I want to live with my daughter abroad where I am from but my EX , her Dad is not letting me

[Yuu101]

My ex and I separated five years ago, and we have an eight-year-old daughter.

I had to take him to court because he only wanted to be a dad when it suited him. The court has now ordered that they see each other every other weekend, and we share holidays and school breaks.

He drives 60 miles every time he picks up our daughter, and his petrol costs are deducted from the child maintenance he provides.

I now have two other children with my partner, and we are planning to relocate temporarily abroad to my home country. Living costs, especially for childcare, are very high in the UK, and we have no family here to rely on.

In our new location, I have siblings and extended family who can help with childcare. Our money will go further there, as my family owns a house we can live in, and my partner is expecting a lump sum of inheritance soon.

Neither my partner nor I will need to work anymore.

I told our daughter about our plan, and she wants to come with us.

I informed her dad, and he said he’d prefer her to live with him because he doesn’t want to lose their bond, which I understand. However, apart from following the court order, he makes no extra effort. She often ends up stuck on her gadget at his place.

Our daughter expressed her feelings to him, but he ignored her.

I have a new partner and two other children to consider, and I can’t leave her behind when she complains about being bored at her dad's. Additionally, he has a wife, a daughter, and another baby on the way. His mom also lives with them.

I know I need to apply for a C100 and take this matter to court since her dad isn't willing to compromise.

Has anyone experienced court proceedings like this? How did it turn out for you?

Thanks.

How would you feel @Yuu101 if your DD's father/ your ex-husband proposed a similar move, and your DD wanted to go with him? Honestly?

I can see all the good reasons you set out for the move, and that your DD's father may not be Dad of the Year, but think about how you'd feel if the roles were reversed.

At the very least, she needs to spend more than 5-6 weeks in the summer with him. Alternate Christmases, for example. And opportunities to see & know her father's side of the family.

Your DD has the right to have her own relationship with her father & her father's family, whatever your view of them is.

Then what is your reason for moving back to the UK in five years. If it's so much better, why come back?

I have not read all this thread as it has become a bit of a bun fight. I am sure many of those offering advice that you don't stand a chance are not family lawyers.

You have already taken legal advice. What did your lawyer say?

I am a family lawyer but can't offer a view - much will depend on the country you want to relocate to - is it a signatory to the Hague Convention?

Does your daughter speak the language well? Where will she be schooled?

You say you won't have to work. I'm not sure that is a secure plan to fund the cost of looking after her.

Your solicitor will have gone through all these things with you.

Yes. Definitely, I am moving back to my home country . The support is there :)

With or without your daughter, wow

Be fair, she said she would not be moving back without her daughter.

LadyAnnabelsTapestries I read it quite another way. That OP's DP is dictating terms - he's going abroad whether or not OP goes with her child.

To my mind with blended families the welfare of the child always comes first. That means not putting them in the impossible position of only living with one parent and rarely seeing the other - with the risk of estrangement. Once you're divorced you have to balance the needs of both parents - that means not removing their child from the country. If it were me I'd realise I can't leave the country at least till the child is 18. And given that I had quite a serious relationship as a divorcee with someone who lived on the other side of the world I have thought about it properly.

I can't believe any mother who'd happily not live with their child and leave them in another country without being able to see them often. And choosing to go away with their 'new' family. I can't imagine what damage that would do to the child left behind. Awful.

You said your partner is moving no matter what.

Is he going to leave you and all your kids behind if the court says no?

I don't believe you will stay is needed. You seem to be changing your tune since people are rightfully questioning your poor parenting.

So your partner is going whether you go or not?

I know two people who’ve tried this and lost. You would actually have been better off never going to court and just going over this as by going to court you’ve now established regular contact.

I know people who have gone to court and won!

It’s is possible.

Families move across the world and still maintain relationships. OP isn’t saying he can’t have access, just a different type of access.
I have also known fathers move to the same country - possible with his family already there - and there’s nothing to stop him doing so.

He may well decide to move anyway with his new family away from his eldest child - but that would be considered ok? Because he does what 2/14 of the parenting?

He’s hardly making the effort being local, I’m sure holidays and celebrations would be more rewarding that the child stuck o her iPad ever other weekend.

No it would be ok if he wasn’t the one limiting access. Ie taking the child.

Absolutely agree . My DD has a friend whose ex and shiny new family moved overseas ( NZ) without a backward glance to the 2 DC he was leaving behind . It was a case of tough , we are going .
I too know someone whose ex was allowed to take their DC overseas to live so it does happen .