Please help. Proof of domestic abuse.

[Helpjusthelp]

Hello, I really need some help.

Who can I ask for help with a 'Proof of domestic abuse' form?

I've asked the GP, but I've never spoken to them previously about domestic abuse so they can't help.

I've asked
Women's aid,
Domestic abuse helpline,
Wellbeing cafe,
Social services.
All of those I've spoken to about the abuse previously, but they aren't able to help.

I've asked the police, who have sent me an email confirming previous contact, but I'm fairly certain that this won't be 'enough'. Waiting to have this confirmed.

I'm also waiting to hear back from my counsellor.

Is there anybody else who I can ask?
Having to try to 'prove' this, right now, is absolutely mentally destroying me.

Thank you Mrsttcno1.

The police went to see my ex at his work & spoke to him. It says on my letter 'Words of advice were given'.

I have spoken to Social Services about things with my ex in detail. The social worker who I have helping with my children (CIN) I've been upset in front of her & told her that I find things very difficult because of my ex's messages.

I've sent copies of messages to her but she's never said anything about these messages. I told her that I struggled with our meetings, sitting in the same room as my ex, & she told me to 'Sit somewhere else instead of next to him'.

I was referred to adult social services & I spoke to this social worker extensively about things with my ex. The outcome of this referral was 'Needs support with communicating with the ex partner, children's social worker to help with this' (which she never did)

I asked adult social services if they can help with the form & they said that they can't.

Ah I see.

The police aren’t going to be able to provide the evidence you will need in this case then. What the Legal Aid Agency will accept as evidence of domestic abuse for accessing family law legal aid is quite specific, so from the police it would need to be an arrest, a caution, criminal proceedings ongoing or a conviction, a court order, a DV protection order or notice. So it doesn’t sound like your situation meets the criteria.

Social services absolutely can provide evidence to help with accessing family law legal aid however again it’s quite specific. It would need to be clear that the person, so you, is assessed as being at risk of harm from domestic abuse from the abuser, it would also count if your children were assessed as being at risk of harm from the abuser. I can’t say for certain but if all you have shared is issues with communication or excessive texts (depending on the nature of those texts of course) it is unlikely you’d meet the threshold for this either which is why they have said they can’t help.

I am sorry OP, it’s such a tricky one and it does feel unfair that the system is almost rigged to keep people out.

Thank you for the help Mrsttcno1.

No I don't think the texts will be enough. They are things like 'Our son behaves the way he does because of you', 'Our daughter doesn't listen because she's learned from you', 'They were both naughty tonight because of being with you, 'All of the professionals in the meeting knew that you were playing games', 'The social worker agrees with me', 'The school agrees with me', 'I'm going to court for full contact' (threatened 4 times & never done. I did the court papers)

So that's not enough is it.

My son told me that his dad wants to beat me up (dad denied this) & my daughter tells me lots of things that dad has said about me not listening & telling them that they shouldn't be with me etc, but I have no 'proof' of this.

No that doesn’t sound like it would be enough I’m sorry OP. It’s shit and awful of him but it doesn’t meet the standard for evidence the police would need to provide to enable you to access the funding.

I don't know why Women's Aid couldn't provide you with the letter. That's normally exactly the kind of support they provide.

Thank you Mrsttcno1 & Cryingatthegym.

They can but again, like with police & SS, there are specific criteria for the evidence they can provide with regards to accessing legal aid.

Can you speak to your local councils independent domestic abuse advisor and then seek advice for right now and also about evidencing it

Unexpectedlysinglemum I've spoken to the local Domestic abuse helpline & they didn't help. Everybody tells me to try somebody else & then I don't get anywhere. They are referring me to people who I've already spoken to.

The charity who helped me to fill in the court forms said that I wouldn't have to do this alone. When I tried to spoke to them last week (about my horrendous Cafcass letter) she said that the letter is very unfair, very obviously in favour of 'dad', but she can't help with anything else unless I get legal aid. So just left me to deal with it alone.

I will see what these people say today, when they phone.

Hi,

I’m really sorry to hear that you’re going through this. I understand how difficult it must be to try and prove something so personal and painful.

I work with a legal advisor who has experience in cases like yours. They might be able to guide you on what evidence is needed and help you get the right support. If you’d like, I can put you in touch with them for an initial discussion.

Let me know if this would be helpful.
You’re not alone in this, and I hope you get the support you need. Take care.

Thank you Ourvoice I'm speaking to a solicitor, the only ones who could take on a legal aid case at the moment, but they are saying that it's GP or women's aid & since I don't have those then that's it.

Hi,
I am DV survivor I fled last year. currently in the court system with legal aid. I too had no so called proof as i hid the abuse for years from everybody.
Im happy to talk you through some of the processes but would rather do this via private message as to not out myself.

I've recently had this exact issue. Police would t help as STBXH was never convicted or cautioned, only arrested.

I wasn't referred to any DV charities who can provide evidence.

In the end I got my social worker to write a statement saying I had been a victim of DV. The solicitor has now come back to me and has said that's not sufficient - she needs to know where the SW got that information.

I'm at the end of my tether.

Not true, IME. I contacted the police and asked for the crime reference numbers and used screenshots of messages and photo's of the assaults and voice recordings to support my application for a non-mol.

Legal advice in completing a non-mol

I used this service when I applied myself online and they were VERY helpful.

To add that: crime reference numbers are raised EVERY TIME you contact the police and contacting 101 you can get these.

Thank you all. I'm so sorry for those of you who are also struggling.

I've given up tbh & am now trying to work out how to raise several thousand for a solicitor (& not getting very far)

But I didn't want to ignore the responses on here.

evrey I will message you.

catin8oots I'm so sorry. My SW is next to useless & is steadily building a case with my ex, against me.

This is totally different to the evidence OP requires to access legal aid.

Yes, Mrsttcno1 It is.

I have my police reports, there are 70 pages but it's all child to parent (me) violence over the years.

They only spoke to my ex that once & it's just not 'enough' for legal aid.

OP so a SAR to each to get all the information the councilling police etc have on you. It takes a while. I found noone would put anything in writing for me to prove abuse in court but when I finally got the SAR back there was loads of note written up that they believed I was being abused or things I was saying/worried about etc. Do the SAR now. In my case it all came back too late he already had contact with my child who suffers because of it, couldn't take it back to court as wasn't evidence of abuse post court. Horrible horrible system. You may have given up on legal aid but if you are arguing over child arrangements get the SAT done now because it's not just about money it's about the children and saying he was abusive won't protect them without proof

Thank you Burntt I did the police one first, I am waiting for the others to come back now.

@catin8oots I just wondered how you are getting on? Any luck?

I'm still struggling on.

I spoke to a solicitor over the phone this morning who is questioning why things have taken so long, on the legal aid side. I said 'Well it's complicated' (she speaks over me & says 'It isn't complicated, there is a set list for legal aid so you either have it or you don't')

I currently (finally!) have a letter from the GP BUT it states that I only told them things recently so I have no idea if this will be any good.

This solicitor is going to 'Look over it'.

My solicitor just ticked the correct boxes on the firm. No 'proof' required.

Dithercats You are very lucky then.
I hope that you had a positive outcome!

It was exhausting that's the truth BUT I've got my kids and that was all that mattered.
Good luck you can do it x