Equity release daughter not happy

[KindGoldTurtle]

Hi I would love to hear off anyone who can understand my grief please. My husband of 36 years died suddenly he had made a will leaving 50% to me his wife and 10% each to his 5 adult children. I worked all my life struggling with raising children, working ,cooking,cleaning etc as soon as my husband passed my son 37 said he wanted his share and have not heard from him since after he got his share and not able to see granddaughter just took his money and left now daughters want their share so had to sell my home to give their shares as they all don’t get on my daughter is very abusive to me she is 30 still at home the youngest is 22 and wants to move in with me but if I use any of her share she dictates what I can do and cannot do to decorate my new home so I am paying for property my self and will have no money out of my share to make property my own so I want to take equity out of new property but my youngest daughter thinks I am selfish and need to make a will to leave to her as she is the youngest and didn’t get much time with her dad and didn’t asked to be born I am 60 now and don’t know what I should do Have learned adult kids only think about themselves

If she still lives at home an equity release company will require her to sign a document to show that she understands that the house will have to be sold when you die. She may refuse to sign.

You can get a mortgage. You just need the right broker.

Buy the house first. If this one is that bad that it is unliveable, don't buy this one. If we are talking decorative issues only, as you are working, save up and do up as you can afford it over time. If your youngest daughter is living with you, she must pay you rent. Save her rent money too to do up your house.
I know care assistants don't get paid a lot, but if you are mortgage free, you should sill be able to save a substantial amount monthly with your DD's rent also, to do the house up as you go.
If she won't pay rent, she can live elsewhere, you can do equity release and do it up then instead if you wish ( though a small mortgage may be the better option, or a fixed repayment loan).
Your DC's have had their inheritance, you owe them nothing now. You do not owe them your inheritance, that is for you to spend and, given their attitude, I would use every penny of it up yourself so that you can live your best possible life.
Your DH has shafted you from the grave. He was poor with money if he had debts to pay off, and no life insurance to cover the mortgage on his death - which is usually standard and required these days for mortgage approval. Did he not have any savings or investments either?

Why are they so appalling to you OP? Did their father used to put you down a lot in front of them?

Did he used to tell them all that it was his house? What a horrible attitude to the woman who made his work life balance possible by raising 5 of his children if so.

I hope you find some peace and happiness once you’re settled in your new place.

💐

Tell your youngest no, you will be living alone. No, no no no and no, with some more no. Say I am never ever doing what anyone else says in my own home, and you will all have had your inheritance, made me sell our house, you now have to live like an adult and support yourselves. You don’t pay bills now, I’m not paying your bllls in my new house, you cannot live with me.

Your youngest can't dictate what she wants. I assume she plans to move in and live rent free with you? I suggest you start saying no to your children. They sound very disrespectful and really they don't treat you very well. Considering this, does it really matter if you kick your remaining adult children out when you move? Your youngest can use her inheritance to live and sort herself out. You need to focus on you as it's clear your adult children aren't going to. Sorry you have ended up with selfish horrible children.

Please speak to an independent solicitor on your own without telling the family. They can talk to you about your choices and the problems you may have if you let your daughter move in. They will also confirm that when the estate has paid out you owe the family nothing. I suspect you have misguided loyalty and deference to your brothers in law and children. That advice may help to strengthen your resolve going forward. Buy your own little space. Best of luck.

I am sorry, KindGold. That seems very unfair. The house would surely have been 50% yours anyway and that usually means you own it on your partner's death. That was the case with mine, it was half mine and became entirely mine on my husband's death.

You should at least have been allowed to stay in it for the remainder of your life, when your children will inherit it.

They are being beastly, take some legal advice, don't give in to it too easily, please.

The person to blame for this is sadly your late husband, No solicitor would have recommend this was a good idea. I doubt if this had been taken to court you would have been forced to sell your house to pay the money.

Sorry for your loss, OP.

Unfortunately your husband's will has left you in this situation.

It's good you have a buyer and sale is going through. You need to find suitable housing that you can afford. Presumably the family home was large with 5 children. You now only need 1 or 2 bedrooms. If you want your youngest adult daughter to live with you then she should pay rent or board if she is earning. Your 30 year old will have a deposit for her own place. Don't buy somewhere that you can't live in without work that you can't afford.

