DS 13 being moved to new foster placement and me not being contacted

[TheLovelinessOfDemons]

My DS has been in foster care for a year and we knew he was going to be moved. Social services haven't contacted me or the present foster carers, they rang DS yesterday and are picking him up today to take him God knows where.

As the only reason he's in foster care is bc I'm a widowed parent, in work and he has ADHD and needs an adult with him at all times, therefore my knowing his whereabouts won't threaten his safety in any way, can they legally move him without informing me?

In the past few years his DB moved in with my aunt bc he has an eating disorder and could eat there, his DF passed away and he's been taken away from me, as he sees it. I dread to think what this is doing to his mental health.

I agreed to it bc he wasn't going to school and was staying out all night at the age of 11. He might be dead by now if I hadn't.

I wondered whether the son with ADHD was being looked after by family too, else why else would OP mention her other son with an ED who’s being looked after by OP’s aunt? Perhaps the first son is still negatively impacting the son with an ED due to family proximity and so is being moved away? That would explain why OP knows that first son’s carers haven’t been told.

With the second son at OP’s aunt, I wondered whether the first son was at OP’s mothers/parents.

The people he is living with would surely have been told; if only so they don't go looking for him or calling the police reporting him as missing.

Yes, this

I don't know what the order is. Yes I participate in reviews. The social worker is yet another new one so I haven't had a chance to build a relationship yet.

DS 17 isn't living at home bc he can eat at my aunt's. His anxiety stems from school and school was practically on the doorstep. We had to take him to a different part of the city before he could eat, but this is really nothing to do with DS 13's situation.

Yes DS 11 feels like he's been taken. Everyone who made him feel secure has gone.

No. That's how he feels. He's 13 and I was the only immediate family he had left, apart from occasional trips to visit DS 17, who was too weak to travel, in the holidays. He says he misses me and he misses living here.

I would definitely be querying why they would tell your son this over the phone and not inform you or the foster carers, given what you've said about his staying out all night, as now he's a little older he could well be a flight risk. That's really poor on the SW's part.

I know why he's been moved. I'm questioning why they didn't tell me or his previous foster carers where he was going, or even tell me that he was going today at all. The previous foster carers tell me the social worker called DS 13 directly and didn't tell them anything, DS 13 had to tell them he was leaving today.

Have i missed something? There is a 17 year old as well?

It sounds like section 20 i.e you agreed to him being in care, rather than the local authority going to court for a care order.

Regardless of circumstances, you should be involved in decisions, its important for your children to see that you haven't totally relinquished care.

Please remember that the state will not care for your child forever. A new manager could come along tomorrow and decide its too much money to spend and he needs to come back to your care. (theres a difference in risk to a 13 year old and risk to an 11 year old)
Even if he's in care until 18 he will come back to you. Perhaps being in foster care for a long time will cause total fracture in the relationship. If that is the case he will be alone and may fall into being parented by the state in the form of prison or mental health hospital.
Please look after your son, even if it is just by calling the social work team/ manager/ reviewing officer to find out whats going on.

You might consider an unplanned move if the child poses a risk to themselves or others or you may feel it is going that way or breaking down. They may not be meeting the childs needs or the child decides they do no want to be there.

If the child has disclosed something you may wish to remove the child asap and it may be they are in a quandary about where the child can go, may only have short term provision available, a space is opening up soon or there is other movement within the system. You need to speak to your social worker

Otherwise a planned move would be considered and consideration given to

• Who will be expected to tell the child about the need to move?
• Will this be before the next placement has been identified?
• How will this be explained?
• Who will be telling the school?
• Who will be telling the parents?
• Who will be arranging for them to say goodbye to their friends?
• What contact will they have with the foster carers and others after their move?
• Who will ensure the next carers have all the information they need to look after the child – the important things like details of their dentist, doctor’s appointments etc?

Children also go into care other than voluntary where the childs behaviour may involve absconding for example and the parents can not control their behaviour.

The reasons he is in care are absolutely relevant to him being moved without her being told. Maybe it’s for his safety, or the safety of the foster carers?

I actually heard it from the previous foster carers, but they seemed to think I knew he was moving. I have fortnightly contact with DS 13 and we message every day on Discord. He's finally learnt he doesn't need to lie to me, although I know he was lying to the previous foster carers.

DS 17 could not eat at home bc it was walking distance from school, and school was causing his anxiety. DS 13 has ADHD and can't even be trusted to go to school by himself without disappearing for several days, and I have to work, and his DF has passed away.

If he is on a full or interim care order then no, you don't have to be informed. Section 20 I'm not sure about.

There would be no reason for that as I have their full address and have visited DS 13 there.

I have seen this before at work- normally as birth parent not contactable. Do they have your most up to date number? When did you last have supervised contact with son?

Presumably she wasn't just heading off into town instead of school and then staying out for several days without telling you where she was while you were at work?

Yes she does! Especially under an interim care order. Where did you get the idea that she doesn't?

Under an interim care order the local authority cannot move a child's placement without agreement of the guardian and if they neglected to inform the parents they would be heavily criticised by the parents' legal representatives and the judge.

That's what I'm hoping for too, and for him to be back on his medication, which apparently stops the impulses to run away from his foster placement. And for him to get counselling, but he's refused that. He's dealing with so much by himself. Everything that's happened in the past few years.

Well it does matter because if she's a danger to him then no she shouldn't be told but if she isn't then she should be kept updated

No, my 2 eldest are in their 30s.

This is funny. I am a Viper and have been since DS 13 was born.

They didn't tell me he was moving today. They told his foster carers yesterday, but today they rang him directly and didn't speak to the foster carers at all, even when they picked him up they barely spoke to them.