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Original poster

In court for ABH because I snapped

163 replies

18Floral · 10/07/2024 01:31

I had a mentally abusive partner for 4 years, paired with his teenage kids who hated me and his ex wife who detested me. Added to this I was already set up as the mad woman with his family(I was honest and told him of a previous mental breakdown).

I'm due in court on Thurs and cannot get legal aid, even though, this is becausec of them and their actions, I am now homeless, living in emergency accommodation. All I did was throw a plastic bin that hit him in the head. Immediately the police were called, as if it were all planned to get me out of the house (strangely a joint tenancy).

How do I go about proving their lies and malice, spite and vindictiveness for which I have no understanding where it came from?

His kids told everyone I was vile and horrible, when the worst I did was say no to them. These kids have no boundaries and their parents moddycoddle them.

I have given these kids a lot in terms of time, love and money, but nothing worked.

Advice please?
Thanks

OP posts:
ShikShakShok · 10/07/2024 08:38

Why did you snap? What happened in the lead up to the event?

MelainesLaugh · 10/07/2024 08:39

Were you provoked leading up to it?

HowIrresponsible · 10/07/2024 08:45

All I did was throw a plastic bin that hit him in the head. Immediately the police were called,

I'd start by not minimising this. All you did was throw a bin at someone ?! If a man said that about a woman on here I know exactly what would be said.

It isn't a good look to say he made you do it. If it was that bad why didn't you leave? You weren't married and had no kids with him.

They aren't telling lies that you hit him as you did. Surely the police have asked you to make a statement or you've been interviewed? That's how you get your version across.

PickledMumion · 10/07/2024 08:48

As a teacher, I spend all day telling kids that it doesn't matter how much someone winds you up, you're never allowed to hit them. If it's self defence then that's different.

Provocation can be taken into account when sentencing though, especially if this is your first offence.

Why do you need to go about proving his family's "lies and malice"?

newyear2024 · 10/07/2024 08:49

Why can't you get legal aid? What damage did throwing the bin do, did his head have marks/split open/bruise?

unsync · 10/07/2024 08:59

This is DARVO. It happened to me too. Have a look here: https://survivorsforum.womensaid.org.uk/forums/topic/darvo/ for explanation and support.

DARVO – Survivors' Forum

https://survivorsforum.womensaid.org.uk/forums/topic/darvo

gardenmusic · 10/07/2024 09:05

Be practical.
You are on the tenancy, but I don't see how you can go back there.
.What sort of tenancy is this? Are you still jointly liable for the rent? Is it an LA tenancy or some other advantageous tenancy that you would not wish to lose? Do the circumstances of your tenancy favour you?

Ariela · 10/07/2024 09:06

Can Women's Aid help you

HowIrresponsible · 10/07/2024 09:09

newyear2024 · 10/07/2024 08:49

Why can't you get legal aid? What damage did throwing the bin do, did his head have marks/split open/bruise?

Legal aid isn't the NHS. It's isn't a free for all. There are criteria and obviously she doesn't meet them.

HcbSS · 10/07/2024 09:11

If this is a first time offense you will most likely get community service or a fine if found guilty OP plus a restraining order (a good thing - stay away from him). You should not have thrown the bin, but left the relationship long before it got to that stage. Use this as an opportunity to move forwards and know what you will never out up with again.

Overthebow · 10/07/2024 09:12

You threw a bin at his head, that’s not nothing. I think you do need to get legal aid here.

Beekeepingmum · 10/07/2024 09:20

Many people charged with ABH did it because they snapped. I'd be planning to demonstrate how you were provoked, set out the history of abuse etc. Did you have duty solicitor when you were arrested - did they give you any helpful advice?

Theunamedcat · 10/07/2024 09:20

Plead guilty it's an abusive relationship don't ever go back there I'm assuming he won't let you get your stuff out?

Do you have evidence of his abuse text messages etc?

