Ex H trying to force me to sign this document?

[Dandelion925]

Hi all,

in need of some advice please/those happy to share experiences.

ExH and I have a 10 year old. We split up in 2021. There was a domestic incident & he was removed by police from my home. I didn’t press charges in the end so no legal matters in that respect. He was put into temp council accomodation. We have amicably made custody arrangements re our child up until November last year when he then demanded we sign a legal document stating our arrangements, so that he can secure larger accommodation to get extra space for our child when they stay over. I was happy to do this but he kept adding all sorts of stuff that was completely irrelevant to what he specifically needs (our info, DC info and arrangements). This document has gone back and forth between us since last year for this reason as I am not signing something I don’t agree with.

DC doesn’t enjoy going there, he always has his friends around so never spends any time with her really, has never taken her anywhere other than the local park when they walk the dogs. He doesn’t buy her anything not even clothes. I sent a bunch of clothes there that she was just about to grow out of about a year ago, she is still wearing them while there.

Anyway, he recently caught wind that we may be moving house soon out of the borough and he basically put on there that I need to get his permission to move and used our child as an excuse to try to gain such control. He was always like this and still trying to take control over my life. (I am now remarried & pregnant). I obviously didn’t accept this, he just kept rewording the bit about relocation and it has taken months for him to finally remove this from the document as he has realised he has no control over it.

he is being extremely pushy, gives me deadlines and is very rude about this, basically trying to force me to sign it. This has all given me anxiety attacks on numerous occasions.

on the top of the document , he has recently added “IN THE FAMILY COURT [name of court, address of court].

no solicitor has been involved in this process, from either his side or mine. Is he even allowed to write something like the above? His plan is to take the signed copy to the court and get them to make it legally binding.

thank you for taking the time to read. I would like to get legal advice about this but I feel time is no longer on my side (due to give birth soon) and he is getting increasingly arsy about not having it signed despite it actually being his fault it hasn’t been.

x

Well he’s out of luck then, isn’t he. Just say no, it’s batshit.

how many bedrooms does his current place have?

does he work? pay maintenance?

Why don't you just write a letter addressed to the Housing Department along the lines of

I am XXXX; mother to YYYY
I share custody of YYY with ZZZZ
Our week is split as follows (give details)
This has been in place since ???

And not engage with his longer document

oh this is laughable!

So what is in the document that you have issues with now that he has removed the location bit?

what is the split?

Yes. This. Tell him this is what you want.

I did this, and it wasn’t good enough. He said they wanted something more ‘official’ .

op i’m confused!

Well it sounds like he's trying to fake this official document. If you haven't got a court ordered arrangement then there is nothing more official. So too bad for him.

Do not sign a document purporting to be from a court, you're then opening yourself up to accusations of forgery

You don't need to indulge the man in his nonsense. Block his phone number and only communicate with him via a parenting app for contact arrangements. Report any further harassment.

they are either going to take a diy document, aka something like a letter, or not.

do they want a court ordered custody plan? it’s not a bad idea to have one, but you can put the onus on him to file.

also, how far are you planning on moving, because if it is going to interfere with contact between father and child, that could create problems for you.

It really is. He has only just recently made it close to something i would sign. It had stuff about the housing when he found out we’re moving, before that he added a load of stuff irrelevant to what he needs it to say. There has been so much other stuff put in and then removed when he realised it wasn’t realistic.

We are moving just over an hour away. It won’t interfere with arrangements at all and I’ve made that clear to him. When he did find out we’re moving he actually said to our daughter that he will only see her on weekends. I think he said this because he was so annoyed at the idea of us getting a nice new house. Despite not liking going there, this did upset her to hear from her own dad

ok so as it currently stands

what is in this document?

what is the current split op

does your daughter have her own bedroom at his place

and yes moving an hour away will of course have an impact… on you all, mainly your daughter and the travelling.

what year is she in?

I’ve made it clear we will continue to communicate clearly about everything to do with dd as we have always done. She is in year 5. I will travel with her to her current school when we’re in the new house. He picks her up from school and takes her to school then I pick her up, that is how our arrangements work, so it will involve no traveling for him etc, which he told her he has a problem with. When she goes to high school he will be involved with where she goes and educational choices etc. she doesn’t have a bedroom in his house which is why he wants this document to give to the council

It's not a document, just some bullshit made up by this man who has nothing better to do. There is no need for OP to give it or the man one moments thought.

why are you avoiding….

current split?
whether your daughter has a bedroom at his?
whether he pays maintenance?

and what exactly is in this document that means you don’t want to sign it?

agreed

it is daft

i am curious what is the issue with it is

I’ve made it clear we will continue to communicate clearly about everything to do with dd as we have always done

aside from discussing with him you moving over an hour away?

you will have just had a baby and you’re going to be doing over hour travel to school and back?

In my humble opinion, the man is an idiot if he thinks he can draw up a legally binding agreement, force you to sign it, and simply swan into court to get them to sign it off.

If he wants to go to a solicitor and pay them to draw it up, then fine, but if he does go that far, then I suggest that you make it a condition that he has to pay the legal fees of your appointed solicitor also. And don't, whatever you do, sign anything in the meantime.

Ignore him - as a pp says, communicate only about current childcare arrangements and nothing else. If he continues his harassment of you, then report him to the police.

He picks her up from school and takes her to school then I pick her up, that is how our arrangements work,
he picks her up from school and then takes her to school?

I assume the issue is OP not wanting to sign a bit of paper this shitty man is fraudulently trying to claim is 'official'. Instead of getting a job and housing himself he's pestering OP and she's engaging in it.

The issue is that he has been putting me under a tremendous amount of pressure to sign something that has previously stated things that I don’t think should be in there. I can’t give specifics because there has been so much over the course of the year. He just adds little bits when he feels like it. The other issue is that he appears to be making it look as though it is already a legal document when it’s not.