I want to live with my daughter abroad where I am from but my EX , her Dad is not letting me

[Yuu101]

My ex and I separated five years ago, and we have an eight-year-old daughter.

I had to take him to court because he only wanted to be a dad when it suited him. The court has now ordered that they see each other every other weekend, and we share holidays and school breaks.

He drives 60 miles every time he picks up our daughter, and his petrol costs are deducted from the child maintenance he provides.

I now have two other children with my partner, and we are planning to relocate temporarily abroad to my home country. Living costs, especially for childcare, are very high in the UK, and we have no family here to rely on.

In our new location, I have siblings and extended family who can help with childcare. Our money will go further there, as my family owns a house we can live in, and my partner is expecting a lump sum of inheritance soon.

Neither my partner nor I will need to work anymore.

I told our daughter about our plan, and she wants to come with us.

I informed her dad, and he said he’d prefer her to live with him because he doesn’t want to lose their bond, which I understand. However, apart from following the court order, he makes no extra effort. She often ends up stuck on her gadget at his place.

Our daughter expressed her feelings to him, but he ignored her.

I have a new partner and two other children to consider, and I can’t leave her behind when she complains about being bored at her dad's. Additionally, he has a wife, a daughter, and another baby on the way. His mom also lives with them.

I know I need to apply for a C100 and take this matter to court since her dad isn't willing to compromise.

Has anyone experienced court proceedings like this? How did it turn out for you?

Thanks.

We are 100% staying. I am asking how it normally pans out in court to any who has experienced this, Clearly I am not very good with words. People judged too quickly and think because he sees her twice a month ( been ordered to, normally cancels) that he is a very present Dad.

He knows the consequences of not following the child arrangements order so he is trying to avoid this. If my daughter wants to do something and it falls on his weekend, he won’t let her unless we drop her off to her (per say a friend’s party on a Saturday).
I bought our daughter a phone so I can contact her. I would have thought he would make an effort of calling her even every couple of days. This does not happen. He only speaks to her when he is with her. My daughter is starting to see this and have relayed her frustrations on the matter. But I always just say he is busy or tired from work.

So he’s had a limited relationship with her and he’s a bit of a shit too. But you want to move away and leave her living with him. Astonishing. Your poor daughter.

No, she wants to take her DD with her, hence the thread.

If you read properly, I spoke to a Solicitor and they told asked me to ask her of her feelings on the matter. Apparently at the age of 8 CAFCASS takes their feelings into account.

Also, yes a Barrister advised me not to say anything and just take my EX to court again nearer the time we are moving. It is up to you whether you want to believe it or not.

I have asked for a proper advice because as you probably did not notice because you are so focused on judging me, I am not 100% sure on how it pans out in court.

D

Please read the other responses.

We will not be going anywhere without her.

Solicitor have advised me to see what her feelings are in the matter. At the age of 8 , CAFCASS gets involve and take their feelings into consideration (hugely) .

I understand this. I will leave the court to decide and go from there :)

I don’t ever want to leave my daughter with him. I told my daughter that to make her feel that her feelings are also valid if she does want to stay but ultimately I would want her to come with us. This is why we are spending time , money and effort to go through the court

I hope you are keeping a diary of missed dates etc.

I hope you have emails and text messages.

Im not sure why people keep saying it’s impossible, it’s not.

He gets 50 days a year when he takes them.

half the holidays is 7 weeks, so 49 days - same amount of time:

Watch, the first thing he’ll companion about is ‘having to work’ and can’t afford childcare -

Good luck OP, I hope it all works out for you

'I said to my daughter is she wants to live with her Dad that is okay with me as I appreciate that this decision is base on what is best for the whole family. My partner and my other two children considered.'

What a horrible thing to say to a little girl.

Both her parents have children with other partners and she may already feel insecure.

You should not be discussing potentially life changing situations with her and nor should be so callous to suggest that it's ok if she goes and lives with her father whilst you and your new partner and her half siblings bugger off to a better life.

