I want to live with my daughter abroad where I am from but my EX , her Dad is not letting me

[Yuu101]

My ex and I separated five years ago, and we have an eight-year-old daughter.

I had to take him to court because he only wanted to be a dad when it suited him. The court has now ordered that they see each other every other weekend, and we share holidays and school breaks.

He drives 60 miles every time he picks up our daughter, and his petrol costs are deducted from the child maintenance he provides.

I now have two other children with my partner, and we are planning to relocate temporarily abroad to my home country. Living costs, especially for childcare, are very high in the UK, and we have no family here to rely on.

In our new location, I have siblings and extended family who can help with childcare. Our money will go further there, as my family owns a house we can live in, and my partner is expecting a lump sum of inheritance soon.

Neither my partner nor I will need to work anymore.

I told our daughter about our plan, and she wants to come with us.

I informed her dad, and he said he’d prefer her to live with him because he doesn’t want to lose their bond, which I understand. However, apart from following the court order, he makes no extra effort. She often ends up stuck on her gadget at his place.

Our daughter expressed her feelings to him, but he ignored her.

I have a new partner and two other children to consider, and I can’t leave her behind when she complains about being bored at her dad's. Additionally, he has a wife, a daughter, and another baby on the way. His mom also lives with them.

I know I need to apply for a C100 and take this matter to court since her dad isn't willing to compromise.

Has anyone experienced court proceedings like this? How did it turn out for you?

Thanks.

sorry rent there are less than 50% than what it is here

You’ve ignored people who have told you their professional experience, including me. Perhaps you missed it. It is very unusual for the court to grant the order. In your case, there are some factors that will be taken into consideration and not in a positive way. You’re not going to win a case if you send emails telling the ex he won’t need to pay child maintenance or that offering summer holidays and video calls is such a great alternative to her current contact schedule. The court doesn’t care about your partner or the size of the house.

Yes, english is not my first language and explaining this properly is not my forte.

You are correct, Myself and his Dad grew up in the country we are moving to.

My parents brought me over here when I was 14 with little knowledge of the culture and esp the language, so I am the best person to help my daughter deal with any changes that she might end up struggling with the potential move.

Thank you for the kind words. Here is me crying all night thinking that no matter how much I do it’s never enough.

I said to my daughter is she wants to live with her Dad that is okay with me as I appreciate that this decision is base on what is best for the whole family.

So if she has said she wanted to live with her dad rather than live abroad, you would move abroad without her and leave her with her dad?

If she knows you would do this I can't imagine how upsetting that would be for her.

He's abusive but you'd allow her to live with him? I don't understand.

If you had made that clear 98% of the hard time you got on this thread wouldn't have happened. You suggested both that your DP was planning to go regardless, ie leaving you and maybe all the kids here if you couldn't go, also that you would consider leaving her with her dad and going anyway. If neither of those are the case then there is no reason to criticise you, just wish you luck.

@Yuu101 @Yuuh Have you considered what would happen / what you would do if you relocated and your current relationship ended?

Yes. Definitely, I am moving back to my home country . The support is there :)

But if the court decides she will be left with her father then yes you are leaving her behind.

I would endeavour to speak to her father and attempt to make monthly visitation arrangements or something. I too am from another country with a child from here with an ex. I have no support or family and would dearly love to return home. However even though her father is abusive I have been told by a few solicitors that there is no way I’d get permission. So I’ve long resigned myself to having to live here - after all, it is her home, as sad as that is.

Apologies, English is not my first language and some of it came across differently from what I am meant to say.

I have asked for people who have gone through the same in court- not that I was ignoring other people’s opinion.

This matter will be going through court proceedings and can update once it’s all finished :)

Yes , this is true. this is why I am going through the legal route of taking it to court :)

So if she has said she wanted to live with her dad rather than live abroad, you would move abroad without her and leave her with her dad?

OP has said several times, if the court says no, then her family will all stay - she’s not going regardless.

She’s asking for advice on winning a court case so she can move back to her own family and support network.

She’s not abandoning her children.

Hi. I was advised differently from a Solicitor,

Me and her Dad are from the country we are moving to. She has her roots there.

Her current Dad’s wife is from there too and all her family resides there including her daughter - means her Dad and his family got a strong connection where we are going,

I think my situation is a bit different from yours, from everyone’s opinion best to take it to court and let them decide. If she can’t go with us, we are all staying. Thank you for your output :)

This is not the issue being considered by the court. The court is not being asked whether the child should be placed with her father. It's a question of whether she's allowed to leave the country with her mother or not- simple yes or no.

Good luck OP!

This thread is testament that women are expected by society to be martyrs. Nothing they do is ever good enough.

Amen to that! I have learnt also that people don’t really bother reading and understand what they’ve read before commenting.

No wonder media has so much power over us!

Thank you, court proceedings are never easy but it is worth doing it :)

The court is likely to refuse because both parents chose to have her and bring her up in the UK, she is probably British and the father and his mother live in the UK. Court tend to go with the status quo even though the mother has family abroad and was originally from abroad. So it may end up being a case of cancelling the move abroad entirely or the child moving in with her father, his family and his mother. Best to pay for an hour's advice from a family law solicitor who has done a lot of cases relating to moving childlren abroad.

It would be helpful to know the girl's age, her nationality and to which country she might go if the court agrees as that will affect things -eg a 15 year old is very unlikely to be forced to stay here if she wants to go with the mother; secondly if the country of origin of mother is not in the Hague Convention that could make things more complicated for the father.

There is more to it than living near the beach, if you read the thread properly. :) people seem to pick bits and pieces they want and focus on it and put their own narrative 😅

anyhow, this will be my last response as I am taking this matter to court and will just see what the Judge will decide as they will have to consider alot of aspects of the move :)

Do you really think her dad is going to video chat everyday when he didn't contact her for four months when he was away? That doesn't come across as believable. You seem to want to convince everyone regardless of whether you're being truthful.

It's good for her to have regular contact with her dad, but if she's not treated well there I would imagine being there for only a night or two at a time is better than five weeks at once. It's not about adding up the days like a math equation, it's about being a part of her life on a regular basis. You may want to talk to a child psychologist about abandonment bc it's a harmful thing. (I'm talking about the loss of dad here, you don't have to post again that you're bringing her with you.)

There are some high profile cases Meliisa George/Kelly Rutherford/Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner

it is incredibly tricky and the fact you are removing them from their country of birth and citizenship makes it tricky and a big part will be saying how you are going to facilitate contact with her Dad and country of birth

ans yes yiu May well be prevented from going so have a plan if that does happen

It’s not about women. It’s about the child. The court will not consider that the woman is the primary carer, they will not consider what the father wants. They will rule what is best for the child - as the parents cannot agree.

OP isn’t doing enough to prove she is going to sustain a positive relationship between her daughter and the father. It’s not about being a martyr; she could be approaching this so much better.