I want to live with my daughter abroad where I am from but my EX , her Dad is not letting me

[Yuu101]

My ex and I separated five years ago, and we have an eight-year-old daughter.

I had to take him to court because he only wanted to be a dad when it suited him. The court has now ordered that they see each other every other weekend, and we share holidays and school breaks.

He drives 60 miles every time he picks up our daughter, and his petrol costs are deducted from the child maintenance he provides.

I now have two other children with my partner, and we are planning to relocate temporarily abroad to my home country. Living costs, especially for childcare, are very high in the UK, and we have no family here to rely on.

In our new location, I have siblings and extended family who can help with childcare. Our money will go further there, as my family owns a house we can live in, and my partner is expecting a lump sum of inheritance soon.

Neither my partner nor I will need to work anymore.

I told our daughter about our plan, and she wants to come with us.

I informed her dad, and he said he’d prefer her to live with him because he doesn’t want to lose their bond, which I understand. However, apart from following the court order, he makes no extra effort. She often ends up stuck on her gadget at his place.

Our daughter expressed her feelings to him, but he ignored her.

I have a new partner and two other children to consider, and I can’t leave her behind when she complains about being bored at her dad's. Additionally, he has a wife, a daughter, and another baby on the way. His mom also lives with them.

I know I need to apply for a C100 and take this matter to court since her dad isn't willing to compromise.

Has anyone experienced court proceedings like this? How did it turn out for you?

Thanks.

It is a criminal offence to remove your child from the UK without his permission.

Neither my partner nor I will need to work anymore.

I've no idea why you needed to point this out and why this it's relevant to your issue but what example would you be setting your kids by choosing to doss about not working?!

If you go OP and rip your DD away from her DF, , so that you don't have to work for a living, you'd be being extremely, staggeringly selfish. Regardless of whether he's a good or a crap DF. You have absolutely no right to hinder your DD's access to her DF. None.

I said to my daughter is she wants to live with her Dad that is okay with me as I appreciate that this decision is base on what is best for the whole family.

Hang on. You told an eight-year-old that if you didn't see her much any more, that would be alright by you?

Fuck's sake.... I'm siding with the parent who's objecting to not seeing her as much, even if it does involve a lot of Playstation.

I think you’re being very unfair on your daughter.

Why not wait until she is a bit older and then it’s easier for her to travel.

You are trying to persuade her to live with her dad FT, so you can go and live with your new family in a different country.

Poor kid.

How will you feel if your dh says he’s going abroad and he doesn’t mind it you come with him or not.

And you’ve said this to your own child. Awful, poor child, that will stay with her forever.

The court can't force the OP to stay here. Any court order applies to the child only.

If the OP tells the court that she will move regardless, the choice is then between her ex as primary carer here or OP as primary carer in the new country. If the ex isn't willing to be primary parent, then there's no way he can stop the OP taking their child.

How soon before the thread is deleted?

Why do you need to be near family to help with the kids if neither of you will need to work?

Honestly, you sound like a selfish parent who thinks their eldest child in an inconvenience.

Is your new partner from the same country as you or will you be moving apart from his family and their support too?

Sorry to quote myself, but I've just thought this through from the eight-year-old's point of view...

What you're telling her, in fact, is that for the good of yourself, your new husband and her two half-siblings, you're willing to stop looking after her, and see her a couple of times a year. That's how much she matters to you.

*Is your new partner from the same country as you or will you be moving apart from his family and their support too?^

Read OPs posts.

Twice-a-month-dad is offering nothing except petulance.

I get the relationship needs to be maintained, and of course he cares about his child, but if he loves his daughter he won't put her full time parent through the agro of a stressful court case and will think about her best interests.

I think the OP knows that he won't consent to have his daughter full time. He lives 60 miles away and hasn't attempted to move closer to his daughter to spend more time together in all the years has he?

And so what is blocking the OP's plans really all about? He could be more reasonable and work something out.

A close relative was in this exact situation.
The courts ruled against her request to move their son overseas stating that it would be to the detriment of her relationship with her Father. Her son was 8/9 at the time. Her new husband had a great job lined up in their home country overseas so it was all really difficult for a long time.

So my question would be - if this happens to you then where would that leave your marriage? Would you still move ?

I said to my daughter is she wants to live with her Dad that is okay with me

Brutal. You're basically saying you and your new family are leaving the country and she can live with her dad who has a new family and ignores her, I really feel for her the poor thing she must feel so unwanted

I do t see a problem with giving the child options and not to feel torn between her parents.

Sorry, but I really think that this is a selfish move. You say that you wouldn't need to work at all? Well, how about you remain in the UK and just work part time or cut your hours? You also say that it would be a temporary move, but isn't that messing the kids around? If you preferred the culture and upbringing where you grew up, why even have children over here? Is it fair to send a child away every summer to spend with her father? What about her wanting to see her own friends? How practical is this for your ex? Most people can't just get a block of leave like that. It sounds to me like a pipe dream. I don't think that your daughter (or her siblings) should be put in this position.