A loving mother would fight tough and nail to keep her child.

I demanded in court that we communicate through email so I have all the paper trail.

It’s hard being a parent and being a good one at that without people jumping into conclusions and throwing nasty words without reading properly the responses.

I will ultimately leave this matter for the court to decide and her Dad continues to refuse and need to make sure to get a good Solicitor!

Clearly, the Solicitor I asked for advised is sacked!

I haven't direct experience but knew someone who wanted to move abroad with new husband and two kids from previous marriage. Kids were older than your dd (about 10) and one didn't want to go. The dad applied for a prohibited steps order to stop mum moving and taking child but the court ruled child should move with the mother.

I clearly have not forgotten her. This is why I’m going through the court proceedings? 😅

Yes it did, she had another child with her new husband.

The courts considered only the needs and best interests of the child shared with her ex partner.

Don’t move your DD to another country away from her dad. You might think it’s for the best in the short term but it won’t do her relationship with her dad any favours and will affect her in the longer term.

isn’t this why I am taking her Dad to court? Coz I am fighting for her?

I said to my daughter is she wants to live with her Dad that is okay with me

sounds like you’d be quite ok with dumping your 8 year old daughter so you can head off into the sunset. Poor kid. She sounds like an inconvenience to you.

Thank you very much. It might not seem it but I appreciate all the honest responses especially those that are very useful.

It is nice to see things in other’s people perspective as we sometimes get so caught up on our own views.

Did you read the post that I’m actually taking her Dad to court? She isn’t an inconvenience to me. Never have been and never will.

Her Dad is a different matter 😂

leaving at 8 and coming back at 13 would be really tough, socially and educationally.

As someone who grew up in 3 different countries, I call bullshit.

OP it's confusing that you have changed your name mid-thread.

Anyway, I hope it all works out for you. Loads of kids grow up without one of their parents around. (Like mine who's now an adult). They do fine.

Lots of pearl clutchers on this thread.

Sorry, I actually got so emotional about people telling me how much of a useless, piece of crap of a Mom I am that I deleted the post and my account only to realise the post does not delete straight away!

I moved cities 3 times when I was younger too and moved her to the UK when I was 14.

I have so many experiences that people would normally just dreamed of because I lived in different places.

Thank you for the well wishes. It’s well appreciated

OP,

I'm sorry my words were so harsh. I'm sure you love your daughter. I'm just extremely against parental alienation (kind of a trigger for me) and I stick things through, so I probably wouldn't consider a change or move in these circumstances but maybe it isn't a bad thing.

I think the way you explained things came off a little strange, ie, the example of the inheritance not going very far here, when it is clearly a huge sum and you both have jobs.

“And Yes, I had to discuss it with her to know her feelings on the matter. If she’s not to hesitant in living with her Dad, I would not be asking this question.”

you said this in one of your first posts, but are now saying you wouldn’t leave your daughter?

I said to my daughter is she wants to live with her Dad that is okay with me as I appreciate that this decision is base on what is best for the whole family. My partner and my other two children considered.
That's a completely fucked up thing to ask your 8 year old Poor kid, both her parents are putting their new families first. You might be the parent that's doing a shit load more, but you are still putting your daughter last. It would never ever be a choice between moving for my new partner and being with my child. I hope she comes through this without major trauma.

I can't imagine how any parent thinks this is OK to put their 8 year old child through. It's not putting you younger kids needs first, it's prioritising what you and your new partner want over what is best for your daughter. As if that wasn't bad enough you went and told her she could stay with her dad while the rest of you move overseas and barley see her. Give your head a wobble because this is funking nuts and not OK on any level. What kind of parent prioritises living at a beach over their child's needs? My ex has put me through years of abuse, I wouldn't move my kids away because while I'd sleep better at nights it's not what's better for them. You chose this, she didn't.

It’s hard being a parent and being a good one at that without people jumping into conclusions and throwing nasty words without reading properly the responses

Was that aimed at me? Because I’ve been on your side here.