Equity release daughter not happy

[KindGoldTurtle]

Hi I would love to hear off anyone who can understand my grief please. My husband of 36 years died suddenly he had made a will leaving 50% to me his wife and 10% each to his 5 adult children. I worked all my life struggling with raising children, working ,cooking,cleaning etc as soon as my husband passed my son 37 said he wanted his share and have not heard from him since after he got his share and not able to see granddaughter just took his money and left now daughters want their share so had to sell my home to give their shares as they all don’t get on my daughter is very abusive to me she is 30 still at home the youngest is 22 and wants to move in with me but if I use any of her share she dictates what I can do and cannot do to decorate my new home so I am paying for property my self and will have no money out of my share to make property my own so I want to take equity out of new property but my youngest daughter thinks I am selfish and need to make a will to leave to her as she is the youngest and didn’t get much time with her dad and didn’t asked to be born I am 60 now and don’t know what I should do Have learned adult kids only think about themselves

I am sorry your late husband made such an awful will. I think you need legal advice as to how to proceed. Your children sound absolutely dreadful.

Sorry for your loss OP. Get yourself a one bedroom flat, grieve and move on. They don’t get to grab the money then freeload by living with you. They’re adults, it’s about time they acted like it. Look after yourself OP and don’t feel guilty.

I think I would look for a smaller property for yourself if you can. One with no room for another person.

Get yourself a one bedroom over 50’s flat. How much was left to you after you gave their children their share?

Was he the sole owner of the house? Because if you were entitled to 50% of it in any event then they should only get 10% of his share... you need some legal advice as the will sounds odd

Be very wary of "retirement flats", They often have huge service charges and are difficult to sell on. Avoid McCarthy and Stone for this reason.

You can’t change what has been done, you can only change the future.
Don’t agree to anything until you’ve spoken to a solicitor.

From your children’s attitudes I’d say take your 50%, do equity release or take a lodger to cover your living costs and take time to recover. I wouldn’t venture into joint finances with one of your children, just doesn’t sound like that’ll end well.

Sorry for your loss OP.

You tell your youngest she cant move in - she can use her 10% to house herself.

If she does end up moving in with you ask her for board but no big sums of her 10% inheritance - therefore she has no say. New property which she has no claim on,

Get equity release and get the highest amount you can. Do not pay any interest. Enjoy the money you get for it and make sure that when you die there is no money left in your new house as you have spent the equity.

Good luck.

Sorry just saw this.. did you get legal advice? But if there's nothing to be done about the finances now then I think you need to find somewhere you want to live. Alone. And put yourself first because your children are behaving appallingly

What happened when my father passed was in his will, his wife, my mother, inherited all, and when she dies I will inherit from
her . Your husband would have been better doing his will that way, as u are only 60 and you could have 40 years left potentially, and you’ve been driven to sell up. You should have been living in the family home (or maybe a downsized home) till you pass, then the kids would’ve got a fifth each, of your home value and savings each. I cannot believe how harsh your children are being to you?

what's done is done. You can’t change that.

for future, I would buy myself the smallest one bedroom property fit only for me and would move into it. Your kids can cope with the inheritance they have. They won’t support you in the future so protect yourself. And don’t tell them what you are doing. On moving day just wish them luck.

This is awful.

I would buy a small one bed place and live there alone, and leave everything to my favourite charity upon my death. I certainly wouldn't be leaving anything to people who treated me so horribly.

I would avoid equity release, it's usually a terrible deal.

Sell it, buy a house and equity release the shit out of it. You don't need to leave anything for your ungrateful children

if you’re in the UK then just because it was only his name on the deeds doesn’t mean it was all his estate, it’s a marital asset. Did you take proper legal advice here? I would have expected the split would mean the kids would only be entitled to 5% each eg 10% or his half…

You need to move to a house just for you and no children move in with you whatsoever

Yes this. Is it too late to back out of the sale and keep your house?

Yes it’s all gone through I would not be able to live in this house it’s to big and bills are to expensive and as the children keep saying it’s dad’s house

Did you have an English marriage license OP? I think it's time to put yourself first and stick to the daughter that respects you, that way you also get to spend time with your granddaughter. Also look into PIP if your knee issues is longterm. Make some friends. You are no longer too busy!

Pack your life up and disappear OP, fresh start. Don’t tell your children where you are until you’re settled and unassailable.

The youngest is only 22 so it does seem harsh to make her homeless especially as she only lost her Dad last year. OP are there any family me,bears who could help you work out a solution with your kids.
By the way are you still doing the cleaning and cooking and shopping for the three kids that live at home.
It unusual for all of someone's children to be so hostile with their mother. Was it because your husband made them behave like that.

I’m sorry your husband acted this way and didn’t tell you about the will. Even if he was advised badly it’s still no excuse for not informing you. It says a lot.

I agree with others that you should look for a nice little place for yourself and put yourself first for a change.

Actually this^

@KindGoldTurtle

But if that's not practical or desirable, then put yourself first. You owe your ungrateful children nothing. They certainly aren't interested in helping you, are they?

And whatever you do, do NOT let your daughter move in with you and do NOT use any of her share for anything. Not even if she offers it to you on a silver platter. That money doesn't come with strings on it, it come with huge heavy ropes.

I may have misunderstood, but you have one married daughter who is married and 'minds her own business'. Would it be possible to move closer to her? Not that you should rely on her or expect her to 'take care' of you, just that perhaps being nearer to her might make you feel better about starting a new life in a new place. Because you do need to get away.

It sounds this difficult - I am assuming your husband didn't expect to go when he did. It sound like a will to minimise it going on care home fees etc.

Move to your own place that you can afford
Cut the ones who are being nasty to you out of your will, and find some happiness in your own life

This. I'd rather fritter all the money on cruises than leave it to an emotionally abusive, manipulative and grabby child. Best to tell your dd to move out and you live alone. If you can't do this, ask her to pay you rent. She's really taking a mick.

@KindGoldTurtle you poor thing, I’m so sorry for your loss. I wouldn’t leave the selfish shits anything, they should be supporting you through such a crap time, shame on them xx