Equity release daughter not happy

[KindGoldTurtle]

Hi I would love to hear off anyone who can understand my grief please. My husband of 36 years died suddenly he had made a will leaving 50% to me his wife and 10% each to his 5 adult children. I worked all my life struggling with raising children, working ,cooking,cleaning etc as soon as my husband passed my son 37 said he wanted his share and have not heard from him since after he got his share and not able to see granddaughter just took his money and left now daughters want their share so had to sell my home to give their shares as they all don’t get on my daughter is very abusive to me she is 30 still at home the youngest is 22 and wants to move in with me but if I use any of her share she dictates what I can do and cannot do to decorate my new home so I am paying for property my self and will have no money out of my share to make property my own so I want to take equity out of new property but my youngest daughter thinks I am selfish and need to make a will to leave to her as she is the youngest and didn’t get much time with her dad and didn’t asked to be born I am 60 now and don’t know what I should do Have learned adult kids only think about themselves

Why did you give any of them anything? You're still living.

its a bit late for that comment

Unless your husbands will was very strange I am not sure why you had to sell the house to give them their shares.
Anyway, they sound awful and grabby. Don't do anything without independant advice

I had no choice as it was stated in the will they could have their share anytime they wanted

Are the kids all your joint kids? I understand leaving half the house to your spouse and the other half to your kids if you had kids before marrying someone else and want to protect their inheritance but it doesn’t sound like that’s what happened. It sounds like these are your joint kids and the house was your marital home, and he only left half of it to you. Why? It should have all be yours and when you die, the kids get what’s left split between them.

Why did you set your wills up like this? Why would he give away your home while you’re still living if not to protect his children’s inheritance from a step parent?

This happened to one of my friends.

She has two sons and she had to sell her home to give them the money. This was twenty years ago now and she's never recovered financially and one of her sons stopped speaking to her completely.

Give them their share from there dads estate and send them on their merry way. Noone is to live with you, it will end in disaster, one that so far you and your husband enabled by letting them still live a seemingly contribution free life at home at aged 30 and 22!
Also your doing them a favour in teaching them the value of money and standing on their own 2 feet and not to rely on any inheritance that MAY come their way.

Selfish kids don't get to demand inheritance goes to them its upto YOU. You need to be more firm or be prepared for the start of a long and painful road to the end.

Your younger daughter has learned how to be granny from her older siblings. Give her the share she is entitled to and then tell her that if she wants to live with you she can pay rent and follow your rules. Or she is free to find her own accommodation.

You don’t have to do what your children tell you to do.

Who drafted the Will? I’m betting it wasn’t a solicitor because that’s terrible estate planning. You’d usually leave your spouse a lifetime interest in the marital home and the kids get their inheritance upon the death of the survivor.

I would think about it this way. When your kids are growing up they are your priority and it is your responsibility to support them. As a parent when they reach adulthood the role moves to giving some support but really enabling them to be adults taking their own responsibilities. Your estate then should predominantly be focused on your care and should be making sure you are okay. Equity release under the right circumstances is fine- if it looks after you. Your kids are entitled to only what is left when you have finished with it, i.e. when you die, not before. Your kids sound hugely entitled.

also she has the gall to say your selfish for having to take equity out to make your home habitable. But they couldn't delay taking their shares. Teach them a valuable life lesson now OP they sound like spoilt brats.

Move to your own place that you can afford
Cut the ones who are being nasty to you out of your will, and find some happiness in your own life

Who actually wrote this will?

What a nightmare. Get some independent financial advice, not from the equity company.
Dont be blackmailed by your daughter.

Look after yourself xx

You need to take this will to a solicitor, and get them to read the terms thoroughly. Tell them what you have done so far, and ask them for help in making a new will.

To be honest, I'd be inclined to leave your entire estate to the cats and dogs home rather than to your unpleasant grasping relatives. They sound horrible.

I would also ask the solicitor for their help in drawing up a Lasting Power of Attorney, and nominate either the solicitor to do it, or a trusted friend. You really don't want your relatives getting control of your finances if you become incapacitated.

Oh and by the way, what your family is doing to you is abuse.

It sounds as if you have sold your old home, bought a new one and have moved in.

I think you need to tell your abusive 30-year-old to move out ASAP. No ifs, no buts.

Your 22-year-old "wants to move in with me" (where is she living at the moment?) - tell her 'no'. It sounds as if she wants to control your every move, so just 'no'. As for her whinging - again it's a big 'no' from me. She sounds very manipulative.

Are your other two daughters any better than the two you've mentioned?

If you want to take equity out, it's up to you because your new home is yours. I'd be bloody careful about it, make absolutely certain that you can repay it and don't lose the roof over your head. Do you have an income to repay any equity release? Widow's pension, wages etc.?

Move somewhere there is no room for them - they are no longer your responsibility. Greedy Greedy Greedy. You should have got advice prior as I don't think his will stands if you had a mortgage together and it was shared properly as Husband and wife - should all have just reverted to you in the first instance. I can't believe they would treat you like that - make sure you leav yours to the cats home or similar

oh and no equity release I have looked at (and there were a few) were any good. Better to live with what you have and do things slowly over time. If you get something with a spare room that can be rented out without impacting tax issues - far less of an issue than any family in there with you.

Can't honestly believe they are being so awful to you

Was your dh abusive to you? And have your children learnt this horrible behaviour from him? I'm sorry to say but your children sound utterly vile, selfish and greedy, not to mention abusive. Do not let the youngest move in with you. And kick the 30 year old out. They all want their share? Well they can use it to start supporting themselves.

The will is legal and it stated all his assets combined was to be shared the mortgage was paid off and all his debts from the proceeds of his assets that were left and the rest shared out as stated in will I had no idea that is what he was going to do my 1 daughter is married and doesn’t interfere as the others complain about her she minds her own business and will not bring my grandchildren over because of the hostility in the house the other daughter has used her share to buy a property but the younger two donot talk to the older daughters I have not moved as paperwork is still going through for my property and I am still working full time to pay bills my health is not all that good due to me needing a knee replacement but will carry on working until I can retire so I will be able to pay off some of the equity release as I go along

If you intend to pay it back then don’t get equity release; please get professional advice and therapy - you seem to be acting in your own worst interests.
Usually people are advised to take their time after being widowed before making major changes. Living alone would surely be better than having any of your adult children live with you?

Your kids sound dreadful, I wouldn’t make a will for your awful daughter. Why should you leave anything to her ? Shouldn’t you enjoy the rest of your life and live how you wish ? Do not let a child dictate your remaining years - if she’s not happy she can do one, and hopefully leave you alone so you don’t have to deal with her grabby, entitled self.

Was the house not a shared asset between you and your husband? Can you explain more about what the estate compromised of and what the will stipulated about the dividing of it? Was this an official will drawn up by a solicitor?

You need to move to a home where the two adult children cannot move in with you. They need to get on with being adults - especially the older one. Do NOT buy a home to house them - you can't afford it. And please don't take equity until you speak to a financial advisor.

So so sorry for your loss and that you find yourself in this nightmare scenario

Why did you not own 50 percent of the house in the first place? These kids sound grabby to me.