You say your partner is going regardless so he doesn't care about your daughter or your opinion. You want to go and leave daughter behind so you don't care about her. You don't get to start a new family and get rid of the old one. Literally the only answer is for you to not move abroad until your daughter is old enough to go against her dad's wishes. Sorry but as a parent you don't get what you want a lot of the time

I had involvement in a similar situation, not with myself but with a close relative. You will definitely need to go to court, and you will need to prove that going to live abroad will benefit your daughter more than living in the UK. So, you can say that abroad she will have a better education, better quality of life, large extended family, etc. At the same time, you will need to prove that all of this is more important than maintaining regular contact with her dad. Or, that she can still have meaningful contact with him. For example, you can say she will come to stay with him several times a year and speak to him daily, and that should work just as well as what you have now. Realistically, it would be difficult. Your ex is prepared to travel a long distance to see his DC, so he clearly wants to be in her life. Court takes a view that a child should have both parents in their life, preferably equally. If Dad is willing, then its unfair not to let your DD to see her dad regularly.

One thing you have to understand, OP - these matters are not seen as something about you or your ex, Its about your daughter and what court will see as beneficial for her. Try to look at it from that perspective.

Also, I suggest - maybe speak to your ex? Say he will not have to pay child support, and you would be willing to facilitate contact as much as possible - let him visit, pay for DD's tickets? Maybe he would agree? I kind of think if he loves your DD not seeing her for months and months would not be fair on him.

I agree with this. And I wonder how many British posters on the thread who, if living abroad, wouldn’t want to come home too to be with near their family for a better quality of life. They too would be peeved if their British ex blocked the move.

I have not been to court personally but if you, OP, message me privately I could give you the details of a good family solicitor you can go to for advice.

Irrelevant if they’re peeved or fuming or anything. The child’s rights come first. The fact the OP told the child and has used her as a weapon makes the whole thing worse.

I actually requested this thread to be deleted. I never thought that there are still people that are actually not reading.

My children are 8, 3 and under 1. I currently work 25hrs a week which means that all of them go to Nursery. So, if I have the opportunity to not work and look after my children full time without using government benefits. Is that really laziness? Or I just want to be a full time mom to my kids without sending them to nursery?

Now, that people pointed out that I basically made my daughter choose which was horrible thing to do. Thank You! this was a big mistake on my part, I called a Solicitor and they have said talk to your daughter how she feels and CAFCASS will take her feelings into consideration due to her age. I guessed I never really sat down and put myself in her shoes!

For the context, I went to court because I wanted regular contact, Court proceedings happened during COVID and it went on for around 2 years. On the final hearing, I mentioned to my Barrister that plans have changed and we are looking to temporarily relocate in a couple of years, should I mention this? She said NO. So as someone who was advised my an expert, I said ok.

By asking my daughter how she feels, I thought that I was doing the right thing. And by telling her she can live with her Dad is she wants to was also validating her feelings. Clearly it isn’t. I did tell her obviously I want to be with her if not why would I even bother taking this matter to court? With all the time , effort and money involve?

My citizenship is still from the country we are moving to. Her Dad is also a citizen there. Her Dad’s wife is also a citizen there and she has a daughter who still lives in that country.

As per previous response, he wont have to pay CM anymore and we will shoulder all the travel cost of her visiting the UK 5-6weeks every year for the next 5 years we are there.

They only see each other every two weeks for 2nights sometimes 1 night if he chooses to cancel a day, Term breaks are shared. So someone please do the maths and tell me how many weeks does that work put a year they are together? It says on CMS less than 52days a year. so 5-6weeks with her Dad once a year every summer holiday should be ok? There is facetime also on the other times

Me and her Dad grew up in that country and I really want her to experience the culture, language, lifestyle and for her to see how I grew up,

I moved here due to my parents and both are retiring next year back there.

This move is not PERMANENT! it’s temporary! Things in the UK are scaring us at this moment in time and we feel that we can give our kids better lifestyle and also learn my culture and language if we move temporarily.

We will still go to court and see how it pans out.

She is worth all the money that we may end up spending just to have her with us.

And don’t worry , if we lose , I won’t be leaving her behind, No way I can do that to my one and only daughter,

Thank you all for all the good and bad comments :) And especially to those who have been really helpful

What the parents want is irrelevant, the child comes first and you don't get to just pass her onto someone else so you can do what you want

I haven’t said they didn’t. I was merely commenting that in the same situation as the OP posters may feel the same.

The child does come first but it's not necessarily the case that staying to have sporadic contact with her dad will necessarily be in her best interests, as opposed to the benefits of the move. A court would weigh up all the factors before making a decision.