In court for ABH because I snapped

[18Floral]

I had a mentally abusive partner for 4 years, paired with his teenage kids who hated me and his ex wife who detested me. Added to this I was already set up as the mad woman with his family(I was honest and told him of a previous mental breakdown).

I'm due in court on Thurs and cannot get legal aid, even though, this is becausec of them and their actions, I am now homeless, living in emergency accommodation. All I did was throw a plastic bin that hit him in the head. Immediately the police were called, as if it were all planned to get me out of the house (strangely a joint tenancy).

How do I go about proving their lies and malice, spite and vindictiveness for which I have no understanding where it came from?

His kids told everyone I was vile and horrible, when the worst I did was say no to them. These kids have no boundaries and their parents moddycoddle them.

I have given these kids a lot in terms of time, love and money, but nothing worked.

Advice please?
Thanks

And ring Rights of Women free helpline for legal advice.
And ignore most posts on here.

Your biggest thing will be to keep your cool in court. They will purposely try to wind you up and made you snap (again) to prove a point. Find coping ways of dealing with this before Thursday.

Could you provide character witness statements for you? From trusted people such as employers or colleagues.

It sounds like an awful situation. I'd personally go in there full of remorse. Say you're horrified with your behaviour and you've never done anything like that in the past.

If you're given the opportunity, explain it was a very toxic environment but you are not trying to take away your responsibility for your actions.

You've got to play this carefully. Unless you have clear evidence of emotional abuse, you will struggle to prove it. I'm sorry you're in this situation.

Good for you. I’m pleased that your childhood and psychology meant that you could recognise what was happening and get out.

Many, many people do not have that capacity. As I keep saying, relationships are complicated and so is the psychology of those involved.

I was a highly intelligent 17 year old who had an abusive relationship with a man twice my age (introduced to me and encouraged by my mother). I gained a professional qualification and had an income of my own. It still took me 10 years to get out. I also had a highly emotionally abusive relationship when I was in my 40s. It took years of therapy and a lot of reading and work on myself to understand why, how and that I deserved better.

You are entitled to a duty solicitor who will represent you. Ensure you give them all the information about the background and they will either seek an adjournment or be able to enter a defence of provocation or at least mitigating circumstances. You won't be totally unrepresented.

That could be dangerous. If you introduce evidence that you are of good character then the prosecution has open season to introduce whatever they like to refute that. If there’s a history of calls to the police and if the stepkids think OP is a nasty piece of work, that will all be brought in when it wouldn’t otherwise be as it would be prejudicial.
The best advice is use a lawyer. Don’t just plead guilty, because it would affect job prospects etc. Get some proper advice.

Can you contact womens aid?

Absolutely.

A total failure on the part of many posters to understand the complexities.

I am delighted that there are so many women who would never stay with an abuser. This strength should not be used as a reason to blame victims.

Contact Rights of Women free legal aid helpline.
And agree with this poster that people are giving advice they think is helpful, but is dangerous legally. Ignore it.

You know what it's funny you shouid say that I was 15 when I meet him and my mother wouid apply him to sleep over and accept gifts gas,/electric etc is there any wonder we thought it was OK? I'm glad you've seen the light to x

You too.
When I became a parent and taught girls of that age I had no understanding of how my mother (and yours) acted that way.
I’m glad that you got out too. X

I've 2 boys over my dead body wouid a 30 year old be staying the night with my youngest when he becomes 15, just mad isn't it x

Again, @Sweden99, what is the relevance of your opinion on 'what MN posters used to do'? OP is in a hard situation and has asked for advice. We are not living 10 years ago. It's not a thread about changing trends on MN.

@oakleaffy The payoff is that you get treated like shit, and because you've never experienced anything else, or the feeling of having any power to make it stop, you think you just have to accept that.

So, in an abusive relationship, the payoff is the abuse.

Nobody is relishing it. Abuse victims don't understand that they have the power or agency to change things. It's a bit like how you don't understand abuse: it's hard to just switch your mindset, and suddenly 'get it'.

Unless you get it, now?

When you get to court look for the duty solicitor. As it’s your first time there they will be able to help.

However if you plead guilty they will not be able to help you for the sentencing if it’s done at another time - so you’d need to prepare for the mitigation.

We can all understand why op snapped and threw a bin. That doesn’t mean the law as it is currently written will have any sympathy in her case.

op, this is not likely to be your chance to bring your abusers to trial. This is a low level case and the court is only going to have estimated a certain amount of time to hear it. You aren’t settling in for 3 days of testimony.

We can all understand why op snapped and threw a bin.

Don't count me in that. I don't snap and throw large objects at people's heads.

@unsync thank you so much for this. I have dealt with this for over 15 years. My ex is now doing it to my son - I am so glad I can now show him it's not him. Really grateful to you x

We can all understand why op snapped and threw a bin

Speak for yourself.

We can all understand why op snapped and threw a bin.

Except we can't because none of us were there when the OP assaulted her partner.

Exactly, so is the general consensus that violence is OK from some people and in these cases we can say its OK for some people to be assaulted?

The relevence is as I explained in the post. I did not think it worth more diversion.

There's lots of stuff being conflated in this thread. Lots of people being able to understand something doesn't mean we all can. Something being understandable doesn't mean it's acceptable. Reactively hurting someone is still hurting someone. Laws are laws, and feelings are feelings. They're often not the same, otherwise we wouldn't need laws: we'd all just react according to our feelings, and it would all be acceptable.

OP, you need professional advice. Lots of recommendations on the thread. Take that information and use it, rather than following the opinions of non-professionals here.

You threw a plastic bin which hit him on the head. It must have caused some level of injury or you wouldn't have been charged with ABH. Your post doesn't suggest that you were acting in self defence. If you were, that may be a defence. If you weren't acting in self defence, their provocation may be mitigation but it is not a defence.

Assuming the court classes the bin as a "weapon or weapon equivalent", this places the offence in culpability B. However, without knowing how badly he was injured, it is impossible to say what the likely outcome is. If there was limited impact on him, it is likely you will get a community order of some kind. If it was more serious than that, a prison sentence becomes more likely, although it may well be suspended if this is a first offence. If you can show significant provocation, that will reduce the sentence.

And why wouldn't CPS proceed with the decision to charge under the circumstances?

@18Floral

Do please see someone [Citizens Advice for example].

Pleading guilty gets it over of course but all that will happen is that the "prosecutor" will read out the "facts" as presented by eg Police. You cannot give evidence although you can address the court in mitigation.

I am rather surprised that throwing a bin has gone this far!

Best wishes