OP arrived and agreed to pay for any damage.

TheTwenties · 26/05/2025 11:31

Could you knock on some other doors nearby and see if anyone has a ring doorbell/cctv footage? It’s not acceptable to grab anyone. An incident like that would often spark a fight or flight response which the adults should have known and could have massively escalated. They are fortunate that your DS was more in the freeze camp. I hope he’s okay - accidents happen and it really doesn’t sound like he did anything wrong.

Mygrandkidsaregreat · 26/05/2025 12:38

She got hold of his backpack.also
you are allowed to make a citizens arrest in certain circumstances,She didn’t hit him .she detained him and stopped him running away..

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 26/05/2025 12:39

Mygrandkidsaregreat · 26/05/2025 12:38

She got hold of his backpack.also
you are allowed to make a citizens arrest in certain circumstances,She didn’t hit him .she detained him and stopped him running away..

He wasn’t running away.

Mygrandkidsaregreat · 26/05/2025 12:53

He wasn’t running away but he may have bolted had she not had hold of his backpack

MrsSkylerWhite · 26/05/2025 12:57

roseymoira · 23/05/2025 22:34

I can see why. It’s a residential area. Rather than knock on doors they tried to leave. Luckily the car owner caught them.

They should take their scooters to the park to play with them if they can’t use them safely in residential areas

I don’t suppose they’d have dragged a 6ft, 17 year old back to their house.
Bullies.

Snakebite61 · 26/05/2025 13:27

CaptainFuture · 23/05/2025 22:30

How did he drop a scooter onto a car?

Easy, you just drop a scooter onto a car.

MrsSkylerWhite · 26/05/2025 13:33

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 26/05/2025 07:39

Well, besides the fact that no, not most 12 yos are arseholes, the odds are that the one coming back when called,crying and very apologetic wasn’t one of them.

Show quote history

This. If your 12 year olds are arseholes, you’ve got something very wrong.

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 26/05/2025 13:37

Mygrandkidsaregreat · 26/05/2025 12:53

He wasn’t running away but he may have bolted had she not had hold of his backpack

He came back when called, if there was a time to bolt , it was then.

TwinklySquid · 26/05/2025 13:41

While your son may have done the damage, the actions of the two grown ups(grabbing him), would make me refuse to pay without a copy of the CCTV.

Youve offered to rectify your son’s mistake, now they need to own up to grabbing your child. I’m surprised they haven’t dropped the whole thing.

Original poster
OliveTree75 · 26/05/2025 15:25

Thank you for all the support everyone. He hasn’t wanted to go out with his friends since which is really unlike him.

OP posts:
Original poster
OliveTree75 · 26/05/2025 15:29

Is this an occasion for a citizens arrest? A 12 yo dropping a scooter? He didn’t even “run off” in the first instance. They just walked over the road to the park as they had intended.
would you really be happy with a grown adult woman grabbing hold of your child and a huge man shouting at them? Some kids might be arseholes in that situation but he didn’t show any signs of being one. That’s why I am so angry. There was just no need. Even if he had done a runner, they were all in school uniform and she has cctv so he could have been identified without her dragging him to her house. Like a pp said, what would she have done if we didn’t answer our phone?

edited as this was supposed to be a reply to a pp above but it hasn’t worked

OP posts:
Aesop45 · 26/05/2025 15:50

I would have dragged the woman out her house to see how she liked it. It was an accident and easily fixed. Tell her to stick her payment up her arse until she provides cctv footage. Then IF she does, threaten to take her to small claims for assault of a minor. If she saw it was an accident she has no right to grab him and drag him into their house. I’d be livid and letting her know about it. And shame on you OP for showing your son that it’s okay for adults to treat him like this.

CandyLeBonBon · 26/05/2025 21:11

I hope you’ve got in touch with the police op. And asked for a copy of the cctv

jjpollypocket · 26/05/2025 21:41

I wouldn’t be giving anyone a penny who manhandled my child!! Especially when they won’t show cctv… speak to the police and/or tell them to piss off, they’ve got car insurance.

Original poster
OliveTree75 · 27/05/2025 06:18

Aesop45 · 26/05/2025 15:50

I would have dragged the woman out her house to see how she liked it. It was an accident and easily fixed. Tell her to stick her payment up her arse until she provides cctv footage. Then IF she does, threaten to take her to small claims for assault of a minor. If she saw it was an accident she has no right to grab him and drag him into their house. I’d be livid and letting her know about it. And shame on you OP for showing your son that it’s okay for adults to treat him like this.

Sorry, I’m not sure how I’ve shown him it’s ok for adults to treat him like this?

OP posts:
Aesop45 · 27/05/2025 10:18

You grounded him for it! And by letting her behaviour slide (until Mumsnet told you not to) you’ve essentially shown him she was justified in her actions. You should have had his back from the start about her grabbing him and worked backwards from there to sort the car. The accidental damage is a very minor issue in how this situation played out.

Gossipisgood · 27/05/2025 10:54

Message her again asking for the footage & ask her to explain why she felt the need to drag your Son when he went back after they'd shouted on him & he'd returned. Say you will pay for the damage however, you will be expecting a full apology to your Son for grabbing him & scaring him. He needs to know it's not acceptable for an adult to do this.

Original poster
OliveTree75 · 27/05/2025 11:19

Aesop45 · 27/05/2025 10:18

You grounded him for it! And by letting her behaviour slide (until Mumsnet told you not to) you’ve essentially shown him she was justified in her actions. You should have had his back from the start about her grabbing him and worked backwards from there to sort the car. The accidental damage is a very minor issue in how this situation played out.

I went to her house and immediately confronted her! We didn’t know about the grabbing until after my dp had already been the first time. So that is completely uncalled for! I’ve explained many times he’s not grounded and I have not let it slide whatsoever.

OP posts:
Unomum21 · 27/05/2025 11:21

Any sign of the CCTV yet op?