Leave the area as soon as you can because with a restraining order he will make your life hell

Can you get a duel restraining order in the UK? in other countries you can get it so you have to stay away from each other

Meadowfinch · 10/07/2024 09:33

Beekeepingmum · 10/07/2024 09:20

Many people charged with ABH did it because they snapped. I'd be planning to demonstrate how you were provoked, set out the history of abuse etc. Did you have duty solicitor when you were arrested - did they give you any helpful advice?

This.

Can you prove his abuse? Text messages, previous police involvement etc?

Either way, plead guilty. Say you were provoked - see abuse - but that you have now given up on this abusive relationship, that you accept that it is toxic and that you are moving away. Request that you are allowed to retrieve your possessions.

Galliano · 10/07/2024 09:36

You're in a very vulnerable position as charged with a crime which depending on the level of harm and culpability may have a starting point of a custodial sentence.
You're charged with assault occasioning actual bodily harm so assume there was some or else you'd be charged with common assault.
Suggest that you request this thread to be moved to legal for better advice. Your local citizens advice bureau might be a good place to start in mean time, urgently given timing of your court appearance.

Busstopliz · 10/07/2024 09:36

If he was abusive, I would see if violent resistance fits with what you did, if it does I would try and get help from domestic abuse sources / solicitors well versed in domestic abuse

serialcatbuyer · 10/07/2024 09:40

Was there a witness and have you admitted it ?

MyBirthdayMonth · 10/07/2024 09:47

Did you throw the bin at him in self defence because you feared he was about to assault you? If you did it purely in anger, then you are guilty of an assault, but depending on the level of injury, you could offer to plead guilty to the lesser offence of common assault rather than ABH. You will be given the opportunity to explain why you acted as you did.

wiggleweggle · 10/07/2024 09:49

HowIrresponsible · 10/07/2024 08:45

All I did was throw a plastic bin that hit him in the head. Immediately the police were called,

I'd start by not minimising this. All you did was throw a bin at someone ?! If a man said that about a woman on here I know exactly what would be said.

It isn't a good look to say he made you do it. If it was that bad why didn't you leave? You weren't married and had no kids with him.

They aren't telling lies that you hit him as you did. Surely the police have asked you to make a statement or you've been interviewed? That's how you get your version across.

Edited

I agree with this.

ApplesOrangesBananas · 10/07/2024 10:03

All you did was throw a bin and hit him in the head?!

how could they have planned that.. you have actually committed ABH therefore you should be charged.

Citrusandginger · 10/07/2024 10:04

It may be helpful to post in legal to get advice from someone qualified. I believe though, that it is important to show remorse and take responsibility at your court appearance as this can affect the sentence, as can mitigation.

CascaChan · 10/07/2024 10:04

wiggleweggle · 10/07/2024 09:49

I agree with this.

Show quote history

Yeah if you want to get away lightly with assaulting this guy your best bet is to show remorse by taking responsibility for your actions and demonstrate that you understand it was wrong. They will want to believe it won’t happen again. Courts don’t want to hear that the victim is responsible for what happened to them.

PrincessofWells · 10/07/2024 10:10

It's called the 'slow burn'. It's where you are in an abusive relationship and after a long time suddenly lose it. Its a known defence in these situations, which sounds as though that's what has happened here.

You really need someone to represent you to explain what has been happening to you.

If you contact the court and ask if there is a duty solicitor on at the time of your hearing, they will help you on the day. Otherwise write everything down, about the abuse, how it was happening, how often, who and what types of thing. Make sure you tell the magistrates when you're up before them. Don't be too frightened to tell them everything. Plead not guilty.

PrincessofWells · 10/07/2024 10:13

Op PLEASE get this moved to legal. There's some absolutely awful advice on here.

Greatmate · 10/07/2024 10:19

All I did was throw a plastic bin that hit him in the head. Immediately the police were called.

Stop minimising it. He could have been seriously hurt. Were you at any risk when you throw the bin? Was he attacking you? Were you trying to escape him? What evidence do you have of his abuse? Can you prove it with texts or voicemail messages? Do you keep a diary that can help you as evidence?

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