Equity release daughter not happy

[KindGoldTurtle]

Hi I would love to hear off anyone who can understand my grief please. My husband of 36 years died suddenly he had made a will leaving 50% to me his wife and 10% each to his 5 adult children. I worked all my life struggling with raising children, working ,cooking,cleaning etc as soon as my husband passed my son 37 said he wanted his share and have not heard from him since after he got his share and not able to see granddaughter just took his money and left now daughters want their share so had to sell my home to give their shares as they all don’t get on my daughter is very abusive to me she is 30 still at home the youngest is 22 and wants to move in with me but if I use any of her share she dictates what I can do and cannot do to decorate my new home so I am paying for property my self and will have no money out of my share to make property my own so I want to take equity out of new property but my youngest daughter thinks I am selfish and need to make a will to leave to her as she is the youngest and didn’t get much time with her dad and didn’t asked to be born I am 60 now and don’t know what I should do Have learned adult kids only think about themselves

Be very wary of equity release. Given how young you are you won’t get much as a proportion of the cost of the home. But will find yourself trapped in your home as if you wanted to move there would be too little left to do anything with - and you are still young to be buying a house you might be stuck in for thirty years. Equity release schemes are notoriously poor value. Get a lodger to help pay towards bills. Your daughters can use their inheritance as a deposit on a property they can live in - they can get mortgages for the rest.

Was the will made BEFORE you were married? And is the marriage recognised in UK law?
If yes to both, the marriage invalidates the will.
Also if your husband served in the British Army AND the marriage is recognised in UK law, it may be that you are entitled to spousal pension, depending on how long ago he served and which scheme he was in https://www.gov.uk/guidance/pensions-and-compensation-for-veterans

I think you need to take a copy of the will to a solicitor and ask them to explain what it means. You can get half an hour free consultation at many solicitors

My god what awful children you’ve got. I somehow thought they were stepchildren because you keep talking about “his children”.

This shows why the marital home should be in joint names. It doesn’t matter much for divorce but it does for this.

Honestly I’d tell these grabby entitled so and so’s that they can have their money, I’d buy a small property for myself and then I’d cut them off and go no contact. Apart from with the one who is okay. They clearly don’t give a shit and wouldn’t piss on you if you were on fire.

Of course it would have been if it mentioned his five children and their separate shares. Unless he was psychic and knew he would have five children before he did.

Why are people telling a 50 year old to do equity release for redecorating. That's terrible advice. She'll get a small amount of money much less than the house is worth. Then will have no ability to move house or release any more money in the future as the interest on the equity release will use up all of the rest of the equity.

Far better to get a smaller more affordable property, one in liveable condition , or save up until you have the money or even take out a small mortgage, as you remain in control of your money with any of those options.

Equity release should be for essential costs and for people who expect to die fairly soon. (So know they won't want to move house in 10 years time)

Have you thought about buying a home in a retirement complex? They are usually relatively cheap although there are annual service charges to consider. Only over 60s are allowed to live there so your daughters would not be able to live with you! There may be problems with resale after you've gone but that's up to your, frankly selfish, kids to sort out.

Op I'm sorry you're in this situation.
It seems very unusual for the executor to distribute any money before the whole estate has been settled,you DS should have waited until the house was sold and the estate split.
Personally I would not go down the equity release route , I would live with the decor and re decorate over time .
No way would I allow my DD to live with me and dictate what I did with my own home .
Would your DD who stays away be willing to co own the house with you and you leave it to her in your will ?

Would your DD who stays away be willing to co own the house with you and you leave it to her in your will ?

Given the way OPs children treat her, the very last thing she should do is co-own a home with her DD!

As for leaving it to her in her will - well I guess the resentment that would generate amongst the other four children would be one way of getting her own back…

ONE child is mentioned as being before marriage (37 year old) of a 36 year marriage.
SO it is plausible, as THAT son asked for his share. Will could say '10% each to each/any offspring' - OP in theory could have been pregnant with no 2 and still not married when will made.

Son is 37 now. Husband died 2 years ago.