DS 13 being moved to new foster placement and me not being contacted

[TheLovelinessOfDemons]

My DS has been in foster care for a year and we knew he was going to be moved. Social services haven't contacted me or the present foster carers, they rang DS yesterday and are picking him up today to take him God knows where.

As the only reason he's in foster care is bc I'm a widowed parent, in work and he has ADHD and needs an adult with him at all times, therefore my knowing his whereabouts won't threaten his safety in any way, can they legally move him without informing me?

In the past few years his DB moved in with my aunt bc he has an eating disorder and could eat there, his DF passed away and he's been taken away from me, as he sees it. I dread to think what this is doing to his mental health.

Oh be quiet. What a vile post.

No, he died last year.

Em well everyone will likely have different responses anyway don't you think?
We don't need to know what the background is.
We just need to respect that op is having a difficult time with losing her DH &: children & try to help & support.

Instead of wanting to find out exactly what's happened so that folks can judge the op and pile on give an informed opinion, how about just being thankful that some parents are able to accept when they aren't able to meet their children's needs and get help and that that help is available.

Because we all have read what can happen when parents can't cope and help isn't given. Would that be better?

Well that's all very confusing. Why can't your ds go to his aunt too? Surely that would be better.

He was not taken away and at no point have I blamed the system. I do partly blame CAMHS for not helping him or us to deal with his ADHD. Most 13 year olds are much easier to get out of bed (he was impossible to wake up, which is apparently a symptom of ADHD), and will walk 8 minutes to school by themselves. He'd sleep all day, I couldn't keep taking days off to try and get him up, so I'd go to work, get home and he'd be gone and I wouldn't see him for days at a time with no idea where he was. School, social services and I all agreed that he needed to be somewhere with someone who could take him to school and bring him back.

Neither of my sons were "taken out of my care". DH, my aunt, my uncle, DS 17 and I all agreed that he should live there bc otherwise I was watching him slowly starve to death. I agreed that DS 13 should go into foster care bc he wasn't getting DLA and the only way we could live was on universal credit, and a requirement of being on universal credit is that you look for work. I wasn't at home to supervise him, and he needs constant adult supervision.

You don't owe anyone here your life story and you don't have to justify yourself.

I'm being extremely honest, it's all I know how to be.

Is your sister deemed a kinship fosterer? and in terms of ds13 do you have parental responsibility and were asked to fill in lists of what the foster parents are and aren't allowed to decide for you son?

Just for your own knowledge I've been helping someone who's DD doesn't go to school. It is upto the school to provide alternative schooling, hers is via academy21 online learning. DD was suicidal, camhs was overworked. She finally started to realise that mum was on her side, stopped lying, it does take a long time op, and she's unlikely to pass gcse but better that then dead. Ignore people who can't understand the situation, but try to look at not fine in school. It may start to help you. Perhaps leading to an eventual I'd he does online learning then he can live at home.
If you can answer those top 2 questions, then it would suggest if if we're section 20 or not.

I can relate OP my DD had anorexia nervosa for over a decade, in & out of hospital, these stupid Ed units like feeding farms. And I have one child (now grown up) with ADHD. There's hope, my DD is improved, but I agree camhs were awful.

I think it's worth asking the social worker why you weren't informed, say that you already feel isolated from him & want to maintain as much contact as possible, definitely want to be consulted & fully involved about him moving or about decisions. I suspect this is what they call a voluntary agreement with you so there's no reason not to involve you.

I suspect this has been a mistake, they're not the most organised are they?
Also very sorry to hear about your DH. How devastating.

I'm afraid it is true.

I already did.

Precisely, 100 percent correct
Short term fostering is designed and done to either give the exhausted parent a break or because the child needs additional help.

I know the reason and so do the foster carers. He ran away once too often and it was affecting the other boy they fostered.

@Ozanj @MightSoundCrassButItsFactual
Stop it. OP is having a very difficult time & if you can't be kind jog on. She doesn't need, deserve or require your criticism. Just back off & scroll on.

Universal credit won't let me do that though. I had to look for work, and now I have to earn a certain amount or still have to look for work.

That is not fair on a 13 year old child. It sounds a bit like his SW isn't doing their job properly,as I would assume his SW should have informed his foster carers. Obviously not in all cases.

Only with a section 20. A full care order, they don't need permission. They should inform her that a move is planned which it sounds like the op did know a move was on the cards? And depending on the level of protection the child needs, they try to take parents views into account but ultimately its down to the local authority where a child under a full care order is placed.

The local authority will try to agree the placement with the social worker, parents and child, unless the child needs secure accommodation.
If it isn't possible to agree, the local authority has the right to decide where the child should live without the consent of the parents or child.

From citizens advice.

No, parents cannot refuse a move under an Interim Care Order (ICO):

• Parental responsibility
• An ICO gives the Local Authority (LA) shared parental responsibility for the child, which means they can make decisions about the child's living arrangements without the parents' permission.

From lawhive.

Bc, as I've already stated, he can't eat near school. He has perfectionist anxiety and he can't cope with not always getting 100% in everything.

There are many, many reasons children end up in care. Some posters are being very judgemental and pretending it's for legitimate reasons.

OP - I do think you should find out whether your DS is under a Section 20 (https://childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/section-20-accomodation/) as you have far more rights if this is the case and it sounds like it is.

I do think Social Care should have helped you obtain DLA (and therefore Carer's Allowance and Universal Credit without need to search for work) in the first instance - did you ever appeal the DLA decision? It's madness that a child with such severe ADHD that it causes a family breakdown isn't awarded at least middle rate care DLA. At his next review could you ask Social Care about what other help they can offer? There's a wide range of things SS can help with, including financially so perhaps instead of paying a foster carer they could offer you financial assistance and help obtaining DLA?

Finally, does DS have an EHCP?

Surely if your child is that bad, he'd get DLA at high rate and you'd be able to claim carer's allowance and be unable to work as you're the carer?

None of this makes sense.

I have a child with ADHD. The absolute worst thing I could do for him is to send him away, that's only going to exacerbate issues.

If this was genuinely the only course of action we'd have foster homes full of ADHD kids.

It's significantly cheaper for the govt for you to claim UC as a top up to say 'working from home self employed' (could literally be anything - make something) and him be with you than to pay foster carers who get about £2k+ a month .

Pack your job in. Go self employed. Claim UC.

Neither. I'm in direct contact with both my son and the foster carers. They're warm, loving people and they genuinely care not only about him, but about me too. They WhatsApped me at work yesterday and told me that the social workers had rung them and told them they were coming to pick him up today.

You're contradicting yourself. You said under an interim care order or full care order the local authority doesn't have to inform the parents. I pointed out that you're wrong. You're now talking about section 20, which is a different matter. Do you know what an interim care order is?

The question the OP asked was about whether they should have informed her. Nothing in that very surface level quote from citizens advice contradicts the fact that yes, they do need to inform the parent.