DM is homeless and penniless

[Pottlee]

I don’t know where to post this really, so apologies if it’s the wrong place.

My mum has been carer for her mum for maybe 5 years. Grandmother has now sadly passed away. Inheritance wise she has left a small amount behind, which is split between her two 60 ish year old ‘children’ (my mum and my uncle) - around £5-10k each. Mum and her brother have a fractured relationship but showed themselves to get on for the sake of their mum. Not sure it’s going to be as hunkydory now their mother has passed.

Now to the main point - my mum has nothing, like nothing to her name. She has no home (lived with her mum as carer), no money (other than the small inheritance) and no income at all. She has never worked so had made no contributions. She also had never claimed any benefits. The home she lived in with her mother will be sold and that money will go to an equity release company and to pay off a load of other debts.
What on earth happens to her now?
My uncle says she’s my responsibility now, but I would hate for that to be the case in that I don’t have room for her to live at my house, and harsh as it sounds I don’t want to become responsible for her for the rest of her life - hats off to everyone who can do it, but the idea of me having to care for her the way that she cared for her mum is just a no I’m afraid. We are close in a way but don’t get on in another. I couldn’t live with her. It would make my life unbearable and no doubt spell the end of my marriage because my DH couldn’t tolerate her daily either. My 2 DC love her but daily it would be disastrous. She is very lazy, judgemental, negative and nasty. And as I said would be able to make very little/no financial contribution.

So 1. Is she really regarded my responsibility now? 2. What should she do with regards of somewhere to live (she has no money for that) and income for the rest of her life? Is she not entitled to anything as she’s made no contributions or claimed anything at any point?

I’m aware I may come across as heartless because I don’t want to take her on so to speak, but I do want to help her set herself up somehow if she can. I’m just not in a position to be able to offer a place to live or financially.

please if anyone can advise who she can speak to or what she can do. Thank you.

I don't find it peculiar at all. I find it none of my business, none of your business, and irrelevant to the subject of the post.]

You have a very strange way of looking at things...

There's a massive difference to caring for your own parent in their own home and for example working in a care home being responsible for numerous residents, often with complex problems. Also a lot of training needed. It is vastly different. Something like a live in carer/ light duties or home help might be more doable.

In other countries many people would take their mother as their responsibility. However, Here she can just become the tax payers responsibility. Just check what she can claim even if she never put a penny into the system.

Doubtful she would be made homeless straight away. Check the terms of the equity release as theres usually a grace period for dependents to find alternative housing.

Not necessarily true. I was staying with a family member when I got my flat - it took six months. When I reached 60, doors magically opened.

Thanks be to god we aren't forced to!!!

I loved my mother dearly but we would have killed each other if forced to live together!!

@Pottlee my mam started to find work at 59 after probably 10+ years of not working. She was sent on what she said were pointless courses by the job centre, her benefits depended on her attending, but eventually she found work in customer services, answering calls etc. Once she had one job she was able to find others pretty quickly over the next few years, so there are opportunities out there.

I’d direct her to Citizen’s Advice. They can help her put in a claim for any benefits she may be entitled to and also other help. Also agree with going to the council and presenting herself as homeless.

She needs to stay put and get herself on the local housing list and state house will be sold. It's likely she will be offered an over55 place by the time she needs to get out. If not she needs to get any stuff in storage and sort an Airbnb for a few weeks or stay somewhere like travel lodge-revise her details on housing as homeless and it's likely she will be quickly offered somewhere. In meantime she should apply for UC.

Do not take her in as she will get more help being homeless . She needs advice from professionals, she could get a job as a carer again. People also needs live in carers as long as she doesn’t have criminal record I think she would be ok .
she can train as she works .
the care industry is crying out for carers

He's talking rubbish and don't listen to him. You are not legally obliged to look after her and house her. Of course emotional pressure will be high but you are not responsible for her. She's an adult with capacity

Surely she must have gone to the doctor in the last five years? If so she will be in the system somewhere. Does she has a national insurance number? You can look up what she is entitled to by setting up a Government Gateway page.

And?

It can be quite difficult to find work after a long period not working.

For care work she will need a DBS - for this she will need various documentation to cover the past 5 years including proof of address.

Does she have a passport or driving licence - do these show your mother's address?

Despite there being a shortage of carers, it does not mean that employers can ignore safe staffing requirements.

Would she have anyone that could give her a character reference?

There is huge variety in what someone looks/feels like at 60. 60s is where the life expectancy/quality of life discrepancy starts to be really very visible.

Some people are fucked by their 60s, some people remain healthy to their 80s and beyond.

The life expectancy gap between richest and poorest is ten years I think, but also the chronic health condition gap is huge.

Therefore I don't think you can just assume someone in their 60s is 'young' in the sense of being fit and healthy.

Actually this could be an issue, if she's been recorded as a non UK resident for a number of years she may not be entitled to any help at all for a period of time. She's not your responsibility at all so ignore your uncle but she does need to get advice and register as a UK resident ASAP.

Yes it's usually the ones who have already worked for 40+ years that are fucked !

Just a quick update while I get chance to answer a few questions -
my parents weren’t married and my dad died while she was pregnant with me. That’s the only place I feel any guilt as she did bring up single handedly (unsure what benefits she may or may not have claimed then but her parents also helped financially)
She never married or had more children, but had several failed relationships where she lived off the DP and left the relationship with nothing - that was also the case when she lived abroad.

She wouldn’t work as a carer looking after someone else, she only did it for my grandmother because she was her mother. I agree it would be ideal if she would but I know for a fact she wouldn't

no MH problems that I know of or are obvious, no learning difficulties and no alcohol or drug problems.

I do feel like uncle is putting a lot on me because he feels a responsibility to take her on if I don’t, but despite his shortcomings I really don’t feel like her should have to either. She has given her tears to raising me and then caring for her mother, but she made no future plans despite many of us telling her she needed to - she put her head in the sand and I think we are all now very much of the opinion that she’s made her bed so she can lie in it - harsh as that sounds.

No idea what the equity release was used for and don’t know if anyone does - that was a long time ago and I don’t know the ins and outs of the Will other than what I’m told, but DM and uncle have both told me there’s basically nothing left money wise and they stand to get £5-10k each.

i have received some great advice to work with here, for which I am very grateful

I'd most likely finish it too. It's not my fault if you find other peoples opinions offensive and think they deem starting personal attacks.