I hope you have some supportive family members and friends.

Seriously @KindGoldTurtle , don’t let any of your kids move in with you , they are all being absolutely vile and have shown that they have little regard for you as did your late husband by writing this will . Take your share , buy your house, take out an equity release and if you end up with anything to leave in the event of your death leave it to the charity of your choice . It is very sad that having spent the best years of your life looking after your family they are behaving so badly towards you .

This is terrible OP. Unfortunately your husband left you in a position where you'd have to sell the family home. Am I understanding that correctly? I'm very surprised a solicitor didn't pull him up on that. Maybe he thought your children would be kinder, and understand the estate essentially passes to you until you're no longer here.

Your children are another story, that's absolutely horrible of them, I'd be leaving anything I had to the local cat rescue and cutting ties. And I wouldn't say that lightly.

Don't underestimate the greed that can come over the people closest to you in the worst of times, it tore my family apart. At the end of the day I take comfort in the fact I can hold my head high. I can just about stomach the financial loss but I value not being an abhorrent human being far more.

Do you have any other support outside the immediate family?

You have been far too kind to this nest of vipers. From here on in do exactly what is best for you and do not allow any of them to live with you under any circumstances. Just because they believe they have the right to push you around does not mean you need to let them. I would be issuing a strong reminder that it’s up to you how your assets are disposed of when you die, and currently you have it earmarked for the local cattery. If they want that to change they had better shape up into more respectful human beings.

I'm so sorry you are going through this and that your children have so little respect for you. It's really very mind opening that this can happen I hope your husband didn't know the situation he was leaving you in.

This is not the way death and probate works. Here in England we have testamentary freedom. Death is not equivalent to divorce and the courts do not have the ability to rewrite a will to make it equivalent to a divorce

THIS
It is time for all your darlings to stand on their own feet. If you want your daughter to live with you, charger her rent as you will need the income now.
You have been too soft.

Anyone looking to take this route in making a will should always ensure that the surviving spouse receives 51% and anyone wanting their 'share' should have to have a majority for that to happen, ie they can't! Better still put their shares into trusts with the proviso that the spouse will stay in the house, or any subsequent property for the rest of they life.
I wouldn't have the other sponges living with me and dictating what I can do with my own house either, let them fend for themselves.

This is your time, time to protect yourself and your old age, as your children have zero respect buy a one bed that you can easily manage and maintain. Do not get yourself into debt. Do not be dragged down further by them
Why not show your children these posts so they understand exactly what they are doing to you . I am sorry that your husband had zero respect to leave you to have to fight this out

Your kids a little c*nts. I'm sorry about that. I'd never treat my dear mother this way.

Unless you are buying a new house woth paperwork in their names you don't need to let any of them live with you. Get a lodger or two.

And get proper help because this is a colossal mess amd I can't actually believe you formally contested the will or sought legal and financial advice and equity release was the best option.

Why did you sell your home and give any money to your DC(?!)? You are alive. They get their share when you die, surely? I also am recently widowed, and inherited that half of our property that was my late DH's. It came straight to me, no-one gets anything until I die and there have been no discussions about selling anything so that DC etc. can inherit.

I am sorry you lost your DH suddenly, but he cannot have meant for you to have to sell your home to accommodate children's inheritance. Don't leave any of them a penny - they have their share and can do without. Buy a nice home and realise the equity and spend the lot. And enjoy it!

So kick her out. Ingrate.

This is what I was going to ask. There's a serious issue with couples who have a non-Christian religious wedding and don't go to the registry office. Jewish weddings have special rules that date back to the 19th century, but most mosques and temples are not licensed premises and couples need a separate civil marriage. This would explain a lot of the legal issues actually.

What an entitled bunch of ingrates.

By a smaller property that you can do up and let the adults find their own accommodation.

Your husband has left you quite a mess on the basis if someone else's mistrust. How idiotic, especially after such a long marriage.

his brother and nephew were the executors

There seems a potential conflict of interest here