I want to live with my daughter abroad where I am from but my EX , her Dad is not letting me

[Yuu101]

My ex and I separated five years ago, and we have an eight-year-old daughter.

I had to take him to court because he only wanted to be a dad when it suited him. The court has now ordered that they see each other every other weekend, and we share holidays and school breaks.

He drives 60 miles every time he picks up our daughter, and his petrol costs are deducted from the child maintenance he provides.

I now have two other children with my partner, and we are planning to relocate temporarily abroad to my home country. Living costs, especially for childcare, are very high in the UK, and we have no family here to rely on.

In our new location, I have siblings and extended family who can help with childcare. Our money will go further there, as my family owns a house we can live in, and my partner is expecting a lump sum of inheritance soon.

Neither my partner nor I will need to work anymore.

I told our daughter about our plan, and she wants to come with us.

I informed her dad, and he said he’d prefer her to live with him because he doesn’t want to lose their bond, which I understand. However, apart from following the court order, he makes no extra effort. She often ends up stuck on her gadget at his place.

Our daughter expressed her feelings to him, but he ignored her.

I have a new partner and two other children to consider, and I can’t leave her behind when she complains about being bored at her dad's. Additionally, he has a wife, a daughter, and another baby on the way. His mom also lives with them.

I know I need to apply for a C100 and take this matter to court since her dad isn't willing to compromise.

Has anyone experienced court proceedings like this? How did it turn out for you?

Thanks.

It’s absolutely disgusting that you have brought this up with your DD. She’s 8 years old for goodness sake! What were you thinking?
In legal terms, a court would be very reluctant to agree to this and could also consider that you’ve unduly influenced her in order to cause parental alienation. I guess youre not married to your ‘new partner’, and that the other 2 children are his? If the country you want to move back to is so amazing, what brought you to the UK? Also, no Barrister would have advised you to withhold telling your ex about the move until it was sorted.

The court will take a dim view of a child being used as an emotional pawn. I have professional experience of the family court. Permitting a child to move to another county against the wishes of a parent with PR is as rare as hens teeth.

This is sickening.

But that seem unfair

1 parent (typically the mother) does the majority of the childrearing and provision. They wish to move to their home country and will facilitate contact.

1 Parent sees the child once every fortnight.

How is the court reasonable to dismiss out of hand the resident parent's wish to move. Especially in view of the increased help from family and an equivalent if not better lifestyle?

Yes. And this is why you have to think very carefully in which country you decide to have your children, or where you move to with your partner and children. Because you will likely be stuck in that country forever.

seems one not 1 🙄

Please do not base your financial planning on an expected inheritance, especially your partner's expected inheritance. Retiring in your 30s/40s is a risky business unless you have a lot of financial nous and a very substantial sum of hard currency in the bank.

It’s about the child’s right to a relationship and not about who does the bulk of the parenting nor the life admin etc. It is solely based on what is reasonable. I have no idea how far away the country may be but it’s very hard to facilitate a regular relationship if, for example, they are an 8 hour plane ride away. I did see a case of relocation to France but the contact schedule was very robust and in this case, the parent who wanted to move went above and beyond to facilitate very frequent contact.

Absolutely. Relocating to Australia might seem like the dream and you might think it’s amazing to to marry the Australian man of your dreams. If it goes south, you may be stuck across the world until your children reach adulthood. It happens more often than people realise.

Will you all not go if the court says no? As it sounds like your mind is mind up, regardless of whether your oldest child comes or not. Sorry but if it’s a no go, you have to wait until she’s 18. That’s what any loving parent would do. And I get it as I’ve been waiting to move for many years now but I’ve had to put my children first (rightly so)

Frankly that seems like madness to me. Frightening too!

She will be in breach of the Hague Convention and potentially face a charge and prison sentence for parental abduction if she moves without her ex's consent.

My friend tried to move abroad woth jer dd some years ago. The court battle was horrid and she lost. Her solicitors initial advice was that she wouldn't win but she insisted on trying..

The person who lost most was her DD who needed stability and certainty and her parents not to be constantly at war. However what was eventually conceded was that she had her dd for the long summer holiday and could take her then and he had her for Christmas and Easter then they shared half terms. ( friend was a teacher so was possible fir her to do this)

OP think long and hard it would mkst likely be a protracted and expensive battle that benefits no one least of all your dd.

It happened in our close family and there are no winners in this. Just broken hearts, bitterness and anger. My dh is from around there too and I thought carefully about our future before we had our children.

@Yuu101 you will find most didn't go to court because good legal advice will tell you you won't win and will only gain an expensive legal bill. Breach of law could led to loss or custody and or imprisonment. 🤷‍♀️

I’m disgusted you would be ok with leaving your dd here whilst you move abroad. That would permanently ruin your relationship with your dd when she grows up and realises what you’ve done. You sound like an extremely selfish person, your poor poor dd

Permitting a child to move to another county against the wishes of a parent with PR is as rare as hens teeth

No it isn’t. I know a few who have moved and see their fathers regularly.

Why would a loving father deny an opportunity- what’s dad offering?
He needs to show that staying out weighs leaving.

It has to be practical and financial and in the child’s best interests.

OP has to show she has done her research. Looked at the facts. Found a school, shown her interests are catered to, show family and friends are willing to support her - emotionally - same for the fathers family. I’m sure he visits.

Im not sure why a woman who wants to move home is the villain here? People move all the time. As long as the court order includes monthly visits, shared holidays, quality time etc there’s no reason not to try.

And there’s nothing to stop the dad moving too, either to join his daughter or to move separately anywhere in the world and he doesn’t need court ordered access - he can come and go as he chooses leaving the mother with full time care.

If mothers are prevented from taking children abroad then the same should be for fathers staying put or witching a reasonable distance.

Why would a loving father deny an opportunity- what’s dad offering?

You can’t be for real. At least I hope you’re not.

If mothers are prevented from taking children abroad then the same should be for fathers staying put

It’s the country they both decided to have their children in.

My neighbour’s gdil is from a European country and split up from her dp. After a lot of persuasion, he allowed her to move back to the country on the proviso that he would visit frequently and not pay cms because he’d be paying for flights. So it does happen. I just think it’s a bit unusual and as a pp said, you pushed for him to be a father and now you want to take your dd to a different country. Or leave her with her df, who clearly doesn’t want full custody. Asking an 8 year old for her opinion is really unfair.

I think it's crazy that in 5 years since you and your ex separated you are remarried with two kids.

And now are prepared to ditch your daughter.
This is heartbreaking.

This is a super shitty idea. Almost evil. Plus you're getting a big sum of money so cc shouldn't be a worry. You both want to live in a family house (Low or no cost) and not work again. Sounds quite lazy.

Monthly visits? How does that work if they are in different countries unless they are millionaire's?

He is not stopping you going. He is stopping you taking your DD which isn't quite the same thing. Nobody can tell you what the outcome of a court case will be as a lot of factors wil be taken into consideration. So will you go anyway and leave your DD with her father? That might not even suit him if it came to that.