Equity release daughter not happy

[KindGoldTurtle]

Hi I would love to hear off anyone who can understand my grief please. My husband of 36 years died suddenly he had made a will leaving 50% to me his wife and 10% each to his 5 adult children. I worked all my life struggling with raising children, working ,cooking,cleaning etc as soon as my husband passed my son 37 said he wanted his share and have not heard from him since after he got his share and not able to see granddaughter just took his money and left now daughters want their share so had to sell my home to give their shares as they all don’t get on my daughter is very abusive to me she is 30 still at home the youngest is 22 and wants to move in with me but if I use any of her share she dictates what I can do and cannot do to decorate my new home so I am paying for property my self and will have no money out of my share to make property my own so I want to take equity out of new property but my youngest daughter thinks I am selfish and need to make a will to leave to her as she is the youngest and didn’t get much time with her dad and didn’t asked to be born I am 60 now and don’t know what I should do Have learned adult kids only think about themselves

Give them their 10% and say goodbye... disgraceful behaviour. I assume your husband did not envisage this outcome and he was very badly advised.
Your daughters can find their own accomodation and take their drama with them. Yiu must do what is right for you and you alone... this is the rest of your life you are planning for..
... and as for you making a new will... I would be leaving all my money to the cat and dog home.
Such disrespect!

@KindGoldTurtle I hear you, and I understand your grief - for the loss of your home, and the loss of your relationships with your children, sadly - it is awful what the desire for money will lead some people to do to their family.
When we last moved, our solicitor suggested we do this (half to the surviving spouse, half to the kids) It saves on inheritance tax, basically. I told them no, fearing this very situation - though nobody ever thinks their children would do this to them, it's surprising how common it is when it comes down to it.

If you can, financially, give the 22 year old her share to do with as she pleases, then if the younger two still wish to live with you (and you actually want them) charge both a reasonable rent.

As you're still working, maybe try to take a small mortgage to redecorate rather than equity release, or use the rent from your daughters to cover expenses as you go along.

And, as pp have said, you don't have to leave anything further to those who have grabbed their share; leave your estate to charity, and there is no law that I know of says you have to tell them you're doing so.

Hi I am Asian and only met my husband a few times before marriage he was in the British army and he too was Asian but being the eldest son he took on the role of all responsibilities for his elderly parents and his siblings I helped too but he was always told by his father never to trust a woman I was never short of his love towards me and his children and he worked very hard the property was in his name I never knew about his assets or his income has he paid for everything I paid for shopping clothes for children and worked too only on his passing did we find out from his solicitor that his brother and nephew were the executors they have been kind to me and have tried to carry out all wishes my husband had left but being a widow is hard enough it’s only been 2 years since his passing and constantly trying to deal with all the hatred towards me is difficult I don’t have the right to ask any of them to leave as they have the same right to remain in property as solicitor has said

Do you actually want to live with your kids? Are you that attached to your house that you're willing to put up with this long term?

It sounds like you'd be better selling, giving them their share and buying a nice little flat or something just for you, with no spare room that anyone could insinuate themselves into, hopefully with no mortgage.

This is just so awful. I'd find yourself a teeny tiny place where there's only room for you and let the rest hang.

Id sell, give them their share, move to a 1bed flat and leave all my money /assets to charity.

Contest the will and stop being a doormat

This is awful and I have no experience on it, but do the children still have right to remain if you have released the equity to give them their share? Surely the house is now yours as you have taken on the other 50% of the mortgage after buying them out?

If your 22yr old has already moved out, don’t let her back home and I would be making the 30yr old move out when you have to move as they are the reason you have to move in the 1st place

get a nice little flat for yourself away from the drama filled, self absorbed DDs and the other DD might visit with the DGC if the others aren’t about

prioritise yourself in this stressful time

If the will was done correctly the children's shares would be in trust with the OP as life beneficiary - If I was the OP I would be inclined to take the matter to a solicitor and see if the will could be contested for failing to make adequate spousal provision, a court may well order a trust situation to be entered into.

You could force a sale, OK so you would have to move somewhere smaller, but they would get their smaller shares and no home.

Have contested but nothing to be done all are entitled to their share house has been sold and each will get their share but it’s me they are blaming for everything that’s happened if I could take my husband’s place I would but that’s not good enough for them either there dad was the whole world to them as he never said anything to them helped them with everything including financial problems I was the mom who took care of the house their food and went to work and looked after grandchild while daughter went to work and looked after my daughter in law and husband’s nephew who all lived with us but that still was not enough

Please DON'T let any of them live with you. Get yourself a tiny one-bed place, and don't give any of your money to them.

Do you have friends or other family around who can support you?

So the house wasn't a marital asset owned jointly?

The OP has been quite clear about the will. I don't think it is helpful to question that.
The real issue is the adult offspring.

I don't know how legally the house wasn't a marital asset. I assumed it had to be, so it wasn't his to leave to anyone else

This is incorrect. The property was in his sole name and he was free to leave it as he saw fit. He hasn't failed to make adequate spousal provision as she has enough to rehouse herself.

Everyone talking about marital pot/possessions/assets. This takes effect on divorce. During marriage people can hold property and assets in their own names and leave them in their Will as they wish. It is only on divorce that all assets are considered for the purpose of equalising finances as they split.

That's unfortunate but it's done now.

The only obligation you have to your youngest daughter and to all your kids is to give them their 10% share, your you best daughter does not get to dictate what you do with your share or if you need to release some equity to live or do whatever you want.

Sorry that your children are so selfish and grabby but you need to prioritize and focus on you.

OP I read your update. Stop doing this to yourself. This isn't no Indian drama in real life that needs playing out. You have right and can still salvage something of yourself but you need to let the Asian martyr thing go. The girls will learn their lessons and come back to you eventually and if they don't then they were never going to be there for you in your later years anyway so you've nothing to lose

You need to make it absolutely clear the girls having taken their share and forced the sale are now on their own and what you do with you own inheritance is upto you and they no longer have a say. Get a 1 bedroom flat and be done with it. Use the rest to live comfortably and selfishly for once.

See my answer above. Its value would only be considered as a marital asset on divorce. Property and assets can be owned separately whilst actually married and can therefore also be left by will to whoever they want.

Very difficult situation my family stopped talking to me after my sons wedding they were not happy with the way it went I don’t have a lot of friends as iv always been busy with a houseful of family and working 12 hour shifts as a care worker no time for anything els

You were married. 50% would be deemed yours. Not his to give away. Of his 50% he left 5% to you and 10% to the dc.

I hope you only gave 10% of dh 50%

Why on earth was the house his asset and not shared? You were married for 35 years and shared 5 children? was it a happy marriage or is this just an example of the kind of abuse you endured?

don’t worry about inheritance for your children from your estate. You need to prioritize your own financial stability right now.

Your husband has shafted you here. It’s quite usual to leave his share of the house in trust to pass to the children, but only after your death.

I don’t know why and will never understand why he did this but house his assets all combined have to be shared out in accordance to the will regardless of what should of happened it’s a legal document